Better Days
by binge316
Summary: Eventual HG/SS - WELL after the war when she is more than of age. Hermione sees snapshots of the reality of Severus Snape and the life he lives, which leads her to trust him despite all odds. Starts in 5th year, but will progress quicky to a post-war Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

When Severus Snape stumbled into Grimmauld Place shortly before midnight in Harry Potter's fifth year, he was seeing stars and his entire body was trembling in the aftermath of the Cruciatus Curse. His black hair was matted to his sweaty face. He desperately needed a bed, but knew that Albus would require him first.

He stumbled through the kitchen and pulled his wand from his sleeve to summon his Patronus so that he could call upon Dumbledore. He heard footsteps behind him, and he turned on his heel dizzily and stared into the lighted wand of Hermione Granger.

"Professor Snape?" She whispdered in disbelief. She had known that Snape was an Order Member, and that he was a spy for their side, but she hadn't seen him in action, nor had she seen him so completely disheveled.

He grimaced at the sight of her, pushed a shaking hand through his hair, and grumbled, "Granger."

"Good grief, Professor, you're a mess!" She whispered. "What happened?!"

"I haven't time for this, girl. Fetch Dumbledore," He nodded toward the door as he leaned onto the back of one old wooden chair.

"He's gone back to Hogwarts for a few days..."

"Damn," Snape whispered and closed his eyes tightly as if swallowing a tremendous amount of pain. When he opened them, he glanced at his wand and took a steadying breath. Stepping back from the chair, he pointed his wand at the floor, "Expecto Patronum!"

From his wand burst forth a beautiful silver doe. Hermione's eyes widened at its beauty and elegance as it stared up at its master. Snape's voice was low. "I am at Grimmauld Place. I've news, but nothing urgent. Will you come tonight, or should I come to Hogwarts tomorrow?"

The doe turned from Snape, eyed Hermione for a long moment, and then galloped from the room. Hermione didn't understand why her eyes were full of tears, or why she had goosebumps all over her skin. "She's... Beautiful."

Snape said nothing as he sat heavily into the chair. Hermione's brown eyes raked over his figure. His clothing hung off of him in ways that showed he'd lost weight that he shouldn't have lost. The muscle at the corner of his jaw twitched. There were several things strange about this encounter with the foreboding Potions Professor. One: he hadn't sent her from the room. Two: something as beautiful as that doe patronus had come from _Snape. _Three: Someone as hyper aware as Snape didn't even seem to notice she was in the room. Then, she noticed his tremors.

Hermione moved to the counter and poured the tea she had made just before his arrival into a cup for him. It was lavender and chamomile to aid in sleep. She set the cup in front of him. His black eyes jerked to the cup and then he looked up at her with a narrowed and scrutinizing glare.

"I've not poisoned it, Professor," She said softly.

Tentatively, he brought the cup to his mouth and drank several large gulps. He was trembling quite badly. He set the cup down and ran a hand through his hair again anxiously. When he did that, she noticed blood behind his ear and she touched his hair. He jerked away from her quickly and snarled at her. "What do you think you're doing?"

"You're bleeding, sir."

He brought a pale hand behind his ear and felt the warm wetness there. Looked at it in the now softly lit kitchen, he saw that he was indeed bleeding. He grunted in response and looked away from her.

Hermione withdrew her wand, which caused his gaze to travel back toward her in nervousness. "Accio Dittany," She whispered, and caught the bottle that flew to her a moment later.

She extended the bottle out toward Snape. "You can try to do this on your own, or I can do it for you. You wouldn't be able to see it yourself," She said and shrugged.

When he frowned and looked away from her, she stood. Pointing her wand at his hair, she cleaned and smoothed it quickly with a charm she'd used a million mornings where she'd overslept. Holding his black hair back with her left hand, she dripped several drops of Dittany onto the wound, which looked like he'd hit his head quite hard.

Dittany, which usually stung quite fiercely, seemed to have no effect on him. He was stone faced as the wound began knitting itself. Seeing that he was still sweating, she cast a whispered cooling charm on him. He furrowed his brow, opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut quickly as a wave of Cruciatus aftermath wracked his thin frame. Gritting his teeth, he squeezed his eyes shut, but somehow remained completely silent.

Hermione's heart broke for him, and she reached for his hand before she could stop herself. Expecting him to scream at her or, at the very last, slap her hand away, she loosened her grip immediately and was surprised when he desperately gripped her small hand through the wave of pain. He let go immediately after to chastise her, but jumped when a silver Phoenix flew into the room and looked at Severus.

"I am glad you have returned safely. If it is not pressing, it can wait until morning. Rest, Severus," came Albus Dumbledore's voice. The bird disappeared.

Snape downed the tea as Hermione asked, "Professor, are there any potions I could find for you?"

"Granger..." He pinched the bridge of his nose as he struggled to stand. "Despite how it may appear at the present time, I am not one of your projects." He raised an eyebrow at her, but his face and eyes held none of their usual cold conviction.

She smirked at him. "Suit yourself."

He walked from the kitchen, pausing slightly in the doorway. "I... Appreciated your help this evening." His voice was low, and gravelly.

Shocked that he'd essentially thanked her, she smiled. "It's no trouble, Professor Snape," She said as she stood and moved to grab her tea.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He asked evenly. He truly was acting strangely. Not only hadn't he yelled at her or totally berated her, but he'd _joked - _mildly - and had somewhat continued a conversation.

"I've not got a curfew during summer certainly," She said as she followed him from kitchen and down the long skinny hallway. He was moving slowly, trying to conceal a heavy limp.

He silenced their footsteps as they approached that horrid portrait of Black's mother and allowed her to pass him to walk ahead of him. When she glanced behind, she saw him gripping both railings tightly as he walked gingerly up the stairs. He jerked a slender fingered hand at her in frustrated dismissal.

"Let me know if you need help," She whispered softly.

He growled a warning at her, that she was pushing the envelope of his strangeness, and her bedroom door closed behind her and he heard the lock click as he continued on down the hallway to the last bedroom on the left. His wards allowed him entranced as he summoned several pain potions. Swallowing them, he collapsed on the bed. He was dizzy, nauseous, and exhausted. Soon, the world faded to black.

"**There are always sides. There is always a winner, and a loser. For every person who gets, there's someone who must give." ~ My Sister's Keeper**


	2. Chapter 2

Snape leaned into the kitchen door of Grimmauld Place a few weeks later in July and it swung open as he limped forward into the kitchen. He was bleeding heavily on his left leg where an ugly gash had been torn into it. He didn't notice someone sitting at the table.

As he dragged his wand across the wound, singing an incantation, and then he hissed and swore. His pants were burnt along the edges of the gash because of the magic behind the curse - one of his own invention. A gasp and the screeching of a chair on the floor caused him to jump, fall back against the wall, and point his wand at the noise. It was Granger again, in pajama pants and a Gryffindor sweater. A book was dropped on the table in front of her, and her mouth was open wide.

Realizing she wasn't a threat, he slammed his head back into the wall in pain and cradling his side, where she noticed another tear in his clothing. She rushed to him quickly, drawing her wand, but he grabbed her wrist tightly.

She looked up at him in concern. "Don't," He grunted, and pushed her away without any real force. His own wand touched his side as he began to sing in the spell again softly. The blood began moving back into the wound, and then it knitted itself. As if suddenly aware that his trouser leg was torn open on his thigh and that his frock coat was torn at his side, he quickly stitched his clothing back together and then avoided her eyes while he took several steadying breaths.

"What happened?" She asked quietly.

His dark eyes moved back to her face. "War."

"But... Who did that to you?" His eyes narrowed, and then he raised an eyebrow. Her mouth fell open. "Voldemort did that to you?"

At the use of the name, Snape flinched visibly and flexed his left arm. "Do not use his name, you foolish girl," He spat angrily.

She apologized quickly. "I'm sorry, sir. He tried to kill you? Did he discover you're a spy?"

Snape rolled his eyes and then pushed himself off of the wall and staring down his crooked nose at her. "He _knows_ I am a spy, Miss Granger. This was simply a punishment for a lack of information."

"Simply a punishment?!" She repeated indignantly. "He tore open your leg and your side!"

Snape shrugged and then grimaced. "Professor Dumbledore will be here shortly," He said dismissively as he limped away from her toward the table.

She stared at the wall for a long moment before turning back to him and observing him. He seemed largely okay despite the wounds she had just seen. It was startling and made her stomach turn. If she saw how little those wounds affected him, she couldn't imagine ones that _would._

"Why, sir?" Hermione asked.

He glared at her, clearly ready for her to leave. "I've educated you for four entire years. I've never known you to choose less words - even when it would benefit you. Why _what?_" He growled.

"Why do you do this? You suffer so much..." She said softly with honey eyes full of tears.

Her question disarmed him, and his mouth fell open briefly before he recovered his composure. He swallowed hard. For a long time, Hermione didn't think he would answer and she shifted her weight to one foot. At last, he spoke quietly. "Someone must."

"It shouldn't be you, Professor. You do not deserve to endure things like that."

"You know nothing, Hermione Granger. Be gone with you," He indicated the door with a flick of his head and looked away from her. She stared at him for a moment longer and noticed his nearly concealed painful pensiveness. He had never used her first name - not since the first day of her first year when he had taken roll.

"I'm sorry, Professor. Truly. I am. I know you suffer in silence, but..."

"Enough," He said gruffly and harshly, still avoiding her face. "Go back to bed, girl."

She moved quickly to grab her book and tea cup. "There's more tea on the counter," She said and withdrew her wand.

"You are underage, Miss Granger. I have spoken to the Ministry on your behalf once this summer so that you were not punished for... _assisting_ me a couple weeks ago. I will not do so again. Put your wand _away," _He said sternly. His black eyes, which focused on the wall behind her, glittered.

She frowned, realized she wasn't at Hogwarts, and tucked her wand away once more. Hermione hadn't even considered that she'd used magic when she'd seen him previously. Realizing he was not in the mood for further conversation and that he was, relatively speaking, healthy, she disappeared.

As the door swung shut, he sighed heavily. He rubbed at his aching thigh. Granger was too intelligent for her own good. Why was she up so late? She could not have been waiting for him, right? Did she always struggle to sleep like he himself did so often?

He shook his head furiously as Dumbledore walked into the kitchen and greeted him with an all too jovial, "Good evening, Severus."

"Is it?" He mumbled.

"I've just run into Miss Granger as I made my way to the kitchen. She seemed quite upset. Surely, you're not chastising her during her summer holiday?" He looked over his glasses at Severus as he sat across from him.

When Snape swallowed, Albus asked, "What did she see?"

"A bit of Sectumsempra."

"You are all right?" Albus asked immediately. Snape nodded curtly. Albus returned the nod. "She has a caring heart, Severus. Perhaps she is waiting for you to see if you need help on these evenings?"

"Don't be absurd, Albus. It is mere coincidence. She hates me as much as her classmates."

"Hermione Granger does not hate," He said as his blue eyes penetrated Snape's black ones.

Snape scowled. "I've no interest in what the girl does. She is a foolish child, who apparently needs a year-round curfew and to develop the ability to _mind her own business._"

Albus chuckled, and then moved to business. "What news?" Severus took a deep breath and launched into the details of the meeting.

When he'd finished giving Dumbledore information and the Headmaster had disappeared upstairs, he found himself pouring and re-heating Granger's tea. Whatever the girl did to her tea the last time had done wonders for his sleep, and it smelled the exact same tonight. Her tea had its uses, but her inclination to stick her nose where it didn't belong did not. More than that, he found the girl irritatingly observant. _Foolish Gryffindor bleeding hearts. _The war could take that from her. The war would take many things from these students, and even his bitter and embattled heart wrenched at the reality of that.

**"Because something is significantly wrong with a creature that sacrifices its children's lives to settle its differences. You can spin it any way you like. Snow thought the Hunger Games were an efficient means of control. Coin thought the parachutes would expedite the war. But in the end, who does it benefit? No one. The truth is, it benefits no one to live in a world where these things happen." ~ Mockingjay**


	3. Chapter 3

When Albus Dumbledore walked into Severus' private quarters the Friday evening of the first week of term, Severus' stomach churned. The sparkle in the old man's eyes was unsettling, and the unexpected visit made the Potions Professor anxious.

"Dumbledore," Snape said coolly. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You had a good first week of classes, I presume?" The old man looked about the room with curiousity. Severus was a typical bachelor with very little decor. In fact, his private rooms lacked a "lived in" feel at all.

Snape frowned. "I've never been one for small talk, Headmaster. After 24 years, you've certainly deduced that much."

Dumbledore clicked his tongue. "One can hope for change."

Severus scoffed at the notion. "Me? Change?"

The Headmaster peered over his glasses at the dark haired wizard. "You certainly are a creature of habit, Severus." The younger wizard's scowl deepened. "I see so much of the young boy you once were in the grown man that you are - intelligent, dedicated, loyal... Some people do change. Some do not, even if some of those young boys get lost along the way. Things have a way of working out for themselves. On that, I think, we can agree."

Severus was not one for compliments, especially ones designed to butter him up, so he sighed heavily. "What, Albus?"

Albus turned his full attention to Severus, blue eyes focusing on black. "I must ask a favor."

"Imagine my surprise," Severus grumbled as he pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back against the counter in his small kitchen. Then, he folded his slender arms tightly across his chest. "Well? Out with it then."

"It involves Miss Granger," He said and Severus sighed deeply. "I believe it necessary for you to teach her."

"I _already _teach her," Severus said darkly.

"It is necessary for you to teach her more advanced Potions, shield charms, and healing remedies," Albus explained and his blue eyes began to travel about the room again.

"Why?" Severus asked impatiently.

"At least one of our Gryffindor trio will need such knowledge in the coming war. I assumed she would be the most tolerable for you of the three."

Severus grunted. "Tolerable? _That _is a stretch."

"Capable, then," The Headmaster chuckled lightly.

"I am not the Charms Professor," Severus said. There was a irritated bite in his tone, but as usual, Dumbledore paid it no mind.

"You are the best teacher for such things, Severus."

"Do you intend to tell me _why _she must learn these things now, or is this another one of your Mad Hatter prophetic moments?" Severus seethed.

"There will be no argument. We will inform her tomorrow morning. Start next week. One evening a week should suffice. For now."

"You take a great deal for granted, Dumbledore," Severus warned.

"Do not think that I am ignorant of the dangerous role that you play, or that I do not appreciate it, but this is what you have agreed to do."

"I've done a fair bit, Albus. More than your other pets."

"Severus..."

"Do you deny it?" Severus asked angrily.

"At present, no. You've done a fair bit, and you'll do a fair bit more, Severus. You agreed. Good evening," Albus said.

But Severus Snape would have an argument that night. With Firewhiskey. And it would be one he lost quite badly.

Sufficiently hungover the next morning, Severus downed a hangover potion before making his way to Dumbledore's office. He arrived, apparently - much to his dismay, shortly after Granger and glared at her and then Albus.

"Ah. Severus. Good morning," Albus smiled a small and knowing smile. Hermione looked anxiously between the two wizards. "Miss Granger, as I look forward to the next several years, I believe it will be necessary for you to have some additional education whilst we still have time."

She looked nervous. "What kind of education, sir?"

"A more advanced Potions curriculum, various healing remedies, and protective enchantments."

"Excuse me, sir, but... Why?"

"It might not seem so right now in your nearly 16-year-old mind, but war is coming, my dear girl. Professor Snape has agreed to tutor you," He glanced at Snape as the man sneered.

Hermione looked over at Severus and then back to the Headmaster. "I.. Sir...Why me?"

Severus barked a single harsh laugh. "The same question as I asked! Miss Granger, you will, certainly, receive a better answer than I."

Hermione grimaced at the bitterness in Snape's voice. The Headmaster glared at his Potions Professor. "Professor Snape is capable of tutoring you in all of those particular areas. Many birds, one stone." Albus outstretched an old hand toward Severus.

Hermione chewed the inside of her cheek. She was apprehensive. "War really is coming, isn't it?" Her voice was quiet, and in rare transparency, Severus saw her as the child she truly was and not the overbearing woman she pretended to be. Albus' face dropped, and Hermione looked to Severus. Her whiskey colored eyes bored into his, his heart clenched again. _She is too young for this reality._

She saw the anxious certainty on Snape's face. That was all the answer she needed. Dropping her eyes to her lap, she picked at the skin near her thumbnail. After a moment, she looked back to Snape. "When do we start?"

"You both have the same free double-period on Thursdays," Albus offered.

Hermione nodded nervously. At that moment, a knock came at the door and Dolores Umbridge stepped into the Headmaster's office. The air in the room thickened with disdain. Severus' lip twitched in loathing, Dumbledore's normally jovial blue eyes hardened, and Hermione scowled.

"What is the meaning of this meeting?"

"The progress a student is making or not making in my class none of your business, _Professor_," Snape sneered.

Umbridge narrowed her beady eyes and pursed her lips. "I am a teacher in this school. The students are _my _business."

"Their progress and behavior in your class is your business." Snape stepped toward her and looked down his nose at Umbridge. "Be careful upon whose toes you choose to step."

Umbridge read Snape's dangerous look. For a moment, she seemed like she would argue with the formidable wizard, but Snape flexed his left hand _too _casually, and Umbridge paled and retreated.

"Miss Granger," Snape summoned her and nodded toward the door. "I believe we've made ourselves quite clear. We're through here."

Hermione took no time exiting the office as Snape followed her. She turned at the bottom of the steps to thank him for getting her out of a room with Umbridge in it, and to discuss her lessons, but he'd already headed down a separate corridor, black robe billowing in his wake.

**"Knowledge is a Weapon, Jon. Arm yourself well before you ride forth to Battle." ~ A Dance with Dragons**


	4. Chapter 4

Note: My other story, A Pariah's Recovery, is still active. Just working some bits out. This story is not one that will involve a teacher/student affair. They will end up together eventually, but she will be more than of age. Hopefully, this note keeps the trolls calling me "pervert" away!

Severus glared at the door to his classroom when Granger knocked the following Thursday afternoon.

"Enter," He said begrudgingly after taking a deep breath. She pushed the door open tentatively and stepped into the Potions classroom. Snape stood up from behind his desk and watched her closely as she walked toward him slowly. "Sit," He said and gestured to the desk in front of his own.

She obeyed silently and looked at him expectantly. He sat and steepled his fingers, touching them to the tip of his nose. "You are too dependent upon textbooks. You must learn what I will teach you in these lessons and know it by heart, know it better than you know the back of your own hand. In stressful situations, it must be second nature. We will begin with the absolute memorization of the ingredients and steps in the Potions I have, in my experience, found to be of the most dire necessity."

Her brown eyes widened significantly. Snape was intimidating enough, and the word _dire _certainly did not ease that in any way. Hermione swallowed hard, but said nothing. Her silence surprised Snape in itself. Instead, she simply laid out rolls of parchment and held her quill in her right hand loosely. "Which Potions, sir?"

Touching the buttons on the cuff of his left sleeve thoughtfully, Severus was quiet and it was unsettling. He narrowed his black eyes. "Antidote to Common Poisons, Antidote to Uncommon Poisons, Blood-Replenishing Potions, Calming Draughts, a Wound Cleaning Potion, Draughts of Peace, and both burn salves and healing salves."

She was writing quickly as he spoke and looked up at him when she'd finished. "When must I memorize them by?"

He thought for a moment. "Half by next week. All in two weeks." Her eyes widened briefly, and he raised a black eyebrow at her. "Too soon for the know-it-all?"

Her brow furrowed angrily. "No, sir," She ground out between her teeth.

"I've made my expectations clear. I see no reason for you to remain in my classroom. Half by next Thursday afternoon, Miss Granger," He said sharply.

She blinked, and then began putting her belongings back into her bag. When she stood, she hung the strap on her shoulder. "Professor?" He sighed heavily and looked at her impatiently. "Why am I doing this? Why me? Why you?"

Snape looked away from her face at the space over her head as his face hardened. "All the world is Professor Dumbledore's stage, Miss Granger."

"The witches and wizards merely players?" She finished.

He snorted once - uncharacteristically and bitterly. "Indeed." He glanced briefly at her face once more and saw sadness and disappointment flooding her features. "War is coming. Have no doubt about that. You have been assigned this task because Professor Dumbledore believes it absolutely imperative."

There was a heavy silence between them. It was not often that Snape was receptive to any type of student conversation or question, and the fact that he was about this topic solidified the importance of her task. Her features turned solemn. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."

He nodded toward the door dismissively and sat as she exited the room. The room was silent now, and Snape had entirely too much time to think.

Yes, indeed, war was coming. The Dark Lord was exceptionally irritated as of late, and he was thankful the school year had started. It was rare for him to be called before the Dark Lord during the school year at all, and exceptionally rare to be called away during the school week.

The social and political climate felt much like it did many years before when he'd still been a student at Hogwarts himself. Then, he'd felt as if he'd had no choice but to take the Dark Mark, but looking back as an adult, he knew now that he'd always had a choice, and he'd made his. Then, he'd wanted to feel powerful, to feel as if he had the ability to defend himself. Throughout his life, he'd felt so powerless, and so constantly put in positions in which he'd had absolutely no control. He was bullied at muggle school, at Hogwarts, his father was a drunken abuser, and his mother was too afraid to leave his father. Regardless, he'd had a choice. There was always a choice, and Severus, made his. That choice had sealed his fate. There really were no excuses to be made - poor relationship models, abusive and neglectful home, relentless bullies, insecurity... None of those people or situations were present when he'd kneeled before Voldemort and been branded with the Dark Mark. In the end, he'd done that.

He was almost envious of Granger, of her classmates, his students. They would not be tempted like he had been. They would make the right choices in the coming war, the honorable and moral choices. If he had the chance to do it again, he would have as well, but he did not have such an opportunity. Such thoughts were both childish and futile, and he knew this, but he could not stop them. His students, Granger especially, would take his lessons, learn from him, and use it in ways he should have when he had been their age, and they will be victorious, and they will be heroes. The heroism never appealed to him, but the clear moral conscience did, the surviving did. If he and Dumbledore succeeded, many people would survive the war. Most people would survive the war. That was the goal: to thwart Voldemort every step of the way, and to minimize any potential casualties on their side of the battlefield. Still... Some would die, and even Snape, who had seen death too many times, was unsettled by that fact.

What would become of the Potions teacher in this war? He knew. He'd always known. It had never _really _been a question. He'd known since the moment he begged for Lily Potter's life. He would die. The only question remained was which side would end his pathetic existence. There would be a winners, losers, and then there would be Severus Snape. He would be neither. The war would stop his heart, but it had long ago taken his life. _That _was his reality. That one word - "anything" - had meant up to and including his life to Albus, and Severus had never argued it.

**"But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—'Thou mayest'— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if 'Thou mayest'—it is also true that 'Thou mayest not." ~ East of Eden**


	5. Chapter 5

In the weeks that passed, Severus found himself frustratingly impressed with Granger's abilities. Begrudgingly, he even acknowledged that she just might very well be the brightest witch of her age.

Hermione studied her cauldron carefully before turning back toward Snape with a vial of the Calmin Draught. "I've finished, sir."

Snape rose from behind his desk and walked toward her. She handed the vial to him and stepped away from the cauldron to allow him to examine it. His glittering dark eyes scrutinized the color and viscosity. "Adequate. Now..."

He popped the cork off the vial and her eyes widened. She held up a hand. "Wait! You're... You're going to drink it?"

"That is the purpose, yes?" He asked sarcastically.

"But what if it's wrong?"

Severus looked at her for a moment. The potion was perfect, yet she doubted herself. Tilting his head back, he swallowed the liquid. It immediately soothed the anxious nerves firing in his stomach and the angry ulcer that had formed there because of them. His eyes focused on the cauldron again.

"I... Well... How do you feel?" She asked hesitantly.

His black eyes snapped to her face. His expression was as unreadable as ever. "Calm," He said in a bored voice.

She frowned. "But... I... Weren't you before?"

He simply stared at her for a long moment. His emotions were never on display. "You can put the rest of this in vials. Label them and leave them on the counter. Clean your work area, and then you may go. We're finished for this afternoon."

"But how do I know it worked? Nothing about you changed."

He said nothing as he walked back to his desk. The sound of his quill scratching across essays had her rolling her eyes as she turned back to the cauldron. Once she finished, she looked at him. Feeling her eyes on his person, he glanced at her work station, and then gave her a sharp nod of dismissal. Hermione gathered her belongings and slung her bag over her shoulder.

When she neared the door, he called out to her, "Miss Granger?"

She looked at him with curiousity on her face. Something flickered over his features briefly and then his face was expressionless once more. "Your potion worked. I assure you."

She narrowed her eyes for a moment as she processed what he'd said. He had been anxious. Incredibly so apparently. And her potion had helped. "Thank you, Professor. I'm glad."

He shifted his gaze back to his desk and she left the room. Closing his eyes for a moment, he focused on his breathing. He needed to attend a small meeting at Grimmauld Place that evening, and he was not at all looking forward to it. No matter how much he took pleasure in antagonizing and goading Black, he'd much prefer never seeing him again for as long as either of them should live. He glanced at the clock and pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd have to go to dinner first, and then when Dumbledore to Grimmauld Place to face the beasts.

Standing and smoothing his frock coat, he walked from the room with the same grace and confidence as usual with the help of Hermione's Calming Draught. He hadn't planned to use it. When he walked into the hall, he slowed his pace as he made his way through the crowd of students. Other professors stopped and conversed with students as they made their way to the head table. Not Severus. He had no time or need for idle chatter. He sat toward the end of the table near Minerva.

"You are attending the meeting tonight, Severus?" She asked cordially.

"If I must," He said irritatedly as his black eyes watched the Headmaster as the old man moved toward him.

"We can leave after dinner, Severus," Albus smiled warmly at him and Severus' heart sank.

"Oh, Albus, surely that's not necessary," Minerva clicked her tongue.

Albus looked at her curiously. "Whatever do you mean?"

"You've given him extra tutoring. He's buried in grading. Have you seen his desk?" She asked. Minerva had always had a soft spot for Severus, even when he'd been a boy.

Albus looked at Snape for confirmation. "Would you prefer to stay behind? Tonight, it is not absolutely necessary for you to attend, or stay for the entire meeting."

"If you feel that my presence is necessary, Headmaster, I will be there," Severus said. As a phrase, it would seem agreeable, but his tone was far from it.

Albus narrowed his blue eyes and looked at Minerva. "I can certainly go in his place this evening so that you are not traveling alone, Albus."

"Oh, you do know I love company," Dumbledore said before turning his gaze back to Severus. "Might we speak briefly after dinner then?"

Severus nodded and Albus took his seat. The hall was loud with the chatter of students. Minerva whispered, "It's almost as if he wants you and Sirius at each other's throats." She tucked into her food.

Snape wasn't a big eater, and he spent the meal pushing his food around his plate much to the dismay of the house elves who grumbled as they cleared his place. When the meal finished, Severus met McGonagall and Dumbledore in the Headmaster's office.

"You wished to speak with me, Headmaster?"

"Of course, my boy. Forgive me, but I can't help but to feel as if you are avoiding me," Albus said knowingly. He peered over his half moon glasses at Snape, who struggled tremendously to not roll his eyes.

"You added essentially another entire curriculum for me to teach in addition to Potions," Severus said pointedly.

"How are the lessons with Miss Granger going?"

"Acceptable," Severus said curtly.

"You..." Albus studied him for a moment and Minerva pursed her lips as she prepared for the argument. "You disagree with my request of you to teach her such things?"

"I do," Severus said coolly.

"And why is that?" Albus clasped one hand over the other.

"She is a child," Severus hissed. "I am preparing her more actively for all out war than I feel is necessary."

"I'm inclined to agree with Severus. Hermione Granger is just a girl yet. This is... Too heavy, Albus..." Minerva said quietly.

"It is essential that she learns. You agreed, Severus."

Severus' dark eyes flared. "I agreed to teach her Potions. You've forced me to train her up as a soldier. You have made it my job to take her childhood from her."

Minerva winced at his words, but said nothing. She couldn't deny the reality of them, however harsh and blunt they might have been. Albus' lip twitched dangerously. "Long ago you told me you'd do anything, Severus."

"Enough," Severus growled lowly as his face flushed in embarrassment. Minerva knew nothing of that conversation all those years ago on that windy hilltop, and Albus was flirting with crossing an unforgivable line in the sand for Severus. Snape was furious, and he turned on his heel and disappeared from the office. His heels clicked as his long strides carried him to the security of his own rooms.

**"Someone can decide it's in their best interests to agree to something, but a choice is only really a choice if there's a genuine alternative. Otherwise it's manipulation and it's taking advantage." ~ The Lost Man**


	6. Chapter 6

One afternoon toward the holidays while Hermione was brewing, Snape jumped suddenly when someone knocked insistently on the classroom door. He cursed under his breath, and then whispered "Muffliato!"

She narrowed her eyes at him as he walked toward her quickly, but he held a finger to his lips and said, "It's Umbridge. She mustn't know." Within a moment, he'd whisked away all of her work, disillusioned her belongings, and her body.

When the knocking came again at his door, he rolled his eyes dramatically and she stifled her own laugh. Waving his wand in the air sharply, the faint buzzing in the room disappeared as he walked to the door and opened it. "Professor Umbridge..."

Snape merely stared at her with blank eyes as she walked into his classroom and looked about the space curiously. "I had hoped you were a student I could avoid." There was a sarcastic bite in his tone that soared right over Umbridge's head, but Hermione found herself smirking.

"What're you doing down here all alone, Snape?"

"My job here is to teach. Marking is part of teaching," He said and glanced at his desk. Her beady eyes followed his gaze and saw the stacks of parchment he'd been marking.

"I've heard rumors..." She said and Hermione saw Snape stiffen. He had the lean, tense, and hungry look of an alley cat, poised for a fight at a moment's notice. "That Hermione Granger comes down here every Thursday afternoon, yet... It's Thursday afternoon, and she's not here?"

Severus just stared at her. His eyes were blank and his face was unreadable. Frustrated, Umbridge said, "Well? What have you to say to that?"

He glanced over her head briefly and looked where he knew Hermione was standing. "I did not realize teenage rumors warranted a response."

"So she does not come here?"

His black eyes moved slowly back to her face. "Clearly."

"Well, do you know where she goes?"

"I've no interest in where she goes or what she does. In my experience, whatever she and Potter and Weasley are up to will come out eventually. There is no need to investigate."

"You've never seen her down here on Thursdays?"

"I have never kept track of when I see her or when I do not see her. Tell me: why the sudden interest in Miss Granger?"

"She's up to something. With Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley," Umbridge whispered.

"They are _always _up to something," Snape said in a bored voice.

"She is acting out. She's defiant, disrespectful, speaks out of turn... She shouted at me today."

"Did she really?" Severus asked with a bit of dark humor in his voice. He moved his eyes slowly to Hermione's work station.

"Something is going on, Snape. They are plotting."

"If you've nothing new to discuss, I'd prefer to continue my marking," Severus said dismissively.

Umbridge looked him over with a look of disgust and distrust on her pig-like face. "Very well. Should you see Miss Granger, or find out any information about her extracurricular activities, you are to report to me."

"I will do no such thing. You are neither my employer nor my friend. I will remind you again to be careful upon whose toes you step." His voice was low and cold, and his face had hardened.

"How dare you?! You filthy Death Eater half-blood snake! You are disgrace to our house!"

Severus did something very strange and unsettling then. He smiled. It was a dangerous looking smile. "Leave before you embarrass yourself further with all your sputtering and spitting about."

Umbridge looked indignant, and then huffed loudly as she stormed out of the room. Hermione watched as Severus' face dropped momentarily. Her words had stung him, and Hermione could see that now, but he was quick to regain his composure. He warded the door once more, and waved his wand in her direction. Looking down at her hands, she realized she had reappeared.

"She's horrible," Hermione spat.She rubbed furiously at her hand where Umbridge's quill had dug into her skin.

Snape's eyes moved to her hand where he caught a glimpse of the angry red cuts across her pale skin. He hissed and grabbed her wrist angrily. "_What _is _this?!_" He asked the question, but already knew the cause of these marks on her skin. _I will not break rules _was carved into the back of her hand.

"She gives detention, and we have to write lines with a Black Quill."

This triggered something deep inside Severus, a place he buried long ago, but the sight of the hideous marks on her otherwise unblemished youthful hand snapped destroyed his ability to separate his emotions. His own childhood had been so marred with abuse. He didn't like his students - most of them - and he was outright demeaning toward them. But he had never turned his wand or any other magical means against a student. He'd made threats certainly, but not like this... Umbridge _actually _did this.

Snape looked more angry than she'd ever seen him. He let go of her arm and stormed to his storage closet where he swore as he grabbed two small containers. He appeared before her again in a flurry of black. Opening one container, he said, "This is for healing and to prevent infection. The other is for scarring."

He dipped his finger into the salve a bit, and then paused and looked at her awkwardly. It was only awkward because he actually appeared to genuinely care about the welfare of a student openly whereas he'd never seemed to so blatantly previously. Sensing the tension, he cleared his throat and wiped the salve off his thumb back into the container. "I suppose you can handle this. The first one twice a day for three days, and the second when the first is done and until the scarring disappears. Perhaps five days. Maybe seven."

Hermione dabbed some salve into her thumb of her right hand and then rubbed it across the angry cuts. Immediately, they were soothed and began healing better before her eyes. She looked up at him in amazement. "Thank you," She said softly.

"Torturing children..." He grumbled angrily. "Take that to the whichever students she's done this to. If you should need more, inform me. I will handle Umbridge."

She nodded, and packed up her belongings. She slipped the salves into her robe pocket and looked up at her professor across the room near his desk. "We are up to something, Professor Snape."

"Imagine my surprise," Severus said evenly as he eyed her curiously. He looked quite angrily still, and Hermione hesitated. Then, she realized he was angry _for _her, _for _the students, and not at her, or them.

"We've started Dumbledore's Army," Hermione said. When Snape raised a dark eyebrow, she continued, "We aren't being taught Defense, so Harry, Ron, and I, mostly Harry, are teaching other students dueling spells and such. To prepare them. For the war."

There was a heavy silence between the professor and student. Severus' eyes were narrowed and scrutinizing. "How many students?"

"We're at nearly twenty now, but I'm sure it will end up being more."

"Where do you meet?"

Hermione chewed her lip for a moment. "The Room of Requirement."

"Of course," Snape said. "The school approves."

Hermione smiled at his words. He was being so un-Snape-like. Then, she thought, perhaps, this was actually Snape, and that everything else was an act. He looked at her briefly again. "Be careful, Miss Granger. Umbridge is on alert. It is in your best interest to stay off of her radar. Clearly, she is not of sound mind," He said and his black eyes flitted to Hermione's hand again. "You may go."

She picked up her bag, and moved to the door. "Professor Snape?" She called and turned back to him. His black eyes found her and his face was unreadable again. "Thank you. For the salves. And... She's wrong." Snape's brow furrowed, and Hermione gave him a small smile. "She's wrong about you. You're not a disgrace to your house. Have a good afternoon, sir."

With that, she turned and fled. Professor Snape was unpredictable in himself and his mood swings were near legendary. Even a compliment might set him off. Snape's dark eyes stared at the closed door long after she'd left. She had thanked him, complimented him, and had been quite transparent with him without him prodding. It had, truthfully, been one of the most pleasant interactions he'd had with a student in the fourteen years he'd been teaching, and it was with a Gryffindor, not a student from his own house. Not just any Gryffindor... Harry Potter's best friend. Perhaps students were not all beastly insufferable gremlins. Perhaps Granger wasn't so intolerable after all. She had proven herself academically, especially so in this independent study. She had shown him kindness those summer nights, and here again. Granted, she did have a habit of sticking her nose where it didn't belong, and she was far too eager to please, but she was _good. _Severus' stomach turned as he thought about her in war, her peers in war... How much innocence would be lost... Then, his mind turned back to Umbridge. She would pay.

**"The wounded recognized wounded." ~ Rising Tides**


	7. Chapter 7

"I simply cannot believe Albus can't do something about this Black Quill. She's taken his power..." Minerva said in exasperation. "It's not even holiday break.. She's beyond reason."

"I do not know about you, Minerva, but I have no intention of allowing her to continue with that damned quill," Severus said dangerously.

Minerva looked at him for a moment. "What do you have on nond, my Slytherin friend?"

"There is no justice in this world unless we make it," He smirked. "I've found a dose of one's own medicine to be effective."

Minerva raised an eyebrow. "I quite like the sound of that."

At the next Heads of House meeting, Dumbledore sat quietly at the far end of the table as the House Heads sat around him. They were tense and ready to ambush the High Inquistor herself as soon as she walked in the room.

"We must discuss your medieval punishment methods," Minerva demanded at once.

"I will not discuss student discipline with any of you," Dolores snapped.

"How is physical harm an effective disciplinary strategy?!" Flitwick growled.

"Parents are outraged. I've received several owls," Pomona added.

"If they disciplined their children at home, I wouldn't have to discipline them here," Umbridge's voice was cold.

As she began writing on her notepad to record the minutes, her quill suddenly became stuck to her hand and began writing as if it had a mind of its own.

"What the devil is going on here?" She said as she tried to pull her hand from the quill and away from the paper.

Then, suddenly, she hissed and grabbed at the back of her right hand with her left hand. "Who's doing this?" She looked between the five people around the table.

She whispered the sentence she'd written, "I will not torture children." Her beady eyes shot to Minerva. "You!" She growled and then yelped as the quill began the sentence again.

"I've no idea what you're on about," Minerva said with an air of total indifference.

"Who?!" Dolores yelled as the quill began the statement for a third time. A trickle of blood dropped down the back of her hand.

As it finished, Severus stood. "It was I." Dolores gasped, but Snape's dangerous look silenced her. "You will not harm another student."

Minerva cleared her throat. "He wasn't alone in acting. We've put up with a great deal, Dolores. We have tolerated asinine interrogations, ridiculous observations, and triple the amount of school rules. We will not tolerate the physical abuse of any student."

The quill continued writing the phrase again. Umbridge hissed and squeezed her wrist as the pain sliced into the back of her hand. Severus sat with a blank expression as the woman's eyes bored into his.

"Cornelius will hear about this!" Umbridge spat

"Hear about what?" Minerva asked. "We've no idea what you're talking about. We didn't see anything."

Pomona and Filius shook their heads fervently, and Dumbledore peered over his half moon glasses and cocked an eyebrow. The smirk on the old man's face was one of sheer denial of anything being amiss.

Filius said, "I believe we've made ourselves clear?" Though Pomona and Filius had known no specifics of what Severus intended to do, nor had Minerva, they'd all known he had plan to act. None of them took an attack on their pupils lightly.

Dumbledore rose and walked out of the room, followed by Minerva, Pomona, and Filius. Snape stood in the room alone with Umbridge.

"The Dark Lord will hear about this. You know he will. Even if I'm not a Death Eater. You know he's trying to take over the Ministry. You know I'm part of the equation. He will hear about this."

"I expect he will, and when he does, it will not be I that feels his wrath. I assure you. You are getting in his way. He despises the needless spilling of magical blood." Snape's teeth were bared as he closed in on her as the quill continued to carve into her hand. "When the Ministry falls into the Dark Lord's hands, Hogwarts will then be well within his grasp. It would make a much easier transition of power if parents and students are not rioting against him every other second because someone is abusing children..."

Dolores looked over Snape's angular face. The blackness in his eyes appeared so deeply angry. She looked back at the quill as it finished the line and began again. "How many bloody times, Snape?!"

Severus peered down at her bloodied hand. He had no idea how many times it had written the line, but he was sure she was nearing the 25 he'd set in the hex. "As many as it takes for it to sink in," He said and swept from the room.

The following Thursday, Hermione looked up from the Antidote to Common Poisons potion she was brewing and looked at Snape. She couldn't help but bring up what he'd done. She'd known the second she'd seen Umbridge's hand what her Potions teacher had done to defend the students, even ones he didn't like in the least. He was intensely focused on an essay, but he quickly became aware of her gaze. He stiffened, but continued marking. "Sir, I saw a rather curious bandage on Professor Umbridge's hand today..."

Snape's quill stopped moving, and Hermione saw his lip twitch in a way that looked almost like he was trying to contain a smirk. "Is that so?"

"Yes, sir," Hermione said lightly. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"Unfortunately, no. I do hope our dear Professor Umbridge is fully healed from whatever injury she might have received soon," Severus said. His voice sounded bored, but Hermione had spent enough time to know that there was a very dry humor in it.

"You don't know? That's a shame. I certainly hope she wasn't given a dose of her own medicine," Hermione said with a knowing smirk.

Severus turned his eyes back to the essay. "I concur."

She was quiet for a long time as she focused on her potion. Once she had finished it, she bottled and labeled it for him to examine later. She approached his desk and set the vials on it. Hermione hesitated, but then called upon her Gryffindor courage.

"Sir?" She asked. He looked at her. "Thank you. For what you did. For me. For all of us."

There was a long and heavy silence between the pair of him while he processed what she was saying. He blinked finally and nodded. "You may go."

"Have a good evening, sir," She said and the door closed behind her leaving him once more unsettled by her kindness toward him - the feared Potions Master. He shook his head vigorously and returned to marking first year essays.

**"Trust is not a gasoline-soaked blanket that succumbs to the matches of betrayal, never able to be used for its warmth again; it's a tapestry that wears thin in places, but can be patched over if you have the right materials, circumstances, and patience to repair it." ~ Rise of the Morningstar**


	8. Chapter 8

When Severus Snape darkened the doorstep of Grimmauld Place over the holidays, everyone seemed exceptionally tense. The Potions Professor was here? Now? Hermione, who had been with Harry when he'd been summoned to meet with the dark haired teacher, felt anxious. Everyone was on edge after Arthur Weasley had been attacked at the Ministry of Magic. Snape's presence was so rare at Grimmauld Place, at least to the knowledge of most people who stayed there with any frequency. It could only mean that Dumbledore had another trick up his sleeve.

Hermione stayed within relative earshot of Harry and could hear Snape and Sirius arguing. Their voices would intermittently rise and fall in volume as the tensions would rise and fall throughout the conversation. She couldn't really hear details, but neither Sirius nor Severus sounded keen on whatever plan Dumbledore had concocted.

When the door separating the dining room and the kitchen burst open suddenly, she jumped, and saw Snape and Sirius with their wands at each other's throats. Harry was trying desperately to separate the two sinewy muscled men. She instantly went to help Harry, who was definitely being pushed around by both of the wizards. Snape looked furious, and Sirius' face was redder than she'd ever seen it.

"Stop it!" She shouted. At the sound of Granger's voice, Snape and Sirius stopped moving, and the other door to the kitchen opened as Arthur and Molly appeared.

The couple eyed the four people curiously, sensed the tension, and changed the subject. Molly said, "He's back! All healed! Thanks to you, Severus."

Hermione's headed whirled around to Snape. He had made the antivenin? Severus said nothing. He merely looked from Molly to Arthur to Hermione. Hermione could see the wheels turning in his head, and his black eyes moved quickly to Sirius and he scowled as he put his wand back into his sleeve and moved past the group. His long legs had him down the hall in only a couple of steps.

Hermione followed him as Harry tried to calm Sirius and keep his godfather from pursuing Snape. "Professor Snape? Is everything all right?"

"I've no patience for conversation, Miss Granger," Severus said. His voice was cool, but she could feel the underlying rage.

"What did you need Harry for, sir? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You can learn to mind your own business," Snape warned lowly.

She glared at him as he adjusted his traveling cloak. He didn't so much as look at her as he grabbed the door handle. "I'm sorry, Professor," She said quietly. "Sirius can be a right prick..."

Severus blinked once after his eyes snapped to hers. He processed her words, her meaning, and then said, "Go back to your _friends_." He sounded so bitter. She tried to read the odd expression on his face as he left, but she would find herself at a loss once more.

The man was an enigma, but Hermione couldn't help, but feel really sorry for him. Whatever Dumbledore had assigned him to do clearly upset him, upset Sirius, and surely upset Harry. No one deserved that kind of stress, and for Snape, stress seemed constant. In the time they'd worked together, Severus had been quiet, reserved, but extremely helpful, cordial, and even, at times, pleasant enough... by Snape standards. Though Hermione held no illusions about the moodiness and temperamental nature of the Slytherin House Head, she'd realized in her lessons just how much of his public persona had probably been a near constant act. He _was _human. _Mostly. _He _was _good at teaching. When he _wanted_ to be.

After Harry explained what Snape had discussed, the lessons in Occlumency, Hermione's stomach felt very heavy. Ron gasped at the idea of having extra lessons with Snape, but Hermione could not ignore its importance.

"Professor Dumbledore knows you two don't get on, so if he asked Professor Snape to do it, then Professor Snape must be the best teacher he has available," Hermione said.

"Yeah, can't imagine old Snape would want to spend a second longer than he has to with you Harry," Ron snorted.

"Professor Snape," Hermione said sharply.

Harry rolled his emerald eyes, and sighed. "I just don't like the idea of Snape messing about inside my head, y'know?"

"Professor Snape," Hermione sighed heavily.

"Probably already has been," Ron said and ignored Hermione as he took another bite of his cupcake. "Expect that's how he always knows what we're up to..."

Hermione said, "You've got to take this seriously, Harry. It's important. My lessons with Professor Snape haven't been so bad most days. Honest."

"It's you, Hermione. It's not the same," Ron said and Harry nodded eagerly. "You're top of the class, and Snape _hates _Harry."

"Professor Snape," Hermione corrected again irritatedly.

"Whatever," Harry and Ron said at the same time.

"Just promise me you'll give this all of your effort?" Hermione looked at Harry intensely.

"Yeah, I'll give it a go," Harry said. His answer did not, apparently, sit well with Hermione as she stood and disappeared down the hall to her own bedroom.

The next time she saw Snape was the following Thursday afternoon in their own lesson. He'd merely told her what to practice brewing - an Antidote for Uncommon Poisons - and started marking essays. Snape was exceptionally quiet, and there was a tension in the room that hadn't been present since the very beginning of their lessons. Since then, they had established a routine. Now, things felt awkward. She wanted to ask how the lessons with Harry were going in Snape's eyes, if there was something she could do on her end as his friend to help, but she knew he'd never answer. Harry had been far less than forthcoming than she'd hoped, and had merely said it'd been tense and quite difficult.

When she'd finished, he had told her that she would brew a Blood Replenishing potion the next week, and that she would also be working on healing herbs and essences. She paused at his desk and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "The answer to the question you are debating as to whether or not you should ask is that it is unequivocally none of your business, Miss Granger," He growled.

Hermione frowned and stared at him. "Did you just use Legilimency on me?

He looked at her and she saw that he looked legitimately offended. His dark eyes searched her face as the accusation hung in the air between them. "No," He said bitterly. "I do not know what you think of me, but I have _never _used Legilimency on anyone unless I thought it a matter of safety, or life or death."

She shook her head furiously. "No, sir, I wasn't angry..."

"The mind is not a book to be opened and examined at will," He snapped.

"Then how did you know what I was thinking about asking, sir?"

"Do you think me obtuse?" He drawled. His black eyes were glittering dangerously.

"No, sir. Of course not. I just didn't know if I would be aware if you had or not."

He glared at her angrily. He still looked quite offended. "You're dismissed, Miss Granger," Snape said curtly.

Hermione opened her mouth, but the coldness in his eyes as he stared at her stopped her from arguing with him. "I apologize, Professor Snape. Have a good afternoon, sir."

When the door closed, he sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. The girl was too smart for her own good, and far too curious. He ground his teeth together. His lessons with Potter had already toyed with his sanity and strength. The war was coming, soon, and this additional stress was not something he needed.

**"Fear of a bully, fear of a volcano; the power within you does not distinguish. It does not recognize degree." ~ The Fifth Season**


	9. Chapter 9

Severus summoned her early on a Saturday morning toward the end of March. She had proven quite competent in using healing essences and herbs, and at healing spells, so he much preferred her tending to his wounds than Poppy, who would mandate he stay and be observed.

She knocked and he ground out, "Enter."

Hermione stepped into his classroom and immediately rushed toward him. He looked terrible. His usually sallow skin was as white as a ghost. There were blackened circles under his eyes. Snape's frock coat was torn open down his right arm and he was bleeding fairly heavily. Had it been his left arm that had been injured, he would have easily healed himself, but he didn't trust the steadiness of his left hand under duress.

"I apologize for summoning you, but the perfect practice opportunity has presented itself," He said as smoothly as possible.

She was examining the wound already and summoned Dittany. She began to sing his countercurse, though she didn't know it was his, and the giant gash down his arm, which stretched from the ball of his shoulder to his wrist, began to mend slowly.

"What happened, Professor?"

"War," He repeated his answer from many months ago plainly. He was holding his breath, so the pain was quite bad.

"Do you have any other injuries?" She asked.

"No," He said. It was a lie, but he was capable of handling them himself.

As she sang the incantation three times again, he began to regain color. She handed him a Blood Replenishing Potion, he grimaced at the metallic taste, and then she dropped several drops of Dittany up and down his arm. Hermione stepped back and examined the wound. There was a thick, red rope of a scar where he'd been attacked, but the Dittany would help reduce the scarring. He probably would have some level of permanent scarring though, as the wound had been very deep on his thin arm.

He looked down at his arm and studied her work thoroughly. "I appreciate your assistance," He said as he dragged a shaky left hand down the fabric of his coat and mended the tear. His spoken gratitude was both unusual and unexpected. The stitching wasn't as steady as usual, but it was better than nothing.

"You're welcome, Professor Snape." She watched as the wool stitched itself together again and chewed her lip. When it finished, she glanced at his face. He was watching her intensely. She clearly should have taken her leave by now. "Harry is still having dreams, Professor. Ron says they're getting more and more frequent."

"I am aware," Snape said and narrowed his eyes.

"I don't think he's putting any effort into these lessons, sir," Hermione admitted. Though the conversation with Snape felt largely like a betrayal of Harry, Hermione was terrified that her friend was leaving himself even more vulnerable.

"This is unsurprising," Snape said in a bored tone and moved away from her to the storage closet and began organizing.

It was another cue for her to leave, but she ignored it once more. She was now frustrated with Snape. "Why don't you care?"

"Mind your tongue," Snape warned with his back to her. "Your friend is the epitome of mediocrity."

"He's not mediocre!"

"He is mediocre to the last degree," Severus said coldly. "Control yourself, Miss Granger."

"Why are you so bitter toward him, anyway?" She snapped. Snape froze. "You're supposed to be helping him. You help me. I don't know what you've got against each other! This could kill him, and here, I thought you gave a damn! But you don't!" With that, her eyes widened at her outburst and she fled.

He turned slowly to her. His eyes were black pits of rage, but they rested on her back as she left the room in a hurry. He stalked to the door. "Granger!" He bellowed. She froze mid-stride. Turning back to him slowly, she found his face hardened in rage. "In," He said and jutted his thumb toward the classroom. "Now," He demanded.

Not wanting to anger him further, she rushed into the room. "I'm sorry, Professor Snape. I shouldn't have said any of that." Her eyes were downcast.

"You grow too comfortable, you foolish girl." His voice was venomous. "I am _not _one of your little friends."

She glanced up at his eyes. Instead of the boiling anger she'd seen moments before, she saw a bit of pity. He recognized her stress level, recognized the outburst as one of stress and worry.

"I am sorry, sir," Hermione said quietly.

"Five points for disrespect," He hissed. He hated that he was going easy on her, but he had seen how anxious and stressed she'd become over these last few month. She was no more than a child in an adult's war. Her youth was its first casualty, as it had been his. Snape gritted his teeth, and then said, "Get out of my sight. Now." His tone was lethal.

She fled, and he returned to his storage closet. His arm was throbbing, so he downed a pain potion and headed to his private quarters. Granger was right to be angry, but there was no love lost in his relationship with James Potter's son. Even if he tried to tolerate Harry as an independent being, there was so much of his father in him. The arrogance, the entitlement, the constant need for attention... But... Lily.

The haze of the pain potion began to settle upon his tired mind as he retreated to the darkness of his bedroom. It did not take long before his eyes grew too heavy, but Granger's outburst, though driven largely by being stressed and overworked, had been filled with a stinging disappointment and it rang in his mind incessantly. There was no rest for the wicked, and Snape's conscience reared its ugly head as he slept uneasily.

**"No guilt is forgotten so long as the conscience still knows of it." ~ Beware of Pity**


	10. Chapter 10

Severus leaned over his Pensieve and mentally berated himself. His entire body was shaking. How could he have been so stupid? No child, let alone Potter, would have resisted the temptation to pry into a teacher's life. He watched as the memory in question, his worst, circled around in the basin. Anger flowed through his veins. More than that, he felt absolutely humiliated. It was a feeling that he'd avoided for many years, and now the fact that Potter's son had seen that particular memory, all of those emotions he'd long buried came rushing back with a vengeance. Severus' dark eyes closed tightly and he hung his head.

He had to tell Dumbledore what had occurred, but he knew he was in for quite lecture. Severus stood tall and pulled his Occlumency shields into place firmly. Neutral faced, Snape left the room, black cloak billowing behind him, and stalked to the Headmaster's office. The door swung open before he could knock, which was ominous.

"Severus..." Albus said in a low voice. "Do come in."

Snape walked as smoothly as possible to the chair across from his employer and former teacher. As he sat, he locked eyes with the old man. "Harry Potter's Occlumency lessons are at an end." Severus' voice wavered only a bit because of his rage and humiliation.

"Are they? I believe that would be _my _decision?" Dumbledore eyed him over his half moon glasses.

"You can teach him, then," Severus said as he leaned back into the chair defiantly.

"You know that it's too dangerous for me to be so close to him right now," Dumbledore said.

"I do not care."

"He must learn."

"Not from me," Severus snarled dangerously. His temper was rising.

"Tell me what occurred."

"Bloody Umbridge called me away during my lesson with Potter. He snooped. Into my Pensieve. He saw..." Snape snapped his mouth shut and glared away from Albus toward the wall at all the portraits listening intently.

Albus looked at Severus closely. The younger wizard was near shivering, though trying desperately to conceal it. Snape knew he was being studied and quickly strengthened his Occlumency shields. Severus had long stopped being open with Dumbledore.

"Severus..."

"I will not do it," Severus said darkly.

Albus sighed heavily and thought for a moment. "Then you will add Occlumency lessons to the curriculum you are already teaching Miss Granger. She assist Mr. Potter then in turn."

Snape's eyes snapped to Albus' and he growled, "_What?_"

"I believe I spoke with clarity and appropriate volume..."

"Absolutely _not,_" Snape said.

"She is more than capable," Albus offered.

"She is a _child. _You've already forced me to put so much weight upon her," Severus said angrily. "No. I won't do this to her. I will not. Minerva will throw a fit."

"I can handle Minerva," Albus said calmly. His calm tone only served to set Severus more on edge. "You will teach Occlumency to Harry Potter, or you will teach it to Hermione Granger so that she can pass along the information to our Harry."

"Albus..." Severus growled. "She is a child. You've already asked too much of her. In the mere months I have been teaching her, she has already changed."

"This is war, Severus. I did not think _you _of all people would need reminded of that fact," Albus said as he sipped from his teacup.

Snape glared at his Headmaster furiously. "I do _not _need reminding, but perhaps you need reminded that the student in question is just that - a student."

"You cared little for Harry's well-being and he is quite a bit younger than Miss Granger. Do not tell me how that big, bad Professor Snape might have a soft spot for our Gryffindor Princess, that he might enjoy teaching her, that he might care for her well-being?"

Snape scowled deeply. The hatred for Dumbledore etched in the harsh sharp lines of his face. "_Potter _is your bloody messiah in this damned war. _Granger _is a child with an unfortunate taste in friends... It is not right to ask a child to learn this, and then to turn around and teach it to someone else... This is difficult magic."

"You doubt her ability? I do not think she would take kindly to that."

"I never said that..." Snape started, but he was cut off.

Dumbledore said, "War is coming. We can leave them unprepared, or we can prepare them. The latter is truthfully the right thing to do."

Severus was quiet for a moment. He could not argue that logic. He simply couldn't. The idea of sending students to battle, because they would go, with nothing in the arsenal was sickening. He knew Potter and Granger and Weasley were training up other students. He knew he was teaching Granger so that they would be protected in months to come. He knew... Yet he did not like it.

"You ask too much," Severus said coolly.

"And I will ask more," Dumbledore said heavily. He scribbled on a spare bit of parchment, folded the paper, and stuck it in the beak of his owl. "Fetch Miss Granger," He told the bird.

Severus' eyes bored a hole into Dumbledore's desk. The silence between the two men was very tense, and heavy. Snape's black eyes glittered as he thought. Granger arrived promptly as usual. She sat in the chair next to Snape and looked anxiously between Severus and Albus.

"Good evening, Miss Granger."

"Good evening, sirs," Hermione said. She was nervously chewing her lip.

"We have run into a snag, and we would like to discuss a solution with you," Albus started gently.

Severus winced internally at the verbiage. _We? _The girl shifted uncomfortably in her chair and said, "Yes, sir."

"Professor Snape finds himself incapable of continuing Harry Potter's Occlumency lessons..."

Hermione flinched at the blatant insult to Severus. Snape looked hatefully at Dumbledore and his dark eyes roared. "You dare..."

Dumbledore cut him off again. "It is important for Harry to learn Occlumency. Extremely so. Professor Snape has agreed to teach you in hopes that you might be able to assist Harry. As his friend. As someone he trusts implicitly."

Hermione's brow furrowed and she looked at Snape, who was avoiding looking at the pair of them altogether now, and instead focused on staring at the wall angrily. Suddenly, she understood Snape's refusal to look at her, his anger toward the Headmaster. He was trying to protect her. _Again._

"Excuse me, Professor Dumbledore, but Occlumency and Legilimency are very complex types of magic. I'm only 16. Shouldn't someone more qualified teach Harry? I don't know that I even have any natural ability in those fields. If Professor Snape cannot, shouldn't you?" Her tone was light, but her accusation was clear.

Snape laughed bitterly at Hermione's words. A timid alliance had been formed. "It is no use, Miss Granger. You remember what I said? About all the world?"

Hermione looked at him. His eyes were cold and his face was stony, but she felt united with him. "All the world is Dumbledore's stage..." Her face hardened as she looked at Dumbledore.

Albus narrowed his eyes. "Careful, Miss Granger. Defiance and disrespect are far more suited to Professor Snape."

Unable to stop the apology, Hermione said, "I apologize, sir. I feel very overwhelmed."

"I wonder why..." Snape muttered under his breath.

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead of us. There will be a time, many times in fact, when we must choose between what is right and what is easy..." Dumbledore said. His words echoed those he'd spoken after Cedric Diggory's murder. The silent acknowledgement of the truth in his words hung between the trio.

**"...How impossible it is to really make a choice, when the best option of all is one you couldn't even imagine." ~ Fire Logic**


	11. Chapter 11

Sitting in a chair in Snape's office, Hermione stares at her silent Professor nervously. He had not yet spoken to her and the silence was unnerving. He sat at his desk across from her with his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. She could feel the stress radiating off of him in waves. This behavior was so atypical of Snape.

"Professor? If you'd like to reschedule..."

"What did he tell you?" Snape said suddenly.

"I... Who, sir?"

"Potter," He spat and dragged his eyes to her face.

"What? Nothing, really, sir. He said you'd felt he'd made enough progress."

He glared at her. "I don't believe you."

"I swear, sir. Harry didn't tell say anything other than that he was good enough to go it alone now."

His black eyes studied her for a moment and then he looked away. "What do you know of Occlumency and Legilimency?"

"They are ancient mind magics. Legilimency is the art of navigating a person's mind, and being able to interpret what you might find there. Occlumency is the art of shielding your mind against Legilimency, from outside influence or invasion," She said.

He frowned deeply. "A textbook definition. As per usual. Tell me, Miss Granger: are you incapable of thinking for yourself?"

She bit her lip. She felt both angry and embarrassed. It had been many months since Snape had attacked her in such a way, since he had made her feel incredibly small. It stung.

"I apologize, sir," She said softly.

He narrowed his black eyes. "What did Potter tell you?"

"Nothing!" She said firmly. "Sir."

"Don't lie to me," He growled, stood, and leaned over his desk toward her. She flinched at the sudden movement. Hermione met his eyes nervously. "Professor Dumbledore says you must learn... Let us begin. Clear your mind. Shield yourself. Legilimens!" He hissed.

_"But why haven't you got Occlumency lessons anymore?" Snape watched the girl question Potter. She was frowning._

_Then the scene changed abruptly to one of a giant library. For a moment, Snape was thrown. He looked around. She was putting shields in place. If he hadn't been so blinded by his own insecurity, he would have been impressed. He pushed harder into her mind._

_Potter reappeared, but now in the library and not the Gryffindor common room. She was stronger than he'd anticipated. The young wizard looked extremely frustrated. "I've told you. Snape reckons I can carry on by myself now I've got the basics..."_

_Snape scoffed at the notion, but realized Harry wasn't telling the truth of what happened, not even to his best friend. Hermione's library grew stronger. Snape was left chasing after Harry and Hermione as they walked down the aisles of books; turning every which way, weaving and winding._

_Her voice sounded distant in her own head. "Well, I don't think Professor Snape should stop until you're absolutely sure you can control them! Harry, I think you should go back and ask..."_

_Potter turned, but not to Hermione, instead he turned directly to Snape and suddenly his voice became very loud. The green eyes startled the man. "No! Just drop it!"_

_The boy and the girl disappeared from his sight. He looked around. The bookshelves were larger than any he'd ever seen. The aisles and rows of books were longer and more filled than he would've thought possible. This was her shield. As he walked through one aisle, he felt his rage calming. Sighing, he withdrew from her mind._

He had not expected her to look so angry. He narrowed his eyes. "For your first attempt, that was not a total disaster."

Her frown deepened. "You had no right..."

"_Nobody _has the right. That's the point, isn't it?" He snapped back at her.

"You asked me what Harry had told me about why your lessons with him had ended. I said he'd told me nothing really. You didn't believe me, so you violated my mind." He flinched at her verbiage visibly. "You didn't trust me."

His black eyebrow rose. "I trust no one. Least of all a teenage girl." His words were heavy, weighted with torment of his past. His dark eyes were clouded with emotions that were normally never present in any part of the man.

Hermione looked at him. There was meaning to what he'd just said, but she didn't understand it. Watching his eyes flicker with emotion for a moment, she was thrown by his demeanor. He'd been so angry. No. No. Worried. Embarrassed. Now he seemed relatively normal, aside from the visible pain in his eyes.

Severus was no longer looking at her. Instead, he was staring at the knotted wood on his office desk. He looked a bit put out, probably from her word choice. It had been strong, but she wasn't ashamed of it. "Whatever happened between you and Harry, he isn't telling anyone. You needn't worry."

Snape's black eyes flitted up to her face before returning to the desk. He'd no idea what to say and was clearly uncomfortable. Hermione offered, "I wouldn't lie to you, sir. You've got a difficult enough job already. I don't mean to add to your stress."

He shook his head once, as if shaking off an irksome fly. "The shield you've chosen is workable, though you will want to add noise."

"In a library?" She sounded offended.

"Your blankness, your calmness, is crucial. Even in a moment where you might waver emotionally, your shield must not. Appropriate noise within your shield is essential. It allows for emotional breakthroughs."

"I... I don't understand, sir," She said.

"Take out your wand," He said.

Nervously, she did. Her fingers rubbed over the Vinewood.

He looked at her expectantly. "Well?"

"You want... Me? To do that?" Her eyes were wide and uncertain.

"Fair is fair, Miss Granger," He said coolly. His eyes were blank once more. "Though you won't see anything I don't want you to see." His voice darkened a bit.

She bit her lip and then pointed her wand at his chest. He pointed to his forehead, right between his eyes. "Here," He instructed.

She moved her wand to point where he'd demanded. "Legilimens!" She said firmly, despite her own anxieties.

It was only with Snape's permission that she was able to even see his shield. She knew that she would never have been able to access his mind at all if he hadn't allowed it.

Looking around, she saw she was standing on a beach. The sky was grey and cloudy, and the air was cool. Turning, she realized he was standing a ways behind her. His black robes were stark in contrast to the lightness of the scenery. His dark eyes were watching her intensely as she observed his shield. The waves crashed rhythmically on the sands. She was awestruck. This shield was one that kept the spy safe, and he had shown it to her so that she might learn to keep herself as safe as he had.

"Is this Studland Bay, Professor?" She asked him curiously as she observed the white sands under her feet, and the tall grasses blowing in the ocean breeze behind them both. Seagulls cawed in the distance.

"Not precisely," He said coolly. Inside, though, he was nervous. This was showing a part of himself he'd never shown anyone. He could not, however, think of any other way to describe what he'd meant. There was no other way to help her understand other than showing her exactly what he'd meant.

"Look at me and listen, Miss Granger," He said. Her eyes met his. Taking a deep breath, the ocean roared in sync.

Her whiskey eyes looked out at the water. "It's your breathing, sir? That's what cycles the waves?" Her eyes were wide in awe.

"Yes," He said plainly.

"But what if something upsets you? How do you play it off here?"

He looked away from her and out into the water. Suddenly, Umbridge's voice surrounded them: _"You filthy Death Eater halfblood snake! You are a disgrace to our House!"_

Hermione flinched at the shrillness of the memory. Those words had hurt Snape, but Hermione couldn't help but notice that he'd shared nothing new - only what she had already observed. He was more private than anyone she'd ever met. Truthfully, she hadn't expected him to be such a good teacher. She'd expected all of their lessons to have gone horribly. Instead, they weren't, and rarely was he combative with her.

"What did you notice, Miss Granger?" He asked. His question brought her back to reality. He was standing several feet away from her with his arms behind his back.

"I... Nothing, really, sir. I suppose the seagulls were a bit louder?"

He turned his head and pushed her gently from his mind. She stared at him from across his desk. He spoke quietly. "Noise, and or movement, create a believable distraction. A silent library, as much of a maze as it was, is a starting place, but you must add more detail."

"But what do I add, sir?" She said. She looked frustrated.

"May I ask why you chose a library?" It seemed personal, but knowing it was Snape who had asked she knew it was academic and didn't allow herself to become defensive.

She shrugged. "It's somewhere I go to get lost."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. The girl is more gifted than even he had been. "Go to the library. Observe the sounds you hear. Listen to how different weather sounds when you're there. Draw upon reality."

"Did you do this with Harry, sir? Did he already choose a shield? He didn't tell us anything about his progress. If he hasn't picked a shield, how do I advise him what to pick?"

She hadn't meant to be annoying, but when she looked at his face, he looked very much annoyed. Snape bristled at the mention of Potter's name. "Trying to teach Potter is a waste of time. Trying to find a useful shield for him will be fruitless. He has the attention span of a small rodent, and he understands himself about as well as he understands Potions."

"I don't think that's fair, sir," She countered sharply. "He's emotional, yes, but his emotions have always been the place from which he draws his strength."

"He's a fool. A fool who wears his heart on his sleeve."

Hermione's face hardened. "Well, at least he's got one," She snapped.

She grabbed her bag and disappeared from the office. Snape did not go after her this time, even though he was angry. He knew he'd gone too far. He'd pushed her too far, and he'd goaded her too much. She had only been trying to learn, to help her friend. She had trusted him to teach her, despite the difficulty of the Magic, and he'd rewarded her with barbed words. She was facing a war, the same war he was faced with, and she was trying to survive. His own pride had gotten the best of him. Again, Severus Snape was left sitting with both feet firmly in his mouth.

**"Because he could not afford to fail, he could not afford to trust." ~ His Excellency: George Washington**


	12. Chapter 12

The next several weeks were filled with tense Occlumency lessons. Severus was too proud, too awkward, and too anxious to ever apologize for anything. He preferred to just pretend as if nothing had ever happened. The last time he'd apologized, he'd been rejected in a way that broke him irreparably and he certainly wasn't going to allow himself to show that sort of vulnerability, risk rejection, again... to another teenage Gryffindor.

When she arrived that Thursday toward the end of May, however, she avoided his gaze, which differed vastly from how she'd glared at him. He narrowed his eyes and studied her. She seemed quite anxious and was chewing the inside of her cheek.

"As much as I prefer avoidance to anger, I must ask what it is that has you so anxious. We cannot practice this afternoon if you are unable to check your emotions. You know this."

She looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time in weeks. He looked as unhealthy as ever. His eyes had black circles under them and he looked as if he hadn't slept well in his entire life. In her whiskey colored eyes, which were watery now, he saw an emotion he hated - pity.

"What, girl?" He hissed. His stomach dropped as she looked at him.

"I was practicing with Harry..." She said and let her eyes drop to the floor between them.

His heart began to thump wildly in his chest. _No. _"Speak!"

"I saw... He tried to keep me out, sir, but I pushed harder, to try and make him work harder... I saw what he saw... In Professor Dumbledore's Pensieve. I'm so sorry, Professor."

Snape was very still for a moment as he processed what she had said. Fury rose in his chest like a rabid beast. He felt humiliated. Again. He slammed his hands down onto his desk and threw everything off of it in one swoop. All of the parchment and potions and quills hit the wall and clattered to the stone floor.

"Damn it!" He bellowed. She had heard him swear before, but nothing so angry or wounded. His magic was crackling across his robes.

She wasn't sure what to do. He stood with his back to her. His chest was heaving. She said, "I am sorry, Professor. What Harry's dad did, what Sirius did, what Remus and Pettigrew stood by and did nothing about... It was wrong. You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."

He words hit him awkwardly. Truthfully, it was the first time anyone had ever apologized to him for how Potter and his friends had treated him. Then, he would have relished the friendly support. Now, Severus was fully grown and bitterness was entrained in his very identity. He was scarred. He turned on her and towered over her in less than two strides.

She flinched involuntarily. "I'm sorry, Professor. I didn't mean to see it. Harry was furious I saw it."

Snape sneered, "Yes, I'm sure he was _furious _to pass along gossip about the Dungeon Bat."

Having never heard him say the horrid nicknames students had for him before, she gasped. She'd seen Snape angry, but nothing like this. He was practically rabid. His eyes were black flames. Snape looked simultaneously murderous and humiliated. "I'm sorry, Professor. He's not told anyone else. He would've never told me if I hadn't been practicing Occlumency with him."

"Oh, and I'm sure you plan to keep it all to yourself, Miss Granger - ever the perfect student, are we?" He growled.

"Not perfect, sir. Just a decent human being. Like Harry. He will never tell, and nor will I," There was a certainty in her voice that disarmed him. He stepped back and looked away from her back toward the mess he'd created.

He was quiet for several minutes as he waved his wand and reorganized his desk. He made quick work of the now useless potions from his First Years. Crossing his arms, he turned back toward, leaned against his desk, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It is a nightmare fully realized that now not just one student, but two, saw that particular memory," His voice was quiet. His pointer finger and thumb stretched to squeeze his forehead.

"I can only imagine, Professor. I am truly sorry, that I saw, that Harry saw, and that I am more sorry that it happened."

"You saw the entire memory?" He said. His eyes were wide when he looked at her, as if realizing finally that _she_, a Muggleborn, had heard him say _that _word.

She looked away from him, unable to see his shame so clearly. "Yes, sir."

"Bloody Hell," He said. "Miss Granger... That word... I have not used that word since... I..." He struggled with how to word what he was trying to say, which was so unlike Snape that she looked at him again. "The use of that word then does not and will not ever reflect my views of blood status, I assure you."

"Harry said it's probably your biggest regret?" She questioned tentatively.

In a very un-Snape-like fashion, he took a sharp intake of breath. "If only that were true, Miss Granger."

She studied him briefly. "I can see why it's hard for you to deal with Harry. I've heard so many people say he looks like his dad, but seeing the memory of him... Wow."

Snape looked at her and his face hardened. "I do not wish to walk this road, Miss Granger. You are perceptive enough, and I am humiliated enough."

She stopped talking, and conceded. "I understand, Professor. Would you like to skip this lesson?"

He sighed and glanced at the clock. "Unfortunately, i believe it is best that we practice as much as we can while we can. If you, however, do not feel up to it, we can resume next week."

She nodded an acceptance of his offer to practice and took her usual seat across from his desk. He sat across from her at his own desk. Taking a deep breath, he began to examine her shields.

When they'd finished, early in comparison to other Thursdays, she packed her bag as usual. He was watching her closely. That was different than how he usually behaved at the end of their lessons, so she glanced at his face and saw an anxiety there that she did not often see. Snape _was _human. She'd known it, seen it before, but this solidified it.

"I won't tell anyone, Professor. I swear it..." She said.

He looked away from her and stared at the wall. Her perceptiveness was disarming as usual. She put her bag over her shoulder and stood. He cleared his throat. "The discretion..." He said and then swallowed hard and screwed up his face as if the words coming were sour, "Is much appreciated."

She nodded and was gone, leaving behind a very much emotionally disheveled Snape. He felt humiliated, embarrassed, angry... But there was a tiny shred of hope that he could trust in her maturity, in her empathy. She was a true student among bumbling idiots.

**"It's not the pain and the wounds that are the worst... The worst is the humiliation." ~ Night Train to Lisbon**


	13. Chapter 13

Note: You will know when Severus no longer sees her as a child. It will not be for some time. 

In June, Severus was near sprinting to the Forbidden Forest. After checking on Black, Snape had been informed that Granger and Potter had led Umbridge into the Forest and had not been seen since. Several other students were unaccounted for as well.

Wand drawn, he made his way quickly through the Forest searching for the errant students. Hearing screams, he followed them but was halted by a giant centaur. Snape stopped in his tracks and held up his hands in surrender.

Recognizing the screaming as Umbridge's voice and hearing no others, Snape smirked slightly. "I'm not here for her. You can keep her. I'm here for the students. Where are the students?"

"They ran off in a hurry," The centaur huffed and trotted away out of sight.

Snape thought for a moment. "No... Expecto Patronum!" His doe appeared and looked at him. "They're headed to the Ministry! To Dumbledore! Go!" He demanded. Severus chased after the doe, which sprinted well ahead of him to Dumbledore.

Finally, he reached the Headmaster's office just as the old man was stepping into his floo. "I'm going to the Ministry. Alert the order, Severus," He said gravely before he was engulfed in green flames.

Snape leapt into the floo and bellowed, "12 Grimmauld Place!"

Appearing in the old house, he was met by Lupin, who had his wand drawn. "Where is Sirius?"

"Potter still believes him to be in trouble. He's gone to the Ministry with several other students," Snape said panting.

"Bloody Hell," Lupin said. "Sirius must've gone to find him! You must go back to Hogwarts in case they turn up there!"

Snape glared and moved as Lupin ran into the Floo. "Ministry of Magic!" The werewolf shouted and disappeared into flames. Severus was left standing in a very quiet and rickety old home for a moment before he stepped into the Floo again and returned to Hogwarts.

In the Headmaster's office, he found a very tired looking Minerva who had only returned to the castle the previous day after having been stunned.

"Severus, did you find Sirius?"

"No. I informed Lupin, who believes Black went after Potter. Lupin left for the Ministry. Probably summoned other Order Members once there. You have heard no news?"

"No," She said. Her voice was shaky as she sat down in the seat in front of Albus' desk. Snape pace quietly around the office as Minerva tapped her finger on the arm of the chair. "This is horrible, Severus. We are useless here, lad, yet there is nothing else we can do but wait. I have little strength, and we can not compromise your position."

Severus didn't respond to her statement and merely continued pacing. "Which students went with Potter?" He asked tentatively. Even though he'd asked, he knew the answers already.

"Ronald and Ginerva Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood," Minerva said and touched her fingers to her mouth to stave off her own emotions. "I have a horrible feeling, Severus."

Snape was feeling similarly as he paced restlessly around the office. The skin on his thumb was nearly peeled off entirely._ This _was war. And if the awful sinking feeling in his stomach were any indicating, the war was not going well for their side.

Dumbledore's phoenix Patronus appeared before Severus. "Come to the Hospital wing immediately, Severus!"

Sprinting ahead of Minerva, Snape skidded to a halt in the Hospital Wing. Hermione Granger lay on the bed with Neville, Luna, and Madam Pomfrey next to her bed. Approaching her quickly, he saw the girl was unconscious and barely breathing.

"What curse?" Snape shouted at the terrified students. When they shook their heads, he demanded, "Which person cast it? Color, action... Anything!"

"I dunno. There... was a silencing charm..." Neville started.

"He slashed at her!" Luna said.

"Purple flames and it was Dolohov," Neville stammered. Snape looked ominously at Poppy and then Albus.

"Leave!" He growled at the students and immediately began summoning 10 Potions. He and Poppy set to work on the girl. Albus watched carefully.

"Miss Granger is well tended. Harry, I'm afraid, is waiting for me in my office." Albus passed Minerva and put a comforting hand on her shoulder as she observed Hermione. "Come, Minerva. Your Gryffindors need their House Head. Fetch Filius as well.

"What do you think, Severus?" Poppy said as she began several healing spells. Hermione had a lot of internal bruising, broken ribs, and a fractured sternum, but no outward sign of injury.

"Not specifically. Dolohov appears to have used some sort of augmented crushing curse," Snape said as he began handing Poppy potion after potion.

After about an hour, Poppy ran another series of diagnostics on the girl. Granger showed slow healing. "She will recover," Poppy said confidently. "She will need a lot of rest, and many potions, Severus."

"10 a day would be adequate," Severus said.

Poppy nodded and looked at him. "You have the stock?"

"Not enough at the moment, but I will brew it. I assure you," He said.

Poppy nodded and moved away from the bed to fetch blankets for the girl. Snape looked at Granger. She looked so young and small and frail against the stark whiteness of the hospital sheets. Granger was a good person, a loyal friend to rush into such a situation. She was too young to know this kind of pain. They all were. His heart twisted as he realized that this incident and experience would take much of her innocence. It will traumatize her, as it had the other students that had been with her. He saw the trauma on Longbottom's face and Lovegood's face.

He turned and schooled his features as he watched Poppy tuck in Granger. She looked at him and clicked her tongue. "You cannot hide from me, boy. I know you've got a heart in there. I saw how you looked at Mr. Longbottom, and Miss Lovegood. It's okay to care about the welfare of your students, Severus. Of all people, you know the costs of war."

"They should not," He said firmly as he glanced at Granger again. It was unsettling to see her so still. She looked even more childlike and the reality that she could've died, that they all could have died, him nauseous.

"She will recover, Severus. They all will," She said. "Except..."

Snape looked at her intensely. "What is it?"

"Sirius... Was killed..." She said through thick emotion.

Severus blinked several times as the words settled on his being. _Sirius Black was killed. _He turned and walked from the room, cloak billowing behind him, and headed toward the dungeons to set his potions to brew. The news of Sirius' death settled on his soul oddly. The two men detested each other for over twenty years, yet now Severus felt himself sickened at the fact the man had been murdered. Another person had died because of the prophecy he had relayed while he had paced anxiously at Hogwarts doing nothing. How many more people would die because of him? Instead of him?

Shaking the strange sort of guilt off by pulling his shields firmly into place, Snape occupied himself with brewing potions that Granger would need for her recovery, desperate for any distraction from war and its casualities.

**"The problem with surviving was that you ended up with the ghosts of everyone you'd ever left behind riding on your shoulders." ~ The Drowned Cities**


	14. Chapter 14

On the last day of term, there was a quiet knock on his classroom door. He looked at the time. It was shortly before the luncheon. "Enter," he said sharply.

Hermione Granger stepped gingerly into his classroom. "Hello, Professor."

"Miss Granger," He said and nodded. "We've no lesson today. I will discuss your lessons with Professor Dumbledore to see if it is necessary to continue them next year."

"I know we haven't got a lesson, sir," She said and stepped further into the room. Her moves were slow and deliberate. "Madam Pomfrey said you made the Potions...? That you made enough for me to finish healing at home, sir?"

"I am the Potions Master at this school. I would think that obvious, Miss Granger," He said in a bored tone.

She gave him a small smile. "Right. Well, thank you, Professor Snape. Have you got any summer holiday plans?"

Small talk irritated Snape. He looked up at her with narrowed eyes. "Might I remind you of my position in this war?"

Her face dropped and her eyes moved to the floor. "Of course. Sorry, sir."

He looked at her. "_What, _Miss Granger?"

"Is there anything I might do over the summer? Perhaps work I can do, Occlumency practice, or potions I can brew?"

"You planned on brewing where...?" Snape asked lowly.

"12 Grimmauld Place was left to Harry in Sirius' will. The Order are moving back there. I will probably stay much of the summer there. It has a private lab."

Snape thought for a moment. Who was he to deny a student the desire to continue learning and perfecting her craft. "Occlumency and Legilimency can be practiced with Potter. As unsuccessful as it would probably be, Weasley could benefit from such knownledge as well... Should he prove remotely capable."

Hermione looked at him.. "Yes, sir."

Severus walked to a bookshelf in his room and stared at it for a long moment before pulling one from the shelf. It was titled "Intermediate Healing: A Guide to Charms, Potions, and Antidotes." Handing her the book, he said, "This should suffice should you find time."

She smiled at the book. "Thank you, Professor Snape."

He winced when he thought of the cost of the various ingredients in that book. "Miss Granger... the storage unit down the hall, the one you've been thieving from throughout your years here at Hogwarts..."

She blushed furiously and looked away from him. She had been taking ingredients from that storage closet for years, but she hadn't realized he'd been so acutely aware.

He continued, undeterred by her embarrassment, "I will arrange the wards so that you will be able to summon the ingredients necessary for the potions in that textbook."

She shook her head and said, "But, don't you have to fund the stores?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Absolutely not. If I did, I certainly would ward the door more effectively."

She smiled. "I might have guessed. I should get going. The luncheon will start soon."

"Indeed," He said and turned away from her to finishing cleaning his desk off for the summer.

"Professor Snape?" He looked at her once more. "Thank you. For the Potions."

"It is my job, Miss Granger. Nothing more."

"Exactly," She said and left.

About a half an hour later, Severus walked out of his classroom only to be greeted by Albus.

"Severus, my boy," Albus said. His tone told Severus that whatever the old man was going to say, he wouldn't like it.

"Headmaster," Snape grumbled as he walked next to the older wizard toward the Great Hall.

"How do you feel Miss Granger progressed in her lessons this school year?"

"Adequately," He said curtly.

"I would assume that translates to exceptionally?" Albus chuckled. "I feel you should most definitely continue the lessons next school year. After the incident at the Ministry, I fear we are now on a slippery slope to all out war. You will be staying at Headquarters this summer, Severus."

Snape snapped his head toward his employer. "Absolutely not."

"It wasn't a question," Albus said firmly.

"I have a home."

"Yes, a home that Death Eaters know about. This is for your protection."

"The only protection I need is from you and your idiotic plans," Snape seethed.

"Come now, Severus. You will be able to assist Miss Granger in her quest to help Harry master Occlumency. You will be able to help Ron Weasley as well."

"Those fools are _beyond _help," Snape growled. "I will stay at _my _home."

"I am not asking, Severus. You will be called to many meetings this summer, I fear, and it is imperative we have you under the same roof should you need aid."

"I can take care of myself!" Snape hissed.

"Of that, I have no doubt, but this is for the best. I will be staying there as well as Minerva, and Remus," Albus added.

"Brilliant," Severus said angrily.

"Come now, surely you can think of worse company."

"Only if Black and Potter were still living," Severus spit out bitterly.

"It's unwise to speak ill of the dead, my boy," Albus warned lowly.

"I don't care, Dumbledore. You ask too much."

"Yet I will ask more," Albus said heavily. "You agreed."

"I agreed to _what _exactly?" Snape said as Albus pulled him into an empty classroom, and then warded and silenced the door. "I agreed to protect Harry Potter. Haven't I done that? I agreed to spy on the Dark Lord. Haven't I done that?"

Albus looked at Snape worriedly. "You are stressed."

"Of _course _I am stressed! I've done what you've asked of me and more. When I swore allegiance to you, I did not believe that would include moving into Sirius Black's home, or teaching three curriculums to a student to prepare her for a bloody war! You ask too much!"

"Severus... You swore to me you would do _anything._"

Severus looked at him. The hurt and total disbelief was apparent on the dark haired man's face. "Tell me...Which master is more cruel: the one that tortures me physically or the one that tortures me emotionally? I simply cannot tell."

With that, Snape stormed out of the classroom, slamming the door open. Several students walking toward the Great Hall jumped at the sight of the Potions Professor. Sensing and seeing his anger, they practically ran from him. He stalked into the hall and sat silently at the Head Table with a furious scowl on his face that would, probably, send even Voldemort running the other way.

**"When you know what a man wants you know who he is, and how to move him." ~ A Storm Of Swords**


	15. Chapter 15

Severus was no stranger to depression and loneliness, but that summer at Grimmauld Place amplified those emotions tenfold. Most of it was self imposed as he stayed in his room almost entirely. He'd read nearly every book in Black's pathetic excuse for a library twice, and he was still quite angry with Albus. Usually, in the summers, the staff that gathered occasionally would have a decent enough time for Severus, but now his prideful ways prevented him from even that little socializing.

He'd also outright refused to work with Granger over the summer almost entirely. Granger didn't seem to mind the distance or independence she was given. If she had minded, he knew she'd be knocking on his door. By the end of July, he'd only spoken with her once about Occlumency and checked the progress of her shields. Truthfully, her mind was safe. Perhaps only Lord Voldemort, Albus, or Severus could break her walls and even then, it would take significant energy, effort, and force.

Potter, according to Granger, had made decent progress in his own Occlumency shields, and Weasley, also according to Granger, was not a total failure at it either. He was sure she was speaking too highly of the pair of them, but he had no intention of ever checking for himself.

Very late one night at the end of July, after a particular unpleasant Death Eater meeting, Severus was in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place taking shots of Old Ogden's Firewhiskey in between healing broken knuckles on both of his hands. Healing the right hand was far more painful than the left because his hand wasn't as steady or confident. Suddenly, he heard a fairly heated argument down the hall. He heard Granger and Weasley going back and forth, but couldn't quite make out what it is that was said. He heard footsteps approaching the kitchen and saw a flash of ginger hair go by the door in a flurry.

Hearing nothing else, he assumed Granger must've followed Weasley. He'd figured she had been interested in Weasley because of how she stared at him, but the dunderhead was too thick to notice. Teenage romances were fickle. Usually anyway.

Taking another swig of whiskey, Snape examined his bruised, swollen, but no longer broken knuckles. They'd turned all sorts of purple and red even after applying bruising salves. Grabbing the whiskey bottle and turning toward the door, he caught sight of Granger in the door. She was teary-eyed and looked at him in embarrassment.

"Did you hear all that, Professor Snape?"

"No," He said firmly as he placed the bottle back in the cabinet quickly. Flexing his hands, he moved to the door.

"I just don't understand why he doesn't _get _things..." She said and Snape stared at her in confusion. "I wish I could just go back and never like him at all."

"Surely you're not having this conversation with _me," _He said lowly.

She wiped at her eyes. "Right. Sorry, sir." She sounded hurt and a bit angry.

He looked at her. Dealing with crying students was not something he was good at, and he was less good after several shots of whiskey, but she looked so hurt. Sighing heavily, he said, "It is the heart that does the choosing, Miss Granger."

Her eyes moved to his face, but his were focused on the door above her head. He was taking deep breaths, and he said finally, "Often against one's better judgment."

She stared at him as he moved passed her and walked down the hall and up the stairs. He was furious with himself for his weakness in comforting her, though it was a rather uneventful thing. As he sat on the edge of his bed after locking and warding the door, he thought about what he'd said, and what she had said.

Would he go back, like she desired to do, and never fall for Lily? Perhaps. It certainly would've spared him an awful lot of grief, and manipulation, but was the person he'd be without her, without ever knowing any semblance of friendship or love, someone he would want to be? Probably not, he admitted to himself. That man would have been dark and only dark, without a chance at any redemption.

Whatever he had felt for Lily, it wasn't mature love. Childlike obsession that only a child from a neglectful and abusive home was capable. He'd certainly grieved the loss of her, first as a friend, and then as someone who'd died, but the guilt of having played such a large role in her death had controlled him for nearly the entirety of his adult life.

Nothing he ever did assuaged that guilt. No matter how many times he saved Harry Potter, how many times he helped thwart the Dark Lord, or how many times he relayed crucial information to Albus Dumbledore about the Dark Lord's plans or knowledge, he felt the terrible guilt so rooted in his very soul all the time.

He _had _loved Lily, in the only way he'd known how. Against his better judgement, Snape had fallen for her. He knew he didn't stand a real chance. Lily was well out of his league and totally uninterested in him that way. Still, he fill. Though now he held no illusions about the status of her, she was dead, he still loved her in a way that you continue to love someone you've lost. Not actively, but continuously and in memorial. While his romantic affections had never been returned, her friendly affections had been a light in all of his darkness then, and now, he owed it to her to atone, to help her orphaned son, to defeat the vile dark creature that had murdered her.

In ways, he relished the punishment he received at the hands of the Dark Lord. It was but a small price to pay in the scheme of things, recognizing that Lily had died. Severus worked tirelessly to satisfy the terrible omnipresent guilt he felt over her death, but nothing calmed it. Except, temporarily, whiskey, and so, pulling a bottle from his bags, he drank until he was numb and could finally sleep.

**"If a criminal was once a saint a saint was once a criminal, then who is the criminal who is the saint?" ~ The Tree with a Thousand Apples**


	16. Chapter 16

After arriving in Dumbledore's office, Snape knew immediately that something very serious had occurred because Dumbledore's wrinkled old face was more solemn than he'd seen it in many years.

Seeing Dumbledore's blackened and decaying hand, Snape quickly set to work to slow the curse's spread. Albus drank the potion Snape provided, and the younger wizard looked at Dumbledore a bit helplessly. Despite their tense relationship, Albus had been a constant presence in Severus' life for over two decades, and both wizards recognized the prognosis of such a curse.

"Why, Albus?"

"I was a fool," Albus said softly. He was vulnerable, and it was unlike him.

"I've contained the curse to your hand. For now. It will spread."

"About how long would you estimate I have?" Albus inquired. There was a strange curiousity in his tone.

Severus looked at the man's hand. "Maybe a year."

"It was a Horcrux."

Snape looked at Albus seriously. "_What?_"

"As was Riddle's diary..."

"You're certain?"

Albus nodded and was quiet for a moment. The reality of what had occurred, and what would occur, hit Severus like a train. Horcruxes. How many? He was both furious and terrified. Horcruxes were not part of the plan. Dumbledore's death had _never _been part of the plan. Dumbledore _was _the plan. He orchestrated everything. He knew everything. Severus stood, dizzily, and turned to leave.

"Don't walk away from me, Severus," Albus said in a slightly pleading tone. Snape stopped, but did not turn back around. "Perhaps it is for the best. We both know that Lord Voldemort has ordered the Malfoy boy to murder me."

Now, Severus turned around very slowly. "You intend to let Draco do it?"

Dumbeldore scoffed. "Certainly not. You must be the one to kill me, Severus."

Snape stood frozen. To say he was stunned would be a massive understatement. His black eyes moved over Albus' aged face. Instinctively, Severus turned cold. "Now?" He drawled.

Albus smiled, and Severus felt suddenly quite sick. "Good things come to those who wait, my dear boy. I would assume, however, that should Draco fail, Lord Voldemort would turn to you to finish the task?"

Severus swallowed. He'd known, or assumed, but hadn't fully realized that truth. "I believe that would be his plan."

"Only then would he trust you completely."

"If your life means so little to you, why not let Draco do it?"

"The boy's soul is not yet so damaged."

Snape was offended. "And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?!"

"You know whether or not it would damage your soul to help an old man achieve a merciful death? I must say, I'd prefer you to other Death Eaters who prefer to play with their food..."

Snape said nothing. He merely stared at Dumbledore completely dumbfounded. They were arranging Albus' death, his murder, that Severus would do it, and Albus was talking about it as if it were some sort of joke. Murder would tear Severus' soul... Regardless of intent.

"Severus..." Albus said. His voice had changed, and Snape looked at him with wide eyes. The older man's voice was soft and broken. "Forgive me."

Then, the emotional dominoes fell inside Severus' chest. "Forgive you!? Are you mad?!"

"No. I am not mad, Severus. Please," Albus gestured with his blackened hand. "Sit." Unable to do anything at that point but obey, Severus sat once more. "I have failed you, Severus. A million times in a million ways. Whatever you think of me, however tense things have been between us, I do hope you know that I care for you."

Severus shook his head and gritted his teeth. "Don't you dare, Albus. You've asked me to assassinate you, and now you tell me that you _care _about me? Surely you are the sickest man I've ever met."

"It's mercy," Albus tried to explain.

"No. It's murder. Who says I can even do it? I've never done it before, Albus," Severus said angrily. "Not all Death Eaters have that particular notch in their belt. Never really been necessary for me thus far."

Albus watched Snape as he struggled with his emotions. "I am sorry, Severus."

"Don't apologize," Snape snapped.

"Severus... There's more..."

"Fucking hell," Severus muttered. "More than murdering you? What is it now?"

"There will come a time when Harry Potter must be told something, but you must wait until Voldemort is at his most vulnerable."

Snape flinched again at the use of the name, and growled, "Must be told what exactly?"

"On the night that the Dark Lord went to Godric's Hollow to kill Harry, and Lily Potter cast herself in the way, the curse rebounded." Severus looked at Dumbledore intently as he spoke, hanging on every word. The wheels in the professor's eyes were spinning wildly. "The rebounded curse struck the Dark Lord, and a part of his fragmented soul latched itself onto the only living thing it could find..."

"No," Severus breathed.

"Harry himself," Albus finished quietly.

"No!" Snape yelled.

"I think he suspects it himself..."

"You... He... We..." Snape stammered.

"We have always known it would come down to a final confrontation between Harry and Voldemort," Albus said heavily.

"The only way to destroy the Horcrux inside of him..."

"He must die. I believe there are seven total horcruxes. Harry needs to be the last one in that final confrontation. Only then can Voldemort truly die."

"He... the boy must die?"

"And Voldemort himself must do it. _That _is essential."

Snape's stomach threatened to empty itself then and there. The boy must die by the Dark Lord's wand. That's how it ends. "You've used me. You've lied to me. I've spied for you, lied for you, gone above and beyond for you, put myself in mortal danger for you... All of it was to keep Lily's son safe. Now... Now... You've been raising him like a pig for slaughter!"

"Don't tell me now that you've come to care for the boy?" Albus said and raised an eyebrow.

"For him?" Severus said angrily. He pulled his ebony wand from his sleeve and pointed it at Dumbledore's desk. "Expecto Patronum!" The beautiful silvery doe appeared on the desk, stared at Dumbledore, then Snape, and bounded out the stained glass window.

"Lily..." Dumbledore said softly. There were tears in his eyes when he looked back at Severus. "After all this time?"

"Always," said Snape.

"Still?" Albus said with wonder.

"I loved her, Albus. You knew this. You have always known this. You've held it over me for 20 years. More than that, I owe her."

"Oh, Severus... I fear I have ruined your life."

"I did that well enough by myself," Severus grumbled.

"I didn't help."

"No," Severus said bitterly. "You didn't." Snape stood and walked toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Perhaps to throw myself off the Astronomy Tower. Perhaps to quit my job and go into hiding. Perhaps to plot a murder. Perhaps to drink myself in oblivion. I have yet to decide..." Snape said dryly as the door shut behind him.

**"I want to tear myself from this place, from this reality, rise up like a cloud and float away, melt into this humid summer night and dissolve somewhere far, over the hills. But I am here, my legs blocks of concrete, my lungs empty of air, my throat burning. There will be no floating away." ~ The Kite Runner**


	17. Chapter 17

After making the Unbreakable Vow to protect Draco and to assist him in his task, Severus' stress level had reached an all time high. He was more fearsome to students than he'd ever been, and had even less patience.

He tried in his lessons with Hermione to not project his stress onto her as she had enough of her own and, truthfully, she'd been the only person who'd shown him genuine kindness. Except, perhaps, Minerva. It helped that Hermione very rarely made mistakes, but Severus was caught off guard when she turned and looked at him plainly.

"What have you been asked to do now, sir?" She said. When he raised an eyebrow in feigned ignorance, she crossed her arms across her chest as her potion simmered. "You're very stressed, Professor Snape. Much more so than usual."

"_That _is none of your business," He warned.

"I can tell there's something wrong, sir," She said, completely undeterred by his warning. "It seems like there's something wrong with everyone, really. Everyone's tense and on edge."

"War is coming, Miss Granger," He said icily.

"We've been working together for over a year now. I know that you've a horribly stressful role in this war, and that you're ping ponged between two manipulative, in their own rights, masters."

"Miss Granger," He said and the warning tone was firmer. "We are _not _friends." Her perception was unnerving as usual.

"Of course not, sir. You are my teacher, and I am your student, but here, in these moments... We are more like... partners in this quest to win the war, I suppose," She said. "I feel like we are on the same side, like teammates."

Snape, who had never had someone vocalize any loyalty at all to him, was shocked at her words. She had said the words fairly easily, and he narrowed his eyes. "Miss Granger, you are walking on very thin ice."

"I just hope you know, sir, that you can trust me. I just hope you know that you are not in this alone," She said and looked at him seriously.

"Trust you?" He scoffed at the notion.

She grew angry. "Yes, sir. Trust _me."_

"What are you, Miss Granger? Sixteen?" He drawled lazily. The age he'd been when he'd been rejected and abandoned. He couldn't do it again.

"Seventeen, sir," She quipped.

"A child, still," He said.

She ground her teeth. "A child you've been preparing for a bloody war. You've treated me as an adult, an equal, in these lessons. I'm just trying to be supportive of you as you have been for me."

"I've done no such thing," He growled. He _loathed _being called out on anything, let alone any shred of kindness he showed anyone.

"You have taught me more in the last year than anyone ever has. You've been tactful in your approach and demeanor. You've been kind, by your standards, and you've been endlessly patient with my questions," She said. It was clear she was frustrated with him.

"We _are not _friends," He repeated.

"I know!" She growled at him. "Sir. But we're in _this _together. I'm trying to show you that I'm an ally, that you're not alone, that we are teammates in _this."_

"Why do you insist on being kind to me?" He asked suddenly, and his eyes widened as if he were surprised the question had fallen from his lips.

"Because you deserve it, sir. Most people do in the end. Plus, I don't think you're truly the person you portray yourself as underneath it all," She smiled slightly and he stiffened. Compliments were so awkward for him.

"You have work to do," He said oddly.

"You don't trust me, sir?" She asked. She sounded hurt and defeated.

He looked at her seriously. "I trust no one."

Her face saddened, and it twisted his heart that she had realized now the world he lived in. His was alone and, usually, chose to keep it that way because he didn't trust anyone.

"My best friend is probably the most important piece in this war. Everything we're doing here is to prepare for war. You've said my mind is safe from outside invasion or influence, yet you still choose to isolate yourself, even after I offer some level of partnership in this?"

"I assure you _that _is not something you will want in the end," He pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back in his chair. She certainly was persistent.

"I trust you, Professor."

"You should not, Miss Granger," He sighed. "Allying yourself to me is not wise. We are here because we have a task. It's business. Nothing more."

"I won't stop believing the best of you, sir. I hope that comforts you." She turned back around and continued making her potion.

He was grateful she was no longer looking at him because he'd been truly touched by her words and was struggling to keep his Occlumency shields in place. She was kind to him, more kind than anyone else had been in many, many years. Young as she was, she was wise beyond her years and capable of a level of discernment that many adults never mastered.

Burying himself in grading, he calmed his emotions. When she brought the bottled viles of Potions, he glanced up at them and then at her. "Adequate. You're dismissed." His black eyes moved back the essay in front of him, but his eyes weren't moving. She stood in front of his desk for a moment, as if contemplating something, and then turned and left.

No matter how he tried, he could not shake her words of loyalty and support. She was sentimental and kind, too much of both really. His thoughts turned dark as he thought about his task, the source of his stress she'd inquired about. Not only would the literal execution of the task devastate her, as well as every other student, for her, it would feel like a collosal betrayal. She trusted Snape. She had seen him as human. Him killing Albus Dumbledore, the beloved Headmaster, would certainly obliterate any trust she had in him. The betrayal would one in a long line of previous betrayals and betrayals yet to come. He'd betrayed her as a teacher already, preparing her for war, and he would betray her again by killing Dumbledore. He'd betray everyone. That fact was more devastating to him than he cared to admit. Another kindness he would repay with cruelty. Such was Snape's life.

**"A life of hardship and personal suffering is unavoidable. A person must endure many humiliations of the mind and body, and expect persons whom they trusted to someday betray them. People inevitably witness the death of their loved ones. We also witness acts of depravity committed by criminals that lurk in every society and rouge acts of scandal committed by government officials in charge of the public welfare. A person must nonetheless resist personal discouragement, sadness, dejection, and despondency. I must reach an accord with pain, suffering, and anguish, or forevermore be tortured by reality while constantly seeking to escape from the inescapable agony of being." ~ Dead Toad Scrolls**


	18. Chapter 18

In early November, Severus was making rounds through the corridors after a Quidditch game. Turning toward the Gryffindor Common Room in hopes of ruining the victory they'd just had, he heard a lot of commotion. Unfortunately, it was coming from inside the Common Room, and it sounded just like cheering, though the cheers he heard he found to be nauseating... "Weasley is our King!"

He passed the portrait and felt the familiar stinging anxiety he always felt as his body and soul remembered begging for Lily's forgiveness on that very spot. The Fat Lady did not so much as look at him after that. Whether that was because she pitied him or hated him, Severus didn't know. He heard the portrait swing open and then shut abruptly. Turning, he saw Hermione Granger walking quickly the down the hall away from him and then turning down a usually disused corridor.

Curious, he followed her. Where would she be going by herself? Preparing to chastise her for wandering off alone, he stopped short when he saw her on a small staircase furiously wiping tears away from her pale cheeks.

"Professor Snape..." She said, clearly embarrassed by his arrival.

Feeling sufficiently embarrassed himself, Snape looked away quickly. "Miss Granger..." Severus struggled to find words. He hated crying children. It always pulled at the small broken boy he'd once been. "What are you doing here alone?"

She whimpered a bit. "I've had a bit of a row with Ron..."

"He seems to make you upset quite often," Severus said knowingly.

"He is upsetting in general," Hermione chuckled a bit.

"Indeed," Severus said. He was relieved she had laughed slightly.

"He's snogging Lavender Brown currently."

Severus visibly flinched at the thought and his stomach turned. He often forgot purposefully how awfully hormonal teenagers were. "The thought is nauseating."

"It _really _is. But... I can't really be mad at him. He's too thick to realize how I feel." She wiped at her eyes again. "I haven't told him. I should have done."

Snape was stiff as a board as he stared at the corridor wall. The words tore from him without his permission, "Regret is my constant companion. Do not let it be yours, Miss Granger."

He fled. Like a child running from a monster under the bed. His cloak billowed behind him. There was no reason Snape had offered her any advice or a slight sense of solidarity. Other professors had done these things a million times with a million students, but never Snape. Sure, Severus could be more human with his own House, but never so with their romances.

Granger's predicament had touched a place deep inside him that he had long ago buried. Who knew better than he the sting of unrequited love? Who knew better than he how it felt to watch the person you cared for not only be with someone else, but be with someone you loathed? Still, he was shocked and embarrassed that he'd discussed anything at all with her. Not only did he offer her advice, but he'd inadvertently revealed things about himself as well. Any other student might have assumed Severus would be talking about the things he did that led to him being a Death Eater, but Granger was too perceptive. She wouldn't think that. She would think what he had intended. Severus remained hidden in his private quarters in self-imposed exile until Albus showed up at his door.

When he saw Albus standing outside his door looking stricken late at night, his heart lurched. "To what do I owe the displeasure?"

"Might I come in, Severus?" The twinkling blue eyes peered over half moon glasses at the dark eyes.

Snape looked Albus over quickly. Despite the serious and solemn look on the old man's face, he appeared to be well. Reluctantly, Severus stepped aside and allowed Albus entrance.

Albus walked to Snape's small kitchen and sat at a chair. "Have you any brandy? Perhaps you still have that bottle I gave to you on your birthday?"

The anxiety pulsed harder through his body. Albus was not much of a drinker, and the request set Snape's teeth on edge. "Brandy?" Snape raised an eyebrow and tried to keep his cool and turned away from Albus briefly.

The younger wizard opened a cabinet and withdrew a bottle of Dragon Barrel Brandy. Summoning two glasses, Severus poured both of them a glass. Handing Albus his, he stepped back and leaned against the cabinet nervously, holding the glass in his hand.

"Thank you," Albus said and took a sip of his glass. His eyes were still closed, savoring the fiery wood aftertaste, when he spoke again. "Please, sit, Severus."

Eyeing the old man, Severus sat after a long moment of hesitation. He had grown to hate conversations with the Headmaster more and more as they'd grown darker, more stressful for Severus, and far more unpleasant. "Your presence is an instant source of stress, Headmaster."

"That is why I am here, my boy," Albus said. The old man cleared his throat. "I've thought long and hard these last few weeks... Truly, I am sorry for how I have treated you, how I have neglected you, and manipulated you. I do see the merit in what you have said to me, and accused of me. That being said, if I could go back, I'd change nothing. Moving forward, however, I see change as a necessity."

Severus narrowed his black eyes and focused on the old man. "What are you talking about?"

"I have manipulated you, Severus, out of necessity. I have isolated you intentionally."

"If this is some pathetic excuse for you to assuage your own guilt, I'll stop you now..." Severus warned.

"No," Albus shook his head. He was quiet for a moment, as if pondering how to proceed. "I had a long talk with Miss Granger the other evening after your lesson. She allowed me to attempt to invade her mind. Her shields are impressive, Severus. That library labyrinth had me in fits."

Severus ground his teeth together. "She has a natural gift unlike I've seen in many years. Not since Minerva."

"Severus, I am weaker now, I know, but I could not find what I wanted in her mind," Albus said knowingly. He peered at Severus once more before taking a sip of his brandy. "Looking into the future, I did not imagine myself surviving the war, but I must admit my impending death has shown me some... oversights."

"Oh, really?" Severus drawled sarcastically.

"Neither of us will be able to relay information to the Order, or Harry Potter, any longer."

"Oh, and why's that? Because you'll be dead, and I'll be hunted?" Severus scowled.

"Unless... We give you an ally."

"No," Severus said.

"You've not even heard me..."

"Absolutely not."

"Do you trust Miss Granger?"

Severus cocker his head and stared at the Headmaster in disbelief. "I trust no one."

"You always say that, but it is untrue. Do you trust her?"

"Not exactly," Severus gritted his molars together.

"Would you trust her with your life?"

"My life has little value to me. I'd trust a drunken whoremonger with it."

Dumbledore ignored Snape's remark. "If we ally Miss Granger to you, you will be able to continue to feed information to both the Order and Harry. She is more than intelligent enough to tactfully drop useful information to the Order, and to sway Harry in the correct direction."

"She's already in enough danger by being his friend," Severus was practically foaming at the mouth.

"This will help you... you won't have to live this way anymore, dear boy."

"At what cost, Dumbledore? You want me to put a child in even more danger? I don't need friends."

"I am not asking you to befriend her. This is business."

"It's people's lives, Albus! Bloody hell!"

"Information from you will be crucial, essential, to their success."

"To their success. Not to their survival," Severus said and nodded a few times. "Leave me."

"We will tell her Monday, or I will," Albus said. "I am not doing this to hurt you, Severus. I truly believe this is for the best."

"Leave," Severus spit. His black eyes burned a hole into Dumbledore's back as the old man left Snape in the quiet of his rooms.

**"This was part of what had made her resist the military: the fact that she could make decisions like this, that she did have a mind for strategy, that people could be so easily become pieces in a game she was determined to win..." ~ The Winner's Curse**


	19. Chapter 19

Severus did something he'd never done in his years as a professor at Hogwarts the next morning. He cancelled all of his classes. Instead of walking into his classroom, he walked into Dumbledore's office.

Albus looked up at him curiously. "I have heard rumors that our Defense teacher cancelled his classes for today?"

"Fire me," Severus growled.

"Nonsense. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, many things, Headmaster. Nothing, though, to which you'd agree."

Albus smirked a bit, and then gestured to the seat across from his desk. "Please, Severus."

Severus sat. "We need to talk."

"I am listening," Albus said.

"Are you? Because I must insist that you do, Albus, that you listen to me now more than you ever have in your life."

Albus heard an unfamiliar quake in Severus' voice, and his blue eyes narrowed in concern. Despite everything, Albus did care about Severus a great deal. Generally, he cared about everyone, but he could not put those relationships above the greater good. "I am listening, Severus," The old man assured the younger wizard.

Severus looked at Albus for a moment. This man was the only man on the planet who had seen the adult Severus without Occlumency shields in place, but now, Severus let them fall. His eyes revealed pain Albus could hardly stand to look at, and the sadness that etched itself into the lines of his face nearly tore Dumbledore's heart to shreds. Snape was quiet for a long moment.

He took a deep breath. "I know that somewhere inside of you, underneath the cold and ruthless commander, that you care for me, for my wellbeing."

Albus nodded and said, "I do."

"When I came to you, all those years ago, and begged you to protect Lily and her family, I swore I would do anything in exchange for her protection. I did anything I could. I did what I could as best as I could. I loved her, Albus..." His voice cracked a bit at the admission. He had never really admitted it aloud. "She died anyway. In my life, she was the only person whom I could trust, and the only person that was kind to me."

Albus' eyes were stinging, but he focused on Severus as the man spoke. It was so unlike the younger man to be so transparent.

"After she was killed, I then swore to do anything I could possibly do to protect her son in her honor. I have done that. Now, you tell me that he will die anyway," Severus said quietly. "I have thought long and hard about what you "offered" yesterday, and I cannot agree to it. The people that I try the hardest to help and to save end up dying regardless. I have enough guilt on my conscience. I have enough blood on my hands. I cannot bear any more."

The words hung between the two wizards in tense heaviness. Albus stared at Severus with an intensity that would have made Voldemort himself squirm, but Severus merely sat there.

Finally, Albus spoke. "I understand how you feel, Severus. Truly, I do. You might think that the decisions I make are easy for me to make, but I assure you that they are not. Putting the war above people that I love and care for is something that causes me great pain, and my soul is weighed down with guilt and sadness." A single tear fell from the old man's eye. "It is because of that that I cannot allow you to walk through this war alone. It is essential that you have at least one ally, and I believe that Miss Granger is the most sensible option in all regards."

"You would condemn her to die, then? Just like that?" Severus asked accusingly.

"Not at all. I intend for both of you to survive."

"You really are a fool, then, Albus. I signed my death certificate on that windy hilltop years ago."

"I do not believe that to be true, Severus. You are a powerful and skilled wizard, as is Miss Granger, despite her young age. You will be able to help protect her, and Harry Potter, and the Order. I do also believe that Minerva should know as well. After you kill me..."

"You take a great deal for granted," Severus spat angrily. "You won't listen to me, or respect my wishes, yet you expect that _small _service of me."

Albus shook his head. "That's quite enough, Severus. After you kill me, I do not anticipate Harry Potter returning to school for his seventh year. Where Harry goes, Hermione and Ronald follow. It is most logical that you have both Minerva, who will remain at Hogwarts and in the Order, and Miss Granger, who will remain at Mister Potter's side, as allies. You will need them after the war as well, when you are clearing your name and establishing your true reputation."

Severus looked furious. "I intend to die in this war, Albus."

Albus looked deeply hurt by Snape's statement. "Why?"

"I have _nothing _left to live for."

"Severus..."

"I failed to protect Lily. I failed to protect her son. I will fail to protect his best friend. I will fail to protect Minerva."

"That's not the right attitude to have, my boy," Albus chastised him gently.

"You would go against my wishes and tell them?"

"I believe it in everyone's best interest, so yes."

"You swore to me that you would not reveal this..."

"I have no intention of revealing your motives. Just your task. I swore to never reveal the best of you, and I will honor that."

"Ah. Yes. Table scraps. Lovely," Severus said and stood abruptly. "When will you tell them?"

"Tonight. I must ask that you join us."

"Absolutely not," Severus said and his face flushed. "I have had enough humiliation to last me the rest of my miserable life."

"It's not really a request you can refuse, Severus."

"It never is," Severus growled.

**"Good and Evil are opposite points on a circle, Dr. Chiver. Greater good is just halfway back to Bad." ~ The Dress Lodger**


	20. Chapter 20

Intentionally late, and a wee bit drunk, Severus slammed open the Headmaster's door that evening.

"Professor Snape. How nice of you to finally join us," Albus said and glared at him over his half moon glasses.

Minerva and Granger were already seated across from Albus, with a spare chair next to Minerva for Severus. Severus eyed it, glanced briefly at Minerva and Granger, and then leaned unceremoniously against the wall. Crossing his arms, he scowled.

"As I was saying," Albus began and looked back at Minerva and Hermione. "You two are well aware of Professor Snape's role in this war." Both witches nodded and glanced at Severus, who was staring furiously at Albus. "It has become clear that the war is coming, and coming quickly. Professor Snape must act in such a way that makes Voldemort trust him completely, and, while the rest of the world will believe him a traitor and a fully-fledged Death Eater, the two of you will know otherwise. It is imperative Voldemort trust him, that he make our Professor Snape his right hand man."

Severus' glare intensified. There was pure hatred behind his coal black eyes.

"How do you intend for him to do that?" Minerva asked worriedly.

"Murder," Severus said angrily. His dark eyes never left Albus' face.

Hermione and Minerva laughed uncomfortably. Minerva scoffed. "Come now. Be serious."

The heavy silence that followed Minerva's request wiped away any perceived humor in the situation. Both witches paled considerably and looked horrified.

"Surely not! There must be some other way," Minerva stammered.

Albus shook his head and looked grim. "I am afraid there is not."

There was a long silence again. Severus said nothing. Albus said nothing. Hermione and Minerva tried to process.

"Murder whom?" Minerva asked nervously.

"Why, me, of course," Albus said with a strange smile.

Minerva snapped her emerald eyes toward Albus and exclaimed, "What?!"

But Granger wasn't looking at Dumbledore, and she wasn't looking at McGonagall. Her teary eyes were focused on Snape, her mentor, who had been asked, and apparently agreed, to sacrifice his very soul for this war. Feeling her eyes on him, Snape pulled his arms tighter in across his chest and turned his body more in toward the wall away from them. No alcohol would've ever been enough to numb him from this experience.

Holding up his blackened hand, Albus smiled gently. "It's going to happen regardless. I have a target on my back anyway. It was placed there by Voldemort at the beginning of the year. They are after me. This way allows Severus to solidify his position within their ranks. He would never be questioned or doubted again."

"You... You're..." Minerva stumbled for words. "You've agreed to this madness, Severus?" All formal pretenses for the sake of the student were dropped.

"I would not say that exactly," Severus said and glared at Albus.

"Severus gave me his word," Albus said curtly.

Minerva looked curiously between the two wizards. "And what word was that exactly?"

Albus looked at Minerva for a moment. His eyes narrowed and he looked as if he were contemplating telling Minerva the entire truth.

"Albus..." Severus said and bristled.

Albus helped up a hand toward Severus. "The exact verbiage is inconsequential. Needless to say, Severus has agreed to do this as a mercy to me. Better he than, say, Bellatrix."

Severus leaned one shoulder back against the wall and relaxed a fraction. "Indeed."

"And when he does, he will need people to communicate with, and to which he can relay information. And, after the war, he will need allies to help establish his true loyalties. Miss Granger, I do not foresee you leaving our Harry's side, and Minerva, I do not foresee you abandoning our school. Severus will need each of you, but you must be very careful. Obviously, no one, absolutely no one, can know of his true loyalty. Doing so not only puts him at greater risk, but it also puts both of you in grave danger."

"Why... Why are you telling us?" Minerva asked.

"Severus deserves allies, whether he feels that to be true or not," Albus said plainly. "Miss Granger, you've been awfully quiet. Are you all right, my dear girl?"

Snape glanced at the girl. She was quite pale and looked very sad. She nodded her head, and Albus stared at her for a moment, but didn't push her. "What questions do you have?" Albus asked. He was looking specifically at Hermione.

She looked from Albus to Severus, and then her eyes settled on her lap. "What happens after he..."

Albus chuckled slightly at her hesitation. "You stay with Harry. Wherever he goes no matter what he says." His eyes were twinkling again as he peered at her.

"No... I mean... Professor Snape?" She spoke directly toward him and he turned toward her slightly. "What happens to you? After you... Will it tear your soul even if it's arranged?"

"Yes," Severus said. "Murder is a crime against nature, Miss Granger."

"Have you ever..." Minerva hesitated and Severus scowled.

"No, Minerva," He snapped coldly. "I have done many things, but murder is not one of them."

"Tearing your soul, sir... What will that do to you?"

"I haven't the slightest idea, Miss Granger. It was one of the things I had hoped to avoid in my life. I suppose I will find out soon enough."

"What will happen to us? To the students? To Hogwarts?"

Snape's face darkened considerably, but he could not lie to the girl who had been thrown in his own personal hell. "The Dark Lord believes that, following the untimely death of its current Headmaster, he will be able to seize control of Hogwarts."

"And you will be Headmaster?" The young witch asked.

"That is, I believe, his plan," Snape said slowly. He pulled his eyes away from her stricken expression and focused on the floor once again.

The room was quiet once again. The reality of the conversation thickened as each second ticked by, and Severus grew more and more anxious. He'd never considered bringing anyone else "in" to his hellhole, and now that Albus had, he was in a position to be rejected, or betrayed. Again.

"I will stand by you, Severus," Minerva said and looked at him. Her eyes were red and glassy. Granger nodded her assent fervently next to her Professor.

For the first time since he had turned against the Dark Lord, Severus felt like he had true allies. Albus had never been a real ally because Severus knew and had always known that being a spy was an expendable position should things come to that. Though Albus could have had far more tact in his approach about allies, Severus was a bit grateful nonetheless.

**"While one can love an irresponsible friend or a person with character flaws, alliances are built on respect, the responsibilities which arise out of that and knowing that together we can be stronger." ~ Naked Determination**


	21. Chapter 21

At their next lesson a few days later, Severus seemed very unfocused. While she waited in between brewing steps, she looked at him briefly. His cheeks were gaunt, there were black bruise like markings under his eyes, and his hair looked more stringy than usual. Truthfully, he looked ill. He seemed to be trembling a bit. She didn't think it was possible for him to look thinner, but he did.

As she turned back to brew, she asked, "Are you all right, sir?"

"How many times must I remind you, Miss Granger, that we are _not _friends?" He grumbled as he went back to grading.

"Right. I'm just responsible for keeping your secret loyalty and arranged murder plan safe. Heaven forbid I ask about your wellbeing."

"Don't..." He said suddenly. The tone in his voice changed. He sounded broken. "Don't use that against me. I did not ask to do this. On the contrary, I explicitly asked to _not _do this."

She turned to look at him. He was sitting very stiffly and staring at the essay in front of him with unseeing eyes. "You don't have to do this, Professor Snape. This... Professor Dumbledore has asked far too much of you. You do not have to do this. We can try to find another way, sir. I'm certain we can. I know Professor McGonagall will help."

He did not look at her, or even appear to blink. "There's no other way." He was hollow.

"There's always another way," She tried to assure him.

Suddenly, his left hand was unbuttoning his right sleeve. He pulled his thick wool sleeve down to his elbow and showed her his wrist and forearm. She walked over to inspect it closer. There were thin red lines wound around the base of his hand, his wrist, and his forearm. She'd seen them before, but couldn't place them. Then, she realized what they were and gasped.

"You've made the Unbreakable Vow?" She asked. "Harry said you had, said he overheard you talking to Draco, but we didn't believe him..."

He pulled his sleeve back down, covering his thin arm once more, and began to button the cuff. He was very quiet and his face was solemn.

"So, you either die, or tear your soul?"

He looked at her. Never had anyone put it in such terms before, and it rattled him. "Yes."

"What kind of deal is _that_?" She asked angrily and crossed her arms. She turned back to her cauldron. He could sense her anger in her silence. He had no idea what to say to her, or how to proceed, so he said nothing and merely tried to grade.

"You don't have to do this," She said again. "There are loopholes all over the place in magic. We can find one in this."

"There is no other way," He said. "Dumbledore made sure of that."

She frowned deeply. "Do all of his decisions come at your expense?"

"All of his decisions come at someone else's expense," Snape said darkly.

She looked at him closely. "I'm sorry, Professor Snape."

He shook his head bitterly. "This decision to bring you in to keep me loyal, disguised as giving me allies, has come at your expense. At McGonagall's expense. The burden of the truth is heavy."

"Whatever he is, Professor Dumbledore was right that you deserve allies," She said softly. There was a tenderness in her voice that set him on edge.

"I'm not a project, Miss Granger. I've been walking this line for your entire life. You've been burdened with the truth, and it will very likely get you killed. The faster you realize that, the sooner you'll understand how pointless any type of conversation with me is."

Her face hardened at his words. He was defensive and distant again. The man was a rollercoaster. "What's he have on you anyway?"

Snape furrowed his brow and his black eyes fluttered dangerously. "_What?_"

"Professor Dumbledore. Surely he must have something on you to make you do these things."

"You know nothing, you foolish Gryffindor," He said angrily. "I am here of my own accord." His eyes were sparkling in a way that made the dark and brooding man look even more terrifying.

Still, she didn't find herself deterred."Foolish Gryffindor? I guess I've just never seen a Slytherin do anything selfless." She stood up straight. She'd long since lost her personal fear of Snape.

He bared his teeth and stood up from behind his desk. Leaning over, he hissed, "Mind your tongue, girl."

The corner of her lip twitched. Her magic crackled across her skin. Her face set in defiance. Then, suddenly, it relaxed. "You're afraid." Her statement had him reeling. His guard dropped for a moment and she saw all of Severus Snape. It was brief, so fleeting, but the fear on the man's face was painfully apparent. He was terrified, stressed to the max, and hurting.

Pulling his shields back, he looked at her and took a deep breath. "I am human, Miss Granger."

"I'm scared, too." Her voice was quiet, and a bit shaky.

He studied her for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was bitter and broken. "People such as yourself end up okay in times such as this. Your side is the winning side."

"With all due respect, sir, Harry's parents would've been 'people like me.'" His face darkened considerably at her statement, and Hermione was thrown by the dangerous look he was now wearing. She pressed. "As would have Neville's. And Cedric. And Sirius. War doesn't know winners and losers. Only survivors do."

He looked away from her toward the wall. His jaw was twitching. "I will not know about it either way, Miss Granger. Your lesson this afternoon is at an end."

"You don't... Intend to survive?"

"If you think this has a happy ending for me, Miss Granger, then you have not been paying attention," He growled at her.

"But Professor Dumbledore said you'd need help after the war..."

"Professor Dumbledore says a lot of things, girl. Usually, the things he says are vastly different than the things he does. You'll do well to remember that. Leave," He said. A muscle under his eye twitched.

She'd meant to assure him, but had only served to stress him further. Grabbing her bag, she turned back to look at him once more. "At least you're not alone in this anymore, sir. I can't imagine how horrifyingly lonely and scary that would have been. You might not think so now, Professor Snape, but I think it's for the best that someone knows. Even if it's a know-it-all student and your rival House Head."

"Bloody sentimental Gryffindors. Be gone," He said and waved toward the door roughly.

Her words bounced around in his head long after she'd gone. Perhaps it was for the best, even if the girl was absolutely infuriating, and even if Minerva might drive him insane even before Dumbledore could manage it. Facing the uncertainty and danger of the future entirely alone would be far more dangerous than having just two allies. But positivity wasn't natural to Snape, and soon he turned sour. Two allies or two hundred allies wouldn't make it turn out differently for him in the end. Truthfully, he wouldn't have wanted it to in the end. There would be no place for Severus Snape in a post war world - no matter which side ended up victorious. Still.. It would be comforting to not be alone even if it didn't change things.

**"Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post****." ~ A Song of Ice and Fire**


	22. Chapter 22

In May, Snape and Granger began to meet on Tuesday evenings in addition to meeting on Thursday afternoons. Severus was increasingly demanding and impatient. Hermione, though, did not push back at him because she knew he was trying to give her as much as he possibly could before his task would prevent him from doing so.. At least directly.

After a particularly difficult anti-venin, Hermione turned to Snape. "What is this? It's not normal snake venom."

"_That _is the anti-venin for the Dark Lord's snake," He said. His voice was low, and his words were carefully chosen.

"Nagini?" Hermione's eyes widened. Snape shivered at the name. Despite being a Slytherin, he hated snakes, and he hated _that _particular snake quite a lot. He nodded. "Then... You made this. You gave this to Mister Weasley. You... Saved his life."

His dark eyes looked away from her to the vials and he scribbled across the label silently.

"But.. How did you get the venom?" She asked curiously.

"You ask far too many questions for your own good," He said stiffly as he finished labeling the last vial. "I do not know what you will need as the war begins, Miss Granger, but I must show you something that will be of great necessity for you when the time comes." She narrowed her eyes and followed him to his store. Opening the door, he said, "I've charmed a false door behind this shelf."

Stepping to the door, she sensed the magic wards shifting as it recognized him. Opening the other door that appeared, he allowed her to enter before him. She glanced around and her mouth fell open. Inside the store, two years of work lined the shelves. There were nearly endless supplies of all kinds of potions. Some of them were his that he had brewed for her, labeled, and put into the store, but nearly all of them were hers.

"You... Kept them?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Obviously."

"I thought you tossed them."

"That would be asinine," He said and moved out of the small storage closet.

"The wards will recognize me?"

He stopped and stood stiffly. "I can adjust them to recognize your magic."

She looked at his back curiously. He was standing oddly in the larger storage unit. His hands were balled loosely at his sides. "I know that's more difficult, sir. I can just use the password?"

He glanced at her over his shoulder, then closed his eyes for a long moment. Turning back to her, he held out his hand, "Your wand, Miss Granger?"

Handing him her Vinewood wand, Hermione watched as he adjusted the wards to know her magic. He was silent as he worked, and then turned back to her and handed her her wand. "The password is asphodel." He moved past her silently back out into the lab.

His password did not alarm Hermione in the slightest as she looked at the stores. It was a potion ingredient - one of the more rare ones, so it made sense. Closing the false wall that served as a door, Hermione walked back out into the classroom. She looked for Snape and found him standing looking out of the window in the Defense room. Her classes this year had been moved into the private lab that Snape attached to the classroom. She watched as he stood motionless. His black eyes were trained on the grounds below.

"Is it going to happen soon?"

Snape didn't move or give any physical sign that he'd heard her at all. The professor had a body language all his own. "I do not know."

"Professor Dumbledore hasn't arranged it all down to the exact date?"

"It is not entirely up to him," Snape said.

Something in his tone made Hermione's stomach turn. "How do you mean, sir?"

Snape's eyes moved back and forth as he stared out the window quickly, as if he were debating something. Then, he turned back to her slowly. "The Dark Lord tasked Draco Malfoy with the murder of the Headmaster."

Her mouth dropped open and she was quiet for a moment as she absorbed his words. "But... Sir... He's just a child... I... _You _made the Unbreakable Vow to... Carry out the deed," She struggled with the words.

He looked back toward the window and flexed his right hand slowly. It was if the mention of the Vow made stung his skin. "I made the Unbreakable Vow to Narcissa Malfoy. In that Vow, I swore to protect Draco, to aid him in this task in any way that I could, and to finish the task should Draco fail."

"But you've already said _you _would do it, sir," Hermione said. She was confused.

"The Dark Lord expects Draco to fail. Truthfully, it's another way to shame Lucius for his failure last year in the Department of Mysteries, Miss Granger. Aside from that, Professor Dumbledore has no intention of allowing a child to tear his soul."

"But he'd let _you _do it?" Hermione growled.

"It is inconsequential. The Dark Lord intends for Draco to fail, intends for me to finish the task. Professor Dumbledore intends the same." His eyes moved absently along the window pane.

Hermione nodded slowly. "Sir, why are you telling me this?"

"Would you prefer to fly half blind, Miss Granger?"

"Well, no, sir," She stammered.

"Believe you me. This is as unsavory for me as it is for you. I did not ask to be put in this position, to trust a child, essentially, with my life. That being said, it is coming. Draco refuses to accept my help, so I've no idea when he intends to make a real attempt on the Headmaster's life. I can no longer keep a foot in both worlds. I will be in their world. You and Professor McGonagall will be in this one. It must function as two parts to a whole if the Dark Lord is to be defeated."

His candidness and transparency were alarming, and Hermione was silent for a minute. "Have you already told Professor McGonagall, sir?"

"Yes," He said coolly.

"And... How did she react?"

He smirked a bit and glanced at her. "Much louder."

Hermione chuckled briefly. "How will we communicate? How will you communicate with Professor McGonagall?"

"It is the Dark Lord's wish for me to take up the post of Headmaster. Professor McGonagall will stay on as a teacher. Communicating with her will be much easier than communicating with you. For the most part, information will be passed from me, to her, to you, Miss Granger." He spoke so robotically, as if there was no danger or risk in anything that he was discussing. "To communicate with you, I will need one of your coins."

Her eyebrows rose to her hairline, and he cocked his head to the side. "What coins, sir?" She asked suspiciously.

"The ones on which you placed a Protean charm," He said matter-of-factly. "To communicate with Dumbledore's Army."

Her mouth dropped open and he smirked. She bite the inside of her cheek. "I didn't know you knew about those."

"Students often think their teachers are ignorant or deaf. I assure you that we are neither. That particular situation didn't call for our interference. Or... So we felt," He said and shrugged. "We will do the charms on Thursday, Miss Granger. You may go."

She stared at him, and then spoke quietly, "Thank you, Professor Snape, for your honesty. And... for your bravery." Knowing he would be defensive and uncomfortable, she fled the room. He was left again with her words clanging around his messy thoughts.

**"Sometimes standing against evil is more important than defeating it. The greatest heroes stand because it is right to do so, not because they believe they will walk away with their lives. Such selfless courage is a victory in itself." ~ _Dandelion Fire_**


	23. Chapter 23

On June 30th, Filius Flitwick burst into Snape's office. The man looked frantically between Snape, McGonagall, and Granger with a look of confusion and panic on his face.

"There are Death Eaters in the castle!" The Charms Professor yelped. "The Dark Mark is in the sky over the Astronomy Tower! We must go there now!"

Severus' paled considerably and quickly stunned Filius. Normally an accomplished dueler, Filius was knocked unconscious because he's been so caught off guard by Snape's attack. Severus stared at Filius' unconscious form on his office floor, and Hermione and Minerva looked at him uneasily. The reality of the situation sunk in for all three of them. This was it.

Snape leaned forward onto his desk. His knuckles turned white as he squeezed the frame of the desk tightly. He hung his head. Both Minerva and Hermione were horrified to see that he was trembling.

"Severus..." Minerva said softly.

"I do not want to do this," He croaked. His black hair hung in curtains around his face.

"We know, lad. We know," Minerva tried to assure him.

"You're not alone, Professor Snape," Hermione offered.

"I need to take Filius to the Hospital Wing," Minerva said and levitated the small teacher. "Severus?" He did not look at her, but he stiffened so she knew he was paying attention. "Take care of yourself. We will see you through this. Miss Granger, I must ask that you return to your tower immediately." With a final nod to Granger, McGonagall disappeared from the room to take Flitwick safely to the hospital wing.

Snape was quiet for a moment, but he was trembling once more. "I don't want to do this..." The broken confession from a normally stoic man tore Hermione's heart apart. She was empathetic anyway, but seeing Snape obviously struggling was horrible.

"I know, sir. I know..." She said softly back to him. "You've said yourself this is the only way. You're doing what's necessary for us to win the war. It's not right. It's not fair," She whispered. Her stomach twisted as she watched him.

As he struggled to regain his composure, he took a shuddering breath. He pushed off the desk, and stood up straight and talk. The Gryffindor could see his shields locking firmly into place. His now emotionless black eyes moved between Hermione and the door.

"You must return to your tower and stay there, Miss Granger," He said lowly. As he moved toward the door, he withdrew his wand.

She reached and grabbed his left arm lightly as he passed her. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at his arm as if her touch had burned him. "I'm sorry, Professor Snape. You deserve much better than this..."

"Do your best to not get yourselves killed," He said. His eyes moved from her hand on his arm to her eyes. "I mean it, Granger." His black eyes flickered briefly. He cared for her as much as Snape was capable about caring for a student, he'd mentored her for two years, and she was in more danger because of him.

"You as well, sir," She let go of his arm. Mirroring his seriousness, she said, "I mean it, Snape."

He narrowed his eyes, shields snapping back into place, and then strode out of the room. His black robes billowed behind him, and she heard the heels of his boots clicking as he walked further and further away from the safety of Hogwarts, into the unknown of the future, into more danger than he'd ever been in in his entire life, out of the frying pan and into the fryer. Her heart raced as she waited until she couldn't hear him moving anymore.

After rummaging through the storage closet he'd left for her, she was headed back to her dormitory when she heard frantic screaming. It was Harry. He was yelling for Snape. Looking down the hall, she saw Harry running out of the castle. McGonagall was running after him. Hermione moved quickly as she heard Harry bellow "COWARD!" and stopped as she saw Minerva standing with her hands over her mouth. There were tears running down her face.

Looking beyond her, Hermione saw Snape towering over Harry, who was flat on his back. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but he looked... murderous. Suddenly, Buckbeak was charging the dark haired man, and he was sprinting like she'd never imagined he could toward the boundaries of the school. Minerva moved toward Potter quickly, and Hermione turned and sprinted in the opposite direction toward the other boundary. Her gut told her where Snape would go, and she knew he would need potions to numb and calm his torn soul before appearing before Voldemort.

When she reached the boundary, she leapt across and disapparated with a pop. Reappearing in front of Grimmauld Place, she entered silently. Quieting her footsteps, she lit the tip of her wand. She knew Snape still had things here, and she knew he'd want to get them now before word got out he'd killed Dumbledore.

Upstairs, she could hear what sounded like someone tearing rooms apart. Walking up the steps quickly, she nearly ran into Snape as he was nearly running out of the room, and he disarmed her instinctively. Seeing it was her, he gasped and leaned against the wall, slamming his head into it during the process. She looked him over briefly. He was sweating profusely, shaking all over, green, and his eyes were puffy and red. He'd been crying. Severus Snape, the dungeon bat, the greasy git, had been broken down by this horrid act.

His eyes were closed tightly as he spoke through his teeth. "_What _are you doing here?"

"I knew you still had some of your belongings here, that you wouldn't want to leave them here for someone to go through... I wanted to make sure you got these," She said and held out three vials.

He opened his bloodshot eyes and glanced at the vials. Snape whimpered in spite of himself, and his breaths were ragged though he tried very hard to quiet himself. His right hand pressed against his chest. His eyes narrowed as he struggled to focus on the vials. The girl had brought him calming potions and a Draught of Peace. She'd probably never understand, but it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him in his entire life. In such a dark moment, his most outwardly awful moment, she'd put aside her own grief at losing her beloved Headmaster and offered him aid.

He held out her wand to her awkwardly, and she exchanged it for the potions, which he downed quickly. Focusing on his breathing, he squeezed his eyes shut. His hands were shaking badly despite the massive amount of potions working in his system to stop that very thing. His anxiety and stress must've been astronomical to overpower such drugs.

"What're you doing in Sirius' room?" Hermione asked curiously. She was trying to distract him.

He shook his head vigorously, then suddenly gripped his left arm and hissed. "I must leave," He growled and stumbled down the hall toward the steps. He stopped momentarily and looked back at her. She met his eyes and he nodded once sharply. "Thank you."

She nodded slightly and watched as he disappeared. When she no longer heard movement in the house, she looked into Sirius' room. It was time to shreds. Drawers were pulled from the dresser and thrown about the floor. At her feet, there was a torn up letter and a torn up picture. Hermione saw Harry and James Potter in the picture, smiling up at her, and she smiled at the photograph. It meant nothing to her at the time and triggered no possible theories about anything. Pocketing the picture, she turned and walked down the hall to return to Hogwarts.

Whatever Snape had been looking for, he wouldn't tell her, but she hoped, deep down, that he'd found it. Seeing the tear stains on his face and the redness in his black eyes had hurt her. No human being should suffer so. Hopefully, if he'd found what he'd been looking for, it had given him some small semblance of peace. Hopefully, the potions gave him strength. Hope was all they had now.

**"Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic." ~ Daughter of Smoke and Bones**


	24. Chapter 24

"It was Snape. It was always Snape," Harry muttered. It had been only a few weeks since Dumbledore's death, but Snape's name was brought up constantly.

"Harry, give it a rest," Hermione pleaded. Usually able to be politically correct, Hermione tired of the constant Snape-bashing she endured. Ron and Harry should hate him because they know _nothing._

If she hadn't known about Snape's true loyalties, would she have hated him just as much? Would she have talked badly about him? Would she have detested the mere thought of him? Would she have cast him in only one evil light? _Probably. _The thought made her stomach turn.

"Give it a rest? Bloody hell, Hermione. He's the reason my parents are dead!"

"What?" Hermione and Ron said at the same time.

"He's the one that relayed the prophecy Professor Trelawney made about me to Voldemort!"

"How do you know this?" Hermione said skeptically. It sounded like one of Harry's wild Snape conspiracy theories.

"Trelawney told me!"

Hermione's mouth dropped open as she processed what Harry had said. Ron and Harry we're discussing it further, but Hermione's mind spun with the news.

Snape told Voldemort of the prophecy. Snape said he's been spying for her entire life. Snape said the heart does its choosing. Snape said his reasons were his own, but that he was with them of his own accord. Snape tore up Sirius' room and took only a letter with feminine handwriting a piece of a photograph, leaving behind Harry and James. Snape said the password to his private stores was asphodel. Asphodel was a type of... _Lily._

Covering her mouth with her hand, she felt suddenly nauseous, like she'd pried into the deepest, darkest places of his private life, and seen something she absolutely was not meant to have seen.

"You okay, 'Mione?" Ron asked. "You look ill."

"Just nervous," She shook her head and immediately pulled her shields into place.

Mad-Eye stepped forward and began to explain the plan to use Polyjuice Potion, but Hermione's mind was a million miles away. Professor McGonagall had told her the potion had been Snape's idea, and that he had Confounded Mundungus Fletcher to present the idea to Moody.

Did Professor McGonagall know why Snape had changed sides? Could it really be Lily Potter? Harry's mother? Had they known each other? She had known all along that Harry's father went to school with Snape, and that they hadn't got on well at all. She had also known that Lily had been in James' year as well, which would mean, then, that Snape and Harry's mum surely would have known each other.

Why would he tear a letter that had probably bore Lily's signature? Why would asphodel be the password to his private stores? Had that been the reason he'd hesitated just slightly to tell her the password? Why would he tear her out of the photograph with her husband and son? Why would he say the heart chooses, not the person?

_Love. _That was the reason. Whatever had happened in his life, whatever had happened between Lily Potter and Severus Snape had obviously not dissuaded how he'd felt for her. He'd _loved _her. Perhaps he still did. And then he'd betrayed her. But why would he betray her? Why would he put her in danger? Unless... Unless he hadn't meant it to mean her, or known it to meet her. The Potters had been in hiding for over a year. Maybe he hadn't even known she was pregnant. Maybe he hadn't even known she had a son. And when he'd realized who Voldemort had intended to hunt... He changed sides. To protect her, at first, and then, when she died, to protect her only child, a child who bore a face of his childhood bully and tormentor.

"Granger!" Mad-Eye snapped at her. "Your turn!" He held the flask out to her and she swallowed it. The potion was as bitter and disgusting as it always been, and she felt her body changing and adjusting to look identical to Harry's.

Pushing Snape from her mind, she followed the group out to the street. Kingsley helped her onto the Thestral behind him and she grabbed onto his robes tightly. On Moody's signal, the group took off, soaring up into the dark and ominous clouds above them. Instantly, they were attacked. Spells cracked across the sky like thunder and lightning. Moody fell from his broom and plummeted below the clouds.

"No!" Hermione shouted.

"Quiet! Hold on!" Kingsley demanded as he and the Thestral as he navigated the battle scene.

Hermione looked to her left and saw a Harry, who was really Fred, clutching his wand behind Arthur Weasley and aiming it at a Death Eater. Another Death Eater crept up unbeknownst to Fred from behind him, wand raised. Hermione pulled her wand, but saw a second Death Eater appears, aiming at the first Death Eater.

A curse flashed from the second Death Eater aimed at the first, but it missed and sliced Fred's ear. Looking back to the second Death Eater, she saw the hood fell. There he was. _Snape. _He had tried to protect Fred, but the commotion and flying had made him miss, and instead, he'd hurt him. She saw him only for a moment, but he looked ill at his action, and then they were gone.

In the Burrow, Bill Weasley informed the group that Mad-Eye had died and that Snape had been the one who had cursed Fred and sliced his ear off nearly entirely. He'd seen Snape's hood fall as well. Though she had seen Snape aiming for the other Death Eater, seen his devastation at having missed, she calmed herself knowing that he was safest if he was hated, and hated he was.

Late that night, after everything had settled, Hermione felt her coin warm in her pocket. She looked at it and saw her mentor's familiar spiky scrawl.

_Are you safe?_

**Yes. **She scratched back onto the coin with her wand.

_Casualties?_

**Moody. Hedwig. Fletcher's gone. **The message had been nearly too long and she had to write very small for it to fit.

_Weasley's face?_

**Alive. Ear's nearly gone.**

He didn't write back to her. She hadn't truly expected him to. He normally dealt with his own emotions privately. Still, she couldn't help but to ask if he was safe as well.

**Are you safe? **She scratched at the coin again.

_Obviously__._

His reply was so typical of Snape that she could hear the sarcasm with which he would have verbalized it. She snorted and then put the coin back into her pocket. Her teacher and her mentor was safe. Her friends were safe. For now. Turning onto her side, she thought about Lily again, and what Snape's connection might have been to her. Briefly, she considered asking him, but resigned to asking Professor McGonagall. Maybe. Perhaps. Maybe not.

Whatever Snape had chosen and whatever reasons he had for making that choice, it had changed the course of his life. Of that, Hermione was absolutely certain.

**"Life is made of so many moments that mean nothing. Then one day, a single moment comes along to define every second that comes after. Such moments are tests of courage, of strength." ~ _An Ember in the Ashes_**


	25. Chapter 25

Hermione did not see or hear from Severus Snape until Bill's wedding. Her coin warmed in her pocket.

**Leave! Go somewhere safe!**

Before she could write back and question him, a second message came through: **Now!**

Rushing back into the party, she saw a Patronus disappear over the dance floor, and panic flooded over the party guests. People were disapparating left and right. Hermione struggles through the crowd and reached Ron. Ron grabbed her hand.

"Harry!" She called out to her black haired friend.

Harry looked at Ginny, who was protected by both Fred and George, and grabbed Hermione and Ron's clasped hands.

She disapparated the trio to Tottenham Court Road, and then quickly to Grimmauld Place. As the boys changed in a separate room, Hermione checked her coin. It had burned several times as they moved through Tottenham Court Road.

**Granger, where are you?**

He sounded impatient even via a coin.

_12 Grimmauld Place._

**Weasley and Potter?**

_With me._

**Safe?**

_Yes._

He didn't write back. She massaged the coin with her thumb. Never in her life did she think Severus Snape would be so concerned for her whereabouts and wellbeing, but he had messaged her, more than once, to check on her and her friends.

Then, Hermione thought he wasn't really messaging her because he cared about her as a student or a mentee. He was messaging her to ask about Harry because of whatever relationship he'd had with Harry's mother. Looking through their supplies, Hermione sighed and realized they would need far more than this if they were to go it on foot. Frowning, she moved to speak with the boys.

"I need more supplies for potions and salves before we set out from here."

"We can buy some," Harry suggested and stuck his hand in his pocket to fish out some money.

"No," Hermione said firmly. "It's too risky. Any shop in our world will have posters with our faces plastered all over them. I'll go to Hogwarts and use the Potions storage closet."

"Steal from Snape?" Ron gasped. "Hermione..."

"I've stolen from Professor Snape loads of times," She shrugged with indifference.

"This is different. He's not just a Potions teacher now. He's Headmaster. Nobody except You-Know-Who checks him now, and I can't imagine there'd be much checking where we're involved," Ron said and swallowed loudly.

"Ron's right. It's too risky."

"Look, we need supplies, and I know that closet has what we need. If we're going to be traveling around on foot, we'll need far more than what we've got. I'll be fine. It's late anyway. Anyone there is bound to be asleep. There are no students yet. I've done it loads of times. I'll use your cloak, Harry."

Harry and Ron looked at each other. Knowing that Hermione wouldn't suggest something so risky unless absolutely necessary, they nodded in agreement.

"I need to use the loo first. Write down any extra ingredients or potion requests. I'll see if I can find them," She said and disappeared upstairs.

Pulling the coin from her pocket, she scratched: _Need supplies._

His response was nearly immediate. He must be restless and bored trapped in the castle all by himself with seemingly no allies.

**Headmaster's Floo open.**

After washing her hands, Hermione headed back downstairs. She grabbed the list from Ron and the cloak from Harry.

"Be careful, Hermione," Harry said and hugged her quickly.

Pressing a very quick kiss to her forehead, Ron said, "Any trouble and you come straight back."

She smiled at the pair and stepped into the Floo. Knowing in her heart where her destination was was powerful enough, and she appeared in the Headmaster's Office.

As she stepped out from the floo, she realized Snape had changed nothing about the office. It still looked exactly as it had. If not for the darkly clad man sitting behind the desk, Hermione could've sworn Dumbledore were still alive. Snape stood.She looked him over quickly. He was even thinner and looked quite sickly and overtired. Truthfully, he looked terrible.

"Miss Granger," He said lowly.

"Professor Snape. How are you?"

"We've no time for small talk. Put on that cloak and I will take you to the closet." Something flickered over his face told Hermione he avoided her question because he was so unwell that discussing his stability was dangerous to him.

She obeyed him silently and followed him down the long corridors. She missed this school already, and she could already feel the changes in the magical atmosphere. It seemed so much more dark and drear, despite the beautiful summer night outside.

They were unbothered the entire way to the closet and arrived quite quickly. Once inside, Snape warded the first door behind him. He waited while Hermione passed into the second secret storage on her. After several minutes, she reappeared before him.

"Did you pack plenty of extra supplies?" He asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Cloak," He said curtly.

She pulled the cloak around her once more and followed him back to the office. As they turned a corner, Snape stopped abruptly and Hermione nearly slammed into him. Peering around his arm, she saw a rather terrifying looking man standing across from Snape.

"Amycus," Severus drawled.

"Headmaster," The man greeted. "Is something amiss?"

"The Headmaster can choose to patrol any corridor at any time."

"Yet you always choose to patrol when I am supposed to be patrolling," Alecto growled.

"You sound guilty. Have you been doing something wrong?"

"No," He said. "It's just quite boring without any students to punish here."

"Indeed," Severus said. "Soon enough they will drive. Good evening."

"Evening, Headmaster," The creepy looking man said.

Severus took a small steadying breath as the man passed the pair of them, and then continued walking quickly toward his office. Once there, Hermione pulled the cloak off of her.

"You mustn't make a habit of this. Especially once students return. The unsavory staff members I was forced to bring on will wander the halls nearly constantly then."

"Who was that?"

"Amycus Carrow. He is a Death Eater. He, along with his sister, Alecto, will be teaching here come September."

"Death Eaters... But they... Won't they hurt students..."

Snape looked away from her. "Many students are not returning. Muggleborn students have been denied enrollment."

"But the ones who come..."

"I can not control it entirely. I can only control the extent of it," He said softly.

Silencing the room to any nosey listeners, Hermione yelled, "They will harm the students! My friends!"

He still avoided her gaze. "I have to walk the line, Miss Granger. I cannot appear weak or sympathetic. I will do what I can, I assure you."

Hermione stopped herself from laying into him when she noticed how truly unwell he looked. There were black circles under his eyes, and he has a small shadow of stubble across his face. Normally, Snape was clean shaven. His hair was longer than she'd ever seen it, and unkempt.

"Are you okay, sir?"

"No," He breathed unevenly.

"I'm sorry, sir. We can find another way. We can get you out of here. We can get you out of this. I'm sure of it. Professor McGonagall and I can fix it."

"Sentimental Gryffindor," He mumbled. "There is no other way. Maybe, once, a long time ago, there was another way for me, but not anymore."

It was a rare moment of transparency for him. Summoning all of her courage, she asked, "Did that other way have something to do with Lily Potter?"

Snape froze completely for a moment. He didn't even seem to be breathing. He turned slowly to face her. His head was cocked slightly to one side. "What did you say?" He asked dangerously. He took a step toward her.

It took all of her might to not retreat from him. "I know about Lily."

His top lip twitched menacingly. "Pray tell: _what _do you _think _you _know?"_

"Harry told us that Professor Trelawney told him you were the one who overheard the prophecy about Harry, and that you were the one who relayed it to You-Know-Who."

He took a step back from her, as if her statement had physically wounded him. His face paled even more and a slightly greenish tint colored his cheeks. His mouth was open a bit.

"When he told us that, I started putting things together. Your storage closet password. Some of things you've said in our lessons. The torn picture I found in Sirius' bedroom after you went through it. The torn letter. The way you act toward Harry."

"And what is your conclusion?" He asked softly. Never in so many years had he ever felt so exposed.

"That you would have never relayed that prophecy if you knew it meant Lily's son. That you never meant to put her in danger. You must have been at least friends, or maybe you even loved her," She said and he flinched horribly. "But something happened, and you didn't know she had a child. Maybe it's just that they were in hiding. Maybe you didn't speak anymore. Maybe it's because of that memory Harry saw in the Pensieve and that I saw in his mind," He flinched again and looked as if he were about to vomit. "After you relayed the prophecy that ended up with her sacrificing herself to save her son, you must've switched sides. Whatever the details, that feels like the gist."

Her words hung between them. He backed against his desk and massaged his temples with his hands. He could feel her eyes on him, but he wasn't ready just yet to look at her. The room felt like it was spinning around him, and he was doing his very best not to vomit. His breaths came in quick and jagged heaves. Suddenly, he heard her shuffling a bit, and then heard her footsteps approaching him.

"Professor?" She asked softly. He opened his eyes and saw she was offering him a Calming Draught.

"You will need that."

"You need it now, sir. Take it," She said.

He couldn't refuse his need for it, and quickly swallowed the potion in one go. As the potion worked on fried nerves, he looked up at her.

"Are you planning to tell anyone what you've deduced?" The question was laced with acid, but she heard the underlying anxiety.

"No, sir. Of course not," She shook her head emphatically.

He pushed off the desk and moved toward the window. Staring out at the grounds, he said, "You must return to Potter and Weasley."

"Can I ask questions?" She asked.

"No," He said firmly.

She sighed. He was trembling still. "Just yes or no questions?"

"Granger..." He warned. If he did survive the war, she and McGonagall would be his best chance to stay out of Azkaban. He knew this, but it still grinded his gears and felt like a massive betrayal to the private man that he was. "You get three - yes or no only."

"Did you know Lily and James Potter were to have a son at the end of that July when you relayed the prophecy?"

"No," He breathed.

"If you had known, would you have relayed it still?"

"No," He said more firmly. "No."

"Did you love her?"

He shuddered. "Granger... Careful. We are not friends. This is not a school girl chat." He tried to make his voice dangerous but he was too vulnerable for it to be successful.

"She didn't forgive you. Did she? After you used that word."

He turned on her angrily. "You asked three questions. You don't get anymore." Hermione flinched at the anger behind his words. "Leave, girl. And don't come back until you're ready for all out war."

"Professor, I'm sorry I upset you. I meant no disrespect."

"What difference does intent make at this point? I've asked for you to keep your distance, yet you've repeatedly refused to respect that. That, by definition, _is _disrespect," He growled.

"Professor Dumbledore asked me to help you."

"Help me relay information to Potter. Not pry into my personal life," Snape spit. "How many times do I have to tell you that we are _not _friends?"

Hermione's feathers were ruffled. She couldn't deny what he was saying was true, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

Digging in her pocket, she pulled out her coin, walked over to his desk, and slammed it on top of it. "Then go it alone," She spit and walked back into the Floo.

His eyes narrowed at his desk. Realizing what she'd done, he called out, "Granger!"

It was no use. She disappeared into green flames. She was gone. She'd left the only safe way of communication with the trio behind. He wouldn't be able to communicate to them if he needed to. Though she had pushed his limits of privacy, he'd pushed her away too hard. He was alone. Again.

_"I'd found out that if you pushed people away hard enough, they tended to go." ~ Amy Rodger's Epic Detour_


	26. Chapter 26

Author's Note: Hi! Keep reviewing please! It keeps me motivated. I've loved all of your reviews. Thanks so much! 

When sleep avoided him, Snape turned the coin over in his hand several times. It was so quiet in his office. It had just been filled with words of comfort, of an offer of friendship, and he had refused it. His stomach seemed to turn with the coin, twisting and turning in his abdomen.

There were many reasons why Severus Snape had pushed her away. He didn't trust the fickleness of teenagers. He didn't trust that anyone at all. He certainly didn't trust that anyone would be his friend and remain his friend throughout his life. He, genuinely, also didn't like people much. He didn't really have friends his own age. Perhaps Minerva, though she was far older than he. But, he felt embarrassed and ashamed at the thought of forming a friendship with a teenager. Truthfully, he felt he was doing her a favor by pushing her away. And, in the end, Severus was private - the less people know, the less they can use against you. His life had damaged him irreparably. An alcoholic, prejudiced, and abusive father with a mother who was crushed into weakness and submission, Snape learned to live a solitary life at a young age.

As he stared at the coin, he thought about Granger. He'd felt disrespected by her pressing. Had she felt disrespectful? Was she regretting leaving the coin? Was she still as angry with him? Did she find that she might have overreacted even if he had been cold to her? Severus assumed she probably felt all three. Despite her youth, Granger was discerning and mature in ways he hadn't seen in any other student. Unlike many Gryffindors he knew, she fully owned her mistakes, academic or otherwise, and used them as fuel to grow. It was an admirable trait, and one that Snape envied in her because it seemed so easy for her to humble herself, and for him, doing the same felt like weakness.

In the end, he knew that Granger was more of a friend to him than anyone else - perhaps even Minerva - though he did consider McGonagall a friend. She'd been kind to him. She'd helped him. After meetings when he'd been injured, she'd offered him tea and helped clean him up, and she'd make sure he was okay before she left him alone, which she always did. Because she knew, somehow, without ever verbalizing it, that he needed to be alone.

Looking back at the last two years, he realized that tutoring her had been, by far, the most enjoyable parts of those years. She was a true student, and he'd enjoyed challenging her and pushing her. She'd made him remember that he _was _good at teaching when he wanted to be. She was intelligent, resourceful, brave, and loyal. If Hogwarts were to be represented by a single student, it would be by her without question. She'd been kind to him in one of his darkest hours after he'd killed Dumbledore, and she'd put aside her own grief to make sure that he was all right.

Pulling out a small spare bit of parchment, Snape scribbled across it quickly. He folded the paper in half over the coin and slid both into a small envelope. He stamped the envelope with a plain black seal. Snapping his fingers, Dobby appeared before him.

"Yes, Headmaster, sir?" He said and kept his eyes downcast.

"Look at me," He demanded and he peered up at him with large pitiful eyes. "You are loyal to the Headmaster of this school, correct?"

"Yes, sir," She answered quickly.

"What I am about to tell you, and what I am going to ask you to do, I forbid you to speak of it to anyone else ever. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir."

He showed him the envelope. "You must take this to Hermione Granger. She is staying at the old Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix."

Dobby's eyes widened. "Hermione, sir?"

"Yes," He said. "You know of where I speak?"

"Yes, sir," Dobby said, but his face quickly hardened as he stared at the envelope. "I won't let you hurt Harry Potter's friends like you hurt Headmaster Dumbledore! I know the bad people that you run with."

Snape narrowed his eyes and silenced the elf. "If you trust me now, if you keep my confidence, I swear to you that I will not disappoint you in the end."

The elf looked at the envelope, which Snape now held out to him. Timidly, he grabbed it. It was light. It didn't seemed dangerous to Hermione. "You are not going to hurt her, or Harry Potter, or Ronald Weasley?"

Snape looked at the elf seriously. "No."

Dobby nodded and put the letter in his pocket. He peered up at Severus once more. "Is Hermione Granger with Harry Potter, sir? I should like to see him again. I saw them only a few weeks back. With Kreacher, sir."

Severus hadn't known that Dobby had been to Grimmauld Place recently. "Yes, she is," Severus said. "But, you must see and be seen by only Granger. Do you understand?"

Dobby frowned for a moment. "This is helping Harry Potter, sir?"

"Yes," Snape said lowly. "Go. You must get there before Potter and Weasley wake."

With a pop, Dobby disappeared. Severus was left in an empty office once again. He thought back to what he'd written and hoped it would be enough to smooth things over with Granger, but the nagging insecurity and untrusting part of himself told him that she would be as done being his friend as Lily had been.

Dobby reappeared sooner than Snape had expected. "Hermione Granger was still asleep, sir. She looked very tired and sad, so I left it on her night stand and concealed it so only she would see it."

Snape nodded. "You can go back to your duties, Dobby."

Dobby nodded and turned. As he neared the door, Snape called out to him again and he turned back to face his Headmaster politely. "Yes, sir?"

"Thank you," He said quietly.

Dobby's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "Sir!"

"Remember, you mustn't tell anyone."

"I won't, sir!" Dobby said enthusiastically and disappeared from the office.

She'd looked tired and sad when Dobby saw her sleeping. His heart wrenched. Though he knew he would not be the only reason she looked sad or over tired, they were at war after all, he probably had contributed to her stress, and he felt guilty at the thought. She was already under so much stress and had been ask far too much for a young girl. The stress was too much for him. He'd killed Dumbledore. He'd inadvertently gotten Lily killed. He'd called her something so foul and unforgivable that she had severed their friendship. He'd pushed Granger away for being kind. He deserved to feel guilty. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Snape flicked his wrist. Tea wouldn't be enough today. He needed coffee, and he needed it black.

**"'There are ghosts everywhere,' Ser Jorah said softly. 'We carry them with us wherever we go.'"**


	27. Chapter 27

Author's Note: Last chapter brought out several reviewers! It was awesome. Thank you guys so much for your support and I'm glad you like this story as much as I do. Keep reviewing!

When Hermione awoke, she blinked several times against the light pouring into her bedroom. Rolling over, she saw an envelope on her night stand. Pulling herself into a seated position, she grabbed the envelope and examined it. It had a plain black seal on the back. She'd never seen it before.

She tore open the envelope and a coin fell out onto her comforter. Her eyes widened when she realized just what coin it was. It was the coin she had angrily slammed on Snape's desk before she stormed out of his office. Truthfully, she regretted her actions. They'd been juvenile, and she had been disrespectful in how she had tried to pry him for more information despite his obvious discomfort.

Hermione pulled the letter out from the envelope and began to read.

_Granger,_

_I apologize. The answers to your questions..._

_3\. Yes._

_4\. No._

_Keep the coin. Please._

He hadn't signed the letter, which would have seemed odd if she hadn't assumed he'd been trying to keep some level of secrecy in case anyone else saw the note. She read it several times over to make sure she was understanding completely. Somehow, he'd managed to make himself vulnerable in ways Hermione wasn't sure he'd been since he had been a student while also managing to make himself appear aloof. He'd said, "I apologize," as opposed to "I'm sorry." Snape had always spoken more formally than other people. His words were his first and one of his strongest defenses to the outside world. The formality and coldness kept people at bay, and he was able to run circles around them intellectually in a way that made it seem like child's play.

Though he'd established his typical aloofness, he'd also opened himself up to her. What had question three been? Thinking back to the night before, Hermione closed her eyes as she replayed the events. _Did you love her? _She opened her eyes and looked at the letter. _Yes. _Her stomach twisted violently. Though she knew Snape was human, more so than probably anyone else, it still somehow shocked her that he'd been close enough to someone to love them. But that's just it, wasn't it? He'd been a boy no different than anyone else. Whatever she knew and had assumed about Snape's childhood, it hadn't been good. He'd come to school like, unfortunately, many children do - not to learn, at least not entirely, but to be loved. He'd been bullied. Relentlessly. He'd been humiliated. Countless times. School had probably been a different variation of the same nightmare he'd already been living. But he'd had one person at least, that had been close enough to him. He loved Lily, and then he had lost her to violence that he had inadvertently caused. That fact was something he admitted that he would change entirely. All of it was a large part of why he was the way that he was.

Her fourth question came to her mind. _She didn't forgive you. Did she? After you used that word. _His answer made her heart break. _No. _Having viewed the memory herself, Hermione felt for Snape. He'd been strung up by his ankles in front of a large crowd of jeering students, stripped of his pants, and called all sorts of foul names. His reaction to Lily hadn't been thoughtful or intentional. It'd been purely defensive, like the way an abused dog would react to a hand in its cage. She saw the tremendous grief and immediate remorse on his face as soon as the word had left his lips. The word had been bad, yes, but he loved her, and he had been sorry. The life behind his black eyes had crackled and burned out before her own eyes. His reddened face had paled, and his angry and defensive posture had quickly turned submissive and defeated.

Blinking away the tears, she folded the letter and put it back in its envelope. Tucking the envelope safely into her bag, she then rolled the coin over in her palm. Holding it between her left thumb and forefinger, she began to scratch on it with her wand.

_I'm sorry, too._

The coin cooled after her message sent through. She knew she had been immature in how she had handled her. The war was stressful. Hiding constantly was stressful. She'd snapped at him and left him alone. Really, it hadn't been all that different from how he'd snapped at Lily in a moment of stress. Sure, it wasn't an apples to apples comparison, but it felt similar enough. He'd been her teacher for many years, and her mentor for two. He'd treated her well, by Snape standards, and she hadn't been patient with him.

The coin warmed in her hand, much to her surprise. She hadn't expected Snape to respond. Apologies were awkward enough. Turning the coin over, she narrowed her eyes. She laughed when she realized that he had, awkwardly, avoided her apology all together.

**You must move soon. **The message was nearly too long and his spiky handwriting was even more cramped than usual.

_Yes. Horcrux hunting._

**Be careful.**

_You, too._

She put the coin on her nightstand as she got dressed. Tucking it safely into her pocket, she grabbed her bag and went downstairs to make breakfast for the boys. Surprisingly, Harry was already downstairs making tea.

"Morning, Harry," She said. He mumbled a greeting and poured her a cup of tea as well. She laughed and he looked at her confused. She said, "Your hair is usually a mess, but it's something else entirely this morning."

His jet black hair stuck up in all directions. He ran his hand over it several times to try and calm it, but it was no use. He sarcastically sighed.

"We should get moving," She said quietly. The mood in the kitchen changed immediately.

"I know," He said. "I was thinking we should head out today."

Hermione sat across from him at the table in silence. At Grimmauld Place, they'd been pretty much in a safe little bubble, but they couldn't stay there forever. Both teenagers recognized the gravity of the situation and the danger they would face in leaving their safe haven.

**"... If there is no risk, there is no reward." ~ The Daykeeper's Grimoire**


	28. Chapter 28

_Author's Note: I feel like this story deserves some more reviews. 10 for the next chapter? What if I promise that there will be some friendship fluff? (Emphasis on friendship - the romance will come. Calm down.) Yeah? Okay then... It's a challenge._

_Ron's been gone 2 weeks. _She scratched on the coin, scrunching the letters as close as possible. Stifling her sobs, she bit down on on her sweater sleeve. Harry was, probably, asleep inside the tent behind her. Blinking away tears, she stared out at the forest around her. It was silent, and cold, and she quickly cast a warming charm on herself. It was late. She wasn't sure how late, but it was definitely past midnight. She didn't expect Snape to respond, but the coin warmed in her clenched hand.

**Gone? Why?**

_We had a row._

**Asinine.**

She turned the coin over in her hand. Truthfully, she wasn't sure what his response referred to - was Ron asinine? Was she? Was Harry? Was the fight asinine? Was separating asinine? The fight hadn't really involved her, but, in a way, it had been about her. And then, she realized, that Snape was probably saying it about all of those things. They had more important things to be stressing about than a petty fight amongst friends, and then, that made her even more angry at Ron.

How could he leave when they had horcruxes to hunt? How could he leave when war was upon them? Wearing the horcrux, no matter it's dark power, was no excuse. If Ron wanted to leave, the horcrux only pushed him to act on that desire. If he was truly jealous, though he had nothing to be jealous of, then the horcrux only exacerbated those feelings. Hermione ground her teeth as the coin warmed again.

**Where are you camping? **His handwriting was so cramped.

_The Forest of Dean._

**For how much longer?**

_A week or so._

She stared at the coin. She had other things to tell him, but she wasn't quite sure how he would take them.

_Visited Godric's Hollow._

**Why?**

_Horcrux hunting._

**It is not safe there.**

_We know that now._

**How?**

_Bathilda Bagshot._

**She is dead.**

_We know that now. _She repeated her previous message. Did Snape have nothing new or helpful to offer them? She grew irritated, though she knew her irritation with Snape was misplaced, and that she was really projecting her irritation with Ron.

Her relationship with Ron had always been so complicated. They were constantly bickering. It was exhausting. Sometimes, she wondered how much of their relationship was real and how much of their relationship was forced because everyone thought they should be together. She did love him, and she knew he did love her, but the depth of it, she wasn't quite certain of yet.

The coin warmed again. **Potter's watching tomorrow? **She squinted as she read the message. He'd sent too many long ones tonight, and her eyes ached already from exhaustion.

_Yes._

**I'll come then.**

_Why? _If he were going to risk exposure by coming to where they were camped, something must be wrong. Her heart began to race as she anxiously awaited his reply. It was so late. She felt it in the heaviness of her eyelids. What on earth was he still doing up?

**All the world's a stage. **His sarcasm somehow still translated via his tiny cramped and spiky lettering on the coin. She rolled her eyes at it.

_Right._

**Send patronus to guide. 12am.**

_Yes, sir._

She took a deep breath and tried to relax. Snape didn't seem panicked, and he certainly seemed mostly like himself - bitter and very much the snarky professor. Perhaps everything was going to Dumbledore's plan after all.

Leaning her head back against the tree, she continued to stew about Ron. At dawn, Harry emerged from the tent.

"Gods, I slept like shite," He grumbled and tangled his hand in his black hair.

"Well, I suppose that means it's time for me to sleep like shite for a bit."

"Go right on ahead. You mind if I use your wand? I don't think mine is totally broken, but it doesn't feel like it's working normally. It's split up the side a bit."

Hermione hesitated for a moment and Harry looked at her curiously. "Yours is fine, I'm sure."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "I'll shout if I hear anything."

Harry's wand was semi functional after the run in with Nagini, who was posing as Bathilda Bagshot. Basic spells and jinxes worked, but anything more complicated would fail. Hermione knew that she wouldn't be able to summon her patronus with his wand, and though she had exchanged wands with him several times since his had broken and he had watch, she also knew that he would chalk up her hesitancy to lack of sleep and irritation at their situation.

Hermione laid down on her cot inside the tent. It was so much more comfortable in the tent than it was outside. She'd forgotten how cold the Forest of Dean would get during the winter. Her mother and father had only brought her during winter once before, and the rest of the times they'd visited this forest had been during the summer holiday when she was out of school.

Her mind wandered back to Ron. She wondered what he was doing with himself, if he wanted to come back, or if he was happier at home with his family. If he was home with his family, he was probably happy, or as happy as one could he in the midst of a war. Honestly, she couldn't blame him for missing his family. Ron's family, while a bit overbearing, was the kind of family that many people wished they had. They were unfailingly loyal to each other, and close knit in a way she hadn't had growing up because she was an only child.

Thinking about Ron's family naturally brought her to thinking about her own. She'd sent her parents to Australia after modifying their memories for their safety. Though she knew it had been for the best, her heart broke all over again as she thought about what a monstrous betrayal it had been to use magic against her parents, even if it was for their own good, as they'd always been so accepting and supportive of her as a witch. Wiping away the tears that fell down her cheeks, Hermione rolled over onto her side and focused on trying to find some sort of restful sleep. Pulling her shields into place, she forced her breathing to slow and she eventually drifted off into a dreamless but also restless sleep.

Late that night, Hermione watched the clock in her pocket watch tick to midnight. Closing her eyes, she let her happiest memory fill her. "Expecto Patronum," She whispered.

Her silvery otter burst forth and danced in front of her. "Muffliato," She said and a faint and distant sounding buzzing noise surrounded her. "Find Professor Snape, and lead him to our camp. Make sure Harry doesn't see you," She commanded her otter. It looked at her oddly, but obeyed and disappeared.

She had no idea what Snape had up his sleeve, but she hoped that, whatever his plan was, it would go smoothly.

**"There are no safe choices. Only other choices." ~ _A Great and Terrible Beauty_**


	29. Chapter 29

Author's Note: You guys were amazing reviewing the last chapter!!! Thank you so much!

A silvery otter creeped out from behind the black trees toward Severus. They looked at one another with a similar look of curiosity and bafflement.

"Granger?" Snape asked. He'd known the girl could produce a corporeal patronus, but hadn't known its form. Or perhaps she had told him, but he hadn't paid much attention. The otter looked up and nodded, then turned and walked away through the dark forest.

He followed it quietly, clutching the Sword of Gryffindor in his left hand and his wand in his right. He could sense Granger's wards as they approached. He stopped, causing the otter to stop and look back at him with a mild look of irritation, which looked strange on the playful creature's face.

He could sense the wards permitting him entrance as he stood close to them. Looking about, he saw a frozen pond a bit away from the wards and he walked to it. It was freezing outside as he cut a hole in the ice with his wand and then dropped the sword to the floor. Everyone loves a swim, right? Magicking away any signs he'd been there, Severus walked back to the wards. Movement to his left grabbed his attention immediately.

Ducking behind a tree, he watched as Potter appeared outside of the wards as the boy stretched. Could he really be that foolish? Of course he could. He was James Potter's son. Gritting his teeth, Snape watched the boy disappear back behind the wards. He cast his patronus and watched as the doe moved silently through the trees. She knew the take her time, and Potter was quick to take the bait. Once he saw the boy move toward the doe, he stepped inside the wards, and moved toward the tent.

Pulling the tent curtain back, Granger turned toward him and her eyes widened as she recognized him. Muting their conversation with a nonverbal Muffliato, he said, "Granger," gruffly.

She stood instinctively. "Professor Snape."

They stared at one another, each noticing how the other had lost weight and worrying, and also hesitant in their newfound and tentative friendship. Snape's brow furrowed with uncertainty.

"How are you, sir?"

His tongue suddenly felt very swollen in his mouth as he looked at the tent floor. His shields dropped and Hermione realized that, though he seemed unable to verbalize his feelings, he trusted her enough to allow her to see.

And he looked terrible. Without his shields, his eyes looked wild and panicked. The bit of stubble made him look stressed out and highlighted the gauntness of his cheeks. His jaw muscles were twitching and his hands were shaking. He looked like a man who was falling apart at the seams. His black clothes hung off his body, and he had a distinctly unhealthy color to his skin.

She walked and stood before him. "I'm sorry, Professor. It's almost over."

He swallowed hard and then cleared his throat. "And you? How are you?" His wild black eyes searched her face as she let her shields drop in return.

Instantly, tears were running down her cheek and looking at her, so young but so broken and stressed, became painful. He blinked. "You shouldn't have to deal with any of this, Granger. None of you should. You're children."

"War doesn't let children be children for long."

"I..." He faltered. Seeing Professor Snape look so empathetic and pained and lost for words was difficult, but she felt a sense of solidarity.

"You're not alone," she said softly.

He closed his eyes and a small choked sound came from his throat. "Not are you." And then he looked at her with bloodshot eyes. "I led Weasley back."

She covered her mouth with her hand quickly as she gasped. "How?"

He shrugged. "A Confundus Charm. He's probably found Potter by now."

"You confounded him?" Snape stiffened as if preparing for her wrath, but then she threw her head back and laughed. "That's wonderful!" She grabbed one of his hands in both of hers tightly and he tensed again. He was not a man who was frequently touched, or liked being touched, and he was uncomfortable. "Thank you, Professor Snape, so much."

He nodded and pulled his hand away. "I cannot stay very long. I've dropped off the Sword of Gryffindor. It can destroy the Horcrux. The wards will alert you of their return inside them?"

She nodded. "What can I do for you before you must leave? You have taken care of me about Ron, and reuniting the three of us, and bringing us the sword. What can I do for you?"

He looked at the tent wall for a moment, and then back to her. "That tea. The one you made those nights at Grimmauld Place."

"Of course!" She smiled and quickly brewed him the tea. Once she was done, she set the filled cup before him at the table. "Here you are. Perhaps it will help you rest tonight."

"It did before," He said as he drank. They sat together in silence. Both of them observed the other and relished in the feeling of having at least one strong ally.

"How's Hogwarts?" She asked when he was about halfway finished.

He flinched, and shook his head. "You've heard rumors?"

She frowned and her face grew dark. "Some."

He grimaced. "I'm doing the best I can..."

She gave him a small smile. "I trust you."

He stared at her as her statement washed over him like baptismal water. He couldn't remember the last time someone trusted him so innately and so completely. It felt like a light in all of the darkness in his life, and it nestled in his very soul. At least one person completely trusted that there was something good inside of him. Everyone else doubted or questioned him at least a little bit.

Then, from somewhere deep within him, the small boy he'd once been made himself known in the grown man's chest. He locked eyes with her - onyx and honey - and said, "I trust you, too."

**"Friendship- my definition- is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don't have trust, the friendship will crumble." ~ _The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo_**


	30. Chapter 30

Severus had been pacing relentlessly in the Headmaster's Office when the Carrow siblings knocked.

"Enter," He bellowed.

"Headmaster... Lucius believes he has captured Potter.

Snape's stomach sunk, but he kept his face calm. "How?"

"In the Forest of Dean. Snatchers found them. They're not sure it _is _Potter though. Apparently, his face is all out of sorts," Amycus explained.

Snape's mind was racing. "Harry Potter has a famous scar on his forehead. How can they be unsure?"

"It's all swollen. Could be something from the Forest, or maybe a stinging jinx," Alecto said and shrugged. "Lucius has requested you come and try to identify the boy."

"Draco has known Harry Potter since they were boys. I'm sure he can handle it," Severus said coolly, but his heart was racing.

"Draco says he can't be sure. Bellatrix is trying to get it out of the girl."

Severus' blood ran cold. "Girl?"

"They caught the Weasley boy and that mudblood, too," Amycus smirked.

Snape's heart nearly stopped. The room was spinning. Granger was his friend. Potter was his mission. How could he possibly get them out of this? "Fine. Make rounds. I will go."

Severus' black eyes followed them until the door closed. Summoning Dobby, he grabbed the House Elf by his skinny arms. "Dobby. Harry Potter and his friends are in trouble. They are at Malloy Manor. I will go and create a diversion. You must get them out. Do you understand me?"

Dobby was wide eyed but nodded frantically. "Yes, Headmaster, sir! Dobby will always be there for Harry Potter and his friends!"

"Get into the house. Find Potter and his friends. Get them out. Do not be seen."

Dobby nodded and Snape wiped his hands quickly on his trousers. He felt very ill as he disapparated to Malfoy Manor. He could hear screaming as he walked quickly up the stone steps. It was Granger. Stopping dead in his tracks, he took in the violence of the scene before him as screams from the cellar and screams from the girl echoed around the mansion.

Granger was pinned to the floor magically and Bellatrix was straddling her. She was focused intently on the girl's arm. Then, Severus saw it. Lestrange's poisoned blade carving into Granger's arm.

"Bella!" Snape boomed, and Bellatrix jumped at the sound of his voice and looked at him.

"There you are, Snape. This mudblood won't tell me a thing! You," she yelled to Greyback as she stood. Hermione was staring at Severus. "Fetch the boy."

Greyback disappeared and Bellatrix walked behind Snape toward the staircase. Severus' eyes met Hermione's and his shields cracked. "Run," He mouthed silently. "My office."

"They're gone!" Greyback roared and Bellatrix sprinted down the steps. She caught a glimpse of Granger pushing Severus away from her hard as she headed down the other set of stairs.

Snape turned, and yelled, "Get back here!" He gave chase and, as soon as they were alone, he grabbed her and disapparated them both back to his office.

Once there, he sat her gently in a chair and summoned several items from his personal stores. Handing her an Antidote to Uncommon Poisons, she downed it and then a Calming Draught. Tilting her head, he applied a salve to the cut on her neck. "You will have a scar, though it will fade over time as it's not too deep, but that blade is cursed."

She whimpered loudly and was clutching her bleeding arm to her chest and he reached for her wrist, but she flinched.

"Look at me," He said quietly. Whiskey colored eyes met coal, and she relaxed. "Let me see."

Hesitantly, she held out her arm as she watched his face as he read the word. He blanched and looked as if he might either break down sobbing or vomit. Taking the cloth, he wiped away the surrounding blood and pressed into the hideous word that marred her youthful skin. Taking some of the salve onto his left thumb, he rubbed it over the wound gently. She was crying and shivering. Her teeth chattered.

After he finished with her arm, he looked at her helplessly. "Granger, tell me what I can do." There was a quake in his usually deep and even voice.

She bit her lip and began to sob. Snape looked around the room at the portraits for assistance. "Help the girl," Phineas scolded him.

He found Albus, who was looking at him tearfully. "Find Minerva," Snape called to him and Albus hurried off. Snape flicked his wrists at the door and adjusted his wards for only Minerva's entrance.

Severus kneeled in front of Hermione, and she grabbed his hands. "Sir, I..." Her voice broke and she collapsed against him as she stood. He stood awkwardly with both hands slightly raised as she cried into his cloak. Never in his life had he hugged a student, or really anyone, or been much of a source of comfort for one, but she was no ordinary student. She was his friend. His right hand fell and rested between her shoulder blades as she cried against his stiffened posture.

His left hand was held stiffly away from both of them. His heart broke for her as she cried. "I am so sorry," He whispered the words that had nearly killed him so many years ago for the first time as an adult.

The door opened and Minerva rushed into the office. Disentangling Granger from his body, he moved away as she rushed to her House Head. Minerva was checking her over, and caught sight of the word carved into her arm. She looked at Severus, who shook his head and turned away to hide the stinging in his eyes.

She shushed the girl and stroked her hair until her tears stopped, and then she bandaged her arm carefully.

Just then, a very healthy Dobby appeared. "I cannot find Miss Hermione!" He said frantically to Severus, never looking around.

Severus looked over Dobby's shoulder, and Dobby's wide eyes followed. He gasped. "Hermione Granger is safe!" He ran to the girl and clung to her leg and Hermione stroked the back of the tiny elf's head.

"Dobby," Snape said lowly. "Who did you find in the cellar? Where did you take them?"

"Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Luna Lovegood, a wandmaker, and a goblin. I took them to Shell Cottage. Ron Weasley's family owns it, Headmaster."

Snape nodded and looked at the tearful Granger, then back at Dobby. "You must take them there. I will take the Carrows to search the Forest of Dean. You," He looked at Hermione, "will tell your friends that you disapparated here and snuck into the castle under disillusion and found Professor McGonagall. She fixed you up."

"Severus..." Minerva started.

"We don't have time," He shook his head and nodded at Dobby, who walked over and took Minerva's hand.

Hermione stepped away from the group toward Snape. "Professor... You saved my life."

He looked at her with worry all over his sharp features. "You must go," He repeated.

"Thank you for saving us. For saving me. Again. I owe you many debts," She said quietly.

He shook off her debts and gratitude in discomfort, "You are all safe. That is all that matters," He said quietly. She gave him a teary smile and took Dobby's free hand and they were gone, just as the Carrows started banging on his door. Severus disheveled his appearance and began breathing heavily before opening the door and letting the siblings fall into his office.

"They escaped. I've just searched the Manor property and surrounding forest. We must go to the Forest of Dean. Now!" He grabbed their collars and disapparated them.

**"Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening, or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue you right back." ~ _Second Glance_**


	31. Chapter 31

Very late that night, Severus sat at the desk in the Headmaster's office. After searching the Forest of Dean for over an hour, the Dark Lord had finally summoned them to Malfoy Manor. It would be a massive understatement to say that he'd been unhappy.

After a proper shout down, and several bouts of Cruciatus, Severus and the Carrows were dismissed as the least of the failures while Lucius and his family had to clean up the bloody massacre that Voldemort had left behind.

Snape and the Carrows had all but crawled back into the darkness of their own rooms in the castle without so much as a word to one another. Death Eaters did not help each other. They licked their wounds in private.

When the door to the office opened, Snape jumped up to his feet quickly and then winced in pain. Minerva was still allowed entrance, and she appeared before him instantly.

"Oh, Severus," She said as he leaned over the desk. Her hand rested on his back and she felt the tremors moving through his body. "Severus..."

"I'm fine, Minerva," He grunted.

Minerva disappeared and opened up his private stores. She fetched a Calming Draught for him and he glanced nervously at her as she held it out to him. "Surely, you don't think I've poisoned it, boy."

He shook his head and took the potion and downed it. "I don't need mothering."

"I very much disagree," Minerva said. "They are safe. All of them. They are recovering." He nodded. She frowned. Then, her eyes filled with tears. "Hermione's arm will be scarred forever."

"I know," Snape whispered in a broken voice. "Damn it, I know!" He slammed his shaking fist down on his desk.

Minerva jumped at the force behind his movement, at the anger in his voice. His magic crackled across his robes. "I am not blaming you, lad."

"I am! I am blaming me!"

"You did more than anyone could have ever expected you to do. You saved them. You saved her life. That blade would've surely killed her," She said in an attempt to comfort him.

"It's not enough!" He yelled so loudly that his voice cracked. "It's never enough, is it? That's the point? Isn't it?!" He turned furiously on Dumbledore's portrait. "Boy Wonder is safe at the expense of his friends once more. Your Gryffindor Princess will have that bloody word on her arm for the rest of her life, which will probably be quite short, actually, if you get your way!"

"You certainly don't think I wanted Miss Granger to experience that..."

"You don't care! You _never _have!" He yelled at the old man. "You don't care who you lose, who you sacrifice, who you put in harms way."

"I never wanted her to..."

"Don't talk about what happened like you know! I was there, Albus! I saw her on the floor, under Bellatrix's knife! I saw her friends in a cage like animals!"

"The word," Albus said quietly but Snape turned murderous once more.

"Don't say the damned word. Don't talk about the damned word. You _know _how I hate it," Severus threatened and then ignited the tip of his wand and held it dangerously close to the fabric of the portrait.

Dumbledore looked at the flame impassively. "You know I will just move to another portrait. I am already did. You cannot kill me again."

"Pity," Severus spat and stormed upstairs to the tower that overlooked the grounds.

Minerva looked at Albus, who was looking pitiful. Her face grew somber. "Albus, you've certainly made a mess of things."

"Oh, how I know, Minnie."

Minerva followed Snape up the circular steps to the tower above the Headmaster's office. He was staring out at the grounds, leaning into the railing and gripping it so tightly she could see his white knuckles even in the middle of the night.

"Severus..."

"I'm not going to throw myself over, if that's why you're here," He said darkly. "The end is nigh anyway."

"This is about Lily isn't it?"

Snape's head hung as he trembled with his back to her still. So Granger had betrayed him. "You know?"

"No. I suspected," She said. "You called her that word at school, and you were not friends anymore after that."

Snape took in a deep breath. Granger hadn't betrayed him after all, but Minerva's memory was a steel trap.

"I know you were the one who relayed the prophecy. Albus told me when it happened..."

He turned to her slowly. His eyes were stormy. "Minerva... It... I..." How could he ever justify what he did?

"He said he believed it to be the biggest regret of your life. Is that true, Severus?"

"Yes," Snape said softly, but immediately.

She nodded and wiped a tear from her eye. "If it's any consolation, I believe you have done more than repay your debt to her."

Snape didn't say anything. Though well-intentioned, he didn't put any stock in her words because he knew deep down they would never assuage any of his guilt. He wasn't honestly sure that anything ever would. He turned back to look out at the empty and quiet grounds.

His mind reeled over the events of the day. Granger had nearly died, and Potter had nearly been caught. Weasley would've been killed. Or kept as leverage over his family. His stomach turned over and over inside of him. Grinding his teeth together, he tried to get the sounds of their screams, of the boys pounding on the barred door, the image of Hermione pinned helplessly to the floor under a madwoman. Those memories would haunt him forever, but nothing he had seen could compare to what they had experienced. They were considered adults, surely, but they were children still, and what they'd just gone through was the very definition of horrific.

"They are all right?" He asked. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yes. Hermione's already asking after you, of course. I think you might've taken my place as her favorite teacher."

"Bloody sentimental Gryffindors," He grumbled.

She chuckled, and they fell silent again for a few moments. She stood next to him as they thought about what had occurred that day. Minerva put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face her properly. "We will get through this, Severus. It's almost over," She said.

"Yes," He said. "It is." He knew what that meant more than anyone else - for Potter, and for himself. "It's almost over." He would have to betray Lily once again, in the most terrible way, and condemn her son to die. He would betray Granger, and Minerva too, and the entirety of this world. What choice did he have? He never had any other. This was the only way.

**_"_...how impossible it is to really make a choice, when the best choice of all is an option you couldn't even imagine." ~_ Fire Logic_**


	32. Chapter 32

Author's Note: Will the real Ch 31 please stand up? Apparently 30 31 looked the same for awhile. I did update 31 to be the actual 31, so please check back if you didn't get the real 31. I'm not seeing it yet, but hopefully it gets sorted out. Let me know if it doesn't!! Apologies. Enjoy! 10 reviews for what happens next?

On May 1st, Severus felt his coin warm.

_Coming to Hogwarts_

His heart dropped. This was it, the grande finale. It all would end here at the only place he'd ever felt at home. Staring at the message, it began to fade.

"Dobby!" He called. The house elf appeared. "Fetch Minerva. Tell her to come to me immediately. Do not be seen. The war is about to begin. After you speak to her, prepare the house elves."

The house elf nodded and disapparated quickly. He scratched quickly on the coin.

**Caterwauling Charm Hogsmeade.**

_Okay_

**Be careful, Granger**

_Be careful, Snape_

Despite his anxieties, he snorted at her response. Minerva appeared and any and all humor faded.

"Potter is returning. Prepare the House Heads and students. Any child under 17 or any student not wanting to fight must use the emergency evacuation points now."

"Severus," She started but he held up a hand.

"I know. There's no time."

Then, there was silence for a brief moment. Snape's pulse throbbed in his ears and his hands began to swear. Slamming his shields back into his place as the Carrows knocked again frantically on his door, he allowed them entrance.

"What?" He demanded in irritation.

"Potter has been sighted in Hogsmeade," Alecto panted.

"Then it is time for war," He said evenly, though his heart was beating wildly in his chest. "Summon the students to the Great Hall."

They disappeared, and he pulled his infamous black cloak around his shoulders. His dark eyes surveyed the office, and he glanced at the portraits. Their anxious eyes were watching him. All of them were fully alert. "You know what to do. Protect this school. Protect these students. As best you can," He commanded.

They scurried off. Except for Albus, who stared sadly at Severus. "I am sorry, my boy."

"Don't."

"Do what you can, Severus."

"Always," said Snape.

The word held weight between the two Headmasters, and Severus walked briskly from the office, cloak billowing in his wake. He made his way to the hall and caught Minerva's eyes briefly. She nodded once that she had done what he'd instructed, and he released the breath he didn't realized he'd been holding. They were aware, and the young children were on their way to safety.

Snape waited in a corridor until all the houses had filed into the hall. Wiping his hands on his trousers, he took a deep and steadying breath before he strode into it. All of the students were silent and still, anxiously waiting. He moved slowly up the middle between the rows of students. His black eyes focused on the Carrows at the front of the hall, and he stepped up the three steps to the staff platform before turning to face all of them.

"Many of you are surely wondering why I have summoned you at this hour." His voice was cool and collected, which is not at all how he felt. No student dared to meet his gaze, even ones from his own house. "It has come to my attention that, earlier this evening, Harry Potter was sighted in Hogsmeade."

Students immediately began whispering in every house. Except for Gryffindor. Those students seemed unsurprised. They already knew he was there, and that he was here now.

"Now," He began a little more forcefully. "Should anyone, student or staff, attempt to aid Mister Potter, they will be punished in a manner consistent with the severity of their transgressions." A ripple of dissent washed over the students, and the staff, and he heard the Carrows sniggering behind him.

"Furthermore, any person found to have knowledge of these events who fails to come forward will be treated as equally guilty," He drawled. His voice always did lend itself to the dramatic. Still, Gryffindor House stood proudly, yet stiff in anxious tension.

"Now then," He said and stepped down the small steps slowly. "If anyone here has any knowledge of Mister Potter's movements this evening... I invite them to step forward." His voice was velvet ice. His black eyes moved through the rows of frightened rows of students slowly. "Now," He growled.

There was a moment of silence that made his ears ring, and then he heard footsteps to his left in the rows of Gryffindor students, and there he stood. Harry Potter, in the flesh, with his horribly messy jet black hair and Lily's bright green eyes flashing angrily at him as they'd done so many years before. The students broke out into shocked gasps.

Harry's jaw twitched in blind fury as he stood before Snape. The two had not looked fully at each other since Dumbledore's death, and the tension was palpable.

"It seems... Despite your exhaustive defensive strategies... You still have a bit of a security problem, Headmaster," Harry proclaimed bitterly. "I'm afraid it's quite extensive."

The doors to the Great Hall opened and the Order of the Phoenix walked in with their wands drawn. The students parted a bit. He saw Lupin, Shacklebolt, Weasley, and Granger amongst the crowd in his moment's glance before Potter began yelling.

"How dare you stand where he stood? Tell them how it happened night!" Potter demanded. "Tell them how you looked him in the eye, a man who trusted you, and killed him! Tell them!"

Snape's mouth dropped open slightly, and he caught Minerva moving toward Potter, wand drawn, preparing a diversion for Severus. The woman truly was a saint. Covering Potter with her arm and pushing him behind her, she aimed her wand at him, who had now drawn his. He hesitated, dropping his wand slightly, and Minerva struck, unwilling to allow him a moment's weakness.

He blocked her hexes with ease, and she kept firing relentlessly. Deflecting one of her curses back to the Carrows, they fell unconscious behind him, and then he took flight. He disappeared into a cloud of black smoke, and crashed through the stained glass behind him and fled. He could do no more for the students now. Now, he had to play the part of betrayer.

He could hear her calling him coward as he fled. Though he knew rationally it was an act, it still stung. He reappeared outside of Hogwarts grounds at the Dark Lord's side.

"How did it go, Headmaster?" The serpent man hissed.

"Not well, my lord. Potter is inside the castle. They will fight."

"Such a pity," Voldemort clicked his tongue, and then his red eyes rolled back into his head. He was speaking to the school, and Severus' head was spinning as it happened.

Then, suddenly, the red eyes were on him once more. "Give them time. I am a merciful lord."

"Yes, my lord," Severus answered and bowed his head.

"In the meantime," Voldemort said. "Prepare my flank for battle."

Snape disappeared and headed to the appropriate company that was waiting in the Forbidden Forest. His mouth was very dry as he approached the group of horrendous looking Snatchers. "We wait for the Dark Lord's command."

"But that's boring," Scabior complained.

Snape's menacing glare silenced the man, and Severus said, "That is the Dark Lord's command for the time being."

"Won't be for much longer," Scabior shrugged and nodded toward the castle.

Snape turned and saw the shields falling into a dome-like shape over Hogwarts. Ten minutes passed. Or maybe ten hours. Severus couldn't really be certain. Then, curses began to fly at he dome uselessly.

"Go!" Snape yelled, and the snatchers sprinted past him. Severus knew they'd die as they'd passed the shield, but said nothing. Perhaps they would all meet it at the same time.

He walked behind them slowly. His wand was loose in his right hand, and he struggled tremendously with not vomiting. Several of the faster snatchers disintegrated as they passed the shields and the rest stopped immediately.

"We cannot pass until the shield is down. Give it time!" He bellowed, and the crowd grumbled.

He saw Longbottom standing at the edge of the bridge. The boy's face was hard and set in defiance. He heard Voldemort scream out into the darkness and a bolt of light struck the dome.

The shield collapsed in its entirety as the Dark Lord's magic destroyed it. Scabior stepped forward tentatively and then, the group was running again. Longbottom sprinted across the bridge and fired a single jinx off that hit the side of the bridge. It sparked a series of firecrackers and the bridge collapsed.

"I'll be damned, Longbottom," Snape whispered to himself. The group of snatchers that remained turned and looked at him helplessly. "Well, go around to the front, you bloody idiots!"

They took off running and Snape walked behind them again. He was in no hurry to battle anyone or anything. His wand was held just barely in his hand as the war began completely. Dementors descended on the grounds.

Stunning any stragglers he came across, he was grabbed after awhile by a rough looking Lucius Malfoy.

"What!!" Snape growled and shoved the man's pale hands off of him.

"The Dark Lord has requested your presence in the Shrieking Shack, Severus," The man said. His eyes were bloodshot and his normally pristine appearance was nothing of the sort. His white blonde hair was messy, frazzled, and he had a dark shadow of stubble across his face.

The older Slytherin looked... sad.

"Now?" Severus raises an eyebrow. "Surely, I am of more use to him here on the battlefield."

Lucius swallowed. "Now," He said.

Snape looked around him once more, and then nodded. "Very well." He moved past the disgraced man.

"Severus..." Lucius called out to him and Severus met his eyes once more. "It's... I don't think it will end well for you there. In the Shack." Snape raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't blame you if you left all of this. If my son weren't in there... I can't say I wouldn't do it."

Severus looked him over once more. Despite everything, he had known Lucius nearly all of his life. The man craved power and influence and money, but he wasn't evil. Shaking off his feelings of pity, and his desire to run, Snape said coolly, "And that is the difference between us."

He turned and headed toward the shack quickly. As he walked, he mulled the bitter irony that he would probably die in that blasted shack after all. Perhaps he should've died there all those years prior to this night. Severus kept frantically looking for Potter. His patronus would deliver the memories should he die, but he'd much rather ensure their safe delivery in person.

His searching was futile, and at last, he stood at the entrance of the shack. A strange sense of peace washed over him, though it was quickly followed by a wave of regret. All of his life he'd spent doing things for other people, a puppet for two masters. The small boy he'd once been would never love, or marry, or have children, or be the kind of Professor he'd hoped to have been.

"For you, Lily," He said in a broken whisper. "I am so sorry." Blinking back the tears he desperately wanted to shed in grief over the mistakes he had made, and over what his life might have been, Severus Snape disappeared into the tunnel below the Whomping Willow.

**"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known." ~ _A Tale of Two Cities_**


	33. Chapter 33

Author's Note: You guys are incredible. I do know that I skipped the scene at Gringott's, but I didn't find it to be crucial to both Severus and Hermione. Hopefully, you like this. Nobody will ever convince me that, if Arthur Weasley could be brutally attacked by Nagini and bitten multiple times to live, that Snape couldn't have been saved.

"My lord," Severus said slowly with his head bowed.

Voldemort turned slowly to Severus and his red eyes were glittering dangerously. "I have something I must ask you, Severus."

"Of course, my lord."

Voldemort held up the Elder wand to Severus. "Why doesn't it do what I ask of it?"

Snape furrowed his brow. "You have performed extraordinary magic with this wand, my lord."

"I am extraordinary. This wand has merely been ordinary because it doesn't answer to me."

"My lord, it is yours. There is no wand more powerful. Ollivander himself has said it." Snape stood still as Voldemort walked a circle around him. It was a bit strange for Snape to be taller than Voldemort - the most evil of all men stood shorter than the Dark teacher.

"The wand was Dumbledore's," Voldemort said coldly. "You killed Dumbledore, Severus. The wand answers to you."

"Draco Malfoy disarmed Dumbledore as I arrived at the Astronomy Tower," Snape explained. "_He _won it."

"Yes, but you killed its master." Voldemort's serpentine face was stony and set.

"Let me bring you Potter, my lord. I know that I can."

"I do not doubt that, Severus," Voldemort answered. "But I do not need to find him. The boy will come to me."

"My lord..."

"You have been a good and faithful serving, Severus, but only I can live forever," Voldemort gestured to Nagini. "I regret this." Then, he hissed to the snake and she lunged at him.

Snape turned, but the snake's fangs plunged into his neck. The bleeding was profuse instantly, and the pain was horrendous as the venom did a number on his nerves. Voldemort looked at him, and then said, "Come, Nagini." They were gone, and he was left alone in the shack to die.

Then, he wasn't alone. Harry Potter was kneeling before him, and Granger's hand was pressed into his throat. He looked at Harry and allowed all of his memories to fill his entire being, despite his pain, despite his blood loss. Suddenly, his memories were pouring out of his eyes in wispy white tears.

"Take them," He gurgled as Granger worked frantically at his neck with her wand. "Take them, please!"

Hermione shoved a flask into Potter's hand, yelled at him to collect the memories, and then resumed mending Snape's wounds.

He grabbed at Harry's sleeve desperately as he finished collecting the tears. "Take them to the pensieve," He demanded. His voice was raspy and nearly unrecognizable.

Harry looked at the memories in the small flask helplessly. "Look at me," Snape begged.

Green eyes met the black. "You have your mother's eyes."

Harry looked at Hermione wide-eyed in confusion, and she said, "Go! Harry! Ron! Go! I can help him! Go!"

Ron grabbed Harry's arm and dragged him from the shack. Hermione was there, and he let his eyes find her face.

"Professor," She said and tilted his head back. She was pouring something metallic into his mouth, and then something very sour. Anti-venin, and blood replenishing Potions. She was crying, and he was lightheaded and dizzy and in tremendous pain.

"Granger," He grunted. "Thank you... For being a light in all of my darkness."

"You mustn't give up!" She yelled. "It's already healing. You must keep fighting!"

He watched her as she continued stitching his neck through her tears. He couldn't possibly lose as much blood as the blood he saw all over the wooden floor and live, could he?

His eyes went out of focus, but she slapped his face, not hard, but hard enough to bring him back to consciousness. He writhed in pain as the anti-venom waged war on the venom. She pointed her wand next to him, "Expecto Patronum! Get Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey Here now!" The tiny otter raced away.

He hadn't realized he'd been clutching at her jacket, but it felt like the only thing rooting him to this plane, and he squeezed it harder between his bloodied fingers.

Another flask was at his lips. More metallic fast filled his mouth and he coughed, but she talked lowly to him and held another one to his mouth. "I know. I know it doesn't taste good, but you must drink it. I know." He obeyed blindly and noticed that she was sweating heavily and crying still. She held another vial to his lips. "Finish the anti-Venin, sir," She tipped it into his mouth. It was sour and bitter and he arched his back off the floor.

Then, she was dropping something onto his neck. It stung, and he hissed and gurgled against her ministrations. "I know it stings. It's Dittany. It's helping. More help is on the way."

He blinked slowly at her, looking at her face. Had he ever looked at her this close before? Her curly hair was as wild and there was a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. "Granger... It's all right," His voice was a harsh and raspy whisper. His throat burned badly.

"You're not dying, Professor," She said. "You won't die. I won't allow it."

The girl was more determined than he'd ever seen her. She removed the cloth from his neck and dropped more Dittany onto his wound. "It's nearly closed," She said.

Minerva burst into the Shack with Poppy following righted behind. Minerva must've told Poppy enough, or demanded her trust, because Poppy was kneeling at his side instantly and checking Granger's progress.

"Very good, Miss Granger. You just might make it, Severus," She said.

He felt a small hand take his, and he clutched at his. Shifting his gaze from Poppy, he saw it was Granger who was comforting him, and he felt Minerva take his other hand, and he gripped hers tightly as well.

"Where did you learn how to manage all this?" Poppy asked Granger as she placed a temporary bandage over his neck.

"He taught me," She said softly, as Minerva moved his hair out of his face.

"Of course he did," Poppy said. "I don't know the details, Severus Snape, but she just saved your life. I certainly hope it's worth it."

She conjured a stretcher. "Help me move him onto this." He was being lifted under his arms and then dragged onto the stretcher. "We must take him to Saint Mungo's."

"No!" He said roughly.

"Can't he stay here, Poppy?"

"Well, I imagine he could, but there's the problem of the war, and the fact that I don't have the supplies."

"Write down what you need. I will get it for you," Minerva said firmly. "Is he stable?"

Granger had yet to let go of his hand, and it was the only thing keeping him conscious. Poppy said, "Yes, for now, but he must be moved to the hospital wing as soon as it's possible."

"This is his home, and this is where he will stay," Minerva said quietly. Taking the list from Poppy, she moved nearer to Severus and touched his face. "You must keep fighting, dear boy. You are so very strong. I will return with supplies. Move him as soon as it is clear."

Minerva disappeared, and Severus' body seized. Poppy yelled, "I must sedate him. The anti-venin is in full force."

Hermione said, "My friend, look at me." He met her honey colored eyes. Her _friend, she had said, and despite his pain, he felt peace meeting her gaze. "Rest now. It's over."_

It's over. He swallowed the sedative, and unconsciousness found him quickly. The last thing he saw above him was Granger and Pomfrey tending to the bandage at his neck.

**"Temper us in fire, and we grow stronger. When we suffer, we survive." ~ _City of Heavenly Fire_**


	34. Chapter 34

Severus awoke several hours later when the sedatives wore off, and he arched off the bed in pain. His hands were bound to the metal railings of the bed, and he looked around in a panic.

He tried to cry out, but his voice wouldn't come, and his throat felt like sandpaper. He looked around him, but all he could see were the curtains that surrounded his cot. Staring at the ceiling, he recognized the stones of Hogwarts. At least he was still there.

His ears were ringing, but he heard muffled voices and he tried to focus on them.

"Is he awake?"

"If he's not, he should be soon... I'll have you know the Aurors..." The voices sounded muffled, almost as if he were underwater and he strained to keep listening.

"You what?!"

"I couldn't stop them..."

The curtain was ripped backward and he saw him - messy jet black hair, lightning bolt scar, and emerald eyes. Harry Potter. But how? He should be dead. If he's not dead, then the Dark Lord still lives.

Granger was beside him and moved to his side instantly. She pulled out her wand and he flinched involuntarily, and she slowed her movements. "It's all right, sir. I'm just going to remove your bindings."

He watched as her wand touched one wrist and then the other and he flexed his hands in front of his face.

"Do not let them bind him again, Madam Pomfrey please," Harry demanded firmly. Poppy nodded. "Let me check his vitals and give him more pain medicine. Then, I'll let you have a moment with him."

She switched the the bag on his IV and instantly he felt some relief in his pain levels. She waved her wand over him. "Blood pressure is high, but lower than before. Pulse is high. Be careful. Don't get him too riled up. He's still on blood replenishing potion." She moved to the head of the bed, and said, "I've paralyzed your vocal chords until your wound is more healed. I'm hopeful that will salvage your voice entirely." Then, she gestured to a small chalkboard. "You're familiar with this, yes? You can use it to project whatever you wish to say."

He watched as she left and then looked anxiously at Hermione and Harry.

Harry cleared his throat. "How are you feeling, sir?"

Snape raised an eyebrow and then looked at the chalkboard and flicked his wrist, but nothing happened. His magic wasn't strong enough for nonverbal. He felt at his sides for his wand and then looked to Granger, who searched his end table drawers.

"Did they take his bloody wand as well?" She looked at Harry angrily.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Harry said with irritation and disappeared behind the curtain.

Granger conjured a chair near his left hip and sat facing him. She handed him her wand, and he looked at her wide eyed. It was uncommon to use another witch's or wizard's wand, and was generally a sign of great trust. Wands were loyal to their owners and would often react badly if they didn't take to a different user.

"I trust you, so it will as well," She encourage. "Tell me really. How are you feeling?"

He held her wand in his right hand and pointed to the blackboard.

_It hurts._

She looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry, Professor. I'll speak with Madam Pomfrey and see if she can give you more pain medicine."

_Don't trouble her further. I can manage. You? Are you well?_

She smiled. "You're always concerned about me, about everyone else, and never about yourself. You don't need to manage this kind of pain. If she can help, she will. I'm all right, I suppose. It's been really hard..."

_What happened?_

She silenced the space around them. "Harry viewed your memories, and he did what he needed to do. He went out to meet Voldemort."

Snape flinched involuntarily, and she quickly apologized. "It's okay. He's dead." Snape's black eyes turned into saucers and they stung.

_I apologize I didn't tell you about Potter._

Hermione didn't acknowledge his apology. "Voldemort killed him, but I guess it only killed the horcrux inside of him. Voldemort thought that it had worked, that he'd won, but when he brought Harry's body back to the courtyard, Harry jumped up, and the battle resumed. Eventually, they confronted each other, and Harry rebounded Voldemort's killing curse. He fell."

Snape's mind was racing. Granger apologized again. "I'm sorry. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details. I didn't get to see any of it. I stayed with you and Madam Pomfrey in the shack. When Professor McGonagall returned, she told us the battle had ended and we were victorious."

Severus felt dizzy and nauseous. Her story had been so unceremonious for being so equally profound. The Dark Lord was dead. Could it be possible? And Lily's son had lived?

He blinked several times to keep himself from crying. His composure was his defense. Looking at the chalkboard, he wrote: _We lost people?_

Hermione frowned. "Yes, but not as many as we could have. You prepared the students well. We lost Pavarti, Colin Creevey, Hannah Abbot..." She trailed off. "Others are injured. Some quite badly - Fred, Lupin... We're not sure that they'll make it. Fred was hit square in the chest with the same curse I was hit with at the Department of Mysteries. Lupinfought Greyback when Greyback was in werewolf form."

Severus stared blankly at his white bed linens. They'd survived. Many people had survived. Far more than he had anticipated. Potter was alive. Granger was alive. But Fred Weasley might die. The boy had been irritating to the enth degree, but he'd quite enjoyed some of the stunts he and his twin pulled. Lupin was the least of his worries of the Marauder's, and he'd caused him the least amount of grief. In fact, he'd tried to make amends, though Severus had always rejected them. Now, he might die, too.

Potter reappeared. He looked as exhausted as Granger. "I spoke with Kingsley. Your wand should be returned to you shortly, but there's... a bit of snag." The boy's eyes moved away from his quickly, and he rubbed at the back of his neck. Snape's stomach sank. "In order to clear your name, I'll have to show your memories to the Wizengamot. You don't have to be present... But I'll have to show them, and Hermione and Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore's portrait will have to testify to their truthfulness."

His heart rate began to rise. He felt lightheaded and nauseous. All of the secrets, all of his most private life, would be on display for the world to know. He shook his head and then grimaced as the pain shot down the left side of his neck. He looked at the board and pointed Granger's wand.

_No. No. Please. _Snape didn't beg. He hadn't for so many years. He'd sworn he never would again, and here he was. Begging.

"There's no other way to clear you, Professor Snape," Harry said. "You won't have to be present. You've been excused because of your health."

Snape's head fell back into the pillow. He began to swear and his hands were flexing uncontrollably.

Hermione leaned over and put her hand on his arm. "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I know how fiercely you protected these secrets, how fiercely you protected yourself, but Kingsley has assured us the details will remain private. The details of war are given the utmost security."

He pointed the wand at the board again. _It's private._

Hermione's eyes filled with tears. "We have to do this. Otherwise, they'll take you to Azkaban."

He gritted his teeth. Could Azkaban be worse than having the most private parts of his life exposed to the Wizengamot? He didn't think so.

_Then let them take me._

"Absolutely not!" Hermione said.

He closed his eyes in frustration and squeezed them tightly. His breathing was erratic, and the pain in his neck was worsening by the second.

"I'll leave you alone for now, Professor Snape. I intend to testify tomorrow morning. I will show the memories then. I'm sorry, but I..." He trailed off and Snape opened his eyes and looked at the boy. He looked near tears. "I'm sorry, but you've spent my whole life protecting me, working toward this one goal, making sure that it was successful. Let us help you now. Let us clear you."

The impending humiliation was too much for him. Harry sensed his aggravation. He'd spent much of his time as a student aggravating Snape, and he knew when he had come too close to an explosive interaction. Harry bowed his head and disappeared behind the curtain once more.

Granger remained. He closed his eyes and waited for her to leave, but he heard no sound of movement. "Professor..."

He opened his eyes, and those black depths were angrier than Hermione had ever seen them in all her years in his presence, and that was saying something. He flicked her wand at the chalkboard once more and then tossed her wand to her, rolled on his right side, with his back to her.

_You should have let me die._

**"It's not the pain and the wounds that are the worst... The worst is the humiliation." ~ _Night Train to Lisbon_**


	35. Chapter 35

Severus refused any and all visitors over the next week. Poppy fought with him daily to get him to even eat, and though she had unfrozen his vocal chords, he still refused to speak. Mostly, he slept. He'd never felt so humiliated and depressed. He refused to speak to her about his own trial, so she left him the Prophet. He'd read it, only to discover, much to his horror, that someone had leaked and skewed his story.

Headlines like "Severus Snape: A Spy's Love Story" and "Snape: Scoundrel or Saint? You Decide" were plastered all over the paper. Potter had promised the details would be classified, that he'd be protected from media speculation such as this, but once again, he'd been betrayed. As he sat in a chair facing the window in his private room, he heard loud voices outside his room.

"He cannot refuse me. I'm the Minister of Magic." Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"He doesn't want visitors. If you get him all fired up, it could set back his recovery. He's already not eating properly," Poppy argued. "He's been through enough."

The door to his room opened and he heard the heavy footsteps of Shacklebolt. "Professor Snape..."

Severus didn't turn to greet the new Minister, nor did he even acknowledge the Minister had spoken in any way, shape, or form.

"I understand that the leaked information is disappointing and disheartening, but we already know who did it. Hermione Granger actually let us in on the fact that Rita Skeeter is, in fact, an unregistered Animagus. Skeeter takes the form of a beetle, which would be nearly impossible to spot. She had no other source, like she claimed in her articles. She is the source."

Snape didn't acknowledge this either, though he was a bit surprised that Skeeter had accomplished transforming into an Animagus because he found her to lack any real magical aptitude. Granger had known she was an unregistered Animagus? How? And why hadn't she said anything previously? Wouldn't the know-it-all know that Skeeter would try to infiltrate his trial?

"The verdict should be read tomorrow. Should I return to inform you, or would you like to be present?"

When Snape remained silent and unmoving, Kingsley said, "I'll leave you to your thoughts. Please let me know if you would like to attend."

Severus had no intention of showing his face in public for as long as humanly possible. He'd spent nearly all of his life at Hogwarts, and he intended to hide behind its walls for as long as he possibly could. The door closed behind Shacklebolt with an ominous click.

Snape didn't sleep that night. Around noon, he heard Granger's voice as she knocked once and then entered his room. "You can't refuse visitors forever, Professor Snape."

He slumped slightly into his chair. Truthfully, he'd missed their banter a bit, and he was lonely even by his standards. "I can certainly try." He uttered his first words since he'd woken up. His voice was raspy, and a bit damaged from the snake's venom.

She stood several steps behind him. "The Wizengamot returned their verdict this morning. Kingsley wanted to be the one to tell you, but I figured you'd rather hear it from a friend. Professor McGonagall is outside visiting Remus. Do you want her to be here too, or would you like it to be just me?"

He thought for a moment. He knew McGonagall would be as supportive of him as Granger would be, but Granger had seen him more vulnerable, had saved his life more personally.

"Just you," He croaked and continued to stare out of the window. "For now."

"Okay. Are you ready, or would you like a moment?" She asked quietly.

The suspense was tearing away at his raw and empty stomach. "When will they be collecting me for Azkaban?"

"Never," She answered immediately. "Professor Snape, you've been cleared of all charges. You're free."

The news hit him like a train. He found himself collapsing forward and burying his face in his hands. He was sobbing in spite of himself, sobbing in spite of his best efforts to control his emotions. Granger moved quickly in front of him and kneeled, as he'd done months before after she'd been tortured by Bellatrix. She grabbed his wrists tightly, and he struggled against her, but he couldn't deny himself the need for a friend, and she wrapped her arms around his back and squeezed him. His hands still covered his face completely, but he leaned against her shoulder and cried.

She was talking to him, slowly and quietly, and running one hand between his shoulder blades in rhythmic circles. No one had seen him truly cry since Dumbledore had on that windy hilltop. No one had comforted him since he'd been a small boy. Granger had saved his life once, but it felt like she was saving it again.

"You're free, Professor. You're free. The war is over. You accomplished everything you set out to do and more. You're alive. You have no master. You won't go to Azkaban. You're a hero, sir. I'm so honored to be able to call you a friend and a mentor." She was crying as well.

He tried desperately to collect himself, and eventually succeeded after several minutes of her repeating the same message over and over. He pulled back from her and wiped at his face several times. He looked at her plainly, unguarded. "I am sorry you had to see me like this. I imagine it is... uncomfortable."

She smiled at him and took his hands in hers. "You've nothing to be ashamed of, sir. If it's any consolation, I'll take this to my grave."

He gave her a small smile, something that was totally uncharacteristic of Snape entirely. Then his face turned sad once more. "I have not been free since I was your age."

The admission broke Hermione's heart into a thousand pieces. She'd known Snape had turned to the Death Eaters when he was young and probably freshly out of Hogwarts, but hearing him verbalize that it had been nearly 20 years of his life that he'd spend serving some master or other was devastating. He'd had no opportunity or chance to make any life of his own and he'd wasted so much of his youth. Though witches and wizard lived abnormally long lives compared to muggles, Hermione was certain he'd wanted other things for himself at some point, and that he'd probably imagined as a boy he'd be in a very different spot than he'd ended up in.

"The future is bright, Professor Snape. For all of us."

"Some more the others," He admitted. She conjured a chair next to him and stared out the window and watched the people below working to repair the castle grounds.

Minerva knocked and walked in and asked, "Might I join you?"

Severus nodded, and she conjured a chair on Severus' other side. She touched his hand. "My dear boy, you are a free man at last."

His eyes filled with tears once more, as did Minerva and Hermione's. They sat together in silence for several minutes watching the reparations.

"Reparations are going well. The outside should be nearly fixed within a few days."

"The outside will take less time than the inside," Severus said, and both Gryffindors knew he was not merely talking about the castle.

**"Then again, he supposed the healing process, in contrast to trauma, was gentle and slow... The soft closing of a door, rather than a slam" ~ _Lover Reborn_**


	36. Chapter 36

Over the next several weeks, the castle was nearly repaired. Lupin was completely healed, thanks to his werewolf metabolism and healing, and Fred had recovered almost entirely. Snape was finally allowed to dress himself in something other than pajamas, though not his usual garb. Poppy refused to allow him a tight collar around his neck. He settled for his usual boots, black trousers, and the white undershirt he normally wore, but she'd forced him to leave the collar button and first button open. He felt terribly vulnerable, but knew that a tighter collar would irritate both the bandage and wound on his neck.

He'd been allowed to do more walking, which surprised the people around him, but it came as no surprise that he talked to really nobody. Severus had always kept to himself and no newfound freedom would change that. He was a natural introvert, and was incredibly independent as a human being. Granger would visit from time to time, at least once a week, and she'd informed him that she'd accepted a position as Medi-Witch Apprentice for Poppy. Poppy had actually tested her, and she'd, of course tested out of the entire first year of a two year apprenticeship, much to Poppy's happiness. The woman was desperate to retire after the war, and knowing Hermione would be able to take her place after the coming school year was an absolute delight.

She'd also told him that Potter and Weasley had opted out of their 7th year, as she had, though she intended to sit for her exams. They would head off to Auror training the following week. She spoke often of Weasley, of her hope for their relationship, but he couldn't help but notice that her tone seemed to convey that she felt the relationship was doomed. He said nothing about it all of course. It wasn't any of his business.

Minerva had asked if he wanted the position back as Headmaster, but he had neither accepted nor refused the offer yet. It had been his ultimate goal, to be Headmaster, but the way he had assumed that position had taken a lot of the success he'd hoped he'd one day feel out of it.

He wouldn't be prepared to teach a full load of classes come September, so Lupin's acceptance of the Defense posting had not broken his heart. Lupin was better suited to it anyway, and Severus had every intention of steering clear of the Dark Arts in every way. Speaking was still a struggle for him, so teaching all day would've set back his recovery considerably. Though his voice had returned mostly to its usual velvet, if he talked too much in one day, it quickly turned raspy and became painful.

As he stood in the Hospital Wing while Poppy fussed with his bandage, Lupin approached out of the corner of his eye.

"I hear you are allowed to walk about for a bit on your own now," He said tentatively.

Snape tugged at his opened collar uncomfortably. "It would appear you are as well," He said indifferently.

"Mind if I join you?"

"That would defeat the purpose of walking on my own." Snape's eyes snapped to Lupin's face. The man clearly held no ill intent, but Severus still had reservations, and his first instincts were to distrust, especially around a man who stood by and did nothing while he'd been relentlessly bullied.

"I'd like to talk." Lupin clearly wasn't going to back down, though he was also nervous because he was twisting his wedding band on his ring finger.

Severus narrowed his eyes and considered his options. Anger was harder to maintain, but easier to muster, but he was tired. "Fine."

He brushed by Lupin and began to walk. The werewolf caught up to him. "I thought you'd might like to see the reparations in the Great Hall."

Severus turned left toward the Great Hall. He hadn't been allowed out of the hospital wing since he'd been brought there from the shack, so he hadn't seen much of anything other than that, and the grounds through his window. The pair walked slowly, testing out their healing wounds.

They arrived at the Great Hall after a couple minutes, and Severus pushed open the doors. The hall reparations were finished, except for the window, much to their surprise, and Severus stepped forward into the vast emptiness of the room. He stared at the stage where he'd stood last, and then looked at the the window was still shattered in a Snape-shaped hole.

Lupin followed his gaze. "You know, I've never hated anyone more at any time in my life than I did when I saw you up front as Headmaster of this school that night." Severus turned to him angrily. His eyes were blazing, and he went to give a bitter and scathing response, but Remus held up a hand. "I've never been more wrong about a person in my entire life." Severus stepped back a pace and looked utterly confused. "But that's what we were meant to feel, wasn't it? We were meant to hate you, to distrust you entirely... I am under no illusion that your distaste of me was fake by any means, but the part you played... I don't know that anyone else could've done it. I don't know how you did it, truthfully. It must have been quite lonely."

"I had friends," He answered coolly. If he hadn't had those two friends, he might not have survived at all. He was caught off guard by Lupin's candidness, though the werewolf had always been that way.

"Still... You're very brave, Severus. I am... I am terribly sorry for my idleness as a boy whilst you were being tormented by my friends. Honestly, it was borne mostly out of fear that their antagonization of you would be directed toward me if I stepped in, and that's cowardly. I am ashamed of that, and I hope that someday you might forgive my inaction. We will be working together, in some fashion, for probably many years to come, and I would like it to at least be cordial."

Severus studied him. He must not have been allowed to wear his usual attire either as he was dressed in brown trousers and a light white T-shirt which Severus could see the thick bandages across his chest through the fabric. His hair was more grey than the last time he'd truly seen Lupin, and he looked quite exhausted. What Lupin had said had meant a lot to Severus, though he wouldn't be likely to admit that openly.

"Whatever lies ahead, I do not want it to be rooted in the past," Severus said. It was the best he could offer the other wizard, and Lupin nodded, and his eyes moved back to the stained glass. "They'd better fix that. Not sure what kind of lunatic would jump through that."

Snape didn't say anything, and followed Lupin back to the Hospital Wing in silence. Once he was back on his room, he laid in his bed to rest and sleep found him quickly. The road to recovery wasn't going to be easy, but if he could make it easier on himself, why shouldn't he?

**"'In the east,' she says after a time, her gaze still downcast, 'there is a tradition known as kintsukuroi. It is the practice of mending broken ceramic pottery using lacquer dusted with gold and silver and other precious metals. It is meant to symbolize that things can be more beautiful for having been broken.'**

**'Why are you telling me this?' I ask.**

**At last she looks at me. Her irises are polished obsidian in the moonlight. 'Because I want you to know,' she says, 'that there is life after survival.'" ~ A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue**


	37. Chapter 37

Author's Note: Hopefully, you find this conversation with Harry as therapeutic as I did writing it. With everything laid out on the table for everyone, including Harry, to see, I didn't think it would be feasible for someone as practical as Snape for him to avoid an inevitable conversation. Snape survived, so a conversation must happen. Harry knows all the details, which makes it a bit easier on Snape, I'd imagine. I also don't think Severus would try to pointlessly drag out the conversation by manipulating away from answering. Like a bandaid, just rip it off quickly!

As there were no open teaching positions that he desired, and because Minerva very much desired to retain her position as Gryffindor Head of House and Transfiguration Professor, Severus decided to resume his position as Headmaster after much encouragement from McGonagall.

He was, finally, rearranging the office to his liking when a knock came at his door. "Enter."

Harry Potter walked into the office and Severus froze. He'd expected Potter at some point, but found himself completely unprepared at that moment.

"Mister Potter," He greeted smoothly, hiding his anxiety.

"Professor... Er... Headmaster."

"Either work," He said. It was a relief to Snape that Potter seemed as uncomfortable as he felt.

"Right. I was... Er... Wondering if you had some time to talk."

He'd also expected Potter to come with questions eventually. Swallowing nervously, Snape pulled at his unbuttoned collar. The thick bandage at his neck remained despite a month and a half passing since he'd been injured. He looked at his desk, and moved to the chair behind it. Gesturing to the chair across from him, he offered Potter a seat. His black eyes watched Potter squirm across from him.

"I know... Er... I know this is probably as awkward for me as it is for you, but I've... Got loads of questions."

"That is unsurprising," Severus acknowledged, and it was true. He'd shown Potter a great deal in the memories he'd given him.

"I don't want to upset you or anything, and I understand that there might be things that you'd prefer not to discuss right now, but I'd... Like to talk. If you're willing."

Snape tapped his slender fingers on the desk. It couldn't be avoided forever. "Very well. I will do my best to answer."

"You met my mother before Hogwarts?"

Severus shifted. "You certainly waste no time getting into the mess of it, but yes. You already knew as much."

"Right. Sorry. Umm..." Harry stumbled for words.

"I cannot take points from you anymore..." Snape said.

"Can... Can you tell me about her? My mother," Harry said timidly.

Severus' eyes went out of focus for a minute as he pondered his question. Of course he'd want to know about his mother. What child wouldn't? But Severus was uneasy with the question. Still, he owed Potter that and much more, didn't he? After all, he was the reason Potter didn't know her.

"She was intelligent, curious, loyal, sensitive, and stubborn. Not unlike yourself."

"You never found me particularly intelligent," Harry said.

"You are a bloody menace in a Potions lab, but your other teachers said you excelled," Severus responses evenly.

Harry snorted. "I am awful at Potions."

"Indeed."

"I just... What I saw of my dad, I didn't like much. I hope to be more like my mother."

"You are their son. You are like both of them, and you are like yourself."

"How, sir?"

Leaning back into his chair, Severus touched a long finger to his temple. "Apart from the physical, you are athletically gifted, as your father was. Both of your parents were loyal. Both of them were, to most people, charming and likeable, as you have been to most people. In personality, I think you are much more like your mother. She just wanted to succeed, to excel, and I saw that in you as a student. You are different though. You're more reserved than either of them ever were, more large picture and broad strokes. You are not easily swayed by the people around you, though you are, to your credit, usually humble enough to list to their advice. I believe your upbringing has much to do with how you differ from them."

Harry's brow furrowed. "Upbringing?"

Severus gritted his teeth. "I am the reason your parents were taken from you. I did not cast either of them down, but I set in motion the chain of events that directly led to their demise, and your orphaning."

Harry frowned deeply, and his eyes hardened a bit. "You told Voldemort about the prophecy."

"Yes," He said. He could not deny that, though he so badly wished it weren't true.

"You didn't know about me then. Professor Dumbledore told me that after Professor Trelawney told me that you had overheard her making the prophecy that night, and that you'd run to Voldemort to tell him." Each time Potter said the Dark Lord's name, Snape flinched reflexively.

"No. I didn't."

"Professor Dumbledore also said that he believed it to be the greatest regret of your life. Is that true?"

"Yes," Severus answered quietly, and he looked at the bookshelf to his right absently.

"Would you have told him if you'd known about me? That it could've meant me, my family?"

"Absolutely not," He answered with finality.

"You loved her that much? You would've kept that secret from your master?"

"Yes," Severus said. He locked eyes with those famous emerald orbs.

"Why didn't you do anything more to protect me? To protect her? To protect my dad?"

"I did everything I could possibly do," Severus said softly. His faced turned dark with sadness. "I begged for her life, for your family's lives."

"You begged Dumbledore for our lives. You begged Voldemort for hers."

Severus looked down at the desk between them. Potter's words had been bitter and a bit angry. "Yes."

"You didn't care at all about me? Or my dad?"

"There is no excusing the fact that I was short-sighted, selfish, and desperate," Severus admitted. "I know that it probably causes you great pain and anxiety, but I spent your entire life trying to protect you, trying to atone for my selfishness."

"But you hated me!" Harry yelled. "You hated me because I survived."

"Careful, Potter," Severus warned.

Harry shut his mouth tightly for a moment and took a deep breath. "That's how it felt at least."

"It was easiest to keep you at more than arm's length. That way, I couldn't see how much of your mother was in you. I wouldn't have to look into the eyes of the woman I inadvertently killed on the face of the man who tormented me in my youth. If I kept you at bay, I wouldn't have to see the living, breathing reminder of what I'd done more than I absolutely had to."

Snape's transparency disarmed Harry for a long moment. Then, he changed course and asked, "If my mother hadn't been in danger, do you reckon you would've betrayed the Death Eaters?"

"Doing what I did was no small task, Potter. Leaving the Death Eaters was impossible. Once marked, you were the Dark Lord's forever."

"But you did betray them."

"At great cost to myself," Severus said.

"You really believed in what they stood for?"

"No," Severus admitted after a long pause. "I did not join them because I believed in their cause. I joined because I was alone, scared, I was good at the Dark Arts, though I had no real inclination to enjoy Dark Magic. I merely felt defenseless and it gave me a sense of power. The Death Eaters were, at the time, a bunch of fanatical schoolmates of mine. The Dark Lord was, then, much like the muggle Adolf Hitler was at first. He was smooth talking, spoke to the broken youth, and appealed to their desire for a sense of unity and power."

Harry thought about what Snape had said. "You're half-blood. How did you convince him to take you? Most of Slytherin is pure-blood, and most of his followers were in Slytherin."

"You know as well as I do that the Dark Lord was also half-blood. My academic skill did not make his debate a difficult one. I was an asset, and one that he wanted close to Dumbledore, and the only one he felt he could get hired here at Hogwarts."

"So, you would've stayed? If my mother hadn't been the target?"

"This is a pointless "what-if." At the time, many of us considered behind closed doors the cost of leaving, and the slim chance we'd be able to succeed at it. When the Dark Lord was all talk, and no action, things were okay for many of us. It provided a sense of protection, security, and we were treated in ways many of us lacked growing up - with loyalty, with promises of a better future, with 'friends.' Then, when it came time for action, and the actions were as egregious and hideous as they were, many of us realized we'd made the wrong choice. It was futile, of course, to realize our mistake whilst up to our neck in it."

Harry sensed Snape's tension and frustration at the line of questioning, but he couldn't let it go. "My mother was enough of a reason to betray them."

"Betraying them was something I did privately up until very recently. Leaving them outright and openly would have been impossible. Others were killed without an ounce of hesitation for trying. On the outside, I was still 'in,' so to speak. It was the only way to right what I'd done, and the only way I could align myself more with my actual moral compass."

"So, you believed in our cause?"

"Yes," Severus answered. "Despite what you think, I am not like the monster that branded me."

"Yet you took his mark..."

"You saw bits of my childhood, you saw my experiences at Hogwarts, you saw my fascination with the Dark Arts as a means to protect myself and release the angst inside of me. When an opportunity arose to make myself powerful rather than powerless, yes, I jumped at it, like a starving dog would at a steak."

"People make mistakes," Harry admitted.

"Usually not as horrific as the ones I've made," Severus admitted darkly.

"It is our choices," Harry whispered.

"What?" Severus asked and his brow furrowed.

"Just something Professor Dumbledore said. He said it's our choices, not our abilities, that show us who we truly are, and I think you've done that. Sure, you made bad choices, but you tried to fix it... Longer than anyone else would have probably. Sirius told me once that everyone's got Dark and Light inside them, and that it's what we choose to act upon that matters most. Sure, you've got d

Dark inclinations, and you've done Dark things, but when it came down to it, when it really mattered most, you chose Light."

Snape stared off at the bookshelf behind Potter's head as he pondered boy's statement. He'd never sounded more like Lily had then he did right now. He truly was her son. After several minutes, Potter broke the silence. "Do you still love her? Do you still miss her?"

Severus stiffened quite a bit at those questions. Swallowing an angry remark back down, he took a deep breath. Potter looked pensive and sad. "Grief is unending."

Largely, he'd avoided answering those questions directly, and Potter didn't press for more specific answers. Instead, he looked directly at Snape for the first time in several minutes. "Hermione really looks up to you, you know. I'm glad she's got a friend that's more on her intellectual level. Y'know, sometimes she gets on these tangents and... It just makes my head spin."

Severus smirked slightly, just barely. "Indeed."

"I'll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk with me, and, if you're open to it, I'd quite like to be able to talk again. Consider it an olive branch?"

Severus took a moment to absorb what he'd said, and then nodded once. He watched the boy turn and walk to the door, but raised an eyebrow when he stopped and turned back around.

"You know, I think she'd forgive you. My mother, I mean. I think she'd go back and forgive you when you were at school if she could've, and I'd think she'd definitely forgive you now. My dad, too. I know it's just assumptions, but I know it in my heart. I know they'd forgive you just like I do. I just hope you can forgive yourself," Harry said and then he abruptly turned and left Snape's office, leaving the dark haired Professor stunned in his wake. Then, Snape leaned forward and put his head in his hands and cried once more.

**"You chose a villain role because you were not destined for another and I do not, in sound mind, resent you for being that way because you knew not any other."~ _Night Tide Musings_**


	38. Chapter 38

Severus could not remember a time in his life when he'd felt more nervous for a first day of school than he did that September.

"They're almost all ready, Severus," Minerva informed him as he fidgeted with the tall collar around the angry red scarring on his neck.

"It doesn't bloody fasten," He grumbled. "It's still too bloody swollen and irritated."

Minerva approached him, and took a look at the thick, rope-like scars on the side of his neck. The peeked out of the top of his collar when she tried to fasten it, but showed more fully with the top two final buttons undone. He wanted to hide it, she could tell, and she understood his anxieties.

"I understand you don't want people to see," She started, but he huffed in frustration.

"Of course I don't. Glamour Charms don't work because it of the magical nature of the wound. Poppy says nothing can be done except wait for the scarring to lessen and calm down. It gets more irritated the more I try to make the bloody collar work. Look at this, Minerva," He said and yanked his collar down to show the wound more fully. "It's awful." His voice was quiet now as he stared beyond her into the mirror above the pensieve. "Children don't need to see this..."

She sighed and patted his chest. "Lad, the world knows you were injured."

"I don't wish to be stared at any more than I already will be."

"I know you're self-conscious about it, worried about how it could possibly frighten the students, but Severus, many of them fought along side us, or had parents or siblings or friends who did. You nearly died, but those marks on your neck are physical representations that you made it."

He stiffened as he continued to stare at the scarring. It was tender still, and angry looking because he'd tugged so hard on the collar. "Perhaps a bandage?"

She frowned. "I suppose that might help with irritation."

"My own irritation? Or the wound?"

"Hopefully both," She snorted and magicked a white bandage to the side of his neck. Immediately, he felt relief at having hidden it for the most part and the cool cloth felt good against the scars. She looked at him. "You look so very tired, Severus. You're still not sleeping well?"

He shook his head once sharply. Nightmares of the Shrieking Shack plagued his sleep every time he closed his eyes. Sometimes, it was exactly as it had been that night and someone's other things happened, like Voldemort would return and attack Granger and Minerva for helping him. In addition to his lack of slee, his energy levels obviously suffered as well. He couldn't walk for long periods of time without becoming tired, but it was improving weekly. His voice tired easily as well, but he'd also made progress there.

"Are you ready?"

"Minerva, I..." He said softly. "I am afraid. Of the crowd. Of the public. Of being judged."

The admission was one he'd never thought he would voice, but the small boy in him was loud. The uncharacteristic emotional confession was torn from him before he could stop it.

"I understand the anxiety, Severus, but you have friends, and these students look up to you quite a bit already. You're a hero, and deserve to be treated as such."

He looked away from her. "I never wanted to be a hero. I just wanted to do the right thing for once in my life. I did so many things wrong..."

She touched her hand to his face and he flinched. "You did the right thing, my boy. You did. Now, you're free. You can make all the right decisions for you."

He closed his eyes and relished in the feel of her hand on his face. Severus was not a man who liked being touched, but that was only because he was so unused to it. Long ago, his mother had loved him, but she had a laundry list of her own issues and problems, and Severus had unfortunately fallen to the wayside.

Minerva was the closest thing he'd had since he'd been a small boy, and he'd always admired her tenacity and ferocious approach to life. She was unfailingly loyal and good, and she was everything he would have wanted his own mother to be. Her thumb stroked his cheek and then she sighed. "You could make this easier on yourself, lad."

"How?" He looked back at her.

"Speak to the media. Stop denying their every request to talk with you." He shook his head and stepped backward. "You're Headmaster of this school, Severus. You cannot avoid them forever."

"No," He said lowly.

"Why, Severus? They're not going to go away. You can't avoid them forever. The Headmaster has to have a good relationship with the media."

"You know what they'll ask about," He said pointedly.

"Of course they'll ask, but that doesn't mean you've got to answer those questions," Minerva reminded him.

"They won't stop asking. You know that. They never will."

"Then talk with them. Tell them your story, so you can be left in peace."

"My story was told for me. Perhaps they should interview Potter, or Granger, or you, or even Albus' portrait. Gods know he loves talking."

"You're a hero in our world, Severus. You simply cannot avoid it forever."

"It's not what I wanted!" He snapped. "I never wanted to be a hero. I never wanted this attention. Heroes are people like you, or Potter, Granger, Weasley, hell, even Longbottom, damn it. Not me. I didn't want this. I was trying to atone for what I did. I didn't do it for God, and I certainly didn't do it for glory."

"What _do _you want?" She asked softly.

"Peace," He answered quietly.

"My uncle used to say that the only way out of the shit was through it," She said. "He was a rather crude man."

He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not ready." Severus tugged at his collar again.

"On your terms, then. But eventually, you'll have to start running your own errands. I'm old, Severus." She raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Now, stop fussing with your blessed collar, and let's go down to the feast."

**"It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over." ~ _The Zahir_**


	39. Chapter 39

The school year progressed well, but Severus often found students either terrified at the sight of him or heroizing him. Honestly, he wasn't sure which was which, so he stayed to himself. There were two kinds of Headmasters anyway - ones who dealt in business and ones who dealt in people. As Severus had never been a people person, the former was fine with him. He wasn't necessarily bad with people by any means. Interactions he had with students had been surprisingly pleasant, and the staff were pleased with his leadership.

Shortly before the holiday break, Hermione knocked at his office door. He was used to her visiting usually once weekly and they would play chess and have tea, discuss coursework or curriculum or her training, but she's already visited that week. It was unusual for her to make a second visit, especially one that was unexpected.

"Enter."

"Hi, Professor," She said. When he looked up from his paperwork, he noticed that her eyes were red and puffy. She was pale and had dark circles her eyes. Her arms were crossed across her stomach.

He narrowed his eyes and studied her as she sat stiffly across from him. He did not like to see someone he considered such a close friend to be so upset. "Something is wrong."

"It's Ron..." She said.

Severus' brow furrowed. She rarely talked about her relationship with Weasley. He found it a bit odd that she neglected the subject with him, but she realized she was probably doing it for Severus' own comfort. "What's he done?"

"He's not done anything," She snapped. She clearly didn't appreciate his insinuation. "He came to visit this morning, and we had a really difficult chat."

He took a slow breath in, and asked patiently, "And?"

"He wants to see more of me. I'm here all the time. I live here, and I have to stay on holidays. We talked about whether or not it could work, what we both want... I'm achievement and professionally driven, but I do want a family. He wants all of that now, and I don't know how patient he will be..." She stopped talking when she realized Snape's face had darkened considerably. Then, she added, "I thought if I spoke with you about it that you might give me leave for the holiday."

Snape steepled his hands and touched the tips of his fingers to his nose as he watched her. Then, he said quietly, "Granger, you should not have to compromise your own goals and aspirations."

"Relationships are supposed to be about compromise," She said in irritation. Her eyes narrowed at him.

"Read that in a book, did you?" He growled at her. He'd no idea why she was taking her frustrations out on him but he was quickly growing tired of it.

They sat in relative silence, mostly because Snape was forcing his temper back into check. Granger stared indignantly at the floor.

"Granger..." He started and her fiery eyes met his.

"Are you going to give me leave or not?"

He scowled at her tone. "Throwing a tantrum will get you no favors."

She frowned, but quickly mumbled, "Sorry."

He nodded once, and then ask, "Can I speak?" She nodded, and he took a deep breath. "Granger, if he loves you, if he truly loves you, he would not ask you to compromise your aspirations and dreams. He would wait as long as it took for you to get where you'd like to be professionally. What are a few years in comparison to the rest of your lives?"

Hermione couldn't really argue him there. "I think he just feels pressured by his mum, and the fact that Harry and Ginny are already engaged."

"His mother cannot control this, while Molly Weasley certainly might try. You are not Miss Weasley and he is not Mister Potter. Your timeline is your own," He said. He'd hoped he was getting through to her because he very much didn't want her to waste all of her love for helping people and all of her potential to run off and marry Weasley and put all of that on the back burner, or maybe off the stove entirely.

"He's done a lot of compromise with my scheduling already and it's not even been a full year," She pointed out. "It's not fair for me to table our relationship like this and just ask him to be okay with it..."

"Relationships..." He started but she cut him off furiously.

"Well, you'd certainly know all about those, wouldn't you?" She snapped and then immediately clapped her hand over ner mouth. Her stress had gotten the best of her and she'd lashed out at the last person on earth who deserved it.

His face turned stony and he sat up straight against his chair. "Despite what my personal history might be, I do know the theory of how relationships work. I believe it's time you left, Granger. Take whatever leave you feel is necessary for your _relationship," _He seethed. "If Madam Pomfrey takes issue with it, send her to me."

He looked away from her, and back to the paperwork on his desk. She said, "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean it."

"You said exactly what you meant, and you meant to cut deeply. You meant to hurt me as badly as he hurt you. If I am honest, I'm not sure which truth makes me angrier. Now, leave."

"I'm so sorry..."

"LEAVE!" He bellowed and slammed his hands down on his desk hard.

The door closed behind her as she fled his office crying. He stared at the door long after she'd left. Rationally, he knew she was overly stressed and tired. He could see that on her face. She was emotional and angry and upset and frustrated and scared. She would have lashed out at anyone that had come into contact with her. He knew this, but it didn't dull the pain of what she'd said, the weapon she'd wielded against him. Sighing, he rubbed at his temples with his fingers. His stomach ached, his head hurt, and he was sure she'd apologize more, but he wasn't sure he could forgive her.

**"Irene Finney had taken her daughter's death and to that sorrow she'd added a long life of entitlement and disappointment, of privilege and pride. And the dagger she'd fashioned was taking a brief break from slashing her insides, and was now pointed outward." ~ _A Rule Against Murder_**


	40. Chapter 40

After repeatedly refusing attempts from Minerva to drag him to the Christmas Eve party with the rest of the staff, she'd finally left Severus alone in his office. He wasn't in the mood for people, and he was still feeling over what Hermione had said to him. It hurt. Badly. No matter how he could rationalize her lashing out, it hurt.

There was a knock at his door. Furious that Minerva had either returned or sent another staff member to badger him, he swung the door open angrily. "I told you..." He froze when he met the whiskey colored eyes of Hermione Granger. "What?" He couldn't hide his irritation with her presence.

"I wanted to talk."

"Shouldn't you be salvaging your _relationship?" _He asked angrily. "Of course, I wouldn't know anything about _that._"

"I deserve that," She admitted quietly. "Can we talk, please?"

Begrudgingly, he opened the door further and allowed her entrance before shutting it behind her. "What do you want?"

"I want to apologize, sir."

He rolled his eyes. "Right. Go on, then. Let's make this quick."

"Please..." She said softly as he turned his back on her and looked out the window.

He turned back to her with a look of fury on her face that made her flinch. "What, Granger?"

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me..." Her quiet and tear filled voice broke him and he staggered back away from her. "I don't want to lose your friendship, and I'll do whatever it takes to make this right. I'll stay here all night if that's what it takes. I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry."

Her apology took him back to that night outside Gryffindor Tower, when he'd begged for Lily's forgiveness. He'd uttered something to her that was, truly, unforgivable. Had it been though? Could Lily have forgiven him? Should she have? He should have never called her that, but they were supposed to be best friends. Isn't friendship greater than a moment of lapsed control borne out of frustration and humiliation?

Then, he realized that the tables had turned. He could send Granger away, as Lily had done to him. What she'd said to him was as unforgivable as what he'd said to Lily. She'd used something he was so very insecure of, so very broken over, against him as a weapon. She'd cut deep, and he'd done the same thing to Lily. As he stared at the crying young woman before him, he realized this was the greatest moment of departure he'd yet to come to - the moment where he could do different than what had been done to him. Relationships, including friendships, took work, took commitment, and there was no point in them at all if one didn't make the investment on good days and on bad.

Taking a deep and shaky breath, he said, "I forgive you."

She cried harder. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "You know more of me than any other person on this planet. I forgive you, because our friendship is worth it."

She looked at him curiously for a moment, studying him, analyzing his words. Then, the realization dawned on her - he was growing, right in front of her, being better than what he'd experienced, and she smiled. "Thank you."

She stepped forward cautiously and he looked a little wary of her approach. "Shouldn't you be with Weasley and his family? It's Christmas Eve."

"Probably," She said. "But I couldn't focus, even with my parents there as well. I've been a wreck since I said what I said..."

He scratched at his scars that were peeking out above his collar. "I have been unwell also."

"The staff has a party, don't they? Why aren't you there?"

"For the same reasons you are not at that God forsaken Weasley infested Burrow..."

She laughed at that, and he smirked. "Can we play a game of chess? Then you can go to your party, and I can go to mine?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Who said I wanted to go to my party at all?"

"Come now, Professor," She teases. "You're always down for a party."

He snorted, and pulled out his chessboard. "If you beat me, I'll go to my party."

"I guess it's good I've been letting you win, then. Prepare for some socialization, sir," She said lightly.

He huffed af the insinuation. Granger repeatedly ran circles around him in chess, but he'd always managed to beat her. That would change that night. She'd royally destroyed him. He hung his head in his hands in defeat.

"Bloody hell," He moaned.

"Gryffindor 1, Slytherin 0."

"Technically, it's more like Slytherin 500, Gryffindor 1."

"Our record reset tonight," She quipped.

"Not likely," He grumbled and returned his chess board to the shelf behind his desk. "Off you go then. I've no interest in seeing you gloat. Floo is open."

"You'll go to the staff party? You shouldn't spend Christmas Eve alone."

"I happen to like being alone. Besides, a couple of persistent Gryffindors have bothered me all day."

"You'll go to the staff party, or you'll come with me to the Burrow."

He stiffened. "To a very drunken Minerva I go, then."

She chuckled. "Happy Christmas."

He inclined his head. "Happy Christmas."

"Don't think of bailing, Snape. I'll be asking Professor McGonagall."

He snorted. "You're assuming she'd remember at this point if I showed or not." Hermione crossed her arms and glared at him. He held up his hands. "I will go."

"Thank you," She said and her statement was weighted with multiple meanings.

"Go, Granger."

"The Burrow!" She said clearly and disappeared into a wall of green flames.

Severus buttoned his collar fully. The swelling in his neck had finally gone down enough to allow him to button it entirely. He headed down to the Great Hall. He could hear the staff, and the music, well before he pushed the doors open. When he did, he was greeted by enthusiastic cheers from the crowd.

"Severus, my boy!" A very red faced Slughorn said and raised his glass.

"Oh, Ssseverus!" Minerva slurred. "Have a drink!" He took the proffered champagne reluctantly.

"Nonsense, you blasted lion," Slughorn waved his hand. "Slytherins drink whiskey!" He handed Snape a glass of whiskey on ice and quickly set the champagne down on the table. Minerva looked positively irate, and turned to give Slughorn a piece of her mind.

**"Because there is no power on earth that could make me abandon our friendship. There is no deed you could confess so dark that it would make me forsake you. You said of us once that we were quicksilver and the rest of the world mud. We are alike, shaped by Nature in the same mold, and whatever that signifies, it means that to spurn each other would be to spit in the face of whatever deity has seen fit to bring us together. We are the same, and to leave you would be to leave myself." ~ A Treacherous Curse**


	41. Chapter 41

Toward the end of the year, on the anniversary of the end of the war, the Ministry decided to hold a ball to commentate the date, much to Snape's dismay. It would take place on Saturday, May 1st.

It was Saturday, May 1st, and Severus stood in the mirror adjusting dress robes Minerva had purchased for him and demanded he wear.

"Stop fussing," She chided. "It's all black. It's essentially the same thing you always wear."

"If it's essentially the same, then I don't understand why I can't wear what I always wear," He grumbled and tugged at the black satin bow tie.

"You look dashing," She smiled at him.

"I've no interest in looking dashing," He said.

"Come now. I'm sure all the ladies will agree with me. I've seen all the fan mail you get."

"I care very little for what those fame-mongers think. I burn all the mail."

"Of course you do," She sighed. "Let's go."

With a final tug at his bow tie, he followed her out the door. Once they arrived in the Great Hall, Kingsley stood in front of them.

"Professor McGonagall," He greeted the Gryffindor Head of House and kissed her cheek. "Headmaster Snape," Kingsley gave the slender man a nod.

"The Hall looks lovely," Minerva began idle small chat, which Severus hated, and his eyes panned the room.

He spotted Granger next to Ginerva Weasley and Harry Potter standing next to a table filled with Butterbeer. All three were formally dressed. Moving to her, he stood behind her and Hermione watched as Harry and Ginny reflexively flinched as their former teacher towered behind their friend.

"Judging by the looks on your faces, Snape must be behind me," She laughed and turned to him.

"Mister Potter. Miss Weasley. I hear... congratulations are in order," He said coolly.

"Thank you, Professor Snape. We've actually got an invitation for you," Harry said and looked to Ginny, who rummaged in her clutch.

She handed Snape the wedding invitation and he glanced at it, and then tucked it into his robe pocket. "I will look at my schedule," He said. "Miss Granger, If I might have a word...?"

She raised an eyebrow and followed him outside into the courtyard. "What's wrong?"

"I've heard you interviewed at St. Mungo's," He said. When she started to explain, he held up a hand. "Whatever they've offered you, I'll pay that plus half, I will give you free lodging, and meals."

She looked at him wide eyed, and glanced over her shoulder to where Harry and Ginny and now Ron were standing watch the two of them talk. "Sir... I..."

Snape followed her gaze for a moment and then looked back to her. "And I will give you whatever leave you need to appease Weasley."

"Professor, that's too much..."

"I can handle weekend Hospital Wing duties. You would, of course, have to be on call whilst you are away in case of emergency, but I'm certain I can handle any incidences that may arise," He said smoothly.

"Why?"

"Do you doubt my abilities?"

"No. Of course not. I meant... Why are you doing this?"

"You are competent, capable beyond measure, an alumni of this school, and would be a valuable asset on this staff," He said.

"I... Wow... Um... Thank you?" She offered, clearly in shock that he'd made such an offer. "Can I... Think about it? Talk it over with Ron?"

"Certainly," He said.

"Oy! 'Mione!" Ron shouted at her across the courtyard.

She closed her eyes and sighed. "He's been drinking again."

Snape's scrutinizing eyes assesses Weasley. "Indeed."

She turned and walked away from him, and he turned toward the grounds and walked away from the castle. He made his way to the Whomping Willow and admired the beastly tree. Pomona had spent extensive time healing this tree, and it was finally showing some life. Pulling his ebony wand from his sleeve, he froze it briefly, and slipped into the tunnel.

He closed his eyes as steadied himself. He hadn't returned to the Shrieking Shack since he'd been bitten by that blasted snake, but it felt right to do it now, on the eve of the one year anniversary of the event. His heart was beating wildly as he made his way through the tunnel and up the rickety wooden staircases of the Shack. Touching the door with his toe, it opened with a loud creak.

He stepped inside and looked at the floor. He felt nauseous instantly as he saw the blood stained wood. _His _blood. He heard a noise behind him and turned with his wand drawn only to find Granger, wide eyed, staring at the floor as well.

Lowering his wand, he said, "What're you doing here?"

"I followed you," She shuddered.

"Clearly. Why?"

"I saw you walking down this way, and I figured you might be coming here, though I hoped you weren't," She said and her eyes didn't leave the blood stains.

He turned to look at the stain again. It was amazing, really, that someone could lose so much blood and survive. "I have not been here since that night."

"Nor have I," She breathed.

As he stared at the rusty colored stain on the pale and scratched floorboards, she moved next to him. "I almost died here. In this bloody Shack," He said softly.

"Almost," She acknowledged.

"You saved me," He admitted. "I suppose I should thank you."

"You once told me that I should've left you to die here," Hermione recalled.

"I've said many things I regret. That was one of them."

"I forgive you," She said. "Besides, I owed you. You saved me that night after Malfoy Manor..."

"A life-debt for a life-debt?" He looked at her with that infamously raised dark eyebrow.

"Something like that," She said and they were silent once more.

She put her right hand on his right arm and leaned her head against his arm. It was a rare sign of affection between friends who usually preferred sarcastic barbs and banter to anything openly friendly, but he appreciated it though he stood stiffly next to her, and it slowed his racing heartbeat.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Weasley appeared behind them and Hermione turned to greet him. "Why're you here, with _him?_"

"In case you've forgotten, Ron, Professor Snape nearly died here," She said angrily. Weasley was glassy eyed and red faced.

"Yeah, and?"

"He came here for closure," She said, and Harry and Ginny appeared behind Weasley.

"What's going on?" Ginny asked and looked between Ron and Hermione.

"Ron's had a bit too much to drink. Again," She said.

"Oh, right, blame me. Typical. I've just walked in on you and Snape."

Harry's eyes went wide and looked between Snape and Hermione, and Snape looked furious. "Sorry, What?" Harry asked.

"He's 'come here for closure,' she says," Ron said mockingly. "She's come here to be his _friend._ She was hugging him."

"Oh, hardly, Ronald!" Hermione yelled. "It wasn't even a hug!"

"Let's everyone just calm down," Harry suggested.

"Calm down? The greasy git just had his paws on _my _girlfriend."

Snape scowled at the student's use of the juvenile and cruel nickname.

"Ron, I think you're misunderstanding," Ginny tried to intervene.

"Oh, now I'm the bad guy?" Ron said and stumbled away from the group. "C'mon. We all know he's bad deep down. And we all know he's got a thing for girls like Hermione."

The room went silent, and then Hermione said in a very cold voice, "Girls like me?"

Ron turned more red. "I only meant, you know, muggleborns."

"Why you insolent little..." Snape's wand was drawn in an instant, but Potter beat him to the punch. Literally. With a hard right hook, the smaller and more slender Gryffindor felled the redhead in one blow.

Ron squirmed on the ground, and Ginny pointed her wand at her brother and hit him with a brutal Bat Bogey Hex. Crying out in pain, the freckle faced boy inched away from the group as bats flew out of his nose.

Satisfied, Severus slid his wand back into his sleeve. Hermione was practically vibrating with anger. Harry looked absolutely irate, and Ginny looked disgusted.

"Professor Snape?" Hermione asked. "I'd like to accept that job offer now, seeing as I've no relationship to negotiate anymore."

Snape smirked, and looked at Weasley, who was still snorting out bat and already sporting a black and blue swollen eye. "Lovely."

**"None of us knew how terribly these two fine people suffered in secret. I do not think that they ever stopped loving each other, but deep down in their nature they did not belong to one another." ~ _Gertrude_**


	42. Chapter 42

"Fetch Miss Granger, Dobby," He told the overly eager house elf.

Within minutes, prompt as ever, Hermione Granger knocked on his door. "Enter," He said.

"Professor? You needed me?"

"Ah. Yes. Sit," He said curtly an gestured to the chair across from him. She looked nervous as she sat across from him.

"Have I done something wrong, sir?" She asked.

"It has come to my attention that today is your 20th birthday..." He drawled and she relaxed.

"Who told you?"

"Your birth date popped up on my calendar when I hired you on as a staff member," He said casually. He leaned back into his chair, one elbow propped on the arm of he chair, with his fingers holding his face. "Now, I have something for you..."

"Sir, really, that's not necessary..." She started.

He looked at her coolly. "I have two things for you. The first is a demand. You must stop calling me 'sir' or 'professor' when we are alone, or with only other staff members, or in public."

She looked at him wide eyed. "But I..."

"I do have an actual name. Surely, you know it by now..." He said sarcastically. "I am no longer your superior in a way that demands a title like 'sir.' Every other staff member calls their colleagues by their first names, except you."

"But... They were my teachers."

"And they are not anymore," He said and eyed her. "You must make the transition from student to staff. This is part of that. These are no longer your teachers. They can continue to be mentors, but they are colleagues now, and friends," He explained.

"Does that mean you're going to call me Hermione?" She asked.

He narrowed his eyes. "I'd forgotten you had a first name at all." His voice was thick with light mockery.

"Arse," She said and then clapped her hand over her mouth. "Sorry!"

"Even _that _is better than _sir._"

She smiled at him, but then frowned. He asked, "What's wrong?"

"Ron keeps writing," She said.

"Still? He is persistently annoying. I'll give him that."

"He claims he no longer wants a relationship. He wrote today to wish me happy birthday, to say he's dating Lavender Brown again, and to say he wishes to repair our friendship," She explained.

"He wrote to you to say happy birthday and in the same sentence told you he was seeing someone else?" The Weasley boldness never failed to surprise him.

"Not exactly the same sentence. Honestly, I don't care that he's seeing her again. She's more his type, and she'll be happy to be barefoot and forever pregnant."

Snape snorted at her words. Brown did seem the type, yes. "And what of your friendship?"

She looked at him and bit her lip. "I miss our friendship. Harry and Ginny have been on my side the entire time, but it's awkward for them and I can sense it stresses them."

"What he said..." Severus started.

"He didn't mean it," She said quickly.

"Nor did I," Severus said, and she looked at him closely for a moment. "But If he says it again... If he even implies..."

"I think Ginny and Harry would kill him," Hermione laughed.

Severus stared at her for a long moment. "Do not let a bad moment ruin a lifetime of friendship. If the moments add up, then it would be time to reconsider."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Thank you."

Nervously, he looked away from her. He was so uncomfortable with any unpredictable emotional displays. "Now then..." He pulled a package from his desk drawer. It was neatly wrapped in brown paper with twine tying it together. He slid it across his desk toward her. "Hopefully, this will make up for all the birthdays I've neglected in our friendship."

She opened the package and gasped when she saw the book before her. "Sir, this is too much. It's first edition. This must've cost a fortune."

"Severus," He said.

She looked at him and shook her head, "I can't accept this."

He frowned. "I've no use for a first edition of Advanced Healing Magic..."

"I... Thank you," She whispered as she touched the old but pristine cover.

"You're welcome," He said softly.

"Did you... Did you go out and buy this?"

"Absolutely not," He scoffed. "Minerva loves to run errands for me."

"I have a feeling she doesn't love to do that actually," Hermione pointed out.

Severus rolled his shoulder nonchalantly, and she smirked. He raised an eyebrow. "What devilish scheme are you plotting now?"

"I have a birthday wish. Well, two... But you can choose between either."

"You know very well I will refuse anything I do not wish to do," He retorted.

"You've not even heard what I'm going to propose..."

"Fine," He sighed.

"For my birthday, I would like you to either accompany me, and the rest of the staff, down to Hog's Head for a drink, or... I'd like to you attend Harry's wedding in Paris with the rest of the staff and me."

"Potter's wedding is over the holidays," He said pointedly. "Your birthday is today."

"Then Hog's Head?" He paled and stiffened, and she backtracked immediately. "I'm sorry. I've upset you. I don't know what I did exactly. I know you don't like going out in public. I should've never pressed."

He stared at the window to his right and her left. He was quiet for several minutes as she sat anxiously across from him. "I have not been to that pub since I overheard the prophecy."

Her lips parted. "I'm sorry. I didn't... I should've put that together."

He was quiet across from her. She watched his jaw twitching slowly as he remembered that night when he'd eavesdropped and overheard information that inadvertently gotten his best friend and childhood love killed.

"I cannot go back there," He said softly. "I apologize."

"No, it's my fault. I asked without thinking. It was silly of me. I would've suggest the Three Broomsticks, but too many students go there. I suppose anywhere in Hogsmeade would have the press on you like bees to honey..."

"Probably," He admitted.

"Are you okay?" She asked tentatively.

He looked at her with a sort of vacant and unreadable expression on his face. "Of course."

"We could have a drink here. That is, if you've got anything up here."

He looked at her and said dryly, "A Headmaster always has good drink on hand, though I'm afraid it's bourbon."

She shrugged. "I've never had it."

"It's a bit strong," He admitted. "Even for me. It's aged."

"First time for everything, I suppose," She said and shrugged and set the book gently on his desk. She took the glass of bourbon neat that he held out to her. He poured himself another glass.

He raised his glass to her, "Happy birthday, Hermione," He said and uttered her name for the first time in years, since he'd seen her at Grimmauled Place during the summer before her 6th year.

She stared at him. Then, she raised her glass and clinked it against his. "Thank you... Severus." She tested out his name on her tongue for the first time to his face. Of course, as students, all of her friends had said the first names of their teachers in private, but never ever to their faces.

He locked eyes with her at the sound of his Christian name on her tongue. He shivered briefly. It was strange, to have been friends so long, but to only have just passed to this level of intimacy and proximity. Bringing his glass to his lips, he felt the warmth of the liquid as it made its way down his throat to his belly.

**"They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." ~ _This Side of Paradise_**


	43. Chapter 43

On Halloween, Severus was adjusting his traveling cloak when a knock came at his door. Opening it, he met the curious gaze of Granger as she assessed his traveling cloak.

"Are you going somewhere?"

Snape pulled the door open and allowed her into his office. "Yes," He said. "Why are you here?"

"It's... Halloween. I thought you might need a friend."

He walked past her and moved to the window. Staring at the moon, he said softly, "It just so happens that I might."

"Where are you going?"

He looked down at his boots, and then turned to face her. "Godric's Hollow."

"I... Oh..." She said. "Is it something you might need to do alone? I can wait here, if you'd like."

"There are very few things about my life now that I would like to do alone. I am glad you have come. I appreciate your support, and I would appreciate it if you would accompany me," He said plainly.

"Can I ask what you... Intend to get out of going to Godric's Hollow?" She asked.

He thought for a moment. "Closure."

"You're sure you don't mind if I go with you?"

"I'd... Granger... Hermione, I would rather not go there alone."

She nodded and took his arm and he disapparated them both to a small alley in Godric's Hollow. "Have... Have you been here before?" He wasn't moving. He was standing and leaning slightly against the alley wall.

"Yes," He breathed as he steadied himself.

"When?" She asked.

He swallowed hard. Did he admit the truth? That he'd come that night? That he'd seen the bodies of James and Lily? She was his friend. She wouldn't judge him. She never had. "I came that night. Never since."

"_That _night?" She gasped. "Severus..."

He bowed his head. "I had... to see for myself. Dumbledore told me, but I _had _to see it for myself..."

"And you... You saw..."

"I saw everything," He admitted and shivered.

"I'm so sorry."

He turned to face her. "I had to see it to believe that it was real, to know what I had truly caused..."

"You didn't kill them... You tried to stop it."

"I set into motions the events that led to their murders," He said and turned away.

She touched his arm and he tried to shrug her off, but she squeezed and pulled him to look at her. "You're a good man," She said, and his eyes filled with tears.

Closing his dark eyes, he took several deep breaths. When he opened them, he met her concerned gaze. "Shall we?"

She nodded and let go of his arm. He walked next to her slowly, a step behind, as she walked into the graveyard and lead him to James and Lily's shared headstone. When she glanced at him, he'd paled significantly.

He pulled his wand from his sleeve and held out his left hand. Then, he conjured a small bouquet of white lily flowers. Kneeling, he placed the flowers in the center of the headstone, and he touched the headstone with his right hand, which still held his wand.

Looking at her name, he paused. Hermione said, "I'll give you a moment," and walked toward the front of the small cemetery.

Severus stared at her name etched into the stone. He whispered, "I am so sorry, Lily, for everything. I have spent nearly my entire life trying to atone for what I did to you, to your husband," He said and glanced at James' name. "To your family. I did everything I could to fix what I'd done, to try and save you, and to protect your son...I know, somehow, I know that you have forgiven me. I can't explain it. I feel it in my heart. Maybe it is you telling me that. Maybe you are setting me free. I do not know... I don't know how any of this works. I do know that I survived, against all odds and, at times, against my own wishes. I wish only... for peace, Lily, and this grief gives me no peace, though I know it will never fully end. I must... move forward, and to do so, I cannot be so tethered to this part of my life."

A tear dripped down his cheek, and he wiped it away, and put his wand back into his sleeve. "I am sorry it took me so long to say goodbye."

Then, something strange happened. A warm breeze surrounded him and his chest filled with warmth. Magic crackled across his skin, but it wasn't his own. He knew without any real explanation that Lily, as much a part of his soul as she'd always been, was accepting his farewell. He looked at her name again. "Thank you. Goodbye, Lily."

He stood, wiped his face, and turned only to meet a pair of familiar green eyes. He staggered back. "Potter..." He stammered.

Harry Potter was staring at him, looking at him curiously. Snape's eyes searched frantically for Granger, and he saw her looking at the two of them. How had Potter managed to sneak up on him? Why had Granger allowed him to intrude on such a private moment?

"How... How much did you hear?" Severus asked nervously. He was normally so stoic and self-contained, so his panic increased at being caught off guard.

"All of it," Harry shrugged. "Don't be too mad at Hermione. She tried to stop me."

Severus looked at Granger, who was frowning apologetically. Then, he looked back to the jet black haired young man. "The... Flowers are beautiful."

Snape glanced to the white flowers, and flushed in embarrassment. "I did not realize that you'd be here."

"I told myself I'd come every Halloween since I found their graves..." Harry said and shifted his weight to one foot. "I am sorry for intruding, Professor." Severus stared at him. "The thing that happened... The magic... It happens to me too when I come here. I think it's them."

Severus said nothing. He merely looked at Potter intensely. He felt cornered, and he stood stiffly as if poised for an attack.

"Thank you for coming here, Professor. It means a lot to me, and I know it would mean a lot to my mum."

"Potter... I..." He croaked.

"I am glad you came," Harry stopped him. "I know they would be too. She, at least, most especially. I hope that you can find peace, Professor."

Snape looked at him, and nodded. "I'll take my leave now."

Severus moved toward the entrance of the cemetery, but Harry called out to him. "The wedding. You've not sent in your RSVP."

Snape glanced over his shoulder awkwardly. "Potter..."

"We'd like for you to be there. There will be security. No press..." Harry added.

Snape nodded. "I will think about it," He said as evenly as he could, and he turned and walked toward Granger.

They walked silently, and Hermione struggled to keep up with Snape's long strides. He turned down the same alley and she said, "Severus..."

He froze, then turned to her, and held out his hand to disapparate the two of them. She looked at his hand. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"No," He croaked. "But I think I will be."

She gave him a sad smile, too his proffered hand, and they disapparated back to Hogwarts with a crack.

"Do you need anything?"

"Some time to myself," He admitted.

"Okay. I'll leave you be. I'm sorry about Harry."

He shook off her apology, as one would shake off an irksome fly. "Thank you. For being there."

She nodded and left him alone in his office. As he pondered the events of the night, he could not muster up any feelings of betrayal or anger toward Granger for letting Potter approach him. In a way, Snape was almost relieved that Harry had heard the apology he'd never be able to voice directly to him. Emotional vulnerability was new to him, but he would never be able to face the boy and say all _that, _even if Potter deserved to hear it. Now, he had heard it. Life had refused to release its hold on him, and he might as well try to embrace that, and he was glad that he wouldn't have to face it without friends.

**"Sometimes we hold on to guilt or grief because it's the last thing we have that ties us to the person we miss. We don't want to let them go, because it feels like we'll have nothing left. But it's dangerous Ethan, the never letting go because until you let go, you can't begin to remember. And if you don't cherish your memories of Kacey, then she really will be gone." ~ _The Ethan I Was Before_**


	44. Chapter 44

"Severus? Are you ready to Floo to Paris?" Minerva asked as she stepped into his office. He was dressed in the same attire he'd worn to the ball in May.

Grumbling, he shrugged, and she clicked her tongue at him. "Bloody hell, boy. You look like you're going to a funeral, not a wedding. Can't you at least make the shirt white?"

He looked at her with distaste. "Doesn't the groom wear white?"

She frowned. "Perhaps. But anything other than black."

He scowled and changed his shirt to a very Slytherin green. Everything else on his outfit stayed the same crisp black. Looking at her disgusted face, he shrugged. "It's neither black nor white."

"Slytherin green... To a Gryffindor's wedding?"

"I must represent the minority."

"Draco will be there."

"I doubt he will be so bold as to wear green," Severus said pointedly. "The boy is scared of his own shadow. He certainly doesn't want to ruffle any feathers."

"Right. Only you want to ruffle feathers," She said and rolled her eyes. "Are you ready for your first public appearance?"

"I was under the impression there would be no press..." Severus said warily.

"At the wedding, yes, but we've got to Floo to France's Ministry of Magic. From there, we can use the apparation point Potter has set up for his wedding guests. That will take us directly to the Rodin Gardens."

"At the Ministry..."

"I'm sure there will be press there, Severus, but we are going in such a large group."

"Large group?" He said, and his office door opened again. Kingsley Shacklebolt, Remus Lupin, Tonks, their purple haired son, Slughorn, Sprout, Flitwick, and Hagrid all crowded into the office, which suddenly felt very small.

"Bloody hell..."

"Unless you'd prefer to make your way there on your own? I figured the bigger the group, the less likely you are to be singled out... We've got loads of high quality press attractors here," Minerva said and gestured about the room.

"Fine," He said and pointed to the Floo.

"Remus, you and Dora first, with Teddy of course," Minerva said. The Lupins stepped into the Floo and disappeared.

"Horace, Pomona, and Filius. Off you go," She said. Once they disappeared, Hagrid stepped in on his own.

"Think it's better if I go meself," He said and disappeared into green flames.

"Now, I will go. Give me about 10 seconds, and then come through with Minerva, Headmaster." The green flames engulfed Kingsley.

Severus wiped his hands on his pants nervously. Minerva looked at him and then stepped into the Floo. "Come now," She said. He stepped inside and he felt quite like vomiting. "French Ministry of Magic!" She shouted, and he saw green.

They reappeared nearly instantly in another Floo. Camera bulbs were flashing every second as they stumbled out of the hearth. Regaining his bearings, Severus saw an enormous crowd of press. His throat tightened and he instantly covered his neck.

"Come, Severus," Minerva said. Her hand was on his back, pushing him forward.

She'd planned this, planned to get him through the press relatively undisturbed. The group of his staff and Britain's Minister of Magic encircled him as they made their way to the apparation point. Severus heard shouting, his name with a thick French accent, their names with the same accent - over and over and over. The cameras flashed incessantly. His ears began to ring. Then, the sea of people parted, and Minerva pulled him into the quietness of the room from which they'd apparate. Shutting the door behind them, she looked to the group, who all looked very much stressed and surprised.

"You certainly draw a crowd, Headmaster," Kingsley said. "They didn't seem to expect you, most seemed surprised to see you, but it certainly got them all sorts of riled up."

Severus swallowed hard and looked to Minerva. She shrugged. "It wasn't so bad."

Teddy, who was fussing, turned his hair bright orange. "Shush, now, Teddy. You've got a big night tonight! You've got rings to bear."

Lupin looked at Snape. "You all right, Severus? It'll get better with time, I would guess."

"Hiding probably doesn't help," Minerva said. "You're already an enigma that they want to get their paws on, and hiding just makes them want to get to you more." Severus looked away from her and scowled. "Everyone ready? Let's go then!"

Severus disapparated with a crack and rejoined his staff members at the Modin Gardens in Paris. Truly, it was a beautiful sight. Shrugging off their traveling cloaks, everyone around him began observing the beautiful gardens. Snape glared at a server who asked for his cloak.

"It's New Years Eve. In France. Surely the gardens get cold?"

The server smiled warmly at him. "Mister Potter requested that we control the temperature. We just added a statis charm to the anti muggle repellent."

"Of course he has," Severus grumbled as he shrugged off his cloak.

"It's quite lovely really. It's snowing, and we can see the beauty of winter without ever having to feel its coldness," She said.

"Right," Severus said sarcastically and set off to join Minerva.

"Don't bloody leave me to the wolves," He growled at her, and then looked pointedly at Lupin. "Pun intended."

Lupin chuckled lightheartedly, which only served to irritate Severus further.

"I'd only hoped she'd flirt with you a bit, Severus," Minerva said lightly.

"_What?_" He said and his mouth dropped open wide. He looked seriously offended.

"Well, I just thought it might lighten your mood," Minerva said nonchalantly.

"Minerva, I can fire you, you know," He said lowly.

"Oh, lad, I'd like to see you try," She said and burst out laughing. Severus rolled his eyes angrily. "Let's get to our seats. The music has started, which means the ceremony will start soon."

Severus followed her to their seats next to the rest of the staff. He felt all sorts of eyes on him and he stiffened next to Minerva. She tapped his knee reassuringly and Severus looked around. The music changed, and door opened. Harry Potter, followed by Ronald Weasley, and Neville Longbottom walked to the front of the garden. Potter, in a white shirt and dress robes, and Weasley and Longbottom in the same dress robes with Gryffindor red shirts.

"I told you he'd wear white," Severus whispered victoriously to Minerva, who ignored him. She was teary eyed as she looked at Potter. Severus followed her gaze.

He looked so very like his father, but he'd grown to surpass his father in handsomeness, and those green eyes were staring at someone in the front row. Severus stretched neck and saw two empty chairs at the very front directly next to Potter. That is wher his parents would have been sitting. Acid burned in Snape's throat and he flinched. Next to the empty seats, he saw the profile of Petunia Dursley, her lard of a husband, toad of a son, and some unsavory looking large female.

He was surprised Petunia had come, and that Potter had invited them, and even more that he'd given them seats of honor. He hadn't seen the woman since shortly before the first war, when he'd gone to warn her of the danger. The conversation, as it always had been with Petunia, had been less than pleasant.

All eyes turned toward the back of the garden, and the audience, including Severus, turned and watched as Charlie Weasley escorted his mother to her seat and sat next to Bill, Fred, and George. Luna Lovegood, in a Gryffindor red gown, walked slowly down the aisle. She had the same aloof and dreamy look on her face that she always had, but she looked much more grown up than Severus remembered, or have ever paid mind to. She had always been a strange child, and he was sure that hadn't changed, but she was an intelligent young woman and was magically far more competent than she ever lead others to believe because of her strange personality.

Then, Hermione walked down the aisle, slowly, and with more reservation at the attention on her than Luna had. Snape observed her. She was wearing the same dress that Lovegood wore. Her hair was tied back in a low bun on the back of her neck. She stood in front of Luna, and eyed Potter with a bright smile on her face. These students had grown up right in front of Severus' eyes. He glanced at the boys. Even Longbottom had grown from awkward and slightly chubby child he'd been only a tall and lanky yet surprisingly handsome young man. It seemed only yesterday that they'd stood before Albus at their Sorting Ceremony, but it also seemed a lifetime ago. As he looked at the five former students again, he could see they all carried the weight of war in their eyes, despite the happiness of the moment.

The music changed again, and Severus' eyes moved to the back of the garden again.

"All rise," Kingsley said loudly from up front by Potter.

The guests stood simultaneously. Severus, taller than most, saw Ginerva Weasley, in a white, lacy wedding gown walking with her father, who was teary eyed but smiling. She looked positively radiant as she stared at Potter, who was wiping at his eyes and smiling from ear to ear.

The ceremony was very standard, short and sweet, much to Severus' liking. Potter kisses his bride, the guests cheered and applauded. They walked down the aisle toward the reception hall, and Weasley stuck his arm out for Granger, who took it with an air of distance, and followed the newlyweds out, and Luna happily took Neville's arm and followed them. The crowd was talking excitedly amongst themselves while they waited for dismissal. Severus looked about the crowd and caught Petunia's eyes. She stared at him with her mouth open. Clearly, she was as surprised to she him as he was to see her. The reception would be interesting.

**"All transitional times afford us the opportunity to redefine who we are; when we are in between identities, we become like a blank slate on which our past, present, and possible future are illuminated." ~ _The Conscious Bride_**


	45. Chapter 45

As Severus stood behind Minerva a few feet and leaned against the wall sipping whiskey, a woman approached from his left. He didn't need to look at her to recognize her from her pursed lips and birdlike features in her profile.

"Petunia," He greeted coolly.

"Severus," She said. This surprised Severus because usually she only referred to him by his last name.

"I must admit that I am a bit surprised to see you here," Severus said lowly.

"I could say the same of you."

"Your nephew is nothing if not persistent," Severus said dryly.

"He gets that from his bloody father," Petunia grumbled.

"I wouldn't be too certain of that," Snape raised an eyebrow at her and she scoffed.

The crowd began cheering as the bridal party entered the reception hall. Petunia did not clap, and Severus only clapped a couple of times.

"Your son is married?" Snape inquired as he eyed the table where the Dursley family was sitting and focused on the toad looking boy who had his arm around an overweight young woman.

"Engaged," Petunia corrected.

"Ah," Severus breathed. It would be a beautiful sense of karmic justice if the boy had a magical child. The odds were in his favor, especially if the child were a girl. The possibility was enough to make sure that Severus stayed on Headmaster for years to come so that he could personally deliver the news to the family when the time came.

The bride and groom were dancing in the middle of the dance floor, slowly, and looking at each other as if nobody else were in the room.

"How did you do it, Severus? All those years protecting him... My nephew told me of course of how you treated him when he was young. _ That _ I understood. That I could reconcile with your personality, and with your personal history with my sister. When he sat me down to tell me the real truth of what happened during your war, though I tried to convince him I didn't care, I couldn't believe you'd been working to protect him all those years... For her. For my sister."

"Potter told you everything, did he?"

Petunia glanced at Snape. "The prophecy thing, and everything after, yes."

Severus sighed. "Then you know why I did what I did."

"It was more than that... I knew you when we were children, Severus. You were always obsessed with Lily. Head over heels from the moment you first saw her. I don't know how you stand to look at Harry anymore than you have to... He looks so like that horribly cocky man she married."

Severus bristled. "He looks very like her too."

"I saw how you looked at Lily. I don't know what happened between the two of you. I'm sure my assumptions aren't far off, but Severus, you loved her more than James ever could. I never liked you, but I know that for certain."

Snape tensed immeasurably. "James Potter died trying to protect his wife and child."

"You would have killed for her. If it had been you, she might still be alive. My sister might still be alive..." Petunia was normally not an emotional person, but seeing the empty chairs, seeing Snape was overwhelming for her.

"Your sister made the right decisions for her. She loved her husband and he loved her."

They were quiet for a moment, as they watched the bride and groom dancing more slowly as the song came to a close.

"In another life, he would have been your son," Petunia said softly and walked away.

The sentence hit Snape like a train. Truthfully, he'd never gone down that line of thought. He was a highly logical man, and what-If scenarios were a pointless waste of time. Tipping back his drink, he downed the entire glass before a server refilled it.

"Wait a moment," He told the server and downed the drink and held out his glass for her. She filled it again and disappeared.

Potter danced with Molly Weasley for his mother-son dance, and after the honored dances were over, dinner appeared on their plates. Knowing he needed to eat to compensate the alcohol that already was burning in his blood, Severus ate quickly.

Minerva looked at him. "I'm glad to see you have an appetite."

"Too much alcohol will do that," He said darkly.

"Severus..." She said low in a warning tone.

"I'm fine," He said shortly.

The bride and groom made their way to the table where their former teacher sat, and all but Severus squealed in excitement and began hugging them and kissing them. Severus was certainly not going to do that, but he stood and waited patiently for the couple to move around to him. At long last, he was the only remaining teacher at the table. The rest had scurried off to the dance floor or bar.

"Congratulations," Severus said and stuck out his hand to Weasley first. She put her smaller and more delicate hand in his and he raised it softly and bowed slightly, gentlemanly. Then he shook Potter's hand firmly.

"We're really glad you decide to come, Professor," Ginny said.

"That is kind of you."

"I saw my Aunt Petunia had you cornered there for a while. I hope she wasn't too much of a bother..."

"She is always a delight," Severus' voice was thick with sarcasm.

Harry chuckled. "Right."

Hermione appeared and slammed into Severus' side accidentally.

"'Mione!" Ginny giggled and glanced to see if Snape looked angry, as she expected him to look.

Instead, she saw Snape merely looking mildly inconvenienced by the assault on his person. He was looking at Hermione intensely, assessing her state of mind and drunkenness quickly.

"Hermione's had a bit of champagne, Professor Snape."

"Severus," He said evenly. "And I can see that."

Harry looked at him in surprise. "Severus," He said and smiled. "Let me know if you need help handling all of that. She tends to bounce around when she's drunk, so I'm certain she won't stick around long, but on the off chance she does..."

Hermione said, "Oy! I'm right here."

"That you are," Severus said, and Harry and Ginny left the two friends alone standing by his table. Snape rummaged in his cloak and he pulled out a tiny vile. "Here," He said and offered it to her.

"What is it?" She slurred and held it up close to her face.

"A Sober-Up Potion," He said quietly. He could feel eyes on them and he scanned the room and saw Viktor Krum watching them intently. He pulled another vial and handed it to her. "And a Hangover Remedy."

"What? I'm offended!" She slapped his arm playfully and he eyed her. "I happen to be a fun drunk."

"I find you to be fun whilst sober," Severus said plainly.

She looked at him. "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Hardly," Severus scoffed.

"Hang on... Are you drunk?" She asked and grabbed his arm.

He shook his head, then shrugged. "A bit, perhaps."

She began laughing hard, throwing her head back and laughing wildly. He shook his head and smiled, but his smile faded when Viktor Krum stepped in front of him.

"Her-my-own-ninny, vat did he try to slip in your drink?"

Hermione looked confused, then held up the vial. "It's a Sober-Up potion, and the other was a Hangover Remedu. He didn't try to slip it in my drink, Viktor. He handed it right to me. Calm down," She laughed, but her face grew serious when she saw how cold Severus' face looked.

"What are you trying to say, Krum?" Severus asked lowly.

"I do not trust you, Snape," He spat defiantly.

Hermione stepped in front of Severus to stop his slow advance on the shorter, stalkier, and younger wizard. "Severus is my friend. He saved my life."

Viktor stopped and absorbed her words. They were a long time coming to the man who'd taken too many bludgers to the head. "Fine. If you trust him, I vill accept that. If you dance vif me?"

Hermione shook her head. "That ship has long since sailed, Viktor."

He frowned and then scowled at Snape, who was relishing the celebrity quidditch star's rejection. Turning and storming off, Severus chuckled. "His poor ego."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Let's go get a drink."

"You're sure about that?" He teased.

"Yes, you git," She retorted. For once, a nickname didn't hurt him, and he followed her to the bar, where Minerva and Horace were standing talking with Draco, who looked healthier than he had in years.

"Granger," He tilted his glass toward her. "You're looking lovely."

"Malfoy," Severus greeted the white haired boy with a raised eyebrow.

"Shove off. We might be amicable now, but I liked you a fair bit more as a ferret," Hermione said as she ordered a drink.

Malfoy chuckled, and then looked at Severus. "Someone's crawled out of his coffin. It's good to see you."

Severus narrowed his eyes at Malfoy's sarcastic barb. "I wish I could say the feeling was mutual. Whiskey neat," he said to the bartender.

"Where is your betrothed?" Severus asked Draco, who was sipping a glass of whiskey as well.

"Oh, Astoria is around here somewhere. She's much better at these sort of things than I am," Draco admitted.

"These sort of things... as in...?"

"You know, friends..." Draco said and shrugged. "Though, on that, I'd say we both could use some classes," Draco said lightly and chuckled.

Severus looked at Minerva and Hermione, who were engaged happily in conversation with a very red faced Horace. "Speak for yourself."

**"You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter." ~ _The Rescue_**


	46. Chapter 46

"Severus, hello," Hermione said as she knocked and entered his office.

He looked up from the list of new students he was finalizing to receive an acceptance letter at the end of the year. "Hello," He said and leaned back into his chair.

"I've got something for you," She said, and pulled out a small wrapped package. "A little bird told me it was your birthday today."

He looked shocked, and then glanced at the calendar on his desk. "Bloody hell. Who told you? Minerva?"

"A girl can't reveal her secrets," She said as she sat across from him and set the package between them.

He tapped a long, pale finger against his temple and looked at her thoughtfully. "Hermione, you didn't have to get me anything..."

She shrugged casually. "It's not a rare first edition like the one you got me, but I did my best."

He pulled the package to him and looked at it. "I do not remember the last birthday gift I received. Albus tried for years, and Minerva, too, but I always left the castle on my birthday until I thought they'd gotten the message."

She watched him as he looked at the package. He looked sad, but also hopeful. "I hope you like it."

He unwrapped the packaging and pulled out a knitted wool Slytherin green scarf. It had a Slytherin logo embroidered on one end, and his initials on the other. He touched the wool with his fingertips.

His silence was unnerving. "I know Headmasters can't usually wear a particular House's colors, but you can at Quidditch matches. I'm not very good at knitting but Mrs. Weasley and my mum have been teaching when I've had a bit of spare time."

"It's perfect," He said softly as he admired it.

She smiled brightly at his reply. "Oh, I'm so glad you like it. You don't ever have to wear it. I know it's not black, but I figured it might be nice to support your House when you've got the chance to."

Severus glanced at his calendar again. "I'll wear it Friday. Versus Gryffindor," He smirked at her.

She arched an eyebrow at him cheekily. "Whatever comforts you in your loss."

He smiled at her, a rare and full smile. It was a smile that made him look significantly younger and brighter than he usually did. "You made this?"

"Yes," She nodded, returning his grin.

"It's lovely," He said and she stared at him. She would have never thought that Severus Snape would say anything was lovely ever, and here he was, saying it about a gift she'd made for him. He met her gaze and interrupted her thoughts. "Thank you, Hermione."

"Happy birthday, Severus," She said.

He continued smiling at her. Instead of glittering dangerously, his eyes sparkled. He folded the scarf and tucked it neatly in his drawer. "Chess?" He asked.

"Actually, let's play a game... A school yard game."

He eyed her warily. "What game?"

"Answer or drink?" She said and pulled a bottle of wine from her bag.

"You know, people might start questioning whether or not you have a problem if you pull bottles of alcohol from your bag..." He said.

"Oh, hush. I brought it to celebrate."

"What are the rules of the game?" He asked.

"It's simple. I ask you a question. You either answer it, or you drink. Then you ask me a question. Same thing. Yadda yadda. We used to play this all the time in Gryffindor Tower."

He raised an eyebrow. "Underage drinking, Granger? To think, your teachers thought so highly of you." She rolled her eyes. "How do you win this game?"

"Of course, the Slytherin is concerned with winning."

"Indeed," He said and leaned back away from desk as she poured him a glass of wine with glasses she'd conjured.

"You don't really win."

"Then what's the point?" He asked.

"Talking."

"Can't we just talk then?"

"Don't be a spoilsport. It's fun."

"It's a Sunday night, Hermione."

"We have sober up Potions and hangover potions," She pointed out to him.

He stared at her. "Fine. What sorts of questions might you have then?"

She thought for a moment. "What's somewhere you haven't been that you'd like to visit?"

"I have to answer honestly?"

"Yes. Lying means to you drink."

"How would you know if I lie?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I'd know."

Severus looked at her seriously. "Hermione, I lied straight to the Dark Lord's face for years."

She crossed her arms. "Fine. I guess I'll just have to trust you."

"America, I suppose, though I'm not much of a traveller."

She studied him. "Okay. Your turn."

He took a sip of his wine. "Hermione, if there's something you're digging for, why don't you just ask?"

She shook her head. "There's nothing really. I just thought it might be fun."

"There are not many things in my life that have been fun or happy."

She frowned. "I'm sorry. It was a stupid idea. We can play chess if you like."

"What's one thing you'd like to accomplish in your life that you've yet to accomplish?"

She smiled at the fact he'd continued the game. "In the spirit of Harry's wedding, I'd quite like to get married someday. Have a family. All of it."

He nodded. "You'd make a wonderful mother, Hermione."

"I suppose this job might make it difficult. I have a very demanding boss."

He frowned. "You do not have to stay here, though I would fight to keep you."

"I love it here," She said. "What about you?"

"I do enjoy my work here. It feels useful, and it also feels like a routine I'm used to and comfortable with. I do enjoy it."

"I meant about do you want to get married?"

He looked at her and touched his wine glass. "People usually ask that question on bended knee and with a ring..."

She blushed furiously. "I wasn't... I didn't mean..."

"I know what you meant." He rapped his finger on his glass and lifted it off the desk.

"Oh, come on. That's no fun," She pouted.

"So I cannot lie, and I cannot drink. This seems a bit like a set up," He said.

She frowned again. "Fine. Drink."

His face turned serious. "Have you ever seen Les Miserables?" She nodded. He seeemd like he was going to continue speaking, so she waited. He did. "Do you remember the character Fantine?" When she nodded, he said, "When I think of how I might best sum up how I feel in response to your question, 'I Dreamed a Dream' comes to mind."

She thought about the song and struggled to remember the lyrics. "It's been years since I've heard it."

He stood and moved to one of his cabinets. He pulled out a record player. It surprised her that Snape enjoyed music at all. She figured he enjoyed silence more. Fishing through some records, he pulled one out and set it on the turntable.

"My answer, Hermione," He said and started the record. He drank his wine as she listened to the song. He was soon pouring himself another glass, crossing one leg over the other, and watching her face as she listened.

_There was a time when men were kind_

_

When their voices were soft

And their words inviting

There was a time when love was blind

And the world was a song

And the song was exciting

There was a time

_

_Then it all went wrong_

_I dreamed a dream in times gone by_

_

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed, that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid

And dreams were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung, no wine untasted

_

_But the tigers come at night_

_

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hope apart

As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side

He filled my days with endless wonder

He took my childhood in his stride

But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream

I dreamed

_

As the song came to a close, her eyes filled with tears. "Severus... You can still have the things you wanted then. Now, more than ever, you've got the freedom."

He looked at her plainly, unguarded. "Perhaps."

"You can. I'm sure you can."

"I'm not sure what I want, Hermione. I've only just begun living my own life."

"Well, I'm glad to be here with you," She said. She held up her wine glass. "To many more birthdays together, and to never playing this bloody game again."

He chuckled, his face lightened in the way that only she could do to it, and said, "Cheers." He clinked his glass against hers.

"Chess?" She suggested.

"Of course."

**"Whenever I discover who I am, I will be free." ~ _Invisible Man_**


	47. Chapter 47

Author's Note: You guys have been so wonderful at reviewing. Enjoy the revelations and Minerva banter.

The end of the year came and went. With Minerva's help, the letters were sent out without issue to the many 11-year-olds who would be joining them the next year a Hogwarts. Now, the staff would celebrate the end of the year before most of them took off for the summer holiday.

He walked to the hall and could already hear the music. Instantly, Granger was in his face. "I survived my first year!" She was beaming. It was like he'd never seen her before though he'd spent many evenings and meals with her playing chess and talking until very late. Severus stared down into her honey colored eyes. Brown eyes were so common, but hers were nearly amber colored, and her personality shined through them. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun and a stray curl was hanging by her face. Severus nearly reached out to tuck it behind her ear and then froze.

Why would he do that? Why would he even want to do that? That would terrify the girl. "You did," He acknowledged. "But you didn't merely survive it. You performed admirably for a first year staff member."

She beamed up at him. "Really?"

Had her teeth always been so white and perfect? No. No. He knew it. They hadn't. He'd criticized her for them before. No. Now they were perfect. She'd grown into them. Or were they charmed? Bloody hell, why was he noticing? "Really," He assured her.

She stepped back. "I must've had some pretty good teachers then."

"Indeed," He agreed. His eyes moved away from her face. Severus looked about the hall and felt a sense of pride and accomplishment in and for his staff. They were survivors, and they'd run the school year brilliantly under his tenure, though he would not take much credit.

Hermione was distracted by Flitwick for a moment, and Severus moved toward Minerva, away from Granger and her bloody perfect teeth and wild curls. "Well, here we are again."

"Here we are again," Minerva said. "Another year. She likes you. Hermione. Quite a bit, I'd wager."

"Of course she likes me," Severus said. "We are friends, Minerva"

"Friends?" Minerva eyed him curiously.

"Minerva, you nosy cow, she's twenty," He scoffed.

"More than of age," Minerva teased.

"We're friends. Like you and I."

"Oh, right, but I've never looked at you the way she does, Severus. And you've never looked at me how you just did her."

He bristled. Of course Minerva had caught him staring at Granger. She watched Severus like a hawk, more so than most of her lion cubs. He coughed slightly. "Holiday plans?"

"Oh, the usual," Minerva said, allowing him the subject change. "Scotland to visit my family."

"That will be nice," He said evenly. His eyes moved about the room, carefully bypassing Granger.

"Of course. I spend the summers arguing with my uncles and drinking! It's wonderful."

"You Scots make very little sense to the rest of us, you know," Severus said dryly.

"Well, at least it will give you plenty of time to spend with Hermione," She stated.

The mediwitch at Hogwarts was required to stay year round, like the Headmaster, caretaker, and groundskeeper. Hermione would spend her summer, like she did last year with Poppy, updating student records, filing paperwork for new incoming students, and preparing for the next year.

"Minerva..." He warned lowly. "Enough. I have no need of a match maker."

Sensing his fight or flight response, she said, "Clearly." She clicked her tongue at him and turned to Horace, who was enjoying a heavily frosted cupcake. "Horace?"

"Yes, my dear?"

"Hermione has really grown into quite a lovely young woman, hasn't she?"

"Oh, yes. She's one of my absolute favorites. A brillant, lovely woman."

Severus rolled her eyes at Minerva and stalked off toward someone who was very much not Horace, Minerva, or Hermione. Argus Filch.

Talking to Filch about his plans for the castle over the summer was horrendously boring. The man was still terrified of Snape, and he'd yet to forgive Severus for shattering the stained glass in the hall. Severus doubted be ever would. That had been the most difficult of reparations in the hall, and it had Filch in fits for weeks.

"I hear Neville has applied for a herbology/gamekeeper apprenticeship. As as Luna," Pomona said from his right.

He turned to the portly woman, he nodded. "Indeed."

"And?" Pomona inquired.

"You would like me to accept their applications?"

She swatted his arm. "Well, of course, I bloody would! Though I would prefer Longbottom. Lovegood's wonderful, but he has the attention span and focus for herbology. I could use the assistance, and with the size of the new incoming class, I'd love another teacher on staff with me to help me balance my House and teaching duties."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'll speak with Hagrid about Lovegood."

She smiled at him. "Oh, thank you, Severus!"

"Don't thank me yet. Just remember that you asked for this when Longbottom blows up one of your greenhouses."

"He's not Finnigan!" She scolded Severus.

"He was very much involved in the blowing up of the bridge outside. Don't let him tell you otherwise. I saw it with my own eyes," Severus said and brushed by her.

His eyes scanned the room for Hagrid, and he found him, talking to Granger. Was she everywhere? Was there no escaping her? Did he even want to escape her? Severus watched her laugh and talk with Hagrid. Hagrid was dear to her, and he always had been and would be. Their bond was unbreakable. He watched her smile, and then he felt eyes on him. Searching for the source, he met Minerva's green eyes, who was staring at him with a knowing smirk on her face.

Blast it. He could speak to Hagrid another time. Right now, he needed to get very far away from Minerva and her schemes, and even further away from Granger, with her constellations of freckles on her cheeks, her smile, and those whiskey eyes. Ah. Whiskey. Was it too late to schedule a very long summer holiday?

"**As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." ~ _The Fault in Our Stars_**


	48. Chapter 48

Avoiding Hermione Granger was easy enough for July and August. Those were the busiest summer months for the staff members who stayed year-round. She was busily engrossed in her work, as was she. He'd hardly been able to process any of his emotions because he'd thrown himself entirely into his work.

Making his way through the school toward the grounds to discuss the apprentice pay scale and duties with Hagrid, Severus froze when he heard a blood curdling scream. It was Hermione. He knew because he'd heard her scream that way before at Malfoy Manor.

He burst into the Hospital Wing and searched quickly do Granger, wand drawn, and he found her with her back to him and he approached slowly, trying to assess the situation. Then, he saw it. Well, himself, rather, lying dead on the stone floor beneath his feet, bleeding from his neck similarly to how he had in the Shrieking Shack. Granger was sobbing into her hands. Her Boggart, her greatest fear, was him dying? Why?

"Riddikulus," He said loudly, and she jumped at the sound of his voice. The Boggart disappeared into a chest Severus had conjured.

"S-Severus..." She stammered, and looked back at the floor, which was no longer occupied by a dying figment of Snape. She looked back to the real Snape, who had kneeled next to her.

"It wasn't real. It was a Boggart." His mind was swimming with possibilities as to why her greatest fear would be him dying, but he settled on the fact that that experience with him in the Shack had been one of the most traumatic moment in her life. Still... Why wasn't it Bellatrix then? That experience had been far more traumatic, hadn't it?

She collapsed against his chest and he wrapped his hand around the back of her head. He stayed very still as she clutched at his shirt. His heart was beating wildly inside his chest and he could smell her - cinnamon and chai. Closing his eyes, he steeled himself and brought his shields back into place.

After a moment, she pulled back and stood as he did. "I'm sorry."

"Boggarts get the best of everyone. I will take care of this one for you." He levitated the chest next to him, and then looked at her. "Are you all right?" Her bottom lip was trembling and she shrugged. He wanted so badly to comfort her, and he was not a comforting man, but he couldn't do it. Could he? "Tell me what I can do to help."

"A distraction, I suppose?" She suggested.

Severus pointed his wand to the chained chest and sent it to his office. Hermione's eyes widened as she looked at him closely for the first time. He wasn't wearing his usual garb. Now, he wore only the thin, crisp white shirt he wore underneath and the black trousers, and black dress shoes. "Are you going somewhere?" She eyed his shirt.

He looked down at him and then back up at her. "I was going to speak with Hagrid. It's quite hot outside," He said and it suddenly felt very warm inside as well.

"Can I walk with you around the grounds? Just for a little bit until I calm down?" She wiped at her eyes.

He nodded and the moved slowly from the Hospital Wing towards the grounds in silence. Once they got closer to the lake, she said, "I'm sure your wondering why my Boggart is you..."

"What happened in the Shrieking Shack was traumatic for me as well as for you," He said indifferently. "It's a natural response to fear a similar scenario."

She shook her head. "My Boggart didn't used to be you. After the war, I checked one that's grown quite attached to an old wardrobe at the Burrow, and it was Bellatrix and her bloody knife. It's only changed just recently... When I first encountered the Boggart in the Hospital Wing, I saw it had changed forms for me. I kept the Boggart around to experiment, to try to find out why it had changed forms." Of course she had. "But the fear just intensified..." She stopped walking. He stopped a couple steps behind her from where he'd been listening.

"It changed this summer. Why have you been avoiding me, Severus?"

His mouth dropped open. The woman undid all of his shields in one fell swoop and he scrambled to put them back into place. "Summer is busy."

"Not that busy. Are you upset with me? Have I done something?"

"You sound like a child," He sneered defensively. He had to push her away.

Her face hardened. "A child? Right. Well, my Boggart changed because I'm _that _afraid to lose you."

His eyes widened again. "Hermione, I..."

"Piss off, Snape. If you didn't want me coming around anymore, you could've just told me," She snapped and stormed off back toward the castle.

"Hermione!" He called, and the quickly looked around the grounds to be sure nobody heard him.

Follow her. Don't follow her. Follow her. Don't follow her. Bloody hell. Damn it all.

"Professor, everythin' alright?" Hagrid called. How in the hell did a half giant materialize out of the air? "Quite," He said curtly. "I came to discuss the terms of Miss Lovegood's apprenticeship."

Severus followed Hagrid back to his hut, but he couldn't help but feel a tremendous sense of anxiety with every step he took further from the school. No, he told himself. He'd chased after one woman long ago. He wouldn't do it again. He was done with hurt, and with rejection. Granger was his friend. Then again, Lily had been too...

Distance would be good, and exactly what he needed. He would be able to put things into perspective for himself and sort through his own emotions. Distance was exactly the right thing now. But why didn't it feel right?

"**We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato**


	49. Chapter 49

Severus pounded on the door to Hermione's private quarters that night. He was anxious beyond belief, afraid he'd lose his closest friend all over again.

She answered and immediately glared at him. Her eyes were puffy and tired. She'd cried herself to sleep because of him. "What do you want?" She growled.

"Hermione," He said and his voice shook slightly. "I am sorry."

The apology was so forthright and blunt that it caught her off guard and she stared at him dumbfounded. She looked at his face, he avoided her eyes, and then she noticed he was trembling.

"You're cold? Come in."

He shook his head and remained firmly rooted in place. "I'm not."

"What?" She rubbed at her arms to wake herself up more.

"Cold. I am not cold."

"Then..." Hermione looked him over again. Tugging at his arm, he reluctantly stepped inside. "You're... Anxious? Afraid?"

"Yes," His teeth chattered the answer.

"I'll make you some of my tea, okay?" She said and gestured to her small table for him to sit while she busied herself with the kettle.

He remained standing, and she looked at him over her shoulder. He was deathly pale. His jaw muscles were clenching and unclenching repeatedly, and he was staring at the floor, but she could see his shields working. He was slowly pulling himself back together.

Turning with the teacups, she set them on be table and sat. "Are you going to stand there all night, Severus?" He looked at her and she saw the unbridled childlike panic in his eyes for a moment before he recovered himself. He sat across from her and stared at the cup. "It's the kind you like. Drink. It will help," She assured him.

After he'd had about half the cup, the tremors in his fingers stopped and regained some of the color in his face and the infamous poise of Severus Snape. "What's going on with you?"

He closed his eyes, and took a deep, slow breath. "This is difficult."

"I know, but it's part of growing," She said softly. The fingers on his left hand were tapping the table lightly but rhythmically. She'd learned one of Severus' tells was in his fingers. In moments of great stress, he stood still except for fidgeting slightly with his fingers. Otherwise, he appeared unphased entirely. Nobody else probably had ever noticed, but she'd spent so much time with him. He'd done it when Umbridge had come asking questions years before, when he'd seen her at Malfoy Manor, in the Shrieking Shack, and when he'd been talking with Petunia Dursley af Harry's wedding. He was under great stress as he sat across from her.

Hermione watched his eyes searching the table for the words he was desperately trying to voice. He really was awful with apologies. They brought out the most vulnerable parts of him and he _hated _to be vulnerable, but here he was, of his own volition. Still, Hermione felt badly for his stress levels, despite her own frustration with him.

She knew _why _he was so horribly uncomfortable making apologies, and she felt for him because of that, but she also knew it was important for him to apologize, to be forgiven, and to trust her to stay, so she waited patiently for him to muster up the courage to speak.

Eventually, he did, after several long, tense, and agonizing minutes. "I am unused to being dependent upon anyone else. It..." He faltered for a moment. "Quite frankly, it terrifies me, to have you so close and to know you and have you know me. I was horrid to you today because I am afraid. Anyone I've ever... _cared _about has left, or died." He admitted quietly. "I cannot bear either of those things to happen with you."

There it was. This was the very soul of Severus Snape, laid bare for her to see. His fear was rooted deeply his past - his father's abuse, his mother's neglect, lost friendships, death. She met his anxious coal black eyes, which had for so many years seemed soulless, and she could see the small, slender boy he'd been long ago staring back at her.

She reached across the table, grabbed his fidgeting left hand, and held it in both of hers. She looked straight into his eyes. "I forgive you."

He gasped, and hung his head. "I did not mean to lash out. I am sorry, Hermione. I am... Not a very good friend."

"You're a wonderful friend, Severus. Truly. People make mistakes."

He stared at her in disbelief. Then, he looked to his hand in hers. Suddenly, he was overwhelmed with the urge to place his other hand over her smaller hands, but he knew that it would cross the line, and he'd only just mended their friendship. He stiffened, and she released him. Instantly, he felt the loss of her physical contact.

She smiled at him. "You'll stop avoiding me now?"

He nodded, though he knew her frequent presence would make his budding feelings for her grow, but he knew he needed her friendship, and that was all that mattered. He would not be selfish with her again.

"Good. I missed you..." She said quietly.

He looked at her seriously, trying to asses exactly how she meant "missing him." Then, he stopped himself again. It didn't matter. "I missed you, too."

They were quiet for awhile, while she poured each of them another cup of tea. This time, it was a healing silence, a comfortable silence. Neither one of them needed conversation constantly to be content, and they both felt peace in the places in which they'd arrived. He watched her while she brewed another kettle of tea, observing the meticulous nature of her brewing style, and he found himself fascinated with everything about her. He'd felt this way before, and he stiffened in his chair as she had her back to him. Severus Snape was in serious trouble, and that trouble came in the form of Hermione Granger.

**"I knew you'd ruin me ... I knew I'd be in over my head ... And now here I am, drowning in you and all that you are. And I'll be damned if I want to break the surface." ~ _Luke_**


	50. Chapter 50

"So, how was it?" Minerva asked as she played a game of wizard's chess with Severus after the first week of term.

"How was what?"

"Your summer? With Hermione?"

He froze, and then leaned back into his chair. He debated on whether or not to be open with Minerva. He knew, undoubtedly, that he could trust her. Still, he shook his head "I've no idea what you're talking about."

She cleared the chess pieces off the board with one swipe of her hand, much to their dismay. "Severus..."

He sighed. "_What?_"

"Why are you acting this way?"

"There's nothing to discuss," He said sharply.

"Really?" Minerva raised an eyebrow. "Then you'd be happy if she ran off with another wizard?"

Severus tensed immensely, felt Minerva's eyes on him, and forced an awkward shrug. "Whatever makes her happy."

"You'd just let that happen?"

"What would you have me do, Minerva?"

"Tell her how you feel," Minerva implored him.

Severus stared at her. "We're friends."

"Yes, and?"

"That's it," He stared plainly.

"You're happy with that?"

"Yes," He said truthfully.

Minerva searched his eyes. "Severus..."

"Minerva, I'd much rather discuss something else," He sighed.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" She asked. There was no jest or accusation in her voice, only the concern of a friend.

"There are risks I'm not willing to take, consequences I'm not willing to suffer..."

"Such as?" Minerva asked casually.

His eyes moved over the scattered and disgruntled chess pieces. "Her friendship is too important."

"You think she'd reject you, cast you aside?"

"Risk. Consequences. It's not going to happen."

"She's practically obsessed with you, Severus. Her eyes are always on you when you're not looking, just as yours are on her when her back is turned."

"It's not going to happen," He said.

"Don't do this again," She said.

His eyes glittered dangerously and looked at her. "Minerva..." He didn't want to hear any comparisons.

"You have a chance at something real, Severus. Don't take a back seat."

"I'm not willing to risk our friendship," He said firmly.

She huffed. "Stubborn mule of a man. She's head over heels but you've got your head so far up your own arse to see it."

Severus glared at her. "We're _friends." _

"You could be much more. You could make her happy, and she could make you happy. You don't see what I see..."

"I can't, Minerva."

"Can't, or won't?"

"You would not understand," he said and stared at the bookshelves on the wall.

"Try me," Minerva said boldly.

He looked back at her. This woman loved him as a mother would love her own son, as a mother should love her own son. She meant well, even if she had a very Gryffindor approach, lacking any subtlety or tact. "I've walked a fine line for most of my life. This line is different... Crossing it with her carries considerable risk for both of us. She could not feel similarly, despite what you _think you know. _Rejection is... Not something I'm well-suited to. I would be humiliated. I have very little else other than my pride. It would ultimately break our friendship. I cannot take that risk."

"And if she sees someone else?"

"She needs to make the decisions that are best for her," Severus said calmly.

"Severus... That would break you..."

"I would rather have her in the capacity that I do than not at all," He said softly.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Nothing has ever stopped you," He said.

"Did you ever tell Lily how you felt about her while she was alive?"

Severus tensed. "No."

"Do you regret that?"

He closed his eyes. In the end, that had been the greatest regret. Instead, he'd whispered it to her while she lay cold on the nursery floor in the devastation left behind in the Dark Lord's wake. "Yes."

"Lily deserved to know she was loved by you."

"It wouldn't have mattered. She was meant to be with Potter," Severus said.

"Did she deserve to know, Severus?" He couldn't deny that Minerva was right, and so he nodded. "That's what I thought. You're going to sit there and tell me you're willing to risk the same regret with Hermione?"

"I have never said that I... _love _her," He stumbled with the words and his heart began to race.

"_Of course, _but you have feelings for her?"

Severus shrugged uncomfortably. "Yes," He hissed quietly.

"You're willing to live with the same regret?"

Severus locked eyes with her. The thought of feeling the same regret in any capacity twisted in his gut painfully. He squirmed at the feel of it. Minerva sensed his discomfort, and stood.

"It seems you have a lot of thinking to do, Severus. I do hope that you decide to be the driver in your own life, and not a passenger. You were given a second chance at life. Don't waste it."

She disappeared from his office and left Severus staring at the closed door behind her. The office was silent for several minutes as Severus thought about what she'd said. Then, a voice came from the wall behind and above him.

"Severus.. She's not Lily."

Severus grew angry. He loathed the idea of comparing Lily and Hermione, and Albus always had to barge across any and all lines of respect and consideration. "Of bloody course, Albus. You can't mind your own business even in death."

"She's not."

"If you have nothing new to tell me, I'd quite like to be left alone."

"Don't end up here on this wall filled with regret," Albus said softly. The portrait sounded so painfully said, and it shook Severus to his core.

"Regret is my constant companion," Severus repeated the same line he'd said to Hermione years before.

"As it was for me in life life, and now, too, in death. It does not have to be the same for you."

Severus flicked his wrist at the portrait and stunned it temporarily. Grabbing his record player and a record, he barricaded himself in his private bedroom upstairs behind the office. When Albus' portrait recovered entirely, the old man peered down into the empty office. Severus was nowhere to be seen, but the former Headmaster could hear distant, soft music. "_I had a dream that life would be so different from this hell I'm living, so different now from what it seemed." _As Albus listened, his painted eyes filled with glassy tears.

**"Marika could feel herself cocking the trigger of a loaded gun and pointing it at herself, because the truth could be too shocking a revelation, something that would shake their lives to the core... but lies were just a dead-end alleyway that offered no way out." ~ _Every Boy is a Book_**


	51. Chapter 51

After he knocked on her door, he fidgeted with the small envelope in his hand. She opened it and, again, he felt his own breath taken at the mere sight of her. There was nothing spectacular about how she was dressed, in jeans and a purple knitted sweater, but it was _her_.

"Severus! Come in," She said.

He stepped inside and looked about her living quarters. They were modest in size, and she'd decorated them to her liking. "That's new," He drawled as he eyed the Gryffindor crest above her hearth.

She followed his gaze. "Do you like it?" She asked.

"Absolutely not," He said, and then he turned to her and held out the envelope. "Happy 21st birthday, Hermione," He said quietly, in a soft voice he reserved only for her.

She smiled at him. "Come, sit!" She said and gestured to the couch. He sat on the other end of the couch as her and watched as she opened the envelope. Reading the small tickets, she looked confused. "Two tickets to... Les Miserables... On Broadway?" He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to piece together what he'd done. "But that's... These are for... This is in New York City?" She looked at him in surprise and confusion.

"Indeed," He said slowly.

"But I... What?"

"I did say I wanted to see America, and you did say you hadn't seen that particular play in a long while," He explained.

Her eyes widened. "You... You're coming with me?"

He stiffened. "Unless you had someone else in mind?"

Then, she did something completely unexpected and leaned across the couch practically into his lap. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. He was stunned for a moment, and then his heart kicked into gear, and he wrapped his arms gently around her back.

She pulled herself off of him after a moment of squeezing him, but still sat very close to him. "Oh, you wonderful, wonderful man..." She said as she looked at the tickets again. "This is over the holidays?"

"Yes," He said.

"And you'll really leave Hogwarts to go with me?" She asked.

"Yes," He repeated.

"Oh, this is brillant," She said and flashed that beautiful, wonderful smile at him, and his heart pounded against his breastbone.

"I suppose that means you like your gift, then?"

"Like it?" She asked. "I love it. Thank you!"

"You are most welcome," He said quietly as he watched her face closely. It was so easy to excite her and light her entire face up in happiness. He adored it. Adore? He was up to his neck in her, but damn it if he didn't enjoy it. She looked at him, and then her eyes moved to his lips. Did she feel it to? Did she feel as drawn to him as he felt to her? It couldn't be, shouldn't be possible, and her eyes met his again.

"I'll be able to have a drink there! A drink in New York City! With you!" She said.

"Indeed," He said smoothly, conveying a calmness he definitely did not feel.

"Oh, but the Americans are not like the French... They'll stop us at the Ministry and interrogate us."

"The Americans are much less trusting, yes, and I imagine my past will give them more questions."

"Europe has accepted you as the hero you are, and I'm sure America will do the same. I'm so excited to go there, with you," She said and locked eyes with him.

"Hermione..." He cleared his throat. "There's something I have been meaning to tell you..." His voice trailed off and faltered.

Hermione chewed her lip nervously. "I heard about the interview you've scheduled... That Xenophilius has asked for Minerva and I to be a part of it as well."

He looked confused for a moment. _That _was not at all what he'd intended to discuss. "Ah, yes, but that wasn't..." His courage was quickly fleeing from him, and he was clawing desperately inside of himself to recover it.

"Are you quite worried about it?"

"About...?" He was quickly losing his nerve.

"The interview? Isn't that what we're talking about?"

He swallowed, and looked at her. "Right. Of course. The interview... I am not particularly nervous at present, though I imagine that will change as it draws nearer."

"It is your first interview or press release since the war... Minerva said you are doing nearly a full disclosure?"

"That is my intent," He said and shifted on the couch, angling his body slightly more toward her.

She touched his arm, her thumb rubbing over his wool frock coat. He looked at her hand. "It will be okay, Severus. Xenophilius is strange, yes, but he's a wonderful man, and he writes beautifully. He will do your story justice. I'm certain of it. Try not to worry."

"If you are by with me, I shan't worry much," He said boldly, and she blushed and smiled.

"Minerva will be an intimidating presence as well," Hermione said, and Severus nodded. "Would you like a drink?" She asked, and he nodded again. "What would you like?"

"It is your birthday, so whatever you desire..." He said and watched her walk to her kitchen. She was beautiful, inside and out. Oh, he'd thrown himself in the deep end, and he completely lost his nerve to out himself as having romantic feelings for her.

"Ginny is due any day now," Hermione said.

He raised an eyebrow. "Be sure to inform me of the child's birth. I must mark the year of my retirement down. A product of Potter and Weasley... My head hurts already..."

She turned slowly to him, and his heart dropped when he saw her serious expression. She walked to the couch and handed him his drink. "Severus..."

He looked at her and searched her face. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I visited them last week... Harry and Ginny... They found out they're having a boy..."

"And?" Severus asked. Whatever it is she was about to tell him, he was quite certain he wouldn't like it.

"They've picked out his name," She said and swallowed. "James Sirius Potter."

Nothing could have ever prepared Severus to hear that, and he stared past Hermione toward the empty kitchen. Rationally, it made sense. James Potter was Harry's father. It was common in England to name your son after your father, either a first or middle name, but the thought of another James Potter... One that might look so close to the original... And to have Sirius as a middle name. Lord... Could he bear it? Sensing her gaze, he looked back to her.

"Well," He said and cleared his throat. He raised his glass. "To James Sirius Potter - May be nothing like his namesakes at all."

He clinked his glass against hers, and took a large drink of the wine she'd given him. She sipped hers hesitantly. "Are you all right?"

He gave her a small smile, and held up his glass. The news had shaken him, but he wouldn't let it ruin her birthday. "More importantly, to you, on your birthday. Happy birthday, Hermione."

She smiled at him. "Thank you, Severus." Their glasses clinked and they sipped their wine again.

**"What's in a name? that which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet." ~ _Romeo and Juliet_**


	52. Chapter 52

A long discussion with Minerva about how to gauge Hermione's interest in him, Severus found himself adequately distracted. His interview with Xenophilius Lovegood and the Quibbler was upon him in no time.

The slender, tall, and long white-blonde haired man stood nervously before him.

"Mister Lovegood," He greeted the man coolly. "I believe you know Hermione Granger, our mediwitch, and Minerva McGonagall, our Transfiguration Professor and Head of Gryffindor House."

The man nodded nervously and scribbled the names down on his notepad. "Yes. How are you all?"

Severus had met the man on a few occasions before, but the daughter now made perfect sense as he observed the father. He was dressed strangely, in mismatching clothes and pants that were far too short for his long legs. He avoided eye contact and had the same strange airy look on his face. Raising an eyebrow, Severus stared at him, but Minerva elbowed him. He'd promised her he'd play nicely, and reminded him that this interview had been Severus' idea.

"Sit, please," Severus offered and he sat behind his wooden desk, with Hermione directly on his right and Minerva on his right.

"Would you like some tea, Mister Lovegood?" Hermione offered politely.

When Lovegood declined, Severus said, "Shall we begin then? What questions do you have?"

Lovegood fumbled to the next page in his notebook. "I've got a lot of the basics already written here... Slytherin, graduated in 1978 with academic honors in all subject areas, hired on as a staff member in 1980..."

"Yes," Severus confirmed.

The man transformed before his eyes. Gone was the fumbling, nervous Lovegood, and the professional journalist sat in his place. "You applied for a position at Hogwarts first at the request of You-Know-Who?"

Severus noticed the man's use of the moniker. "Yes."

"Can you give me details about that quest?"

Leaning back into his chair, Severus said, "The Dark Lord requested I interview with Albus Dumbledore for a teaching position at Hogwarts. He wished me to spy on Dumbledore and to relay any useful information back to him."

"Was there anything strange about your interviewing process?"

"Once I joined the Death Eaters..."

Xenophilius cut him off. "And when was that?"

"July of 1978," Severus answered. "When I joined, I had no intention of being a spy, however, the Dark Lord recognized that I had the academic skill to qualify for a position at this school, so he requested I win one. I desired to please my master, so I spied largely unsuccessfully on an interview Dumbledore was conducting with another potential employee, Sybil Trewlawney. During that interview, I overheard the first part of a prophecy she made about a boy born as the seventh month dies who would possesse the power to vanquish the Dark Lord."

"And you relayed this prophecy to You-Know-Who?"

"Yes," Severus said.

"And how did he interpret it?"

"The details of the entire part that I overheard led the Dark Lord to two potential families. At long last, he settled on James and Lily Potter, and their son, Harry."

"You knew James and Lily Potter?"

"Yes," Severus answered.

"How?"

"I met Lily before we attended Hogwarts. We lived in neighboring towns. I met James on the train to Hogwarts before our first year."

"What was your relationship like with the two of them?"

Severus stiffened, but Hermione touched his arm and Minerva nodded at him. "Lily and I were close friends by that time, but my relationship with James was instantly antagonistic."

"And your friendship with Lily, did it last throughout your years at Hogwarts?"

He stiffened again. "No. We had a falling out."

"Over?"

"That details are unimportant," Severus said and his voice was sharp.

"When did this falling out occur?"

"Near the end of our fifth year."

"Your friendship did not recover?"

"No," Severus admitted softly.

"Are you able to elaborate more on this antagonistic relationship you had with James?"

"I have no intent to speak ill of the dead, nor was the antagonizing completely one-sided. We were two very different people," Severus said as politically as he could.

"After Hogwarts, you joined the Death Eaters, and they married?"

"Yes," Severus said.

"Why did you join the Death Eaters?"

Snape looked away from Lovegood toward the window. "Without seeming like I am excusing a very poor decision, I did not have a decent home life, nor did I have very good taste in friends. I joined to fit in, to feel like I was protected."

"Did you fit in? Were you protected?"

"Yes, at first, to both questions. Ultimately, no. Things were very different in the beginning. The Dark Lord was charismatic, and he spoke to the broken youth, much like the muggle dictator, Adolf Hitler did."

Lovegood was scribbling Snape's words down. Once he finished, he asked, "After you overheard the prophecy, relayed it to You-Know-Who, and he interpreted it, what happened?"

"Panic," Severus said. "On my part. Though Lily and I had not spoken in years, I never wanted her to get her, or to be in danger. When I realized the Dark Lord would strike her down no matter how I tried to negotiate and manipulate the prophecy, I appealed to Dumbledore, begged him to use me in whatever way he could, in exchange for his protection for the Potter family."

"And that is how you became a double agent?"

"Yes," Severus answered quietly. His eyes were far away as he stared at the window, remembering that fateful and horribly windy night on that darkened hilltop.

"When was this?"

"July of 1980."

"So you were truly only a Death Eater for two years?"

"That is no small amount of time, Mister Lovegood, and the public will not see it as such either."

"After you betrayed the Dark Lord and turned spy against him, what happened?

"Dumbledore went to tremendous lengths to protect James, Lily, and their infant son. He enlisted the help of a Secret Keeper. Using information I gave him from the Dark Lord, and feeding the Dark Mord misinformation, Dumbledore moved the family to a safe house."

"All of this to protect a former friend whom you had not spoken with in years?"

Severus turned his dark gaze back to Lovegood, who was looking at his paper. "I loved her." A silence filled the room.

"What happened?" Lovegood broke the tension.

"The Potters were betrayed by their secret keeper. Their location was given to the Dark Lord directly by the Secret Keeper. The world thought that Sirius Black was the Potter's chosen Secret Keeper, but they'd anticipated the fact that Black would be the most likely candidate, and had chosen another. The switch was one that only Lily and James and Peter Pettigrew, their friend from school and chosen Secret Keeper knew. Not even Dumbledore knew that they had not made Black the Secret Keeper."

Lovegood finished writing and glanced at his next question hesitantly. "After their deaths, how did you react?"

"That's private," Severus warned. "Professionally, Dumbledore convinced me that the Dark Lord would return, and that Harry Potter would need protection, that the Light would still have need of me as a spy."

"Were their conditions for your continued loyalty?"

"Only that Dumbledore never reveal the reasons I had for being loyal to him, for working to protect Harry Potter."

"Why?"

"That he would tell no one of my true loyalties, or give any reason why he trusted me."

"Did he honor that request?"

Severus heard a familiar and meddlesome cough above him on the wall. "For many years, yes. Then, he made the decision to bring allies in for me, Minerva McGonagall and Hermione Granger."

"Why did he choose them?"

"Dumbledore was dying from an injury he obtained from cursed item. When he had died, he believed them to the best options for me to feed information to, to keep in the loop. Granger is a fiercely loyal friend. Wherever Harry Potter would go, and he would not remain at Hogwarts following Dumbledore's death, Dumbledore was certain that Granger would follow him. Minerva would, undoubtedly, defend this school to her last breath. In his words, I could keep an informative foot in both worlds - Hogwarts and Potter."

Snape stood and walked to the window. Granger and McGonagall's eyes were trained on his back, but Lovegood hadn't seemed to notice the man had moved at all.

"Dumbledore arranged to have you kill him?"

"I did," Albus said from his portrait. "Convincing Severus of the need for him to be the one to kill me was very difficult. He had no desire to kill anyone, and he knew what he would cast himself in our world once he'd done it. It was one of the hardest requests I made of anyone in my life."

Lovegood did not look at the portrait, and instead merely focused on his writing. "Had you committed murder prior to Dumbledore?"

"No."

"Did you after?"

"No," Severus' voice was very quiet.

"Why did Dumbledore feel that you were the one who had to kill him?"

Albus answered again. "It was the only way that Lord Voldemort would trust Severus completely."

Lovegood and Snape flinched at the use of the Dark Lord's name. Shaking off his flinch, Lovegood regained his professional composure and asked, "After Dumbledore, you became Headmaster of Hogwarts, which had fallen into You-Know-Who's grasp." Severus didn't answer, but he hadn't been asked a question. "Under your leadership during that year, students were captured, tortured, and attacked..." There was an angry undertone in the man's words.

Hermione glanced at Severus, and she noticed he was fidgeting with his fingers again. "Perhaps we might take a break?"

"Yes, that sounds lovely. Mister Lovegood, would you like to see the greenhouses?" Minerva asked. The man's professionalism disappeared and his strangeness returned. He followed McGonagall amicably from the office, leaving Hermione alone with Severus.

She approached him slowly. "Severus..."

He turned to her, several tears running down his face silently, and met her gaze. Her heart shattered. She hadn't even realized he'd been crying while he stood facing the window. She stepped to him, wrapped her arms around him, and pressed her ear against his chest. The man had a level of self control the world had never seen before, and she struggled to master her own emotions as she listened to his heart beat wildly inside his chest.

"I know this is hard, but you're doing wonderfully, and once it's done, you'll never have to do it again. You're doing so well," She assured him as she squeezed her arms tighter around his slender body.

**"Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing._" ~ Hate List_**


	53. Chapter 53

"During my first year as Headmaster, under the Dark Lord's control, I had to bring on two very violent and unpredictable Death Eaters as teachers. It was not a decision I made of my own volition," Severus explained. He had regained much of his self-control, and stood facing the window still, thanks to Hermione. He could still smell cinnamon and chai even though she'd moved several minutes ago. "There was very little I could do to keep them in check, but I did the best that I could. The Dark Lord had no desire to spill a single drop of magical blood, so I was able to keep a tight enough leash on the Carrow siblings. My control over them was not complete, and students were hit, yes, and stolen out from under me. In my life, those were some of my darkest days."

"You stood by and did nothing while students were abused and taken?"

Severus turned slowly back to face the white haired man. "I controlled what I could control, and took action where I needed to take action. There are several former students who would be able to tell you of moments where I did not act as I appeared to be to the world."

Hermione and Minerva looked at Severus in surprise. During the first year Severus had been Headmaster, Minerva hardly ever saw him. He held up in the office, much like I did his first year after the war. Only just recently had he branches out and began walking the castle regularly. It surprised them both that he had risked his cover to help individual students.

"Might I have their names?"

"Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Ginerva Weasley, and... Luna Lovegood."

"Luna?"

"I caught her, the a couple of the others, trying to steal from this very office. I didn't so much as punish them. Instead, I merely handed bruising salve to Longbottom. Several of them has bruises on their cheeks or near their eyes."

"But Luna was stolen from this school..."

"Yes. I was not made aware of that plan before it occurred. Dobby?" Severus called.

The scrawny elf appeared. "Yes, Headmaster, sir?"

"Do you remember when we went to Malfoy Manor together, after Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter, Ronal Weasley, and Hermione Granger had been captured?"

"Yes, of course, sir."

"Can you tell Mister Lovegood what my orders to you were?"

Dobby turned and said, "Headmaster Snape told me I was not to be seen by anyone, and that I was to get Harry Potter and his friends out of the house while he created a diversion."

"What was the diversion?" Xenophilius asked. Luna had never talked much of her time at Malfoy Manor. She was so aloof that she was able to heal from the experience without talking of it, but her father had always wondered.

"My presence," Severus said. "By then, I was the Dark Lord's Second-in-command. Lucius had come to Hogwarts to ask for my assistance in identifying the students that had caught. Dobby, who did you rescue?"

"Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood, a wandmaker, and a goblin. They were all locked in the basement."

"The wandmaker was Ollivander. He could also confirm the details, though the man was quite traumatized, so I would tread lightly. Griphook was the goblin, but he is deceased. Dobby, where was Miss Granger?"

"With Madam Lestrange, upstairs... She was hurting Miss Hermione."

Severus glanced at Hermione, who looked very pale, but cleared her throat. "Bellatrix Lestrange had me pinned to the floor and she..." Hermione touched her arm. Severus walked slowly around the desk behind her. Lovegood did not notice again that Snape had even moved. Without thinking, he touched his hand to her shoulder. She grabbed at his hand with one of hers, Minerva looked at him wideyed, he ignored her eyes.

Hermione continued tearfully, clutching Severus' hand on her shoulder. "She had a poisoned blade. She was using it to cut my arm... Trying to torture me into giving her information about Harry. I'd jinxed his face, before they caught us, so they were unable to say for certain that he was Harry Potter. Professor Snape arrived, Bellatrix ordered for the boys to be brought up from the basement. Greyback went to fetch them, and yelled out that they were gone. Everything happened so fast. Bellatrix was off of me and searching the basement. Snape mouthed for me to run, and I did, and he gave fake chase. he caught me and disapparated us both here. He promptly treated me for the poison that had been on the blade, and for the wound I received. Then, he had Professor McGonagall say she was the one I'd come to, and had Dobby apparate both Professor McGonagall and I to Harry and Ron. That was the last I saw of him until we returned to Hogwarts and the war began."

Severus moved back toward the window as Lovegood asked, "You were unaware that Harry Potter and his friends had returned to Hogwarts?"

"Oh, I was very much aware," Severus said evenly as he reflected on the intense anxiety he'd felt that evening.

"Why did You-Know-Who attack you? Did he discover you had betrayed him?"

"No. The specificity of why he attacked me is something I cannot answer. It involves details that have been classified by our Minister of Magic."

The Minister had felt it best to keep the story of the Three Brothers, and of their powerful objects, to nothing more than a secret. Severus had agreed that the world did not need to know such power existed.

"He used his snake?"

"Yes," Severus said and couldn't help but shiver.

"He died believed you were loyal to him?"

As far as I know..."

"Well," Minerva coughed, and Severus turned to face her with a raised pointed eyebrow. "Harry did mention something about your true loyalties in the final conversation. I believe it was made clear, in Voldemort's final moments, that you had been Dumbledore's man all along, not his."

Severus would have been angry if Potter had told him when he'd first woken up after the war, but now, he smirked, knowing the Dark Lord fell with the knowledge that he'd been betrayed for nearly 20 years.

"All of this for love?" Lovegood asked.

"No," Severus said coldly. "Do not paint me as some bloody romantic. I loved Lily, yes, but we had been friends as well, known each other since we were children. I was not the same as the monster who branded me. I'd already bexome disenchanted with his ways, but outright leaving was out of the question. He'd killed people for talking about it, for attempting it, without an ounce of hesitation. Relaying that prophecy... I had no idea it could refer to her. I'd no idea she'd had a child. I never wanted her to be in harm's way, despite how our friendship had ended and the decisions I had made. The knowledge that I'd set into motion a series of events that put her, and her family, in grave danger, and those events ultimately led to her death... I had to do what I could to try and atone, and to try to align myself with a cause I truly believed in..."

Lovegood looked at Severus for the first time since the interview had started. "What do you want in life now, Headmaster? Why did you finally agree to this interview? What do you hold to gain, and what do you hope the world gains from this?"

Severus locked eyes with the man for a moment. "It was my story to tell on my terms to whichever press I felt best to write it. I finally felt ready to tell it. I want closure, and peace, on those parts of my past. The world might gain the same, or they might not. I cannot control how they respond to my truth. Now, I'd quite like to be left alone."

The three filed out, and Hermione looked back at him over her should before shutting the door behind her. He'd slumped down into his chair and was massaging his temples. It was over. He'd confronted his past with the press. She smiled as she shut his door.

**"People often claim to hunger for truth, but seldom like the taste when it's served up." ~ _A Clash of Kings_**


	54. Chapter 54

Severus' interview was largely well-received. The ratings for the Quibbler soared, and other papers wrote to Snape requesting interviews and statements. He answered them all the same, that he would only give interview to Xenophilius Lovegood of The Quibbler, and that any and all press statements he wished to make would be made through Lovegood as well.

He wasn't entirely sure why he'd chosen Lovegood. Partly, it was because the man had come as a recommendation from Hermione, but also his paper was the underdog in the Wizarding media, and Severus tended to quietly root for the underdog. He'd also chosen The Quibbler because he knew that Xenophilius had lost his wife, and that his daughter's capture was nearly his undoing. Severus felt responsible for some of that suffering, so he wanted to do what he could to ease it, even if it was only financially and a boost to the man's reputation.

Minerva knocked and entered his office. "Are you all packed, Severus?"

He looked at his suitcase on the floor next to him. "Yes." Suddenly, he was overcome with nerves.

"You plan to tell her while you're there?"

"Yes," Severus whispered as he looked at the floor.

"Lad, look at me," She said and he obeyed. "You deserve to happy, and the witch is mad for you. Come back hand-in-hand or don't come back at all," She clicked her tongue at him.

There was another knock at his door and Hermione pushed the door open, suitcase in hand. He moved and grabbed her suitcase, picked his up with his other hand, and asked, "All set?"

"Yes!" She smiled. "Thank you for covering for us, Minerva."

"Not a problem, my dear. You two have fun!"

Severus stepped into the fireplace, and Hermione stood in front of him. He cast one more nervous glance at Minerva as Hermione called out, "American Ministry of Magic!"

They reappeared in a colonial style Ministry, and they stepped out of the hearth. Severus continued to carry her bag as they made their way toward the immigration line. Severus glanced around them, and noticed two wizards eyeing him and whispering to each other.

"I believe we have been made," He said lowly to Hermione.

Hermione looked over at the Aurors and said, "I told you that you should've dressed a little less Snape-like..."

He rolled his eyes as the Aurors approached him and called out, "Hey, you two! Come with us."

Severus sighed and followed Hermione and the Aurors to a private room. "Sir, can we see your passport?"

Severus reached into his cloak and the men drew there wands on him. Eyeing them, he realized they definitely knew who he was already. Pulling his passport out, and handed it to one of the Aurors.

"What business do have in the United States?" One of them asked him.

"We're seeing a play in the city," Severus answered coolly.

The shorter Auror crossed his arms. "Roll up your left sleeve, sir."

"Why?" Severus asked. Hermione bristled next to him.

"We do not allow those who bear Lord Voldemort's mark to come into the United States."

"That's rich, coming from a country who had to fight half of its own to abolish slavery, who dropped not one, but two atomic bombs on Japan for revenge for attacks on one of its states, and a country in which racism, sexism, and prejudice still run rampant."

The two men tensed and grew very red in the face. "Roll up your sleeve. I will use force if I have to."

Severus glared at him. "I'd like to see you try."

The man's wand was drawn and pointed at Severus again. Hermione jumped between the two, and said, "Our Minister is here visiting yours. I don't believe he'd be too thrilled to hear you've detained two of his friends."

The Aurors looked at each other. "Call Minister Smith."

Severus turned away from the pair of Aurors while one of them dialed a number on the phone in the room. "It's fine, Severus. Kingsley will handle it," She assured him.

"I could handle it," He growled.

"Well, I'd quite like to see this play with you, not without you because you've got yourself thrown in a holding cell."

"You underestimate me."

"The Ministers are on their way," One said

The other asked, "Miss, can I see your passport as well?"

Hermione huffed and handed over her passport. The two read her name and then their eyes widened. "Oh, good, you've heard of me. Now, you know you've gone and royally fucked yourselves."

Snape's head snapped to her. She very rarely cursed, and when she did, it was even rarer still that she used _that _word. Her face was hard and set as she eyed the two Aurors.

The door burst open and Kingsley looked angrier than either Snape or Hermione had ever seen him. "Miller, is this the way my citizens are treated? The Headmaster of Hogwarts? Two of the greatest heroes of the war against Voldemort?"

Miller, a large and stout man, looked flabbergasted. "Smith, Johnson.. What is the meaning of this?!"

The Aurors stammered. "I.. we.. Recognized him. We knew he'd been a Death Eater. We aren't supposed to let anyone in with the Mark."

"You're aware this man _was _on _our _side, yes?" Miller asked. "That he was a double-agent and was essential in helping Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, how lovely to meet you," He looked at Granger, whose face remained cold, "and Ronald Weasley succeed in defeating Voldemort?"

"But he's got the Mark... _His Mark..._"

"Somehow, the pair of you made it through Illvermorny and Auror training with a total of three brain cells between the both of you." Miller looked angry. "My office. Now." The men scrambled out of the room and Miller turned to Snape and Granger. "Welcome to The United States of America. Please enjoy your stay. Let me know if you have any problems and I will deal with them personally. Thank you, both, for your service in the war against Voldemort."

He disappeared from the room and Kingsley nodded. "All right?"

"Yes, we're fine. Thank you, Kingsley."

"Enjoy your trip," Kingsley said. When the Headmaster traveled, Kingsley was made aware, and Snape suddenly realized Shacklebolt must've anticipated resistance to Snape at immigration and had scheduled his own visit at the same time. Hermione moves from the room, and Kingsley grabbed Snape's arm as he walked by him. "Be careful, Severus. We're not in Europe anymore."

Severus nodded and brushed past him. He followed Hermione through immigration, where things went smoothly and rather quickly. He led her to another floo, which they used to go to the hotel he had purchased for their stay.

He walked to the front desk, where a young bellhop took his bags. Speaking to the man at the front desk, Severus said. "Hermione Granger, and Severus Snape. We'd like to check into our rooms."

"Headmaster Snape, of course. Minister Miller phoned just before your arrival. He has upgraded your rooms to the presidential suite."

Severus looked surprised, and then asked, "I..." He lowered his voice and looked at Hermione over his shoulder. He glanced nervously back at the man. "How many bedrooms?"

"There are two, sir," He said.

"Let me speak with her..." Severus turned and walked to Hermione. "Hermione, I booked two rooms for us, but it seems the American Minister is trying to win back our favor. He's upgraded us to the presidential suite, but the man at the desk says there are still two private bedrooms within that suite. Is that..." He faltered and looked at her nervously.

"Oh, that sounds wonderful," She said and smiled. "I've never stayed in a suite before."

He nodded, and turned back to the desk. "That is acceptable."

The man finished checking them into their suite, and Severus and Hermione took the elevator up to the top floor with the bellhop. Severus was incredibly nervous about staying in the same suite with her, especially if confessing his feelings for her did not go over well. He'd have nowhere to retreat to completely.

Once they'd settled their bags into their rooms, he looked for her in the sitting area of the suite. The suite came with a fully stocked bar, which the man at the desk had said would be free of charge. Not seeing Hermione, he ventured further, and found her standing out on the balcony. Her arms were crossed and she was shivering, but when he approached her, he could see she was smiling as she observed the skyline.

"It's cold out here," He said slowly.

She looped her arm into the crook of his elbow, and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Isn't it lovely, Severus?"

He looked out the skyline, and sighed. Then, he looked at her. The skyline was nothing compared to the witch leaning against him. He could smell her shampoo as he looked down at her. She glanced up at him, caught him staring, and blushed, but she didn't move away. Her eyes moved back to the skyline.

"Shall we get dinner before the play?" He asked.

"That sounds wonderful. I've heard about this little bar in the wizarding area of Times Square. Horace said the food is amazing. We could go there, then head to the show?"

"Your wish is my command," He said. Nerves were eating at his stomach, and he knew he could not continue hiding his feelings for her. He would tell her tonight, after dinner and the show, when they returned to their room.

**"She wasn't exactly sure when it happened. Or even when it started. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way." ~ _Safe Haven_**


	55. Chapter 55

Dinner went well, and Horace's suggestion had been fantastic. Soon, Severus found himself sitting next to Hermione as the theatre darkened and the music began.

Severus struggled to focus on the play, but his remained trained on the stage. He was horribly nervous for what would occur after. He cared so very much for Hermione, and he did not want to compromise their friendship in any way.

"There was a time when men were kind..." The woman playing Fantine sang from the stage. The song brought Severus back to reality. Hermione, then, grabbed his hand. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest as she held his hands. Their hands were cupped, their fingers not laced, but it was the most intimate Severus had been with a woman since he'd been fresh out of Hogwarts. After graduating, Severus was desperate to fill the gaping holes in his life, so he would often visit bars and brothels. He very rarely mustered up the courage to actually sleep with a woman. Even then, those encounters, which were fewer than a handful, were not intimate. There was as little physical contact as possible, no kissing, no holding each other. In the end, it did nothing to help him.

When he'd turned spy, he could not risk any weakness or attachment, so it had been two decades since he'd been with anyone in any capacity. Perhaps it was better if she rejected him. How does one justify the fact that he'd paid for sex, but never kissed a woman? Blushing in embarrassment, Snape was grateful for the dimmed theatre, and for the fact that Hermione was completely engrossed in the play.

Even as the song ended, she did not remove her hand. She merely squeezed tighter as the Fantine on the stage became sad and devastated at the way her life had turned out to be. He closed his eyes and focused on the feel of her softer and smaller hand in his, hoping that it would not be the last time he'd experience it. Eventually, the play ended,

As soon as the play ended, Severus' heartrate skyrocketed. He followed her out of the theatre, into an alley, and they disapparated back to the hotel. As they moved through the lobby into the elevator, Severus asked, "Did you enjoy the show?"

The elevator doors closed. "Yes, it was wonderful. It's such a horribly sad story, but it still has a bit of hope at the end. Thank you so much for bringing me here, Severus," She said and met his dark eyes.

He nodded and cleared his throat as the door opened. Moving into their hotel room, they took off their jackets, and Hermione moved to the fireplace and sparked it. The fire crackled and sparked for a moment and then settled.

"Something to drink?" He asked.

"Wine would be lovely," She said as she sat on the couch.

He went to the bar and uncorked a bottle of merlot, which he knew was her favorite. His hands were shaking as he poured them each a glass. Walking to the couch, he focused on controlling his breathing. He handed her a glass and she smiled at him.

"This is the best birthday gift I think I've ever received," She said quietly.

He took a sip of his wine, and then said, "I am glad you feel that way."

She was staring at the fire. Now. Do it now, Severus,

you bloody fool before you lose your nerve. His mind raced with possibilities of how to begin.

He cleared his throat. "Hermione..." She looked at him. "There's something I need to tell you."

She looked concerned, and turned her body to him more fully. "What is it?"

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then looked at her again. He set his glass down and Hermione saw that his hands were trembling badly. She put her glass down and grabbed his hands and held them in her own. He shivered. "Hermione... I am scared to ruin our friendship if I continue."

The admission was quiet, fear filled, and Hermione smiled. "Nothing could come between us."

Except love? Could love do that? Bloody hell. "You know so much of me. You are my closest and most trusted friend. I never thought I would have that kind of connection again in my life. I've done so many things in my life which I came to regret, Hermione, but the greatest regret is not being honest when I should have been..."

She was staring at him. He could see her mind working to piece together where he was going. "You are a wonderful witch," He said, and she smiled. "Brilliant, and lovely in every way. You deserve honesty, and that's what I'm... Hermione."

His head began to spin. His tongue felt swollen in his mouth and down his throat. His ears were ringing, but the confession uprooted itself from his soul and traveled through every nerve in his body to his voicebox. "I am in love with you."

Suddenly, the room stopped spinning, and everything in the world was quiet for a moment. As his body adjusted to the vulnerability, he looked at her. "If you do not feel the same..." He began and pulled his hands away. "I only ask that we remain friends. I cannot lose you in any capacity. It would... _not _be good for me."

"Severus..." She asked quietly. He looked at her. "You... love me?"

"Yes," He whispered softly. "More than anything."

She moved closer to him, and he shrank back into the couch nervously. Reaching out, she touched his face, her thumb stroking his cheek. "I never thought it was possible... That you would feel the same..."

Feel the same? His eyes widened as he looked at her. "I love you, too, Severus."

Normal men would have kissed their witch after such a confession, but Severus was not normal. He sat frozen as he watched her. Slowly, she crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. He'd never been hugged so intimately before. His arms curled around her waist as he held her to his chest. Severus buried his face into the name of her neck and took several deep breaths. His mind was reeling that she had not only accepted his feelings, but returned them, that she'd said she loved him.

She pulled back, and locked eyes with him. Glancing at his lips, she looked at him again. He knew what was coming, and he wanted it more than anything in the entire world. It was slow, so slow, her advance on him. Tilting her head to her right, he mirrored her actions, and he whimpered so softly as her lips met his. His hands, which had been resting on her waist, moved to her face, mirroring her own hands, and tangled in her curly hair.

She moaned against his mouth and her tongue touched his lips, seeking permission, and he obliged immediately. She bit his bottom lip playfully and smiled against his mouth. His hands moved to her back, and he squeezed her closer to him. His tongue traced her bottom lip softly, and she whimpered. He delighted in every little sound she made, that the sounds she made were because of him, and he had a lifetime to hear every single one of them.

Suddenly, she ground her hips against him, and he flinched. "Fuck, Hermione." She looked at him wide eyed. He was more likely to swear out of the two of them, but she'd never heard him use that word sexually. "We should move slowly. I am... New to... Relationships."

Hermione raised an eyebrow and sat back on his lap fully, and he stocked a groan as she seemingly unknowingly brushed against his arousal. "Relationship?"

All the blood fled from below his hips to his face and he blushed furiously. "I... Ah... I had assumed... I cannot do casual, Hermione..." He confessed.

She smiled. "I'm only teasing. You're my wizard, and I'm your witch. There's nothing casual about this."

"Good," He said firmly. She slid off his lap and grabbed their wine glasses, and then nestled herself into his side, his right arm around her waist. She handed him his glass.

"I thought you'd never feel anything for me more than a friend."

"That is not the case, it seems," He said and brushed his nose against her hair.

"When did you first realize you cared for me as more than a friend?"

Severus thought for a moment. "It was not one moment, but rather a series of moments. The first was this past end-of-year staff party. It was nothing in particular that you did or said, but I found you mesmerizing."

"I think the first time I realized I cared very much for you, in a way that couldnt totally be justified as friendly, was when you went to the Shrieking Shack on the anniversary of the war. I realized I wanted to take care of you, to help you, and protect you. And when Ron... said what he said, I was angrier than I should have been but not for myself. I was angry for you."

He didn't say anything, merely pondered her words, and pulled her closer to him. "Hermione, I do not imagine I will be the easiest person to be in a relationship with, but I..."

"Shush. You're lovely," She said and kissed his cheek softly, and for several seconds. He turned his head toward her and caught her lips. They kissed slowly and softly for several minutes before they relaxed into each other and she leaned her head on his chest as she sipped her wine. They stared into the fire and relished the closeness and intimacy of the other person.

**"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday." ~ _The Notebook_**


	56. Chapter 56

After a couple of days of near constant kissing and cuddling, though Severus insisted that they continue to sleep in separate beds, their trip came to an end. He was glad, in a way, because his ability to resist her and what she did to his body was waning quickly. He needed to return to Hogwarts, and so did she.

When she brought her bag out into the sitting room, he looked at her face and was disheartened to see that she looked so sad. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sad this trip is ending... I'm sad we have to go back to reality, that I can't have you all to myself all the time..."

He touched his finger under her chin and she met his eyes. "I shall endeavor to pencil in time for you in my schedule."

She snorted and swatted at his arm. "You know I just show up anyway."

"You are good at that," He acknowledged. "I am sad this trip is over, too, but Hermione... If you'll have me, I'll take you on any holiday you could ever want..."

"When we return, I'll need to tell my parents. You'll have to meet them eventually. I'll have to tell my friends too..."

Severus stiffened. "I imagined you would, yes."

"I'm sure they'll be fine. Harry's been bugging me about you anyway..."

"Has he?"

"Yes, he's quite nosey," She smirked.

"Potter meddling? Unsurprising," Severus shrugged, and then his face grew pale. "I understand that I am not... To most people, the ideal partner. It will be difficult for you, I imagine, to deal with the backlash..."

"Backlash?"

"The public won't like their Gryffindor Princess being with... Someone like me," He said seriously.

"Someone like you? You're a war hero. One of the biggest ones we've got... Probably bigger than even Harry."

"Hermione... Listen to me," He said quietly. "At best, some of the public views me as Dark Horse... At worst, I am viewed as a Death Eater who, quite literally, got away with murder."

"People don't think that."

He shook his head. "Yes, they do. I assure you, and I know that they will be less than pleased that _you_, a member of the Golden Trio, and my former student, are involved with me romantically. I know you caught hell merely for being my friend."

"I don't care what people think," She said.

"Yes, you do," He said. "That's easy to say here, in New York, but when we're back in Europe, back at school, people will be vocal."

"You don't know that they will hate it," She said.

"There are people who hate _me."_

"I don't care what they think, Severus. I happen to love you," She said firmly.

His heart fluttered as she said the phrase again. "Hermione, please just know... That whatever may come, I am here for you, and I will care for you no matter what you might decide."

"Decide?" She looked confused. "What? You think I might _leave _you because some tossers don't think you're right for me?"

He frowned. He was serious, and she wasn't taking him as such. He grabbed her back and gestured toward the door. "After you."

"Nobody will take you from me. You'll see," She said.

He hoped to any and all greater being there might be that she meant those words with all of her heart in soul. Truthfully, he didn't expect her to stay. He knew the backlash would be great, and if it came from her friends and family as well, she'd be put on a horrible corner over him, and he never wanted to do that to her. He followed her silently from the room, down to the lobby, and to the front desk, where he checked them out and returned the room keys.

They made their way to the Ministry, where they passed relatively unnoticed. Some wizards and witches recognized them, but they were largely unbothered. Stepping into the Floo, Severus watched as she threw the Floo powder at their feet and sent them back to his office.

Minerva smiled brightly at the sight of them and quickly rushed around Severus' desk. "Oh, how was the trip?"

Hermione hugged her and assured her the trip had been wonderful. Severus said, "I can take your bag to your room, if you'd like."

She shook her head and smiled. "It's all right." Pointing her wand at her luggage, she levitated it next to her. "I'm going to try to get ahold of Harry and see if I might pop by for a Christmas visit with baby James." Severus eyed her warily, but she smiled at him. "Nothing to worry yourself over, love. I'll stop by tonight?"

He nodded, and she disappeared from the office. Minerva was staring at him with an eyebrow raised. "_Love?_"

He nodded. "As it turns out, she feels the same."

"Oh, that's wonderful news, lad!" She said and hugged him tightly around his neck. "But why don't you look thrilled?"

Severus looked nervous, and shifted his eyes to the floor. "I am afraid of losing her."

"But you've only just got together! Surely, everything is lovely right now?"

"It's not her I'm worried about. It's everyone else... With their opinions. If she does not have the support of the public _and _her closest friends and family..."

"Hush, Severus. That girl is in love with you. It will all work out," She assured him. When his body language did not relax at all, Minerva looked at him closely. His jaw was twitching and his fingers were flexing. "Come now. Have a spot of tea?"

He followed her to his desk and, when he went to sit in the chair across from his actual one, she corrects him. "Oh, no, I've had my fill of that chair, Severus."

He sat in his own chair quietly as she brewed his tea. Minerva was nervous too, for how the public and her friends might drive them apart, and she shared Severus' anxiety, but the man deserved happiness, and she hoped that her friends could see that. She worried little about Potter, who'd inquired about Severus and Hermione to her at his wedding, but Weasley could have a horrible temper and was well-known to shout things he didn't truly mean when he was angry. Hermione cared for her friends very much, and valued their opinions. Their support would mean the world to her.

She put Severus' cup of tea down in front of him. "I understand the anxiety, dear boy, but you must trust her feelings for you are true enough."

"Minerva, I..." She waited patiently while he worked out how to say what he wanted to say. "I love her, and I never expected to love anyone again. A partner was not what I was looking for by any means, but now that I have her... Losing her. The possibility of it..." He swallowed hard.

"I know, Severus. I have faith in her, in her friends' love for her."

He looked at her and, in a way only Minerva, or Hermione, could do, he felt truly understood and heard. Minerva supported him, supported her, and supported them as a couple, and she was a fierce ally to have. He wouldn't hesitate to throw her in front of an angry Gryffindor or two to spare his witch from hurt. She'd give them an earful.. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to do that, and hopefully, her friends and family supported her as they'd always done.

"**If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own." ~ _The Alchemist_**


	57. Chapter 57

Near midnight, Severus sensed a shifting in his wards as he paced nervously in his sitting room in the Headmaster's quarters attached to the office. A soft knock at his door came soon after, and he rushed to open it.

It was Hermione. Looking her over quickly, she didn't seem too distressed, and he allowed her entrance. In the entire time they'd been friends, he hadn't invited her to his private quarters. Usually, the spent their time in his office. He tried to keep things as respectful as possible, despite his own feelings and desires at the time. Now, he wanted her in his life as much as possible.

She walked in and looked around admiring his many bookshelves. His room was tastefully decorated, but minimally so. He had a large black leather couch in front of his fireplace, and he was pacing nervously as she looked about his space.

"So I spoke with Harry..."

Severus approached her timidly. "I do not like sitting in this anxiety..."

"It went really well, Severus. He was really supportive of me, and of us. So was Ginny."

He looked at her, trying to assess whether or not she was serious. "Hermione..."

She spoke quietly. "Actually, he'd quite like to talk to you about it all... To show you his support." Severus was taken aback by Potter's gesture, even if it had come via Hermione. "I know you're not exactly a huge fan of Harry, but he's family to me, so you'll have to at least tolerate him from time to time."

He ignored the comment about Potter because it was ridiculous. He would face the Dark Lord every day for the rest life if it would keep her happy with him. Potter was a walk in the park comparatively. "You are okay with how the conversation went?"

"Yes, but honestly, its not him I'm worried about," She said uneasily.

"Weasley?"

"I'm worried about telling Ron, yes. He's been dating Lavender, so it's not like he's got much leg to stand on, but he's got quite a temper, and he can say some really nasty things."

"I am aware, yes," Severus said smoothly.

Hermione frowned and rubbed at her arms. It was so hard not to touch her all the time. Severus was not an affectionate man, or he wasn't before her, but damn it, he craved her contact with her. A touch starved boy had grown into a touch starved man. Stepping nearer to her, he reached out his hands. She took one and then the other. Her hands were soft in his, and he pulled her to him.

"I am glad that you have the support of Potter, and his wife."

Hermione looked up at him. "We... _We _have their support."

"So, are you going to fill me in on the details of the conversation you had with Potter, or are you going to make me suffer him telling me?"

She smiled, and asked, "Shall we sit?"

He looked nervously to the couch. He'd invited no one into his private Headmaster quarters, and now, here she was, in his private quarters, and he had very little self control left. His anxiety had been running rampant all day, and he was more than a little out of sorts. Following her to the couch, he sat near to her, and she snuggled into his side. Never in his life think that any person would ever wiggle themelves closer to his body.

"Well, I'll spare you all the details about the baby and such. I sat down with Ginny and Harry. They asked about our trip, and I told them how wonderful it was, and how you told me you had feelings for me, and that I returned those feelings. They asked their questions, and then ultimately, said they were happy for me, for us both."

"Asked their questions?"

She frowned slightly, and then chewed her lip. "Well, they're my friends. They're a bit protective, so they just wanted to make sure everything was all right..."

"What do you mean _all right_?" He asked. There was tension in his body.

"That you treat me well. That's all," She shrugged.

His eyes dropped to the stone floor. "I believe, on the whole, I have treated you well, both before and after New York."

"Yes. I said that to them as well. You really are a good man, Severus. You are a wonderful friend, and you've been a lovely partner thus far."

"And they accepted your answers, did they?"

"I mean, what choice have they got? You're Severus Snape, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What would they even be able to do to you?"

"There is nothing you wouldn't do for someone you love," He said lowly.

She laid her head on his chest. For craving contact so much, he was terrible untrusting of it and awkward with it. Shifting her body, she laid her head on his lap and looked up at him. "You seem very tense?"

He looked down at her. There were so many things he was experiencing that he never thought he'd experience in his life, a beautiful witch with her head in his lap was one of those things. Severus hesitated for a moment, but decided that transparency in relationships was essential. "I am unused to being touched."

She sat up immediately and withdrew herself from him. "I'm sorry. Does it bother you?" She asked.

His eyes turned childlike again. "Hermione..."

She looked at him pleadingly. "I'm sorry. I'm sure it's overwhelming. I'm being too much."

"No," He said gruffly. "I did not say that to have you pull away."

She searched his face, and understood that he wanted her to return to her original position. Laying back down, she looked up at him again. He was staring at hand as if he were unsure where to rest it on her body.

"Severus?"

"Mmmm?"

"Have you been intimate with a woman before?"

He blushed intensely and looked away from her. "Yes."

"Romantically?"

"It was just sex," He said. His voice had a bit of a clipped tone to it, as if he really didn't want to discuss it.

She took the hint and tabled the conversation. Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled it across her stomach. "Is that okay for you?"

He nodded, and rubbed his thumb over her ribs. It baffled her how much of Snape's persona was an act. No, it wasn't really an act. It was more of the outer layer of him. So much of who he portrayed himself as in public was just one defense mechanism after another. At the core, he was quite shy about things, considerate, and at times, insecure. He was no different than anyone else, and she was determined the world should know that. Severus Snape was not evil.

**"I am not what you see. I am what time and effort and interaction slowly unveil." ~ _Slaying Dragons_**


	58. Chapter 58

Severus jumped when a silver stag appeared in his office on a Friday afternoon. It looked so like James Potter had when he'd been in his Animagus form. From it, spoke the voice of Harry: "Might I pop through the Floo to talk?"

Severus watched as the stag stared at him expectantly. It had been nearly a week since Hermione had spoken with Potter. The holidays were over, _their _holiday ended. School would start the following Monday. He nodded to the stag and said, "Yes," Quietly.

The stag bounded off back to its master, and Severus waited in silence for a couple minutes. He knew what it was Potter wished to discuss, and he'd no idea how to handle it. So many things in his life now were things he'd never faced before, and it left him all out of sorts.

The Floo roared in green flames and Harry Potter stepped out of the fireplace and dusted himself off. He looked at Snape and smiled slightly, and then he extended his hand.

Touching Potter was one of Snape's biggest hang-ups. He'd been afraid for so long to touch him because of his Mark, and because he was the son of people he'd accidentally gotten killed. Snape eyed his hand warily. Harry's brow furrowed, so Snape quickly extended his hand and gave him the briefest and lightest of handshakes. He retracted his hand quickly.

Severus moved back to his desk, and gestured for Potter to sit across from him, which the younger wizard did. They were silent for a moment while Harry debated how to begin the conversation.

"So... Hermione told us you're seeing each other now." Harry lacked subtly like many Gryffindor, and Severus cringed at his bluntness.

"Yes," He said.

"She's been in love with you for quite some time," Harry said.

Severus looked at him, shaggy jet black hair, bright green eyes with circles under them that Severus imagined came with new fatherhood. "She has said that, yes."

"I am happy for you, you know. You've been through an awful lot. You deserve to be happy..." Severus didn't say anything. His guard was still very much up around Potter, though rationally he knew it shouldn't be. "Before I came over, I thought about all the ways I could be protective of her, swear I'd kill you if you hurt her, but I can't really do that with you. I wouldn't stand a chance."

Severus narrowed his eyes. He'd expected this kind of sentiment from Potter. He'd always been protective over her. "No. I do not imagine that you would."

Harry chuckled, and then grew serious once more. "I know it will be difficult at first for some people, since we had you as a teacher and such. It will pass. I believe you will do well together. I know you're a devoted man, but please... Do not hurt her."

Severus grimaced. The mere thought of breaking Hermione's heart made his stomach churn. "I have no intention of hurting her."

"She's... My best friend. Ron and I have grown a bit distant as of late. He does that with girlfriends, but Hermione never has. She's the closest thing to a sister I'll ever have..." Snape's face paled at the statement, and Harry retreated. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"I know what you meant," Severus said lowly.

"She means the world to me. You'll take care of her? You'll protect her?"

Severus studied Harry for a moment. He knew the boy felt foolish for even asking, but his love for Hermione drove him to do it regardless. He knew his answer, and he knew the powerful echo it would have.

"Always," said Snape.

Harry's eyes widened briefly as he took in the significance of that word. "You know, in your memories, I never showed her the ones you gave me of her. I knew why you showed me. You wanted her to see them should you have died, to know she was important and appreciated..."

Severus cocked his head. "You didn't play those for the Ministry?"

"No," Harry said. "I showed them just enough and nothing more."

Severus nodded. "She has not seen them?"

Harry said, "No. I thought about showing them to her when she came over last week, but I figured you'd might want to."

"They were meant for you to share with her as her closest friend," Severus said.

Hardy nodded. "Perhaps I'll share them with her."

"Perhaps," Severus said. "How is your wife, and child?"

Harry smiled. "Ginny's doing wonderfully. She's already talking about having another. She's such a good mother."

"She had quite the example," Severus admitted. Molly Weasley was a mother to be reckoned with.

"Fatherhood is challenging for me. I didn't..." He stopped and eyed Snape nervously.

"Nor did I," Severus said. "Though if your father had lived, I'd imagine he would have been a good father to you. But we know both know what not to do as a father, and you have your parents in you."

Harry smiled slightly. "You're not much like the Professor you portrayed yourself as for all those years, are you?"

"I am, and I am not," Severus said. "Less constant stress and seemingly insurmountable and life-threatening danger has allowed me to be... More of me."

Harry chuckled a bit. "The baby is doing well. I'm sure Hermione's told you his name..."

"Yes," Severus said evenly.

"I'm sorry if it's difficult for you," Harry started but Snape looked at him sharply.

"Do not apologize for naming your son after your father and godfather. My opinions of them and experiences with them have nothing to do with your love for them."

Harry nodded. "Thank you. For understanding. The baby's great. He's giving us about five hours of sleep straight a night lately, which has been wonderful."

"Indeed," Severus said.

"D'you mind if I go and see Hermione?"

Snape glanced at at the clock. "The students will be out and about at dinner. I can walk with you. It will dissuade the heroizing and gawking."

"Still have that effect on the students?" Harry smiled.

"Oh, yes," He said dryly and stood.

**"**'**Go back?' he thought. 'No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!' So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter." ~ _The Hobbit_**


	59. Chapter 59

Hermione knocked on his private door, and he called for her to come in. She did so and looked at him sitting in his chair by the fireplace. He was reading.

"Are you all right?" She asked.

"Yes," He answered immediately.

"You've been a little distant since we've returned," She said and shrugged. He closed his book and set it on the end table next to him.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. "Have I upset you?"

She shrugged again. "I just want to understand." She moved to the couch, sat, and looked at him.

"I do not wish to smother you," He said. "I admit I'm uncertain how to proceed. I can... I can be rather obsessive, and intense, and I do not want to drive you away. I have been keeping a distance only because of that. There's no other reason, I assure you."

"I happen to like that you're intense and obsessive." She was surprised that he'd been so openly honest with her. He continued to impress.

"I am unsure how you want me to behave now that we are together, and we are back here," He said softly. He was looking at her seriously.

"Behave?"

He nodded. His eyes were stormy. "I've never... done this before," He said and gestured between the two of them. "Technically, I am your superior. I do not know how you feel about that, or how you feel about our dynamic whilst school is in session."

"You want to keep it a secret?"

"No," He said immediately. "I do not wish to be kept a secret either." She gave him a small smile. He sighed again. "Hermione, you mean everything to me, and I do not have a lot of friends with whom I spend much time. I do not wish to consume all of yours."

"Come here," She said and patted the space next to her. He moved obediently to her side.

"I have upset you by trying not to upset you. I am awful at this already," He said quietly.

"Relax, Severus," She said. "I didn't understand, and now I do." Her nails found his back, and he leaned heavily into her touch, as he always did.

"How do you want me to behave?"

"I don't wish to control you. I want you to act how you're comfortable acting," She assured him.

"How do you want to handle the dynamic at school?" He asked. For a man so confident in many areas of life, he was so very insecure and uncertain about being in a relationship.

"How about this... You tell me what you've thought of doing, or wanted to do, and I tell you if I'm okay with it."

He nodded and thought for a moment. "I am not a very demonstrative man, as I'm sure you've worked out, but I very much would like to see you every day if I can. I can come to see you. I know I need to get out of this tower more," He said.

"I would like that, if you got out more, and if we saw each other every day. No snogging in front of the students, though," She teased, "But I wouldn't mind holding your hand, or a peck on the cheek occasionally."

He was quiet for about half a minute, and then he nodded. "That is agreeable."

"You're still so tense. Why?"

"Nerves," He shrugged and tried to relax.

"We could go out, too. Of course, I'd like to introduce you to my parents before the media start posting pictures of us together in the paper. I've written them already, and they sound eager to meet you."

He swallowed hard. "Okay."

"I still need to tell Ron as well," She said, and her voice conveyed anxiety.

"I am sorry, Hermione," He said and looked at her pleadingly.

"What on Earth are you apologizing for?"

"Because being with me involves telling people, and I am not... Ideal, to some, or most."

"Didn't your conversation with Harry go well? He said it did. Even invited us over for dinner."

"It did, but Weasley is not Potter," He said.

"If Ron cannot support me, then he will have decided his arrogance is worth more than our friendship," She said quietly.

"That is not what I want for you," He said. "I do not want you to lose people because of me."

"Not losing you is the most important thing to me," She said.

"Hermione..." He turned to look at her, but her mouth descended on his before he could finish, and he quickly lost his train of thought.

She moved and straddled his lap, and his hands settled on her waist as he kissed her back. He'd missed her, missed this, and their tongues tangled feverishly. She whimpered against his mouth as he nibbled on her lip, a trick he'd learned from her. His hands moved to her back and then her shoulders, pulling her closer. Her hands trailed down his chest between them, and his eyes opened wide. He looked at her hands and then at her eyes.

"You're not ready?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I'm... I..."

She slid off his lap, but sat very near to him. "Talk to me."

"I am not... Completely inexperienced in... Sex," He said.

"Nor am I," She said.

He blushed. "Hermione, I'm quite sure my experiences differ vastly from yours. I have never... Truly been with someone, in any real romantic or intimate way. My experiences..." She waited patiently as he prepared to tell her he'd paid for sex, and that the acts were few, many years ago, and lacked any intimacy. "Before the first war, after I graduated... the younger Death Eaters frequente brothels..."

Her eyes narrowed and he shrank, but she didn't pull away from him. "It's all right," She said softly.

"Perhaps only a handful of times, and never intimate, and many, many years ago."

"Really?" She said.

"I could not risk attachment of any sort. I could not trust anyone, even someone I paid..." He admitted reluctantly.

"Okay," She said.

"You're upset again," He said and leaned away from her.

"No," She said. "Surprised, I suppose."

"Surprised?" He said. His voice sounded defeated, and filled with disappointment.

"I wouldn't have taken you for inexperienced, I suppose, or out of practice. You're not at all what we thought you were as schoolgirls."

He cringed hard at the idea that students had, or might still, discuss his romantic or sexual habits. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. I never said it was a bad thing. When you're ready to take that step, you'll tell me."

"I do not wish for you to think you are undesirable, or unwanted," He said.

She glanced at his lap. "Clearly, I'm not."

His cheeks reddened and he looked away from her. "Clearly. But... Hermione... That step would... If I lost you..."

"I don't wish for you to think of me as someone you might lose all the time, Severus. I'm here. I've been your friend for years. We've gone through quite a lot together, and I'm persistent, and committed. You know this."

"Nearly everyone has left, or died," He said quietly.

"What will it take for you to trust that I won't leave?" He immediately looked at her left hand without thinking, then looked away in shame. "What? _Marriage_?"

He was very quiet and still as he realized what he'd inadvertently exposed about himself, and the depths of his insecurity. "I dreamed a dream..." He said so quietly that she barely heard him.

"Okay," She said, and laced her fingers into his. She leaned her head against his arm lovingly.

**"To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect." ~_Venus in Arms_**


	60. Chapter 60

Minerva burst into his office and nearly caused Severus to jump out of his skin a few evenings earlier.

"Severus!"

"Bloody Hell, witch! What?" He growled.

"Ronald Weasley's here. He knows..."

Severus stood quickly. "She told him?"

"No," Minerva said. "They've got pictures of you and Hermione in New York in the Prophet. He's piping hot. He went straight for her quarters. I tried to stop him, and so did Potter."

Severus stepped into his Floo immediately and reappeared in her quarters.

"Oh, of course!" Ron yelled. "Speak of the bloody devil!"

Severus stepped out of the Floo and his eyes found Hermione. She looked absolutely furious as she glared at Ron, who was holding a crumpled up Daily Prophet in his first. His face was as red as a tomato and his breath was coming in heaves. Snape moved toward Hermione, and she shook her head at him, signaling she was fine, so he turned his back to her and faced Weasley.

"Why didn't you tell me, Mione? Why'd you tell Harry and not me? Why was I left to find out from the bloody paper?"

Severus narrowed his eyes at the younger wizard, but remained standing protectively in front of Hermione.

"Because you react like this, Ronald!" Hermione yelled.

"Why wouldn't I react like this? I've had to find out you're dating _Snape_ from the Daily Prophet!" The way he spat Severus' last name was venomous.

"I was going to tell you!"

"Right. You found time to tell Harry already!" Ron shouted back at her.

"Stop yelling, Weasley," Severus said dangerously.

"She's yelling at me, too, Snape!" Ron spat angrily.

"I don't care what _she _does. I care that you are yelling at _her," _He said.

"Let's everyone just calm down," Harry suggested.

Ron threw the paper to the floor angrily, and then sat in a heap on the couch. "Why didn't you trust me, Hermione?" He sounded betrayed.

Hermione looked at Severus. "Can you give us a moment, Severus?"

"_Severus?! _Bloody hell," Ron moaned from the couch. Snape shot him a look, then looked back to Hermione.

"Of course. I'll be in my office, should you have need of me."

She gave him a small smile, and then watched him leave. But Severus didn't leave. He silenced the space around the door and amplified the sound room and he listened.

"Hermione... I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Ron, you don't exactly react the things the best sometimes," Harry said.

"What? And you were fine with this? Mione with _Snape?_" Ron said angrily.

"She loves him, and he loves her," Harry said firmly.

"He's old enough to be her bloody father, Harry."

"I'd prefer if you two didn't talk about me as if I'm not in the room," Hermione said.

"Mione... _Snape!? _The Dungeon Bat? The Greasy Git? You can't possibly be serious."

"I'd prefer if you didn't refer to Severus by those cruel names. Harry's right. I love him, Ron, and he loves me."

"_Severus!? _He's a bloody murderer! Is this because of how we ended things? Are you trying to get back at me for Lav?"

"No! It's not always about you!" She shouted. "Severus is a good man."

"He's a _Death Eater!_" Ron yelled. "And stop calling him Severus. It's _Professor _Snape, remember?"

"He's told me to call him Severus," Harry pointed out to Ron.

"Well, good on you lot. You're all on the Snape train then, are you?"

Hermione asked, "So what have you got against him? Truly?"

"Aside from everything I've just said?"

"A real, adult reason, Ronald," Hermione said coldly.

"Everything he that touches, dies!" Ron said. "Blimey, Mione... Look, I'm sorry. You supported me and Lav. I want to support you, but...I'm worried for you. I'm worried he'll hurt you, or you'll get hurt because of him..."

"Ron..." She started, but Severus couldn't bear anymore.

Severus had heard enough. He stalked off toward the grounds and his black cloak billowed behind him. Summoning a pack of cigarettes from his office, he moved toward the Black Lake. He hadn't smoked since before the war, but damn it, he needed it.

Weasley wasn't wrong, was he? He _was _old enough to be her father. He _was _a Death Eater. He _was _a murderer. Nearly everyone he ever cared for _died. _Perhaps the rumors were true, and Snape really was the Grim Reaper. Death followed him, stalked him, and touched everything around him but him. Weasley should be angry that his friend had chosen someone like him. He knew this would happen. He knew that Hermione would be talked out of being with him and, quite frankly, Severus thought she should be. She deserved someone younger, more wholesome, and someone much less controversial.

Lighting a cigarette, Severus took a deep inhale, held his breath, and then exhaled slowly through his nose. Some things were too good to be true, and he was pretty certain Hermione was one of them. Severus finished his cigarette, disapparated back into his office, being Headmaster did have its perks, and barricaded himself in his quarters, warding his doors against anyone, and then proceeded to drink himself into a stupor. If she was going to end things between them, at least he might not remember it.

Much later, after several spaced out attempts at knocking on his door and sending her patronus to him, only for him to send it away unreceived, he threw his door open when she knocked again. Leaning against the door heavily, he asked, "What?"

"What? What do you mean what?" She asked. "Where have you been? I've been worried sick over you."

"Here," He said slowly. He was more drunk than he'd been in a very long time.

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you... Drunk?"

"Very," He said.

"Lord, Severus, it's the middle of the school week. You've not got any hangover potions or sober-up potions on hand, have you? You didn't last weekend."

"I don't bloody care." He didn't say anything else and merely staggered back toward his couch, where he sat with a loud huff. She moved around in front of him. "Why have you gone and gotten pissed?"

He looked at her. Well, he struggled to look at her because there were two of her sometimes. "If you're going to leave, make it quick."

"What!?" She asked incredulously.

"Everything I touch, dies," He quoted sloppily.

"You were listening at the door, weren't you?" She crossed her arms tightly across her chest.

He stared at her blankly. He was incredibly drunk. She sighed, and moved next to him on the couch and outstretched her hand. "Come, love."

Unable to restrain himself, he did what she'd instructed obediently. Standing uneasily, he steadied himself with her hand. If she was going to leave, at least he'd get to touch her one last time. Her fingers combed through his black hair. "We'll talk about the conversation with Ron in the morning when you're sober. In the meantime, you need to go to bed."

She led him to his bedroom, and flicked on the light. He flopped unceremoniously onto the bed, and she pulled off his shoes, and started unbuttoning his frock coat, which he'd already half undone. "Severus, roll over, so I can get this off of you."

Grunting, he moved to allow her to pull the coat off of him and instantly he felt so much cooler. When she moved toward the door, he asked, "Where are you going?"

"Back to my rooms."

He struggled to sit up, and motioned for her to come back. "Are you leaving?" It was a sober fear that came from drunken lips, something he probably wouldn't have ever uttered if he'd been in control of his faculties.

"No," She said softly and shook her head.

"I am sorry, Hermione," He said. "I've made a mess of tonight, haven't I?"

"A bit, yeah, but you were stressed, and worried, and heard some very nasty things someone else said about you."

He looked away from her and at the floor. His face colored with shame despite his level of intoxication. "Will you stay?"

"I'm not leaving you, Severus," She said.

"I mean, here, tonight," He said, and then stiffened as he realized how what he said could be taken. "To sleep," He slurred.

"No, Severus," She said. "The first time I stay the night with you in the same bed, I'd like us both to be sober."

He frowned, and looked away again. "I understand."

"I'll come back 'round early in the morning with a hangover potion. I'm sure Horace has plenty on hand."

He nodded. "You are angry?"

"No," She said. "I'm worried."

He looked confused, even more so because he was drunk. "Why?"

"Because you're battling yourself, Severus, and I'm not sure I can help you. I'm going to go try to sleep now. It's quite late."

He nodded and said nothing. She moved to the bedroom door again and flicked off the light. She heard a muffled, "Love you" from him. Looking back at him, he was already asleep. He looked so much younger when he slept, even though he was beyond inebriated.

"I love you, too, Severus," She whispered to him and then headed back to her quarters. Even though the conversation had ended well, she really felt like she could kill Ronald Weasley for saying those things and hurting Snape. Severus was already struggling with those thoughts about himself, and now Ron had gone and confirmed it all for him, that other people viewed him the same as he thought they did.

**"That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen." ~ _Women_**


	61. Chapter 61

Severus was awakened the next morning by noises coming from his kitchen. His head was pounding, his stomach was churning, and his entire body ached as he got out of bed.

His clothes were stiff and wrinkly from sleeping in them, and he felt honestly like he might get sick. Then, he remembered the night before, and that Hermione had said she would return in the morning. Pushing himself off the bed, he staggered toward the door and squinted hard against the bright shnrise that was pouring in his window. She turned from the tea kettle when she heard his door open.

"Morning. How are you feeling?"

He cleared his throat and grumbled, "Horrible."

She walked to him and held out a vial of Hangover Remedy. He twisted the cork and then caught a whiff of the potion. Even though it was mild in taste, he nearly gagged at the scent. Swallowing it quickly, he screwed up his face as the liquid ran down his throat into his belly. She turned to the kettle and poured two cups of tea.

"I made tea," She said softly, and set a cup down in front of him.

The Hangover Remedy was already doing wonders for his head and stomach. He looked at her seriously. "I am sorry about last night."

"You've nothing to apologize for, Severus," She said and touched her hand to his. "I'm sorry you heard what you did, what Ron said..." He averted his gaze. "It will come as no surprise that I verbally eviscerated him for saying any of that, and that I fully intend to do it again after having seen what it did to you last night."

"Don't," He said gruffly. "It's not worth it."

"What he said was hurtful to me, and he heard about that. He needs to know that what he did to you."

"No," Severus shook his head.

Hermione moved forward. "Despite how the conversation started, it ended up in a much better place. We arrived at a place of acceptance. We heard each other out, and he realized how much thought I've put into you, and how serious my feelings are for you."

Severus didn't say anything. He had a hard time believing that a conversation could start that badly and end up in a good place. Usually, things with him went from bad to ugly, but he knew Hermione wouldn't lie to him.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked.

"I cannot get his words out of my head," Severus admitted quietly after a couple minutes of silence.

She moved before him and sat on his lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed his stubbled cheek. "What he said isn't true, Severus."

"But it is," Severus said. "I am a Death Eater. I am a murderer." He clung desperately to her body.

"Don't argue with me," She said firmly into his ear. "You betrayed the Death Eaters, and you were cornered into killing. I saw how it broke you, killing Dumbledore. I remember your face that night at Grimmauld Place. You have saved my life, my friend's lives, more times than I can count, more times than I probably even know. You're free, and you're a hero. You're a good teacher, when you want to be, and an excellent Headmaster. You're a wonderful friend and lovely partner, Severus."

He was trembling in her arms as he buried his face into her neck. His hands held her tightly as his arms squeezed her to him. His breaths came in shudders, but eventually he calmed and she pulled back to look at him. His eyes were red, but he hadn't cried. "It's still early. Why don't you go have a shower, and I'll make you breakfast?"

He looked at her in wonder, and then nodded. The smallest things always blew him away, like making breakfast. Nobody had done that for him since he was a child. Usually, he never even ate breakfast. She removed herself from his lap, and he pulled himself to his feet. He was several inches taller than her as he looked down at her face. A curl was loose from behind her ear, and he reached out and tucked it behind her again. He'd finally afforded himself that opportunity. She smiled at him.

"You are so gentle, Severus. I always watched your hands when you would brew, and I was fascinated by how delicate and gentle you were, and now I get to experience it."

He narrowed his eyes. "Did you think I would not be gentle with you?"

"No," She said quickly. "I didn't think that, but everyone else I've dated was so awkwardly and unintentionally heavy-handed."

He said, "I'll never be anything but gentle to you, with you."

She hugged him again. "But what if I ask you not to be?" Her voice was light and teasing. He pulled her away from him to look at her face. "Who knows? I might someday ask you to be _rough _with me." His mouth dropped open and he blushed intensely, and he could help that blood started traveling south on his body, stirring him a little. She laughed, and tapped his chest playfully. "Go shower."

He turned and walked to the shower. Her teasing wouldn't leave his mind. He so badly wanted to give himself release in the shower, thinking about tangling a fist in her curly brown hair, but he couldn't do it with her just outside cooking breakfast for the two of them. He ached for release, wondered if he could even be around her if he didn't finish himself off first, and then groaned as he turned the water to as cold as it could possibly go. He was shivering and miserable in no time, but the cold water did nothing for the images in his head, no matter how many times he soaked his head under the cold shower.

"**To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves." ~ _Blood Wedding and Yerma_**


	62. Chapter 62

Severus went with Hermione the following weekend to Potter's home. He stood nervously behind her while Ginerva fussed over the tea kettle. He was unused to being anyone's guest, and it was truly uncomfortable for him to be a guest of Harry Potter.

Potter came down the stairs with his infant son. He had black hair, just like his father and grandfather, but he had Ginny's dark brown eyes. He looked curiously at Severus as the babe's father shook the darkly clad man's hand. Snape retracted his hand, glanced at the child, and nodded sharply.

"He might look more like his namesake than even you so," Severus notes dryly.

"Really?" Harry looked at his son proudly.

"Indeed," Severus said.

Hermione walked toward Severus and put her hand on his back. "Tea's ready. We're going to head out to the garden."

"We'll be out in a bit," Harry said and looked to Severus, who looked surprised. When the girls disappeared, Potter looked at Snape. "Hermione told us you heard a lot of what Ron said..."

Severus looked away from the younger wizard and grimaced. "I did." Severus flexed his fingers anxiously.

"Ron's a bit of an idiot sometimes," Harry said and shrugged.

"Only sometimes?"

Harry snorted, and then his face grew serious. "She said you were quite put out by what you'd heard, which I can understand. Are you okay?"

Severus glanced at Harry. Why did Potter care about his emotional well being? He cared because he did. Is was truly that simple, wasn't it? "It has been difficult to stop his words from clanging around in my head."

Harry's eyes widened. He hadn't expected Severus to be open with him, to admit he'd been hurt at all by what Ron had said, and it surprised him. "What he said... It was foul, and cruel. Hermione really let him have it. I am sorry you heard it."

"It's my own bloody fault for nosing about," Severus said.

"I wouldn't have left Ginny too much alone with someone that angry either," Harry said. "I'm sorry, Severus, on Ron's behalf."

"Is it a Gryffindor trait to apologize for things which are not your fault?"

Harry laughed for a moment. "Perhaps, but still... We do not think of you that way. You have our support."

Severus nodded and shifted his gaze toward the garden. Harry followed his gaze. "You can head out, if you'd like. I'm just going to lay James down for a bit of a nap."

Severus moved out to the garden and sat next to Hermione. Noticing the temperature was comfortable, he realized one of them had charmed the garden the same way Potter's wedding had been, and it was nice even for January. Ginny looked at him curiously. "Y'know, If you'd told me a few years ago that I'd have Severus Snape in my garden, I would have never believed it."

Severus tugged uncomfortably at his collar and Hermione touched his arm with her hand. "Leave him alone, Gin."

"He's got to get used to being teased a bit, Mione. It's the only way he'll survive 'round us."

Severus looked at Hermione's hand on his arm and flexed his fingers again. They were tingling strangely and his hands felt numb. Hermione shook her head. "Look, you've got him all stressed."

"Sorry, Snape," Ginny said lightheartedly.

"Severus," Snape corrected softly.

"Severus," Ginny said and shivered. "Merlin, that's strange."

Snape clenched his jaw, and then jumped at the crack of apparation. Ronald Weasley appeared in the garden, and Ginny and Hermione were instantly on their feet as Harry joined them on the back patio. Hermione moved protectively in front of Severus, nearly blocking him from view entirely.

Ron's eyes widened as he observed the tension in his friends and sister. "I just wanted to pop by and see my nephew, but I can see you've got guests."

"He's napping," Harry said in a clipped tone.

"I'm not here to cause any trouble. I thought we'd worked stuff out," The redheaded wizard said and looked at Hermione in confusion.

"Severus heard what you said about him," Hermione said. "Turns out, he didn't go far. Only stood just outside the door while you said all of those horrible things about him."

"Hermione..." Severus said quietly as he stood behind her.

"No, Severus. He needs to know," Hermione said sharply, and Severus grimaced again. He'd no interest in Weasley knowing he'd been affected by his words. He didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"Well, he shouldn't have been eavesdropping," Ron shrugged. "You already let me have it for that, and I apologized."

"You'll apologize to him," Hermione said coldly. "You've no idea what it did to him to hear those said about himself."

"Hermione," Severus warned.

Weasley's face turned stony. "He was listening in, and he was supposed to have gone. How's that _my _fault?"

Snape's eyes glittered dangerously, but Harry cut him off. "I wouldn't have left Ginny completely alone with someone that angry either."

Ron looked at Harry, and then his face softened and he held up his hands. "Right. Clearly, I'm not welcome."

"No, Ronald," Ginny said. "That's not it at all. You owe him an apology. A sincere one, too."

"He..." Ron snapped his mouth shut smartly. "Fine. Snape, I'm sorry for what I said about you. It won't happen again."

Severus said nothing, but merely eyed the man warily. The tingling feeling in his fingers intensified.

"See? He didn't even want it," Ron said angrily.

"You hurt him, Ron," Hermione said.

"Rubbish," Weasley scoffed. "After all the things he's said to us, and about us. The big, bad bully doesn't like the taste of his own medicine?"

Severus stepped in front him Hermione, and Weasley retreated a step. "Leave us," Snape said lowly.

"Severus..." Hermione said, but he shot her a look, and she held up her hands. "Let's go inside."

Ginny, Harry, and Hermione disappeared just inside the house and watched carefully through the sliding glass door.

"Go on, then, Weasley. You've got me alone."

"I don't like you," Ron said bitterly. "I don't trust you. I don't care what they say. You'll hurt her, or she'll get hurt because of _what _and _who _you are."

"I don't much care for you, either," Severus said darkly. Then, he sighed. He had to make things better, less stressful, for Hermione's sake.

"So, where do we go from here?" Weasley asked as he came to the same conclusion.

"I will never lay so much as a finger on her, Weasley."

"I never took you for much of a physical fighter. I worry more about your temper."

"That's rich," Severus growled at him.

"Touché," Ron admitted. "She's family to me, Snape."

"You have quite a strange way of showing that."

Ron glared at him. "How do we make this better for her, for them?"

"No idea," Severus said coldly. "But this cannot continue."

"Right," Ron said. "I agree. Is it true, what Harry and Mione said? That you love her?"

"Yes," Severus answered immediately.

"You loved Harry's mum, too?"

"Weasley..." Severus warned. He would hear comparisons.

"Easy," Ron said. "You did a lot for Harry because you loved his mum. Nearly died for him."

"Yes," Severus said and checked his anger.

"You'd do all that for Hermione?"

"And more," Severus said.

Ron stared at him. "You've lied to Voldemort. To Dumbledore. How am I supposed to trust you're not lying now?"

"I never lied to Dumbledore," Severus retorted. "I have never lied to Hermione, and I will not lie to any of you."

Ron thought for a moment, and then looked back at Snape. "I don't trust you."

"She does," Severus said. "And they do."

"Maybe they're wrong."

"Maybe they're not," Severus said bitterly.

"This is going nowhere."

"No, it is not," Severus sighed and looked toward the back of the garden at the fence. "I've no desire to prove myself to you, Weasley, but my intentions for her are good, and in time, you will be forced to acknowledge that."

"I certainly hope so," Ron said. "Truce?" He said and outstretched a pale hand.

Severus eyed his hand coldly. He'd no desire to touch the younger man, but knew this was probably his only chance for an olive branch, and he extended his own hand and shook Weasley's briefly.

Weasley pulled him closer. For a shorter man, he was incredibly strong. "If you hurt her, I'll kill you, Snape. I don't care what it takes or costs. I don't care if I go down with you."

"Consider yourself warned as well," Severus said, and jerked his arm away. Ron nodded, and so did Severus.

They were quiet for a moment, assessing each other. Then, Weasley asked, "You'll take care of her?"

"Yes," Severus said. His head was aching from the stress of the conversation.

"Then we're good," Ron said, and then added, "For now. I am sorry you heard what you heard. It won't happen again."

Severus narrowed his eyes and looked back toward the sliding glass door, which had opened. Hermione was at his side instantly. "You alright?"

He nodded, and glanced at Weasley, who was looking at the pair of them warily. "We've reached a truce."

Ron nodded his head, agreeing with Snape for the first time. "Suppose it's all for the best."

Hermione looked at Ron, and then at Severus. "Thank you." They all sat down on the patio, and Severus remained quiet next to Hermione and flexed his fingers cautiously. He only half listened to whatever they discussed, and offered little to the conversation, but he could feel that Hermione was much more at ease with her friends than she'd previously been, and that helped relax him, though the tingling and numbness in his hand didn't lessen.

"**We all get lots of people. And maybe we don't always get to have them the exact way we want them, but if we can figure out a way to compromise, you know, then we can keep them all." ~ _Noggin_**


	63. Chapter 63

"Are you ready for dinner?" Hermione asked as she walked into his sitting room several weeks later.

Snape was standing near his couch stiffly, clad in dark black slacks and a black button down shirt. It was tucked neatly into his pants. She'd told him to dress more muggle-ish, and he'd obeyed, though he still looked like he was going to a funeral, but she imagined he felt like he was as well. Meeting her parents had Severus' anxiety through the roof. He hadn't met anyone's parents besides Lily's, and he'd been 9-years-old. It was much easier then.

"As I will ever be, I suppose," Severus said lowly.

"You look quite handsome dressed like that, though I still think you're a tad overdressed."

"Then fix it," He grumbled and outstretched his arms.

Touching her wand to his thigh, she transfigured his pants into slim fitting black jeans. His boots could stay, but she touched her wand to his chest and transfigured his shirt into a soft short sleeve dark gray T-shirt. He clutched at his left arm with his right hand instantly and turned away from her. He'd yet to show her his Mark.

"No," He breathed.

"Severus," She said and touched his back, but he jerked away from her. "You don't have to be ashamed of it, not around me. I'll give you sleeves."

He turned to her slightly, still covering his arm with his other hand. His eyes were wild and panicked. That Mark was something he wished would have died with the Dark Lord. Instead, it remained on his arm - more pale, and like a poorly done and distasteful muggle tatto. To his knowledge, she'd never seen his.

"Severus, breathe," She said softly. Then, she rolled up Her red sweater sleeve on her left arm, revealing the scar and _that _word. She held it out to him.

He eyed it painfully, remembering how she'd screamed that night, and how traumatized she'd been afterward. She reached for his right wrist, and rugged at it. He closed his eyes and allowed her to pull his hand from his arm, and he could feel her eyes on his Mark though he kept his tightly shut.

She held his left hand in hers, and then he felt her lips against his Mark and he opened his eyes wide, pulled his arm away from her, and gasped. "Don't!"

"Severus..." She said softly.

He shook his head furiously. "No." He pulled his wand from his waistband and transfigured the sleeves to be long. Pulled at the cuffs on each of the sleeves, he looked back at her. "You should not have done that."

"Why?" She asked, and he could sense irritation in her tone.

"That Mark is the reason your friend's parents are dead. That Mark is the reason Weasley doesn't trust me. That Mark is the reason why students were tortured and kidnapped under my first year as Headmaster. That Mark is the reason Albus Dumbledore is dead. That Mark nearly killed me," He said and felt exhausted.

She frowned. "I love you, and while it's not something you're proud of, doing what you did made you into the man you are."

"I would have been a far better man if I hadn't taken this brand."

"You don't know that."

"I could not possibly be worse!" He snapped at her and then retreated immediately.

She glared at him. "I don't want to fight with you. I love you, and that means I love all of you - the good, and the bad."

"That must be easy to say when you've got no bad," He growled.

"I've done bad things," She said.

"You cannot compare what you've done to what I have done, Hermione," He said firmly.

"For a long time, I treated Luna Lovegood horribly. I even bullied her at times. I was nasty to and about other girls in my House. I tried to force House Elves out of their positions in blind disregard for the complexity of their feelings toward their jobs. I've stolen from teachers. I cursed Marietta Edgecomb. I hexed Ron out of jealousy. I broke about a thousand school rules, and many more than once. I was genuinely arrogant and attention-seeking, and I set you on fire." Her breathing was heavy as she finished and she stared at him defiantly.

"You hexed Weasley?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I've just told you I set you on fire," She said in exasperation.

"I already knew it was you," He said indifferently.

"What? How?"

"Given the situation, it was you, Potter, or Weasley. Considering Potter was hanging by his fingertips off of a broomstick, and Weasley is probably still incapable of such magic, it had to be you." He sighed. "Even still, the worst of you was largely well-intentioned. You labeled a snitch a snitch. You had low tolerance for gossip. You were more intelligent. You wanted to help."

"I cursed her."

"You didn't curse _her,_" He said. "You cursed a snitch. It just so happened that she _was _a snitch."

It was strange to hear Severus use such slang. She said, "I still cursed her, and humiliated her."

"Disloyalty is as unattractive as that acne was."

"Severus, you can't simply sweep my wrongs under the rug..."

"Hermione, I murdered someone. I've tortured people. I designed dark curses and potions to hurt people. I took the Dark Mark."

"That doesn't mean I was any less wrong to do what I did," She said. "Wrong is wrong."

He couldn't argue that. Yes, comparatively, he'd done things that were far worse, but she wasn't innocent, and she'd done things that she regretted, and things that had hurt other people. She'd made mistakes. "Fine."

"Do you view me as the sum of everything bad I've ever done?"

"What?" He scoffed. "Of course not."

"Then why is it so hard for you to believe that I don't view you that way either?" She asked and crossed her arms.

He was silent for a moment, and then pulled his gray sleeve up on his left arm. He touched his fingertips to the faded ink. She stepped closer, and put her hand over his. "I regret so many things, and almost all of them are rooted here," He said quietly.

Stepping closer, she wrapped her arms around his waist and listened to his pounding heart rate as it slowed. For the first time in his life, Severus accepted the feeling of acceptance a little bit. It wasn't complete, or much, but he relaxed into her embrace, into her acceptance of him a fraction.

**"You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved." ~ _The Odds: A Love Story_**


	64. Chapter 64

"You alright?" She asked as she pulled out of embracing him. He nodded and then rubbed at the scars on his neck. He hated that they were so exposed, thick and white ropelike and jagged marks on his neck. "Severus, I've explained you've got them, and why you've got them," She said as she touched his wrist to get him to stop messing with the scars. His black hair nearly covered it anyway.

"Right," He said lowly. He pulled on his black peacoat jacket, which looked fairly similar to her gray one, and fastened the buttons nervously.

"Shall we?" She extended her arm to him, he took it, and she side-along apparated them to her parent's back garden. He stood anxiously behind her as she knocked on the back door. His hands were tingling and numb again as her mother opened the door.

A woman who could only be her mother opened the door. "Come in, come in, dears."

Hermione looked so like her mother did, except her mother's eyes were blue, and her hair was graying slightly. Her curly hair was tied back in a neat bun at the back of her head and up off her neck. Her father walked into the kitchen, and immediately Severus recognized his whiskey eyes. Snape was surprised to see that her parents were significantly older than he was. Her father's auburn hair was graying on the sides. Both of them looked so kind and understanding and it only served to set Severus' teeth on edge more.

"Mum, Dad, this is my partner, Severus," She said and gestured to Snape.

Her father reached out a hand and shook Snape's firmly, testing the black haired man's grip, "William," He said. Then Snape reached his hand toward her mother.

"Oh, rubbish, I'm Jean" She said and laughed, then reached up and kissed his cheek, much to his surprise and embarrassment. When she pulled away, she caught sight of the scars on his neck and she cradled his face. "Oh, you poor thing..."

Her tone was so motherly, so loving, and it only served to make Severus more embarrassed at the marks on his neck. Hermione said, "Mum..."

"All right," She waved her daughter off dismissively, much like Hermione had done to him many times, and said, "Dinner's almost ready. William, will you take Severus to the table? Hermione, will you help me take the food out in a moment?"

Hermione looked at Severus. It hasn't even been five minutes and somehow her parents had figured out a way to separate Severus from her, and leave him alone with her father. He wasn't looking at her, and was instead staring at the wall intently, as if it were the most interesting wallpaper he'd ever seen in his life. She nodded at her mother.

"This way," William said politely and led Severus through a long hallway to a dining room. The house was beautifully decorated and arranged. "So..." William started. Severus took a deep breath and swallowed. "You are much quieter than I would have expected. Especially so compared to that Ron. Bumbling idiot he was," William grumbled and Severus snorted. "Hermione's told us a lot about you, both when she was at school, and since." Severus grimaced slightly at the thought of how Hermione must have spoken about him whilst he'd been her teacher. "She says she's in love with you. Do you claim as much?"

"Yes," Severus said.

"What exactly are your intentions for her then?" Severus glanced at him nervously. The man's face softened, and then he said, "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. She's happier than I've seen her in so long, and I'd just like to make sure you intend to keep her that way."

Severus had made her happy? His heart fluttered in his chest. "I intend to love her, and make her happy, for as long as she'll have me."

William stared at him for a moment. "Marriage?"

"If that's what she wants," Severus answered softly.

"And what do _you _want? Your opinion on such things matters to her as well."

"That," Severus said. "Marriage."

"I've rationally not got to ask, considering what Hermione's told us about your... abilities, but the father in me demands I ask regardless... Will you take care of my daughter? Love her? Cherish her?"

Severus looked at him seriously. "Always," He said lowly.

William nodded. "Well, then. That wasn't too bad now, was it?"

Severus shook his head once, and turned when he heard Hermione and her mother coming down the hallway.

"Tell me you've been fighting fair, daddy," Hermione said and glanced at Severus, who looked pale, but emotionally in tact.

"All's well that ends well, love," William said playfully.

Severus was quiet for most of the meal as Hermione talked with her parents about her work and theirs. They were so incredibly proud of their child, and Severus was amazed to see such love between parent and child. His father had probably never loved him, and his mother had been so unbelievably disgusted by the fact he'd taken the Dark Mark that she refused him entrance to the home, denied access to anything family, though Severus hadn't much interest in family anyway, and he didn't see either of them after he was 18, until he was 22 at their funeral as they'd been killed in a car crash because his father had driven drunk... Again.

His mother might be proud of him now, but he'd certainly betrayed the Prince family, which had prided itself on being one of the few pure blood families that did not follow the Dark Lord. The last time his mother had seen him, she'd spat on the ground at his feet and told him, "If you come back here, boy, it better be without that arm," and she pointed a finger at left forearm. "I don't care how rough we've had it. I raised you better than that."

And she had, mostly. While largely neglectful and terrified of her abusive husband, she'd told him that the Prince family did not follow any Dark Magic, but Severus had felt so powerless, and Dark Magic seemed to powerful. Severus chewed his food and swallowed slowly as he reminisced on his mother. His finger tingled uncomfortably.

"Severus?" Hermione's mother called to him, and brought him back to reality. "How long have you been teaching?"

"20 years," Severus answered. "I started an official teaching position in 1981."

"Good lord. And how old are you?" William asked, amazed at the length of time."

"42," Severus answered as Hermione glared at her father.

"What?" William asked. "I'm 59, and Jean's 57. I was only asking because it doesn't seem possible he's already been teaching for 20 years."

Severus couldn't deny that. It hadn't seemed possible that he'd been there that long. In actuality, he'd done a fast track apprenticeship at age 20 and began teaching at 21. He was also shocked that Hermione's parents were so much older. That he was. Wizarding families tended to have families young because magical pregnancies are more sensitive, though he had read that muggle families are more like to activate the recessive magical gene if they conceived later in life.

Dinner wrapped up, and Hermione and Severus took their leave, after her parents had told both of them to visit often. When they reappeared in his private quarters, Hermione immediately asked, "What did my father ask you?" She took his hands.

Severus rolled his eyes at her nosiness. "The usual: what my intentions are for you."

She gasped. "Oh, no! No! Stop! Tell me he didn't..."

"Oh, he did, but otherwise, he was more than cordial."

"They liked you, Severus," Hermione assured him. His hands trembled in hers. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," He said and pulled his hands from hers.

She grabbed his hands again and examined them, the Healer/mediwitch in her on full display. They were trembling in hers. She pinched his nail and frowned when his circulation was slow at returning color to his fingertips. "How long has this been going on, Severus?"

He shrugged. "A few weeks."

"What? Why didn't you tell me? I could've tried to figure out what's going on," She admonished.

He pulled his hands away. "I didn't tell you because I _know _what it is, Hermione, and there's no real cure except time."

She narrowed her eyes at him and racked her brain. Then, her face grew somber. "No..."

He nodded slowly and looked away from her. His nerves had been damaged by receiving the Cruciatus Curse. Even mild encounters with such a curse could cause damage, and he'd experienced if many times. Sometimes, the nerve damage lay dormant for years, as it had apparently done for him. Tremors were mild symptoms of it, but they were uncomfortable, as was the tingling and the numbness. Full body fits or intense cramping of large muscle or nerve areas were more extreme symptoms. His magic would eventually heal the damage on its own almost entirely, but it was likely he'd experience some sort of issue for the rest of his life.

"Severus..." She said and touched his shoulder.

He turned and looked her. Then, instead of speaking, he crashed his lips against hers, pushing her back against the back of the couch. She pushed herself up onto the top of the couch and wrapped her legs around his waist. His shaky hands snakes around her back as he kissed her mouth, then her jaw, and down the side of her neck. Hermione gasped, and realized Severus had just gone further with than he'd yet to do, and she shivered as he kissed her neck and throat.

She squeezed her legs tighter around his hips and felt his arousal against her heat, and she moaned. He groaned in response and then he growled as tangled a fist in her hair, pulled, and then kissed her throat and neck more fully. His teeth nibbled at sensitive spots, and she arched into his body. He broke apart from her as suddenly as he'd attacked her, and buried his face in her neck. He was breathing incredibly hard and clutching at her desperately.

"Gods..." He panted against her collarbone.

She smiled against his hair and stroked the back of his head. She laughed lightly.

"I want you so badly," He said lowly. "Hermione..."

She pulled his head back and looked deeply into his eyes. That flicker of fear was still there. "Not yet," She said.

"Thank you," He said quietly. She knew him better than he knew himself. "I feel... Vulnerable."

"Why?" She wrinkled her forehead. "It's just us."

"No," He shook his head and then leaned his forehead against hers. His fingers laced into each other low on her back. "You have made me happier than I've ever been. I feel better physically, despite the nerve issue, mentally, and emotionally than ever... And reaching that has me paranoid it'll all be taken away, that the rug will rip out from under me."

"It won't, my love," She smiled at him and kissed his lips lightly. And he believed her.

**"I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you." ~ _Clockwork Prince_**


	65. Chapter 65

Over the Easter holiday, Severus was going over the list of students who would be sent an acceptance letter the follow fall. His lower back had been going into spasms off and on all day, and it would shoot down the back of his right leg to roughly the back of his knee.

Shifting uncomfortably in his chair, he stood, and when he did, that nerve seemed to catch fire. He collapased and fell to the side of his desk and clutched at his back. "Dobby!" He growled through his pain.

"Headmaster!" Dobby rushed to Snape's side.

"Get... Hermione," Severus grunted and curled up more into the fetal position.

Dobby disappeared with a snap and reappeared almost instantly with Granger, who knealt beside him on the floor. Grasping her hand desperately he squeezed her.

"Where's it stemming from, Severus?"

"Lower back," He said through his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

She moved her hand to his lower back, felt the enormous knot of muslce surrounding the nerve, and he arched away from her and cried out in pain. Summoning a muscle relaxant, she put the vial to his lips and he swallowed gratefully.

He was never one to cry out in pain, or to admit he needed help, so the fact that he'd called for her showed how badly he was hurting. He grimaced as he lay with his head in her lap and she continued stroking her fingers through his hair. He'd had large nerve cramps before, but not in an area that was so crippling. As the pain lessened, and the strong muscle relaxant kicked in, his free hand found her kneecap and he began to rub the joint lightly, lovingly, with his fingertips.

"Are you feeling better?" She asked gently.

"A bit," He said quietly. "Not sure I can stand yet..."

"We'll wait a few minutes. I'll give you another muscle relaxer, too."

"You're trying to make me loopy?" He drawled.

"No, of course not. I just want you to feel better," She smirked. "I've read pains like these, in large and major nerves, are worse than child labor pains."

"Lovely," He said. "I guess I'll be able to handle childbirth, then."

She chuckled as she pushed her fingers through his hair again. The first time she'd touched it, she'd been surprised that it wasn't greasy at all. Not teaching potions and brewing constantly had done wonders for his hair. Now, it was thick, and wavy, but smooth as well. His eyes closed and his face relaxed. "Does that feel good?"

"Mmm," He answered.

They laid on the floor for a moment and she summoned another potion. He drank that one too, and then rolled flat on his back slowly and grimaced as his body adjusted to the new position. It never failed to amaze her just how much Severus truly wanted to be touched. At least by her. He leaned into every touch, no matter if it was intentional or not. Sometimes, it made her so sad to think he'd been so touch starved in his youth and adulthood.

After a few minutes, she asked, "Do you think you can stand?"

"We shall see," He said as she slid out from under him carefully. Standing, she held out both of her hands to him, and he took them without hesitation. "Nice and slow. Try to get yourself up on your knees." She applied tension to his arms and he leaned forward, and landed on his knees. "Okay. One leg at a time."

He moved his right leg first, and then pulled himself completely upright. Steadying himself with her hands, she touched his waist. He looked down at her. "You... Are beautiful."

She blushed immediately. "That's the muscle relaxer talking."

He pouted. Severus Snape pouted. "Absolutely not!"

"Come. Let's have a nap in bed, shall we?"

"Oh, that sounds lovely. Afraid I'll have to be on bottom, though," He flirted. The portraits on the wall a chuckled loudly and in unison.

Her face felt hot. "Severus!"

"What?" He asked innocently.

"Sex is not the best idea, considering you might have another spasm. A spasm during sex would probably ruin it altogether."

"Doubtful," He quipped, and then followed her gingerly to his quarters.

He followed her to his bedroom, and when she got him settled, she turned to go make him some tea that would help him sleep. He called to her. "Where do you think you're going, witch?" He asked lowly.

She turned to him with a raised eyebrow. "To make you some tea?"

He tapped the spot next to him, and she sat down on the bed. "I have things I'd prefer to tea," He said and pulled her close.

"Such as?"

"You," He said in a velvety tone that made her stomach flutter.

"Not a good idea for you, I'm afraid," She said, but he met her lips with his own.

Kissing him lightly, he pushed against her harder, practically begging for more. He moved to her jawline and then nibbled his way to that sensitive spot behind her ear. She moaned, and then pushed him away. "Severus..."

"What?" He asked. His eyes were hazy.

"It's not working." Her eyes moved to his waist area, and she raised an eyebrow.

"Now _that _is painful," He sighed heavily.

"It's probably either the muscle relaxer, or the spasms. Or both," She shrugged, and kissed him lightly.

"Once I'm no longer drugged beyond belief, this will probably be extremely humiliating."

"Lay down," She said and he obeyed, sinking back into his pillow. "I'll get you that tea."

When she returned, he was already half asleep, but stirred when she walked in, and took the tea and sipped it. Once he finished it, his black eyes studied her through the drugs. "Will you stay?"

She looked at the space next to him. They'd never slept together in any capacity yet. "You're sure?"

"Yes," He said immediately.

She moved next to him and he laid on his back as she rested her head on his chest. "How do you usually sleep? Fully dressed?"

"No," He scoffed. "In a T-shirt and pajama bottoms. I'm not _actually _a vampire."

She laughed as she dragged her hand down his chest and thigh. His clothes transfigured to what he'd said, and she did the same to her own. She snuggled closer to him and ran his fingertips up and down the skin on the back of arm. His heart slowed and his breathing evened out and deepened as he drifted off to sleep. She felt so lucky to know him in ways nobody else did, and she felt so lucky to be able to share his life. He was a strong man, a hero, and a force to be reckoned with in every way, and she was proud to call him her wizard, and partner, and friend.

**"Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long. Good things come to those who wait." ~ _The Intern_**


	66. Chapter 66

Author's Note: Not sure if I should keep the story M, and give you all the lemons, or if I should make it T. What do you think?

Severus walked into the Great Hall to celebrate another end of a school year. He spotted Hermione immediately and walked up behind her. She was chatting away with Minerva.

"Hello, Severus. Of course I've got to be around Hermione to get to see you."

Out of character, Severus put his hand on her lower back. "She's quite demanding."

Hermione slapped his chest playfully, and looked up at him. Minerva looked between the two of them and smiled from ear to ear. "Oh, the pair of you. Let's have a drink, shall we?" McGonagall walked away from them toward the table with drinks and snacks on it, and Horace approached her.

Hermione looked back to Severus. "Do you think there's something between the two of them? They've been spending an awful lot of time together."

"Nonsense," Severus said. "A romance between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor would never work."

Hermione rolled her eyes at him, and then caught the strange glint in his eyes. "What?"

Glancing around the room to make sure nobody else was in earshot, he lowered his voice. "I want you."

"Now?" She asked.

"Constantly," He said. "I find I can think of little else."

She smirked at him, and then walked off toward Minerva and Horace. He growled and followed her. He'd made her wait, and now she was going to make him wait.

Horace was soon distracted by Pomona, who was discussing a shipment of rare herbs she was receiving soon before she left for the summer holiday.

Severus eyed Minerva as she watched Slughorn. "You know, Minerva, he _is _single." She blushed. "I think you were right, Hermione. Cupid's gone and shot herself."

"Piss off. Both of you."

He glanced at Hermione, who was smirking. "It's rather strange, isn't it, that Slughorn stays here for much of the summer, when he's not traveling, but McGonagall rarely ever does. Yet, this summer, her plans are different. This summer, you see, she's informed me she will be staying here. Except when she's traveling. Conveniently enough, they've requested the same traveling dates..."

Minerva scoffed, blushed, and walked toward Filius. "Still think it's nonsense?" Hermione asked.

"Not at all," He drawled, and picked up two glasses of champagne. He tapped his glass against the one he'd handed to her. "To another year."

She smiled, and took a sip. "It will certainly be hard to top this year."

"Indeed," Severus agreed.

She smiled at him and looked back toward Minerva, who was looking at Horace as he rambled on about plants. Then, she caught sight of Luna and Neville, hand in hand, walking into the hall. Smiling brightly at them, Hermione moved toward them and hugged them both. Tipping back the rest of his champagne, Severus followed her.

Neville eyed Snape nervously as he approached Hermione from behind.

"Sorry we're late, Professor Snape," Luna said. Then, she held out her left hand. "Neville had a very important question to ask." Snape glanced at her hand and saw a large, pink morganite stone glittering on her ring finger.

"Congratulations," Severus offered coolly as Hermione squeezed them both in a hug.

"I was going to make a comment about your apprenticeships not being a total disaster, but it would feel misplaced now," He drawled lowly.

"You've... You know you've sort of made the comment anyway?" Neville scratched his head.

"Have I?" Severus asked and glanced over his head briefly. "It appears I have. Apologies, Longbottom. Lovegood. It seems I grow bitter when I'm left waiting to hear about job offers I've made."

"About that..." Neville said nervously.

"Yes!" Luna said. "We talked about it, and we wholeheartedly accept, Professor Snape! It would be lovely to be here all the time." Her eyes took that familiar glassy look on again.

"I'll draw up contracts this evening," Severus said. "Congratulations. Sincerely, this time."

Neville smiled at Snape. Their relationship had been incredibly awkward at first, but Hermione had assured the younger wizard that Snape's persona af school was a defense mechanism, and that he'd felt horribly guilty about how he'd treated Neville. Severus hadn't said that exactly, but he couldn't deny the truth of the sentiment.

Minerva squealed as she overheard their conversation, and hugged the pair of former students tightly.

"Severus?" He raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "I want you, too."

"Ah," He said lightly, and quickly followed her from the Great Hall.

As they walked, she chattered away about Luna and Neville. "Wasn't her ring beautiful?"

Severus said, "I prefer diamond."

"Well, so would I, but morganite fits Luna so much more. It's perfect for her."

_She prefers diamond. _Severus walked and half-heartedly listened to whatever she was saying about school, and him hiring her friends. They walked into his office, and then through to his quarters, where he quickly warded the door. She kept talking. Nervously. Hardly even breathing.

"Hermione..."

"Right, sorry," She said. "I'm nervous."

"As am I," He said.

"You are?"

"Yes," He said, and then stumbled for words. "I love you, and I want this with you, but I am... If I lost you, afterward... Hermione, it would destroy me."

She moved to him, and said, "I don't want to lose you either." Then, her lips were on his. Grabbing her waist and pulling her against his body, he moaned into her mouth.

Her hand cupped his length through his pants and he gasped. "Slow, Hermione, or this will be over bedore it begins."

"You want me that badly, huh?"

"I've thought of nothing else for days on end," He admitted against her throat, and she laughed into his ear, and then tangled her hands in his hair as he pulled her toward the bedroom.

**"I love you. I want to do everything with you. I want to marry you and have kids with you and get old with you. And then I want to die the day before you do, so I never have to live without you." ~ _Juliet Immortal_**


	67. Chapter 67

Author's Note: Lemons it is ;) Let me know what you think...

Crashing backward into the door, Severus kicked it open with his foot. Taking her by the hands once more, his eyes met hers, and she looked concern.

"Are you certain?" He asked.

"Are you?"

He frowned seriously. "I have never been more certain of anyone in my life."

"You're asking if I'm certain of _you?_"

He nodded, and then ground his teeth together for a moment. He'd no desire to ruin the moment with his own insecurity, but it flowed from his mouth beyond his control. "If we do this, if we take this step... Losing you, if you're sure about _this _with _me_... I mean it..." He closed his eyes for a moment and steadied his racing and panicked heart. "It would _kill_me," He said softly. "I know I'm repeating myself. I..." He cut himself off before he embarrassed himself completely.

"Look at me," She whispered, and he obeyed and opened his eyes to meet her gaze. "You won't lose me. I'm yours."

His lips descended upon hers again, and they picked up in the heat they'd left off in before entering the bedroom. She pushed him back lightly to the bed, and he laid back, pulling her on top of him. Straddling above his waistline, her hair draped in curtains around his face. She sat up straight and went to remove her shirt, but he stopped her. Shifting her to his side, he sat back on his haunches and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. His eyes were seeking permission and she nodded.

Pulling her shirt over her head, his eyes raked over her skin. Her fingers found their way to the first of many buttons at his collar, and made their way down his chest and stomach quickly. She pulled his frock coat off and dropped it off the side of the bed to the floor. As her hands worked the buttons on his undershirt, his breath hitched, and she froze. Panic flickered across his face.

"What's wrong?"

"I have scars..."

"So do I," She said and pointed to the nasty one on her sternum that she'd received from Dolohov.

"Not exactly like that..." He said quietly, and his eyes dropped to her hands, which he held loosely in his own.

She moved her fingers back to his undone shirt, and she pushed it back off his shoulders. He had sinewy muscles on his chest, and his stomach was flat, and relatively taut, though the end of the war had allowed him to gain some of the weight back he had desperately needed to gain. He was not particularly hairy, which surprised her, because the hair on his head was so dark and thick. He had some sparse black chest hair on his sternum, and around his nipples, and then a trail of hair that disappeared below the line of his trousers. He seemed to be holding his breath and she kissing his lips. "Relax."

As he unhooked her bra and let it fall to the floor, the looked at each other for the first time in such a vulnerable state. He shivered at the sight of her, and the movement allowed her to catch the scars he'd been referring to earlier because of the daylight pouring into the bedroom from his sitting room. There were many fine white lines, and nasty thick ones on his side, and down his right arm, which she had either healed or helped him heal.

He could see the jagged, thick, white scar on her sternum that had nearly claimed her life. Then, he caught sight of _that _word in spiky thin lines on her forearm. Touching his forefinger to the scar on her chest, he stroked it lightly, and her hand found the thick scar on his side. Severus moved his other hand to her scarred arm and stroked the word with his thumb. _That _word had ruined almost all of his life, and this felt like the biggest moment of redemption he'd yet to encounter. That word had hurt Lily, Severus, and Hermione. Now, he had a chance to comfort the pain it had caused her, to love her through the damage. Shivering again, he pulled back to look at her. She had a few freckles near her collarbone and on her chest, and one under her left breath, and he sighed as he pulled her bare chest against his own and hugged her tightly. "You are perfect, Hermione."

She sighed against his neck. "You are perfect." She kissed his collarbone as he held her tightly against his body, and his teeth nibbled at her jawline. A day's stubble teased her throat and she felt goosebumps all over her body.

Bring her hands down to the button of his trousers, he inhaled sharply. He'd pitched quite a tent in those pants, and he was eager to be rid of them, but he was nervous too, and insecure. Many men do not admit that they are insecure about their bodies, about their manhood, and Severus had no interest in voicing it, but he was very anxious about satisfying her, or being what she preferred.

She unhooked the button and slid his zipper down gently and he moaned as he felt a slight release in restraint level. He shifted onto his back as she pulled his his pants down. He was wearing black boxer briefs that barely contained his straining erection. Her hand touched him through the fabric and he gasped and twitched under her fingers. His touch sensitivity definitely extended to the bedroom. Pulling the boxers down and tossing them to the floor, she gripped him, and his head sank back into the pillow and he arched off the bed into her hand. He was bigger than anyone she'd been with - Ron and Viktor - and significantly less hairy. He felt perfect in her hand and her body craved him.

Sitting up, he unfastened her pants and unzipped them. Pulling them off, he tossed them to the floor with the rest. They were fully naked in front of each other for the first time, and the desire was nearly too much. He devoured her mouth and moved next to her. He'd never done anything so intimate before, but his body was running itself. His hand moved between her legs and he moaned as he felt how wet she was for him.

"Gods, Hermione," He whispered against her lips as he slid two fingers inside her. She was tight around two fingers and he briefly realized he'd have to go slowly. Pumping into her with his fingers, she began to squirm under him.

She reached for him and stroked him twice before he stopped her. She looked confused, and he shook his head. "If you do that, I won't last..."

She smiled at him in an ornery way, and he curled his fingers inside her and her eyes rolled backward and she moaned loudly. She was on edge and every twitch drove him mad.

"Cum for me," He said lowly, and that tipped her right over the edge, as she came apart on his fingers hard, crying out in ecstasy, but he didn't relent. He continued to pump her until she was begging him for more. Severus kissed her neck, and throat, and chest, as he moved above her and between her legs. Moving his lips to hers, and then her cheeks, and nose, and finally, her forehead, he met her gaze. She was biting her lip in anticipation.

Reaching between them, she pulled him to her entrance and he slid the tip inside her and she gasped. He froze immediately and looked at her. She was wincing, so he kissed her deeply to try and get her to relax. Slowly, she took the full length of him. It took every last shred of his self control not to lose himself then and there. He held himself still as he was fully inside of her. Her body was twitching around him as it relaxed and adjusted to his length.

"I love you," He said into her ear.

"I love you," She responded. "I think it's okay to move now."

He began to pull out and thrust back in slowly. Soon, her legs were pulling him closer, and he was moving faster. He grunted and tried to shield his mind to last longer but she smiled. "It's okay."

"You feel incredible," He shuddered as he felt himself nearing completion. Every drop of blood in his body seemed to have migrated south, and he was so very focused on that one end. "Where?" He asked desperately.

She locked her ankles behind him, and pulled him in deeper, and his eyes went out of focus. "I'm on the potion. Cum where you want," She offered sexily.

With one final thrust, Severus grunted and came so hard and deep inside of her that he actually saw stars and felt quite light headed. As he softened, he wandlessly cleaned the two of them and curled up next to her. His left arm, Dark Mark in view, laid across her stomach and held her lovingly as he rested his head on her bare chest and listened to her heart beat quickly and loudly against her rib cage. He could never love anyone or anything more.

**"It is more than love, barely less than madness. It's never close enough." ~ _The Cherry House_**


	68. Chapter 68

Severus and Hermione spent nearly every moment of that summer together, both professionally and personally. They'd spend hours working on their summer work together, both in the Hospital Wing and his office. They bonded emotionally, and sexually. Toward the end of August, Hermione told Severus she planned on meeting Ron and Lavender, and Harry and Ginny in Hogsmeade. She left without the expectation of Severus joining because right before term began was a busy time for the Headmaster, and he still was largely unseen in public. That would change as Severus left his office for Hogsmeade alone to surprise her, and her friends.

He didn't anticipate the public reaction though, and as he approached The Three Broomsticks, he was quickly surrounded by the press. Cameras flashed in his face incessantly as he tried to push his way forward into the pub. His heart began to race as he was cornered and surrounded against the window.

"Headmaster, what is your relationship status with Hermione Granger?"

"Were you romantically involved with a student, Snape?"

"You're ruining her reputation!"

"Do you think you got away with murder?"

The questions sliced through his resolve and he began to panic. He was sweating, his fingers were trembling, and he felt like vomiting. Everytime he went out into their world, he was attacked viciously. Rationally, he knew it was because he'd hidden, but he didn't feel rational at all. Turning his back on the camera's he faced the window of the pub. He heard a commotion toward his left and saw Harry and Ron pushing photographers and journalists out of the way angrily.

"Get away from him!" Harry shouted as he shoved a photographer away from Snape hard.

"Oy! Piss off!" Ron growled as he pushed another away. The two wizards, followed by Granger, Potter's wife, and Brown were peeling photographers off of him as well.

"Shove off!" Ginny yelled, and Lavender held out her arms.

"Give the man some space!" She cried out at them furiously. They backed off momentarily. Hermione turned to Snape just as he disapparted back toward Hogwarts.

"This is why he doesn't come out! You lot have made him a hermit!" Harry said, but the press hardly listened, and instead turned their questions on the Chosen One, who growled, and looked at Hermione. "You should go after him. We'll deal with these arseholes and meet you at your quarters. We can talk there."

She nodded and disapparated. Her position as a staff member, and privileges from Severus, allowed her to apparate directly to his office. Not seeing him in the office, she knocked loudly on his private door. "Severus? It's me. Let me in."

"Go, Granger," He growled from within.

"I'm not going anywhere. Please let me in." He opened the door furiously and glared at her. She pushed past him and he slammed the door behind her. Turning toward him, she crossed her arms and looked at him. He looked horribly anxious and angry. His fingers were flexing uncontrollably, and his breathing was erratic. "You're angry with me now?"

He scowled at her. "I went there _for you_."

"I didn't ask you to, Severus! If you wanted to go, you should've gone with me. That way you wouldn't have to face them alone."

"Excuse me for trying to surprise you," He said scathingly.

She narrowed her eyes. "I'm sorry they attacked you."

"Do you have _any _idea what they said?"

"Not specifically, but I heard a lot of commotion and shouting. That's what brought us outside."

"Of course you didn't," He spat at her.

"Don't you dare take this out on me," She snapped back.

"It's not going to get better! They'll never stop hounding me, never stop accusing me of seducing a student!" He said loudly.

She looked at his face, and her eyes softened. "They said that?"

"Did you _really _think they wouldn't? They _hate _me because of what I've done, what I was, for being with you."

"I don't care what they think about us."

"Perhaps you should," He said and glared at her.

"No," She said and shook her head and approached him, but he backed away. "Don't push me away."

"I am clearly not the right choice for you," He snapped.

"Because some photographers said nasty things?"

"It's what the world thinks! Or does the know-it-all not see the bloody papers!?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Go, Granger. Take your bloody princess reputation with you."

Her eyes filled with tears, which she refused to let fall. "You're really telling me to leave?"

"You'll be better off for it," He said quietly as he turned away.

"Don't do this. Don't push me away, Severus. I know that's not what you want."

"What I want is to be left well enough alone," He growled with his back to her.

"If I walk out of here, if you send me away right now in this moment, then you're not committed to being a better man, and I'm done. I won't come back."

He hung his head and grimaced, but she couldn't see it. His resolve was crumbling. _Nothing _was worth losing her, but hearing their questions had hurt him, had made him feel so insecure after a summer feeling so secure. He'd done this before, pushed away the only person he cared for, and he'd lost everything then. He didn't respond. Not because he was okay with what she'd given him as far as an ultimatum, but because he felt paralyzed at the idea of losing her.

"You're fine with that?" She asked angrily. He didn't respond again, and she huffed. "That's that then." There was a quake in her voice, though she tried very hard to just sound angry.

He turned to her. "No."

"No what?" She growled.

"Don't go," he said. His voice was small and broken. "I'm sorry."

She sighed. "I won't do this, Severus. I won't be someone you take these frustrations out on because it's not fair to me, and it's not fair to you, and it's definitely not fair to us."

"I understand," He admitted quietly and avoided her gaze.

She approached him slowly. He flinched as she drew closer, and it stopped her. "I don't want this to come between us..."

He shook his head once. "I do not want to lose you."

She smiled and reached for his hand. "Be with me in this moment. We're a team."

He nodded and took her hand. Pulling her a step more closer to his body, he encircled her in his long arms and buried his nose in her hair.

"Harry and Ron are waiting for us in my quarters." He grunted and she smiled into his chest. "They want to help, Severus. They want to discuss a plan of action."

He grunted again and she peered up at him. His eyes stopped their dangerous glittering as they met hers. "Even Weasley?"

"He's the one that shouted to us that it was you. He was first out the door to help, Severus. He's committed to supporting me, and that means supporting you."

He sighed, and let go of her. "Shall we then?"

Standing on her tip toes, she put her hands on his face. "I love you."

"I apologize for backing you into a corner. I love you," He said and pressed his lips to hers. He'd grown so much, and that moment defined his intents for his future, for the kind of man he wanted to be, for their future, and her heart fluttered as she kissed him back fully.

Smiling, she pulled back, and laced her fingers into his and led him to her quarters. When they walked in, Ron and Harry were already engaged in approaches as to how to better the situation, and Ginny and Lavender were very much focused as well.

"Severus," Harry said. "You okay?"

Severus nodded sharply and shifted his weight between his feet, uncomfortable with the question. Hermione let go of his hand and sat at the table with them, which they'd transfigured to be longer and conjured more chairs. He sat next to her quietly.

"So, what do we do?" She asked.

"Besides punching out the lot of them?" Ron growled.

"While I agree with the sentiment, it's probably not the best course of action..." Hermione chuckled.

"I'm thinking we do an interview," Harry offered. "Together."

Severus stiffened, and Hermione glanced at him. She knew how difficult the last interview had been for him, even though it had gone well. "What kind of interview?"

"Well, we know that you lot weren't together while you were a student, Mione," Ginny said. "We'd confirm that. We'd confirm support for your relationship, and our friendship as a group."

Lavender said, "It's not fair at all to anyone that they're shouting those things at you. After everything you've done... This is the least we could do."

Severus glanced at Lavender Brown. Truthfully, he'd always found her fickle and shallow, but her statement was weighted with courage and loyalty, in a way he'd seen in many Gryffindors. He nodded and looked toward the table.

"Luna's dad did well writing your story previously," Harry said and Severus rolled his eyes instinctively. "You disagree?"

Severus thought for a moment. The story had been eloquent, accurate, and had been well-received. "No."

"So that settles that?" Harry asked and looked around the table. Everyone nodded. All eyes moved to Severus.

"This will open up all of you to criticism," Severus said quietly.

"Never experienced that before, have we?" Ron said and looped his arm around Lavender's shoulders.

The group of Gryffindor's surrounding him laughed, and Hermione patted his leg. Despite his discomfort with and anxiety about the situation, he wanted to make things better for himself, and most especially for his relationship, and this seemed Iike a step toward achieving that goal.

**"'Why did you do all this for me?' he asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.' 'You have been my friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing.'" ~ _Charlotte's Web_**


	69. Chapter 69

Severus sat nervously and stiffly behind his desk several days later as Lovegood organized his notebook and took out a pen. He shuffled a few pages, tucked his hair behind his ears, and glanced at Snape, whose dark eyes were narrowed intensely.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Lavender, and Minerva were sat around the elongated table, with Hermione at his right side and Minerva on his left. Albus' protrait had been moved more toward the center of the office so that he could also participate in the interview.

Xenophilius cleared his throat. "You are ready, Headmaster Snape?"

Severus nodded once, though he didn't feel at all prepared for this. Hermione grabbed his hand under the desk, and he squeezed hers gently.

The man transformed into a full-on journalist before their eyes again. "The purpose of this interview is to... Clear the air, so to speak, concerning your relationship with Hermione Granger?"

Severus shifted in his seat slightly. "Yes."

"When did your romantic relationship with her begin?"

"December of last year," Severus said evenly.

"Had you been friends previously?"

Severus looked at Hermione, who nodded encouragingly, then glanced back to Lovegood. "After the war, yes, definitely. Prior to the war, when she'd been brought up to speed on my position in the war, we were friends of a sort."

"Of a sort... meaning?"

Snape crossed one long leg over the other under the desk and leaned back into his chair. "She'd been made aware of the full role that I had to play. A certain level of mutual trust and respect developed, though we were more teammates than friends. We spoke exclusively of the war, and how to achieve our ends in that regard. We spoke of little else, and rarely saw each other."

Lovegood finished writing. "During that time, it is well known that Hermione was in a relationship with Ronald Weasley. Is this correct?" He glanced to Hermione and then to Ron, and both Gryffindors nodded.

Lovegood looked at Ron. "At any time, did you have any suspicions that she might have been unfaithful?"

Severus' face grew dark with anger at the assumption, but Hermione warned him with her eyes to remain quiet.

Ron shook his head. "No. Absolutely not. We spent nearly every moment of every day together. Hermione is the one of the most loyal people I've ever met in my life. I'd swear to any deity that she would never act like that." Hermione smiled at him, and Ron nodded to her. "She would never betray anyone."

Lovegood's pen scratched across the paper. "When did your relationship end?"

"We broke up in May of 1999. A year after the war ended."

"Why?"

"Some things just don't work out, mate. At that point, we wanted different things for our lives." Ron shrugged and looked to Hermione, who was looking at him sympathetically. She and Ron had never really discussed it, but she was impressed with his maturity and honesty.

"You did not end your relationship because you suspected someone else had her affections?"

"No," Ron said firmly and looked at Hermione, who nodded. Though Ron has accused her of something with Snape, there had been nothing, and he'd resolved to admit that. It was, really, mere coincident that they had ended up together at all.

"Did anyone else have any reason to doubt this?" Lovegood glanced around the room and was met with shaking heads from every former student.

"I realize that some of my questions are going to be direct and, at times, uncomfortable. Hermione, did Headmaster Snape, at any time, do or say anything untoward to you whilst you were a student?"

"God, no," Hermione scoffed at the notion, and Severus scowled at the question. "He would never. We spoke of nothing other than the war, and even that was somewhat of a struggle for him."

"How so?"

Hermione shifted, realizing she'd have to reveal more emotional parts of her partner. "He was uneasy with my involvement in the war. He felt cornered into teaching me things that prepared me for war and I was still a student."

"I can confirm that," Albus said. "As can Minerva. On several occasions, Severus expressed, quite vehemently, that he felt it cruel to prepare a child for war, and that he did not enjoy doing it."

Minerva nodded. "He felt as if he were robbing her of her childhood, and that wars were not for children. In the end, we all realized that... no matter how we felt, teaching her and burdening her with such information was necessary. As it turns out, we were correct. Her knowledge and inside information was invaluable in our success in the defeat of Lord Voldemort."

Severus flinched, and then wondered briefly if he would ever not flinch at the use of _that _name. Lovegood glanced at him. "When did your feelings toward her change?"

"In May of 2000. After she'd been employed here full-time for a year." Severus' voice was even, but everyone could sense his uneasiness.

"Have you ever engaged in a relationship with anyone underage?"

"No," He snapped, and Hermione squeezed his hand, and he forced himself to relax.

"Have you ever been in any other relationship?"

He hesitated, and then glanced around the room. So many of his former students were present, and he was grateful that they had all awkwardly averted their eyes from him. "No," He said softly, and his eyes fell to the desk before him.

"Why? Because of your affections for Lily Potter?"

"No," Severus growled. "My role in the war, as a double-agent and spy, did not allow for such things. There was no time. I could trust no one."

"Until Hermione and Professor McGonagall?"

"He was forced into that," Albus offered from the wall behind Snape. "_That _was entirely my doing, and entirely against _his _wishes."

"I mean no offense, of course," Lovegood said as he wrote down what had been said. "The public will want me to have covered all possibilities. I'm only playing a bit of Satan's Champion."

The eyes around the room narrowed. Hermione said, "I think you mean Devil's Advocate, Mister Lovegood."

"Ah," He said. "Right. Now, you took several months to enter into a relationship with Hermione after realizing your feelings for her had changed. Why?"

"I had reservations," He said smoothly, and the former students around him recognized that dangerously silky tone. They turned inward on themselves reflexively. He was growing impatient, and none of them wanted to be on the receiving end.

"About?"

"Her feelings," He said through his teeth. "What I wanted. Our positions at this school. What I stood to lose. More importantly, what she stood to lose." He sounded irritated.

"Stood to lose?"

"The world is aware of my... past. As it is of hers." His voice calmed slightly.

"You did not think you were well-suited to her?"

"No," Severus said coolly. "And I had no desire to lose her friendship, or to damage her reputation by associating with me. She was already criticized for befriending me." His black eyes were glittering again.

"Yet you told her how you felt, and she responded in kind."

"Obviously," Severus drawled, and Ron snorted, but quickly silenced himself when he received sharp elbow jabs from his girlfriend and sister.

"What of your love for Lily Potter?"

Snape stiffened and withdrew his hand from Hermione's to run his hands nervously over his pants. _That _he hadn't expected. Harry narrowed his eyes and asked, "Why's that relevant?"

"It's merely a question. His love for her drove him to assume the role in the war that he did, and that's something the public knows. What happened to it?"

Severus' lips pinched into a tight line, and his jaw twitched. Harry ran a hand through his black hair. "Look, my mum's been gone for nearly two decades. He loved her, yes, and he did what he did to honor her, to atone for his mistakes, and to do what was right. But really? People honestly can't believe he'd still feel _that _way."

"Love is forever, Mister Potter," Xenophilius said breathily. Suddenly, they realized he wasn't talking about Severus and Lily at all, but reminiscing about his own wife.

Severus leaned forward and his face was stony. "I'd laid any remaining feelings, feelings which I'd been forced to feel and grieve for far too long, for Lily Potter to rest more than a year before I confessed my feelings for Hermione."

"Very well," Xenophilius said evenly. "Your relationship has been met with much media speculation, and very little support. Do you have the support of your friends and family?"

"Yes," Ginny said definitively. "Without a doubt."

"You seem quite sure."

"They're a perfect match for each other, and both of them deserve to be happy." Ginny's eyes were filled with conviction.

Lavender nodded. "We've all gone through so much, and Professor Snape has endured much more than anyone else, really. I'm glad they've found each other."

Xenophilius was scribbling on his notepad. "Professor McGonagall, you've been quiet. How do you feel about this?"

"I've known Severus since he was a small boy. Never in all my years educating children have I ever met a boy who deserved to be loved more than him, and I cannot express my absolute adoration for the love he's find in Hermione, and the love she has found in him."

"And Professor Dumbledore?"

"I share Minerva's sentiments. Much of Severus' suffering was at my behest, and he is now free from any master. I had hoped that he would survive, and find happiness, and it appears he has," Albus said kindly from the wall. Snape rolled his eyes. No matter how Albus supported him and defended him now, he'd yet to forgive him for everything.

"Anyone who stands in their way, who is cruel to them, or destructive toward them, or gets in the way of their peace... They are no friend of ours," Harry said coldly, and Severus blinked and looked at the wizard, who met his black eyes steadily.

"You should know that we at the Quibbler fully support your relationship and wish only the best for you in the future," Xenophilius said confidently.

Xenophilius closed the interview cordially, and Severus watched the man transform into the strange and nearly other-worldly Lovegood they were more familiar with. Snape's mind was spinning, and he couldn't even defend himself against the relief he felt, and the tiny shred of hope for a better future that bloomed in his chest.

"**The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." ~ _The Fellowship of the Ring_**


	70. Chapter70

"Severus!" Harry called out to the darkly clad Headmaster as he stepped out of the Floo in the other wizard's office.

Snape glanced up at him, noticed Weasley and two other Aurora's standing behind Potter, and stood. "What is it?" Something in their demeanor made his stomach sink.

"We've reason to believe Fenrir Greyback might be near the grounds."

"He cannot cross the border," Severus said lowly, though his heart was racing at the thought of the demented werewolf on the loose near his castle.

"We intend to search the forest beyond the boundary," Harry said.

"I will accompany you," Severus said. "I will bring a werewolf of my own." His doe appeared before him and then raced to tell Lupin to meet him at the courtyard.

The three wizards and two witches met Lupin at the main entrance. Potter quickly caught Lupin up to speed and they set out toward the forest.

"Fan out," Harry said as they moved into the forest. "If you see anything, send up flares."

Snape briefly was in awe at the professionalism and seriousness that both Weasley and Potter conveyed, but knew that they were wise beyond their years, and that they had every reason to fear and hate Greyback as much as he did.

Even at midday, the Forbidden Forest was dark. Snape's black eyes peered through many trees. He watched Lupin disappear into the distance to his left, and glanced right and saw Potter, Weasley, and the other Aurors moving into the trees away from him. Snape held his wand loosely, away from his body, but his muscles were tensed and poised, ready to strike first and ask questions later.

After several minutes of silence and seeing nothing but trees, Snape looked behind him briefly. He saw a shadow move between the trees and he raised his wand, but Hermione stepped out from behind a tree.

"Hermione? What are you doing here?" He asked and lowered his wand.

She approached him, and he recoiled at the anger he saw on her face. Her own wand was drawn. "I followed you."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why? It's not safe here. Potter thinks..."

"I know what Potter thinks," She snapped. It wa strange, to hear the venom in her voice and to hear her spit Potter's surname angrily. Her eyes were whiskey colored flames as she stared at him and approached him slowly, in calculated steps.

"Why did you follow me?" He asked carefully. Why did she look so angry? Why was she here? He hadn't seen her on the way out of the castle.

"We need to talk," She said plainly.

"Now is not precisely a great time for talking," He said, but he couldn't stop his heart from dropping at the phrase.

"It's as good a time as ever."

"Here? In this Forest?"

"The less people around, the better. I don't want to be seen with you again."

"What?" He asked. His mind was reeling.

"I've been thinking," She said and glanced around the trees for a moment before her eyes met his again. "They're right about you."

"What?" He said and his eyes narrowed. He'd just seen her this morning at breakfast, and everything had appeared to be fine.

"You're a murderer," She said lowly. Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. "You're loyal to nothing and no one but yourself. You fucked whores. You're greasy, and I should have never associated with you."

He flinched reflexively. "Hermione..."

"Save it, Snape," She spat, and raised her wand. "Someone should've done this long ago."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I... Hang on..." She narrowed her eyes. "You're acting strangely. I've just seen you this morning, and you weren't angry."

"That was then. This is now. I've read all the papers this morning... What they're saying..."

"You... Are you really Hermione?" He gripped his wand tightly in his hand and began to lower his hands.

She scowled at him. "Ask me something, then. Something only I would know."

Severus wracked his brain for something only she would know, something the media wouldn't have obtained in any interview or eavesdropping. "What is your Boggart?"

She lowered her wand for a moment, and then met his eyes once more and raised it again. "You. Dying."

He flinched. It was her. "Hermione..."

"You're not right for me. And you deserve to suffer for everything you've done. You've fucked over so many people. You've ruined so many lives." It was so unlike her to be so vulgar, but she looked livid.

"Hermione, please..." His voice shook as he stared at her angry eyes. He felt himself breaking apart at the seams.

She raised her wand. "Expelliarmus!" His wand flew from his hand to hers. Dropping it to the forest floor, she kicked it away from him into a pile of leaves, she looked at him again. "You're nothing, Snape. You've always been nothing, and you will die alone, slowly, like you deserve."

"Hermione..." He pleaded, but she slashed her wand in the air, and he fell to the ground and was unable to move. She'd paralyzed him, and then she moved next to him and stared down at him. Her eyes looked almost yellow in their hatred. Stabbing her wand, he felt magic slice across his chest and through his side, and he felt the horrible pain of Sectumsempra. He tried to scream, tried to move away, but he could do nothing as he felt the warm wetness of his blood seeping out of his wound into his clothes and around the ground under him. Tears were flowing from his paralyzed eyes as he watched her watching him.

"Fucking traitor," She said and spat on his chest. As the world around him faded to black, he heard a distant commotion, and Hermione's head snapped toward the noise, and then she ran from his side.

As Snape watched the Forest above him turn dark, he realized that nothing he felt physically was worse than the breaking of his own heart. Death was more welcome now than ever.

"**Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to ****wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus." ~ _The Spectator Bird_**


	71. Chapter71

Severus blinked several times as he stared up into very bright lights above him. He could hear conversations around him, but couldn't quite make out what they were saying. In the distance, he could also hear a faint but rhythmic beeping noise. Blinking against the brightness, his vision cleared and he realized he was not at all in his own quarters, but appeared to be in a hospital room.

Glancing around him, he saw Potter and Weasley engaged in what appeared to be a very heated discussion with several healers. Potter looked over their shoulders at Snape, and Snape's hearing cleared.

"He's awake. You must let me speak with him. It's imperative," Harry said firmly.

"Auror Potter, he's very medicated..."

Potter brushed passed the healers, and Weasley scowled at them and did the same. "Severus..."

Severus met his eyes. He was very confused as to what had happened, and he felt quite like he was very drunk. "Are you all right?"

Severus glanced at the ceiling again. "Where... Am I?" He said gruffly.

"Saint Mungo's," Ron answered, and Snape's black eyes snapped to the redhead as he struggled to remember what happened.

Then, it came to him. He remembered the Forest, searching for Greyback, and he remembered _her._ His heart pounded in his chest and that faint beeping quickened. The healer moved to him.

"You can't get him all worked up. He's still on blood thinning potion to prevent clotting," The healer said in frustration.

"Relax, Severus," Harry said quietly as he sat next to Snape on the bed. "You're safe now. You're going to make a full recovery." Severus steadied his breathing. His entire body felt oddly numb and heavy. "What do you remember?"

"Granger," He croaked.

"Mione?" Ron asked and his eyes grew wide with surprise. "What d'you mean?"

"She did this," Snape said coldly. Anger trickled from the top of his head down to his toes, and the beeping quickened again.

Harry shook his head. "No... Severus, she wasn't with us. When we found you, we saw something running away from you, but it... wasn't in human form..."

Snape shook his head. "She followed me."

Harry's brow furrowed. "No, I don't think that's right. Hermione was in the castle. She came straight here. They're fighting letting her see you, but I'm working on it."

"I have no interest in seeing _her_." His voice was low and venomous, as hers had been in the forest.

"What?" Ron asked. "What're you on about?"

"Ask her," He spat and looked at the ceiling.

"Mione wasn't there, mate," Ron said evenly.

"Hang on," Harry said and looked back at Ron. "Hang on... Severus?" Harry asked as he looked back at the Headmaster. Snape glared at the younger wizard. "Can I have the memory of the Forest?"

Snape narrowed his eyes, and then nodded. Potter put his wand to Snape's temple as Severus closed his eyes and allowed the memory to flow from him. He opened his eyes and watched Harry put the wispy memory into a small vial. "I'd prefer it if you destroyed that one. I've enough terrible memories," He grunted and let his head sink back into the pillow.

"That's quite enough for the moment. I need to run more tests and give him more medicine," The healer said as he glanced at the monitors around Snape's bed.

"Right," Harry said and stood as he looked at the vial. "The Pensieve is still in your office? Where it was before?"

Severus nodded once sharply and looked away. He knew was Potter meant by before, and he had no interest in elaborating on that particular situation in front of anyone else. In fact, his stomach churned a the idea of Potter viewing yet another horrible and extremely private memory of his.

"We'll be back, Severus. You get some rest in the meantime." Weasley and Potter disappeared from the room. The healer fussed about on the monitors, and dripped Potions into his IV.

"Don't let her in here," He demanded as he felt he sedative resting in his bloodstream.

"Who?" The question was feigned ignorance.

"Granger," He growled.

"She's quite worried about you, you know. It's policy... Family only in intensive care... She's very upset about it. Raised a bit of hell out there," He informed Snape.

"I don't bloody care what she does. Don't let her in here," He snapped.

"Very well," The healer said and watched Snape struggle to keep his eyes open. "I will be back in roughly an hour to check on you. Get some rest, Headmaster Snape."

Severus blinked slowly as he stared at the lights the healer had turned off above him. The sedative was forcing him to succumb to sleep though he hadn't been awake for even an hour, and he'd no idea how long he'd been asleep before that.

Hermione was upset that she couldn't see him? That's what the healer had said, but that didn't make sense knowing what she'd said in the Forest. It didn't matter what excuse her friends tried to make for her. She'd said everything he'd feared she'd say someday, everything he feared she truly felt about him. She'd struck him, and then had left him to die.

He knew he had to have been her, or she wouldn't have answered his question about Boggarts correctly. She wouldn't have told anyone her Boggart. It wasn't common practice or normal conversation to go running about telling people such fears, and Hermione would have kept that to herself. Or maybe she wouldn't have. Honestly, it felt like he didn't know her at all. The angry fire in her eyes, the disgusted look on her face, and her furious and hateful words haunted him as his eyes closed and slept overcame him. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be restful, and he was forced to relieve an endless loop of the forest as his subconscious and broken heart struggled to reconcile what had happened in the Forest with what he'd seen that very morning at breakfast. Whatever had happened, the tiny voice in the back of his was louder than ever, and not so tiny anymore. Severus Snape had finally gotten what he'd deserved.

**"Perhaps this is what the stories meant when they called somebody heartsick. Your heart and your stomach and your whole insides felt hollow and empty and aching." ~ _Daughter of the Forest_**


	72. Chapter72

Author's Note: Had to give you a bit of a plot twist. For those asking how long I foresee this story being... I'm thinking 100 chapters?

A knock on his door stirred him from a restless, yet heavily medicated, sleep. Harry Potter wanted tentatively into his room as he blinked and tried to wake himself more fully.

"Severus... I'm sorry it took me so long..." He said. Severus glanced around the room and saw no clock, and he truly had no idea of the time that had passed at all. "I was collecting memories of that same moment in time from everyone involved, and I think I've come up with a rather terrifying answer." Severus stared at him. "I believe Greyback has mastered Skinchanging."

Severus' brow furrowed. "That's impossible. No one has been able to Skinchange for centuries. Besides, doing so would weaken his magic irreparably."

"I know it doesn't sound like the right answer, but it's the only one that makes sense. At first, I thought what you saw might be Polyjuice, or Imperius, but when I viewed Remus' memory, who got to you first, what he saw contradicted all of those possibilities. He saw Hermione, though I don't think he recognized her as Hermione, and then she shifted directly into werewolf form. Polyjuice wouldn't do that. It takes time to wear off, and it's gradual." Heshrugged as Snape listened closely.

"It sounded like her," He said quietly.

"That's another reason it couldn't be Polyjuice," Harry acknowledged and Snape nodded.

"If this is truly the case, he will be weak for months, potentially even dead..."

"Yes," Harry said. "I read about what happened to witches and wizards who did this sort of thing before..."

"I thought it was her..." Severus said in a small voice.

Harry ran a hand through his shaggy black hair. "I've had to speak with her about all of this, especially so since you said it was her that cursed you. She gave me the memory of what she was doing at the same time, and I tested its authenticity... It wasn't her..."

Severus closed his eyes painfully. He felt quite ill. "What's she know?"

Harry hesitated and Snape looked at him seriously. "Everything."

Severus swallowed. "They still won't let her in?"

"She's not technically kin..."

"Your cloak?"

"I had a feeling you might ask that, so I've brought it in my bag here. I'll go give it to her..."

"Potter..." Severus called to him, and Harry turned to face him again. "Is she angry?"

"No," Harry shook his head. "Worried. Hurt. Disappointed."

"Worse than angry," Severus breathed, and Harry left his room.

After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling anxiously and collecting his thoughts and words, the door opened and shut. Hermione pulled off the cloak. She looked horribly tired and upset, but rushed quickly to his side, draping the cloak over his bedside.

He stared at her, eyes welling up with tears. The last time he saw her, though he now knew it hadn't been her at all, he'd heard everything he never wanted to hear fall from her lips. Even though it'd been an imposter, his mind was reeling. "I'm so sorry..." He said in a broken whisper.

Tears fell from her eyes and she swatted at them. "How could you ever think I would do that to you...? You've just been living in fear this entire time? Waiting for rug to be pulled out from under you?"

He shook his head. "No. I swear to you. I felt blindsided..."

"You asked a question about a Boggart that a first-year could've guessed..."

"I've never questioned you," He said firmly. "I didn't even know how to effectively question what I thought to be you when I needed to... Hermione, I'm..." He snapped his mouth shut and let his head fall back into his pillow. Though he squeezed his eyes shut, the tears still trickled out of the corner of his eyes.

When her hand touched his, which was gripping the bed sheets tightly, he opened his eyes to look at her. She was crying. "I saw the memory you gave to Harry... Though, I don't think I was supposed to have seen it. He even sounded like me..." Severus looked down at their hands and let go of the sheets, and gripped her hand firmly. "It hurt so badly that you believed I would do something like that, that I'd hurt you... But after seeing the memory... I saw how caught off-guard you were, how confused you were... I know you trust me, but I...think I need you to reassure me of that... And I think we need to come up with a better verification question..." she smiled slightly, but he didn't return it.

He felt horrendous that he'd even doubted her for the few minutes that he had in the Forest, that he'd been stupid enough to ask a question that anyone with a single brain cell could've worked out, and that he'd hurt her, betrayed his trust in her... His dark eyes focused on their hands. He was lucky to still be able hold hers. "I am sorry, Hermione."

"Look at me," She said softly. He obeyed. "I forgive you. Now, we need to come up with a question that no one could possibly guess the answer to..."

He stared at her blankly. He didn't want to ever be put into a position where he'd have to ask such a question again. He looked back to their hands.

"How about a verse from a poem, Severus? One that I answer with, and one that you answer with. You like poetry, yes?"

He shrugged slightly, and then winced as the gesture tugged at the gash on his chest. "I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for, beautiful, you are my world, my true."

She smiled as she listened to the deep timbre of his voice reciting a love poem. "And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant. And whatever a sun will always sing is you."

He stared into her eyes. "I am sorry."

"Don't get stuck in a cycle of apologies, Severus. What happened was horrible, traumatizing, and frightening... Let us dwell on the fact that you are alive..." She said and glanced at his chest, which was bandaged so heavily she could see the thickness through his gown.

He watched her eyes for a moment, as she assessed the damage done to her lover, and again he found himself in awe of her. He'd hurt her, betrayed her belief in his trust in her, and she'd forgiven him, understood him. "I carry your heart," He said quietly.

She brushed a tear away from her eye. "I carry it in my heart."

**"here is the deepest secret nobody knows**

**(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud**

**and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows**

**higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)**

**and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart**

**i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)" ~ '_I carry your Heart with me' by EE Cummings_**


	73. Chapter73

Standing fully dressed before Hermione in his hospital room two days later, Severus rolled his shoulders as he adjusted to and tested the tightness of the scarring across his chest and left side. Sectumsempra had done a number on his body over the years since he created it, and it was almost karmic justice that he'd created something so horrid and violent only to suffer from it so many times.

"How do you feel?" Hermione asked as she looked up at him.

"Angry," He said lowly. "Fenrir came between us. He won't again."

"No," She said firmly. "He surely won't."

Harry knocked on the door frame. "Ready, Severus? The press are waiting for us in the lobby. The briefing is all set up and ready."

Severus nodded curtly, and Harry turned and stepped away from the door. Using the moment alone, Severus pulled Hermione into his still healing chest and hugged her. Burying his nose into her curly, brown hair, he kissed the top of her head. "I will find him. This, I swear to you."

"Severus, don't do anything rash. You're much more valuable to me alive."

"You doubt my capabilities?" He raised a dark eyebrow and looked down his hooked nose at her.

"No, not at all. But you're also more valuable to me as a free man."

He smirked, took her hand, and followed her out into the hallway to meet Potter and Weasley. As they approached the lobby, Severus sat between Hermione and Harry, and Ron sat on the other side of Potter.

Harry held up a hand to silence the media. "Right. We know why we're here. Fenrir Greyback is on the loose, and he viciously attacked Headmaster Snape in the Forbidden Forest four days ago in the Forbidden Forest just beyond the boundary of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We're here today to appeal to the public for any information regarding Greyback's whereabouts, and to also issue a warning... It appears that Greyback's lycanthropy has allowed him to also Skinchange, which is a Forbidden, dark, and dangerous magic that has long been lost to us until now. Persons of interest have been contacted and assigned a full time Auror detail. It's imperative that the public be aware that Greyback could be impersonating anyone, and that families should take extra care and pose private security questions within their household to verify identify.

"Questions? Yes?" Harry asked and pointed to one reporter.

"What do you mean persons of interest?"

Weasley answered. "We've compiled a list of people Greyback might want to seek out, to exact revenge or to harm, and we've contacted those families individually. Next question," He said and pointed to another reporter.

"My question is for Professor Snape... Can you tell us specifically how Greyback attacked you? You're a very accomplished wizard, so it's quite terrifying to know that he was able to find such a weakness in you."

Severus narrowed his eyes and glanced at Harry, who shrugged. "He changed his skin to someone I know and trust quite well, used that person to lower my guard, and then attacked me. It's dangerous and cowardly magic."

"Cowardly?"

"If Fenrir Greyback wants a fight, he can have a fair one. He knows how to get in touch with me." Snape's face darkened considerably.

Harry held up a hand. "That's quite enough for today. I must escort Headmaster Snape back to Hogwarts."

Harry stood and followed Snape down the hallway to the Floo point. "Snape, I really wish you wouldn't have done that..."

"You can't provoke him, Severus. You know he's dangerous." Hermione was pleading.

"He will take the bait, and I will meet him. Then, it's on you _Aurors _to catch him before I kill him." Snape's eyes glittered dangerously as he stepped into the Floo.

Once they'd all reappeared in the office, Harry spoke. "We've assigned 'round the clock security around the borders and within the school. Professor Flitwick assured us that Greyback would not be able to cross the border in any form of skin, but it's better safe than sorry." Severus looked at him and found it strangely comforting how professional the younger wizard sounded. He nodded sharply once at Potter. "I'll let you get some rest. We'll be staying in the Headmaster guest quarters downstairs. You must tell me immediately if Greyback contacts you."

Severus nodded that he would contact Potter, and he and Hermione disappeared into his private quarters.

"You plan on meeting him? He nearly killed you, Severus!"

He sighed heavily. He knew she wouldn't have let it go, but he'd hoped she would have, though he knew it was futile. "The longer he's out there, the greater threat he becomes." Severus' sounded bored.

"You're not going to meet him alone," She said defiantly and then crossed her arms across her chest.

"Of course not. I'll bring some disillusioned Aurors with me."

"I'm going with you."

"Absolutely not," He said lowly.

"I'm more than capable of defending myself, and I won't let you go out to meet him alone."

"You'd be putting yourself in danger. Hermione, I _know _Greyback. He's certifiably insane."

"If you're going, I'm going. You've rushed in to save me before, just as I've done for you."

"This is different," He said.

"That's rich. So only you can act all noble for the people you love?" She snapped.

"I don't want you in harms way."

"Do you think I'm incapable of protecting myself? Moreover, do you think you're incapable of protecting me? You've repeatedly reminded me that you're able to hold your own in a fight."

"I did not say that..." He started, but she cut him off angrily.

"I don't want you in harm's way either, but if this is the easiest way to get him locked away, then I'm certainly not going to let you go alone."

"I would not be alone."

"Without me." He shut his mouth in frustration and stared at her. "Glare all you want, but either we both go, or neither of us do."

"Fine," Severus resigned. "But I do not want him to see you. You must disillusion yourself as well."

"Of course," She agreed. She wanted to give them the best opportunity to catch Greyback, and knew the werewolf would bolt if he saw Granger.

Severus unbuttoned his frock coat and threw it over the back of a chair in his kitchen. He leaned heavily onto the chair and hung his head. Hermione wrapped her arms around his stomach and leaned her head into his back.

"I'm glad you're okay, Severus. So, so glad," She said.

He turned to face her and wrapped his arms around her back. Then, leaning down, he began to kiss her neck. It was rare that Severus initiated intimacy, and she pulled back to look at him.

"Will it hurt?" She said and glanced at his chest, and then back to his face.

He moaned and moved his mouth back to her neck. "Frankly, I don't give a damn," He mumbled against her skin as her fingers tangled in his dark hair.

"**For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person, and we are finally home." ~ _Anna and the French Kiss_**


	74. Chapter74

After the interview about his relationship, the public seemed largely at peace with Snape, and cruaklg had written letters of support, and concern for his safety after the incident with Greyback. Several days after returning to Hogwarts, an owl tapped on the window of Snape's office. It wasn't unusual for him to not recognize the owl because of the increasing amount of letters he'd been receiving since Lovegood's latest interview with him had been published. Walking to the disheveled owl, he took the crumbled letter from its beak and watched it fly away.

Opening the letter, he observed the messy and choppy sentences.

**Snape - **

**Meet me tonight. Sunset. Forbidden Forest. To finish this. Come alone. I'll know if you don't.**

The letter was unsigned, but he knew who'd written it anyway. Fenrir Greyback really was as easily provoked as he'd thought he was. Severus honestly had been surprised it'd taken the werewolf days to respond, but it was probably because he was recovering from skinchanging. It was truly a horrible act, and often had devastating impacts on one's magic for hours or days afterward, and could actually seriously maime or injure the one doing the skinchanging.

Hermione asked, "What's that?"

"An invitation from our _friend _Mister Greyback," Severus said smoothly as he handed her the letter. Glancing at the clock, he added, "We must inform Potter and Weasley."

Hermione nodded as she glanced over the letter. "Let's go."

He followed her to the guest quarters attached to the Headmaster's office. Knocking three times, she waited for one of them to answer the door.

Weasley did after a moment. "Hey, Mione. Severus." It still sounded so strange to Snape to hear one of his least favorite students address him as such, but he had grown to at least semi-respect the ginger haired wizard.

"It appears as if it's showtime, Ron," Hermione said and handed Weasley the letter.

Harry, and Lupin, who must've been visiting, approached the doorway and read the letter in Weasley's hand at the same time. His green eyes met Snape's. "You're prepared for this?"

"I have a score to settle, Potter," Severus said coolly.

"How will he know? If you've brought people? We'd be disillusioned."

"He will be able to smell you, or hear you, if you don't completely disguise yourself," Remus said. "I could do the same thing. All of the Aurors must be disillusioned, silenced, and the must take a potion that will mask their pheromones."

Severus nodded. "I have enough of such a potion."

"I'll summon a few of my best Aurors. Severus, the House Heads, will they assist us?"

"Greyback attacked their Headmaster. I'm certain they will," Hermione said and glanced at Snape.

Snape nodded, and Remus said, "I'll summon them." Snape stepped into the quarters behind Hermione and summoned the potion.

"Unfortunately, it tastes quite unpleasant. One small swallow will mask your pheromones and scent for several hours." He handed the vial to Hermione, who glanced at the clock.

"We've less than 20 minutes. I suppose that's enough time." Tipping the vial back, she swallowed a mouthful and then screwed up her face at the bitter taste.

She passed the vial to Weasley, who did the same, and then to Potter.

"Bloody awful, that is," Weasley said and gagged.

"I'm still not sure it's worse than Polyjuice," Harry said.

Remus reappeared with the House Heads, who were looking anxiously at Severus. Remus said, "I've caught them up to speed. I've also informed the remaining staff to be on guard."

Harry nodded and waved his wand. His stag appeared before him, and he summoned his Aurors, who appeared almost instantly from his Floo. As they swallowed the potion, several of them coughed and gagged. Remus walked close to all of them.

"The women will have to take more. Your pheromones are stronger, especially because both I and Greyback are male. I will need to make more as well because I am a werewolf, and especially, because he is my maker." Remus looked at Severus.

Horace summoned a larger vial of the potion, and Minerva, Hermione, Remus, and Pomona swallowed another large mouthful reluctantly. Remus reacted much less intensely because he was used to Wolfsbane, which tasted far more foul. He moved next to the women. "They're good now," He noted.

"Silence your footsteps, and disillusion yourselves," Harry said and they all did it. Hermione's invisible hand rested on Severus' back. Harry, the only remaining visible Auror, looked at Severus. "We will surround you on all sides in a circle. Be careful, Severus. I'm sure he's planned for an ambush."

Severus narrowed his eyes and then nodded once, and Harry disappeared before his eyes. Snape turned and walked from the room. It was disconcerting knowing he was being followed by ten people, but he could neither hear, smell, nor see any of them. Snape quickly left the castle and headed toward the forest. Drawing his wand, he held it loosely away from his body as the sun set between the trees.

Moving through the trees quietly, Severus felt a comforting hand on the small of his back and he stopped momentarily and relished the feel of his lover's comfort. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward and Hermione's hand fell away from him.

After a moment or two of pressing deeper into the trees, he heard a twig snap to his right and he turned toward the noise. Narrowing his dark eyes, he watched Hermione, well, it wasn't really Hermione, step out from amongst the trees.

"Severus? What are you doing out here?"

"You didn't really think I'd fall for that again, did you, Fenrir?" Severus asked smoothly. Quicker than lightning, he stunned the faux Hermione. Then, Severus did something the group had not intended him to do, but it was something he'd planned to do on his own. He cast a shield, revealing everyone outside of it to Greyback, and then pointed his wand at the werewolf's face. "Revelio!" Hermione's body transformed painfully, bones snapping and cracking and lengthening, and revealed the true man. "There's that ugly mug."

As the stunner wore off, Greyback rolled into the fetal position and grasped for his wand desperately. Then, his yellowed eyes looked beyond the barrier, where the Aurors, house heads, and Hermione stood plainly for him to see. They were pounding against the shield, yelling for Severus to drop it, firing spells at it sporadically.

"You didn't come alone!" He growled as he staggered to his feet.

"Obviously," Severus drawled. "As you can see, I have blocked them from interfering."

"Then you've made a grave mistake," The werewolf spat. He slashed his wand, but Severus deflected the curse with ease.

"The only mistake made was the one you made seeking me out," Severus said coolly.

Fenrir growled loudly and began firing curse after curse, which either missed Severus by several feet or were deflected by the Headmaster gracefully. For several minutes, Snape danced around Greyback's spells. He knew he had to toe the line because he had many Auror eyes on him. Greyback's wand sparked erratically and he fell hunched over in pain from the skinchanging.

"Expelliarmus!" Snape yelled. Greyback's wand flew to his hand, and he approached the injured werewolf slowly. Cocking his head to the side, he flipped the other wizard's wand in his hand nonchalantly.

"Kill me then!" Greyback snarled. He was sweating profusely.

Severus stared at him, and shrugged. "In another life, perhaps."

"You're nothing but a filthy traitor! Those of us who remain free know it. We will find you. We will destroy everything you love. Only then, when you're begging for death, will we finally kill you."

"I'd like to see you try," Severus said venomously.

"Kill me then. Death over Azkaban! I know you've got the stomach for murder."

"Unlike you, I have something worth living for, and nothing, no one, will take it from me. Now, or ever. Incarcerous!" Snape cries out, and ropes bound the werewolf. Severus snapped Greyback's wand over his knee. "You won't be needing this." He threw the wand on the wizard's chest and canceled his shield.

The Aurors and House Heads descended on the pair quickly. Hermione rushed to his side. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Severus glanced at her, shrugged, and said, "I had a score to settle. I've never been bested in a fair duel."

Hermione looked angrier than he'd seen her in a long time. "You could've been hurt! Or killed! This wasn't the plan!"

"When have things ever gone to plan?" Severus said. His magic was still crackling across his clothing in his fury at seeing Greyback. "He wore your skin again, Hermione. Did you expect me to play nicely?"

"To be honest, I thought he'd kill him when he came out as Hermione again," Ron said.

Hermione glared at Weasley, who shrank, and then she sighed. "Fine. I'm just glad you're alright."

"Aren't I always?" He smirked.

"Can we go relax now?" She asked.

He looked to Potter, who nodded that they could leave, and walked with Hermione from the forest toward the castle. His magic was still sparking along the wool of his coat. Once they reached his quarters, she observed him. His hands were trembling quite badly. He never failed to impress her with his control over his emotions, and she always felt really special when she got to see him plainly. In the Forbidden Forest, he'd shown virtually no emotion other than contempt and a cold sort of collectedness. Here, he looked frazzled. The situation had stressed him, despite what he might verbally admit.

"Are you okay?" She asked carefully.

Severus sighed. "Seeing him, seeing him wearing your face again, brought out the darkness in me. It was... difficult not to act on it."

"You're not that man anymore," She said quietly.

He breathed in a giant, shaky breath. "I will always be that man, but my choices are different now. If I acted on those impulses, as I've done before, I would lose you, and I cannot live with that."

She smiled gently at him. His magic was still crackling across his skin as he unbuttoned his coat and tossed it over the couch. "What can I do to help with the stress? Your magic is wild right now."

He looked at his sparking finger tips. "I suppose wait until it calms down."

"I have an idea that might relieve some of your stress..." She said coyly.

He looked at her and hesitated. "Hermione..."

"What?" She asked playfully. "I told you I might as you to be rough some day... Besides, seeing you so powerful, so controlled... It was sexy, even if I was angry at you for your shield stunt."

He chewed the inside of his cheek as he watched her approach him slowly. "I feel out of control. I could not live with myself if I hurt you..."

"You won't," She said and touched his face with her hands. "But if you don't fuck me, I might hurt you."

He growled low in his throat. Her vulgarity only served to increase his desire for release. His mouth was rough and hard as it met hers, and his teeth bit down on her bottom lip, drawing a tiny bit of blood as she moaned.

Pushing her backward a few steps, he turned her around and pushed her over the arm of the couch. He was tearing her pants down in an instant as she eyed the heated look on his face as he undid his own trousers. They fell to the floor and he stepped out of them after kicking off his boots. Peeling her shirt over her head, he undid her bra quickly.

His mouth kissed her spine, and then he bit down hard on her shoulder, and then the side of her neck before burying himself inside of her. She cried out loudly. His aggression was exhilarating for her. Normally, he was slow with her, gentle, too gentle at times, and defaulted more on lovemaking positions with more skin contact than positions of dominance. Partly, it was his desire to show affection for her, to be truly emotionally and physically intimate, and partly, it was the touch starved parts of him that craved as much skin as possible.

He grunted as he thrust into her erratically, unable to control himself enough to find a rhythm. One hand tangled in her curly hair and pulled her head so his eyes could meet hers, and the other gripped her hip tightly as he pumped into her.

She moved back against each of his thrusts and he was grunting above her, louder and more unevenly soon enough. She moaned, encouraging him, loving the angle from behind. She'd definitely have to get him to do this more often because he felt even more fantastic than usual from behind. His magic sparked against her body, and he gripped her hip painfully tight, but it still felt good, despite the hardness of his grip.

"Fuck," He grunted, magic crackling loudly all over his body, as pulled out of her and emptied himself up her spine. He was breathing heavily, summoned his wand, and cleaned both of them up, as he always did. She turned to face him. He looked exhausted. Sex had drained some of his magic, since it'd been so barely contained, and he'd had a stressful day. They both had.

"You look drained," She said.

"Mmm..." He acknowledged as he pulled her naked body against his chest and held her. "In more ways than one..."

"Do you feel better?" She giggled.

"Much," He said into her hair. His nails scratched her back lightly.

"Let's get some rest, shall we?"

"Mmm..." He said again and followed her to the bedroom. It wasn't even 9pm yet, but both of them needed time curled against each other's bodies, and a good restful night of sleep.

**"But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—'Thou mayest'— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if 'Thou mayest'—it is also true that 'Thou mayest not." ~ _East of Eden_**


	75. Chapter75

The following summer, Severus found himself dressing for Ronald Weasley's wedding. Hermione, who was in the wedding, was already at the Burrow, where the wedding would be held. Adjusting his bow tie in the mirror, Severus elected to wear the same outfit that he'd wor to Potter's wedding except that his vest was now a charcoal grey.

The House Heads arrived and they set off for the Burrow via apparating. Once there, the professors were quickly ushered inside by Fred and George.

"'Ello, Professor's," Fred said with a wide smile.

"Sure you've missed us," George added. Severus glanced at George's damaged ear. "Right. I suppose I've a bit of a bone to pick with you, Headmaster." Severus grimaced. "Now, everyone can tell us apart. You've ruined a great many pranks."

"I sincerely apologize that I hit your ear, Mister Weasley."

"You hear that, Freddy? Snape's apologized."

"Never thought I'd see the day. Mione's trained you well, Headmaster."

The dark haired man narrowed his eyes.

"Speaking of Hermione," George said and smirked.

"Yeah, speaking of Hermione... If you hurt her, we'll make your life hell. You know that, right? She's basically a second sister to us," Fred nodded.

Snape didn't look at all amused by the threats.

"And if you kill us before we get the chance, we'll come back and haunt you," George added.

"Promise," Fred said smiling brightly. "She looks lovely, by the way," He added and then he winked.

The twins, dressed as part of the wedding party, disappeared into another room. Snape glared at their backs as they departed.

"Come now, Severus," Minerva said lightly. "They're only teasing."

Severus sighed and relaxed. "Despite what you might think, those two are quite serious."

"Then I suggest you not hurt her."

"I've no intention of hurting her," Severus said seriously.

Minerva smiled. "Oh, I know, lad."

"Severus?" He heard her voice call from behind him and he turned and could hardly stop his jaw from falling as he observed her. She was beautiful, as always, with a shimmering maroon dress that cascaded to the floor.

Minerva gasped softly. "You look lovely, Hermione."

She blushed, smiled, and said, "Thank you."

"I'll meet you outside, Severus," Minerva said and followed the other House Heads and Remus out to the yard.

"Lovely is an understatement," Severus said quietly as he approached her. "You are positively stunning, Hermione."

She blushed more deeply, in a way that ran down her neck and chest and below the top of her dress. "Oh, stop."

He smiled slightly, and said, "It's true."

"Everything's all set up. I should head back to Lavender in a minute. I just wanted to see you."

"I am glad that you did," He said and grabbed her right hand. Bringing it to his lips he kissed her knuckles softly, and stared into her eyes. "I'll see you soon."

"Yes," She said and reached up and kissed his cheek lightly. Her perfume filled his nose and he sighed into her feather-light touch and watched as she disappeared toward the back of the house.

After the ceremony and reception, which was far more of a drunken party than Potter's wedding had been, Severus, who had stayed sober, disapparated the pair of them back to his quarters.

As Hermione changed, he poured them each a glass of champagne and transfigured his own clothing into pajama pants and a T-shirt. Hermione, who was already slightly drunk, reappeared after a few minutes

Handing her the glass of champagne, he said, "To us."

She smiled, but only half-heartedly, clinked her glass against his, and took a sip of her drink.

He frowned. "Something is bothering you. Whatever it is started at the reception."

"It's nothing," She shrugged and took another sip of her drink.

"I disagree," He said. "Tell me."

"Is that what you want?" She asked.

He looked confused. "That refers to..."

"A wedding?" She asked.

"At the Burrow? Gods no," He scoffed.

"You know what I meant..." She said with an air of annoyance.

"What happened?" He asked.

"It's nothing, really," She said. "Just a passing comment."

"What was the comment?"

"Lavender just asked when you planned to pop to question. When I said we hadn't really talked about it, she said she had wondered if you were the marrying type. She didn't mean anything by it."

"Miss Brown's always been a bit off in her assessments for as long as I've known her," He mused. He smirked slightly knowing that, months before, he'd asked and received her parents' blessing to propose.

Hermione huffed. "Why do you always do that? You speak in circles. Can't you just address the point directly?"

Severus furrowed his brow. "Hermione..."

"No," She said. Alcohol made her less tolerant of his Slytherin subtly. "Do you want to get married?"

"Yes," He said directly and plainly.

She stopped short in her frustration toward him. "Really?"

"Yes," He repeated. "I do not take commitments lightly, and I want and see no future without you in it."

"Really?"

"Yes," He said in a bored tone.

"I'm sorry. I'm being a bit petty and immature. The wine's gone to my head. It's just... We've never really talked about it."

"We have," He notes. "You interrogated me once on my birthday."

She snorted. "I meant... Since we've been together."

"I did not think it necessary as it had already been discussed."

She sighed. "Loads of women like to fantasize about their weddings with their partner..."

"You've noticed, I'm sure, that I don't spend time with _loads of women. _I also did not take you for someone who spent much time in fantasy."

"Well, it'd be nice to talk about it sometimes," She suggested.

"Okay," He said.

She frowned. "You don't seem to want to talk about it." Her eyes were bloodshot from exhaustion and alcohol.

"I have no qualms discussing it."

"You don't sound enthusiastic either."

"I'd prefer to talk about it sober, but we can talk now," He admitted.

"You think I'm bringing this up just because I'm drunk?"

"No," He said quickly. "I do think that the alcohol is impacting your tone quite a bit."

She frowned. "Sorry."

"It's all right," He said softly and set his glass down. Taking hers from her hand and setting it next to his, he pulled her into his arm. "I want to marry you, Hermione. I am irrevocably in love with you."

She giggled into his T-shirt. "You'd wear a ring?"

"It is custom," He said.

She looked up at him. "It's more than just custom."

"I'm aware of the symbolism. Of course I would wear a wedding band." He kissed her hairline. "I am sorry if I have led you to doubt what I want for us because I have not talked about it."

"It's all right. I'm drunk, and being stupid."

"Never," He said. Then, he added playfully, "To the stupid bit."

She laughed and hugged him tighter. "I love you. I'm so tired. Do you mind if I head to bed?"

"Not at all. I'll join you in a moment. I'll clean this up," He said and gestured to their glasses. When she pulled away, he pulled her back and kissed her. "Our usual kiss goodnight."

"You'll only be a minute," She laughed.

"Yes, but you will already be fast asleep," He smirked.

"Git," She said.

"Prove me wrong," He called out to her as he cleaned up their glasses and she disappeared into the bedroom. Hermione did not prove him wrong and was asleep before he reached the bedroom a couple minutes later. He smiled as he observed her for a moment before he crawled into bed next to her.

"**And because he loved her, it wouldn't matter that she wasn't twenty-two or thirty or forty anymore. In his eyes she was truly the most beautiful woman in the world. The thought brought tears to Parker's eyes. A sucker for love indeed." ~ _Somebody to Love_**


	76. Chapter76

On New Year's Eve that following December, Severus was too anxious to eat almost any of his dinner. A tiny, velvet black box hidden concealed in a drawer in his office desk preoccupied his thoughts.

He'd purchased the ring several days earlier and had planned to propose on this day, before the New Year's Party the Hogwarts staff hosted for themselves, their partners or spouses, and much of the Order of the Phoenix.

"You're not hungry? You look a bit ill..." Hermione asked as he cleared his plate.

"Mmm?" He asked over his shoulder as he stuck his plate back in the cabinet. "A bit of a stomachache, I suppose."

He knew she would say yes, so he didn't entirely understand why he felt so nervous. She said, "We don't have to go to the party if you're not feeling well, Severus. We can lounge around here."

"We should go to the party. You wanted to go, and your friends and parents are coming. They'll actually be arriving fairly soon," He said and looked at the clock. He swallowed slowly and his mouth felt quite dry.

She smiled. "Okay. I'm going to fix my hair up quickly. I'll be back in a minute." She disappeared into the bedroom and Severus silently summoned the engagement ring box.

Peeking inside, he looked at the 1.5 carat oval ring on the thin white gold band. The tiny diamonds that lined the thin band made accented the centerstone perfectly. He tilted the box and observed the final tiny stones on either side - one ruby, one emerald, for their houses, joined in the center by the love and commitment they would share in the oval diamond. He'd done much guesswork on choosing the stone, cut, and design, and eventually settled on one he felt fairly confident about buying.

Hearing shuffling from the bedroom, he snapped the box closed and shoved it and his fist in his pocket. She looked at him with confusion. "You sure you're feeling up to this party?"

He nodded and stepped closer to her. His heart was pounding so loudly he feared she would hear it through his chest. "Hermione..." He said quietly, hoping his voice didn't betray his nervousness.

"Severus..." She said and giggled.

"I love you," He said.

She raised an eyebrow. "What've you done?" She teased. He wasn't normally so expressive at random.

He swallowed, and then he pulled the box from his pocket and dropped to a knee before her. Her mouth fell open and she covered it with her hands as she stared at him.

"Hermione Jean Granger, I love you with part of me, more than I could ever accurately express to you, but I intend to spend my whole life trying to do just that if you'll have me..." He said and opened the ring box. Her eyes widened and filled with tears as she looked at the beautiful, sparkling ring he was offering to her. "Will you marry me?"

She nodded first, emotions overcoming her, tears spilling down her cheeks, and then squeaked a small, "Yes!"

He smiled, a full smile that stretched nearly ear to ear, making him look years younger and so much brighter, in a way that only she could do. He stood and kissed her hard on the mouth. Hermione threw her arms around his neck and he wrapped his, careful of the ring, around her back and held her close to him.

After a minute or so, she pulled away. She was positively radiant as she looked at the ring again as he took the ring from the box and grabbed her left hand. His hands were shaking slightly as he slid the ring onto her finger. She held up her hand in awe. "It's so beautiful, Severus." She observed the band and noticed the stones. "Are... Are these for our Houses?!"

He nodded, and touched the ruby. "That's you," and he moved his finger to the emerald, "That's me," and then he touched the centerstone, "And that's us." He met her honey eyes, which were once again filled with tears.

"I love you so much, Severus."

"I love you," He said as he kissed her again.

"Hang on... Did you plan this? Inviting my parents to this party?" He nodded. "I knew it! I thought it was a bit odd you'd extended so many invitations outside of the staff!"

"I had to make it believable that they might be invited. Plus, your friends and family very much want to celebrate with us."

"They all knew?"

"Yes," He said. "Though, that wasn't by design. Your friends have a hard time keeping their mouths shut. I'm sure that comes as no surprise to you."

She chuckled. "My parents knew?"

"Of course," He said. "I had to receive their blessing."

"You... When?" She asked.

"Several weeks before Ronald Weasley's wedding," He said and he watched the realization dawn on her.

"Then I really made a fool out of myself on his wedding night, didn't I?"

"Never," He said and nuzzled his nose into her hair. He had no idea how she always managed to smell so good, but it was intoxicating. "Come. Let us celebrate." He took her left hand in his and felt the ring against his fingers. Something about it felt so right that his heart fluttered. She'd agreed to marry him and, more than that, she wanted to marry him as badly as he wanted to marry her. It was truly unbelievable. He'd never have thought his life could hold so much happiness in it, but he never intended to lose it.

When they opened the doors to the Great Hall, the room erupted into cheers and applause. Instantly, the couple was swarmed - first by her parents, who covered them in hugs and kisses and congratulations, and then by their coworkers and friends.

Severus watched as her the women ooh'd and ahh'd at her engagement ring. Remus, Potter, Weasley, and Longbottom approached him.

"Welcome to the club, Severus," Harry said and extended his hand. Severus shook it without hesitation for the first time. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you," He said evenly. Weasley and Longbottom congratulated them as well and then Longbottom was pulled away by his new wife, Luna, to admire Hermione's ring.

"Y'know, Snape, you've not really turned out at all like I expected you to," Weasley said quietly.

"Careful, Weasley. That almost sounded like a compliment."

"Almost," Weasley snorted. "Congrats, mate." He walked off to join his wife.

"That's probably the best approval you'll ever get from Ron," Harry laughed.

"It is good, then, that I did not need to ask for his blessing," Severus mused. "I hear congratulations are in order for you as well. Another pregnancy."

Harry grimaced slightly, and Severus narrowed his eyes.

"Harry! Come look! Oh, her ring his just gorgeous!" Ginny called out to her husband, who moved toward her quickly.

"I am happy for you, Severus, truly. The more I get to know you, the more I realize we are more alike than we are different. I am happy that you have found someone with whom to share your life. You deserve all the happiness in the world," Remus said seriously.

Snape eyed him curiously. "Alike, Yes," He said coolly. "Dumbledore's pet Death Eater and his pet Werewolf - forever the pariahs."

Remus laughed loudly. "Quite the pair!"

Severus smirked slightly as Horace called for a toast. The party was one for the ages. Horace, who had spiked nearly every intended nonalcoholic beverage in the hall, had prepared a large assortment of guest rooms across from the hall, as no one, save Ginerva, would be in a fit state to leave the school grounds. Even Ginny and Potter stayed - night away from their young son, who was staying with at the Burrow - was a rare treat for the young couple.

The party went on into the wee hours of the New Year. Severus and Hermione, finally alone after a long night of drinking and celebrating, intimately and passionately celebrated privately before falling asleep. Despite the worst hangover he could ever remember the next morning, it would forever be one of the best nights of his entire life. Severus Snape was getting married.

"**I promise to stand by you, to hold you up when you're about to fall, and to always keep you safe. I never believed there was a girl out there for me. Until I met you. You changed everything. And I never want to live without you. I love you more than I ever thought possible." ~ _The Game Changer_**


	77. Chapter77

When Harry Potter showed up in Snape's office a few days into the spring term, he looked quite nervous. Severus eyed him warily.

"You do wear your emotions plainly all over your face, Potter. What is it?" He asked as Harry sat across from him at his desk.

"We've found out the gender of our the baby recently."

"And?" Severus asked. He was entirely unsure as to what Harry was getting at.

"It's a boy. We've picked out a name..."

"That is, I believe, normal for expecting parents to do, Potter."

"I wanted to talk about it with you..." Harry said and swallowed nervously. "We're dead set on it, but I thought it appropriate to ask you how you felt first..."

Severus raised an eyebrow. What could Potter possibly be thinking of naming his child that Snape would have to approve? "Go on, then."

"Albus Severus Potter." Green eyes met the black.

Severus froze momentarily as he observed the name. Harry intended to give his son Snape's first name as a middle name? His name would Then forever be tied for Dumbledore's, and to Potter's. His heart raced as he contemplated the implications of such a thing. He stared at Harry. "You... Intend to name your son after Albus Dumbledore, and _me_?"

"Yes," Harry answered instantly. "I only chose Albus as the first name since he's already gone. We toyed with the order of the names a bit at first."

"_Why?_"

"Because you both saved my life many times. More times than I'm probably even aware of, I reckon. Professor Dumbledore helped train me up, helped prepare me for what I had to do, but you... You had to actually carry it all out."

"Because I killed him," Severus cut Harry off.

Harry was mostly undeterred, but hesitated briefly. "You did all of what you did to honor my mother, and to help me, even if it was, at times, a bit begrudgingly. You sacrificed more than anyone in the quest to defeat Voldemort, even more than me. I want to do this to honor you. You are the bravest man I've ever known."

Severus' eyes widened and he looked away from Potter quickly and stared toward the window. Many people had called Severus brave since finding out about what he'd done in the war, but none of those people were Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. None of those people were Lily and James' son, the people he'd inadvertently gotten killed. None of those people had so much personal reason to absolutely detest Severus' existence. He blinked and found his eyes were a bit watery. He recovered his composure and looked back at Harry.

"You do not have to do this..."

"I know that," Harry said and smiled. "I want to. _We _want to."

"You're putting my name together with the person I murdered... Forever. For your son..."

"That's not how it really went down, and that's not how we view it."

"The world..."

"I've never taken you for someone who cares much for what the world thinks, and we aren't the sort that does either."

Severus looked at him seriously. "You don't have to do this... I never expected such a thing..."

"I know," Harry said and looked at his former professor.

"Potter... Harry..." Severus said and met those famous green eyes again. "I am proud he will carry my name."

Harry's eyes filled with tears and he blinked rapidly to stop them from falling. "So am I."

Severus blinked several times, and Harry shook his hand and disappeared into the Floo to head back to work as his lunch break was near up. Later in the afternoon, he stopped in the Hospital Wing as Hermione was finishing some paperwork. Usually, in nice weather, they walked the grounds, but it was still quite cold, so they walked the halls together once she finished.

"How was your day?" He asked her.

"Oh, pretty status quo," She mused. "How was yours?"

"Potter stopped by on his lunch break," Severus said quietly as they rounded another corner.

"Has something happened?"

Severus shook his head briefly. "No. Ah. At least not yet."

Hermione looked at him as they walked. He looked uncomfortable and oddly vulnerable, so she slid her hand into his. "What'd he want?"

"They're having another boy," Severus said.

"Yes, he told me."

"Did he tell you what they intend to name him?" Severus asked softly as they stopped at a window at the end of the corridor and he stared out at the snow covered grounds.

"What's wrong?" She asked him.

"He wants to name him Albus," Severus answered. His voice was strangely disembodied. Hermione's eyes narrowed. She didn't understand. "Albus _Severus _Potter."

Hermione's mouth fell open. "Oh, Severus..."

He continued looking at the falling snowflakes outside of the window. Tears welled up in his eyes. "He said that I am the bravest man he's ever known."

"You are so very brave, Severus," Hermione said.

"He wants his son to carry my name... And Albus'... A bit of a bad joke is in there somewhere, I suppose." The man sighed.

"I think it's lovely, Severus. It's a lovely gesture, to honor two great wizards who helped him get where he needed to be to defeat Voldemort."

"_Severus _killed _Albus_," Severus said dryly, and then he sniffed.

"It wasn't like that. You know that. Harry knows that. Ginny knows that. Everyone with an IQ above 3 knows that."

Severus looked at her for the first time in several minutes and glanced down the hall. They were alone. "He wants his son to carry my name, Hermione..."

"Oh, Severus..." Hermione whispered as she wrapped her arms around him and held him while he fought crying. He'd been touched by Harry's intention, more so than he'd ever be able to express, and Hermione was so happy that her best friend had honored her partner in such a way.

**"It matters what you call a thing." ~ _Look_**


	78. Chapter78

On March 23, Albus Severus Potter was born. Hermione woke Severus early, which was truly early as he usually roused far before she did.

"Let's go visit Harry and Ginny. They're at St. Mungo's. Harry sent an owl that they've had the baby."

Severus lifted his head off the pillow and glanced at the clock. "Bloody hell, Hermione. It's half-three in the morning."

"So? He said we could visit! I want to meet the little guy!"

Severus groaned and let his head fall back into his pillow.

She pushed on his thin shoulder. "I want to meet your namesake, Severus... I know you do, too."

"We can meet him at a socially acceptable time, Granger..." He grumbled.

"When have you ever cared about socially acceptable?" She complaoned.

"When it's half-three in the morning..."

"Please, Severus?" She asked quietly. When he didn't respond, she smiled, knowing he'd do exactly as she asked as he always did and hurried off to have a quick shower.

She returned in a few minutes only to discover that Severus was not in bed. After dressing quickly, she stepped out into the living area and found him with tea in to-go cups. He looked tired, but also nervous. He'd clearly wrapped his brain more around what they were about to go do.

"All set?" She smiled and asked.

"Mmm," He nodded and followed her to the Floo. They reappeared almost instantly in St. Mungo's.

A mediwitch behind the desk quickly stood. "Headmaster Snape, Mediwitch Granger... Is everything all right?"

"Yes!" Hermione said happily. "We're here to see Harry and Ginny Potter."

Ginny Potter. Severus mulled the name for a moment. It still sounded so strange though the couple had been married for several years. Severus glanced at Hermione, who was staring at him after the mediwitch had gone to check with the Potter's about the early morning visit.

"You okay?" She asked softly.

He shrugged uncomfortably and then sipped his tea. Realizing her eyes hadn't strayed from his face, he sighed. "I suppose I am nervous."

"About what, love?"

"If the child did end up receiving my name in any capacity, I'd..." Severus faltered and his dark eyes flitted about the room. "I'd want him to be proud of it... There's a real chance that he could grow to not be so. I'm sure the world will have something to say... Other children as well."

"Who cares what they think? He will know the truth. He will know from his parents, and he will know because he will have known you from birth, Severus..."

"Children care, Hermione. Children care what other people think, especially what other children think," He said lowly as the mediwitch reappeared.

"They're all ready for you now," The woman smiled happily.

Hermione looked at Severus, who had gone more pale than usual, and laced her fingers into his free hand. "Don't worry so much, Severus. He's got Ginny and Harry in him. The boy is bound to be fiercely protective of you and loyal to you."

Severus was led by both the mediwitch and Hermione down the hall. The mediwitch stopped outside of a nearly closed door and gestured to it, and then left them alone outside of it.

Hermione went to knock, and Severus abruptly pulled his hand from hers, and she turned to him with a look of questioning on her face. His jaw was twitching and he was staring fearfully at the door, as if it might bite him.

He cleared his throat. She vanished their empty cups. "You need a minute alone?" She asked and he nodded immediately. She knew him more than he ever could give her credit for, and she disappeared into the room.

Severus stood outside of the room for several minutes. He focused on quieting his racing heart, but Harry Potter emerged from the room. The younger wizard looked extremely tired, but happy.

"Severus, hello," He said and outstretched a hand, as he always did

Severus nodded and shook it. "Er, congratulstions."

Harry thanked him and they stood quietly for a moment. Then, Harry spoke. "Hermione said you're a bit nervous...?"

Severus tensed. Hermione usually didn't "out" him, and he was frustrated that she had, though rationally he knew she must've had good reason in this instance. "Yes."

"Might I ask why?"

"Did you give the child my name?"

"Yes. We talked about this already, though," Harry said and ran a hand through his jet black hair.

"What about when he finds out about me? About what I've done? To Albus? To your parents? What about the mark on my arm?" It was unusual for Severus' anxieties to be so on the surface, but Harry figured it was probably because the man was tired, and had probably been stewing over the professed anxieties ever since he'd found out about the name.

"Severus, our son will know the truth about you," Harry started, but Snape glared at him.

"Those things are true," He said pointedly.

"Not entirely. Not how you're saying them. My children will know you from us, and more importantly, from you. James is already quite fond of you."

"It will be a different experience for this child, I would imagine, to find out that his middle namesake murdered his give namesak, that he was a Death Eater, and that he'd ended up getting his grandparents killed..."

"Severus, stop," Harry said firmly, and Snape glared at him again. "Our children will know you, all of you, and when they're old enough to understand certain aspects of my life, of Ginny's, of yours, we will tell them, and I expect if they have questions, you will answer them, as we will."

"You make it sound so simple, Potter, but it won't be simple when children say cruel things, or when adults make comments," Snape growled.

"Severus?" Harry asked quietly. There was a fierce determination in those famous green eyes. "I need you to trust me on this."

Severus' black eyes searched the younger wizard's face, and then he steeled his shields back into place. This was why Hermione had told Harry - she'd known, or assumed, that Potter would be able to at least quell the intensity of the anxious flames burning inside Snape. After a moment, Snape nodded.

"I'd like for you to meet my son," Harry said softly.

Snape did not object, and Harry led him into the room. Hermione was holding the small bundle in a rocking chair next to Ginny. Harry walked to her, and then stepped to the side. Snape's eyes fell to the sleeping baby in Hermione's arms. He looked just as Harry had as a baby, and very similar to the boy's older brother had. The tiny head was covered in jet black hair already that poked out of his little hat.

"Severus Snape," Harry said, as Ginny and Hermione stared at the Headmaster, "I'd like to introduce you to Albus Severus Potter."

Severus' heart thudded loudly in his chest as he stared at the tiny infant, who slept soundly in his fiancée's arms as she rocked back and forth in the chair gently. Then, Severus did something totally unexpected, even to himself, and reached out almost totally unconsciously, and stroked the baby's soft cheek. Hermione's eyes filled with tears as she watched Severus look at the baby in wonder, and hope that the child could care enough for him to be proud of his middle name.

"**One can begin so many things with a new person! - even begin to be a better man!" ~ _Middlemarch_**


	79. Chapter79

When Severus stopped in the hospital wing a few weeks later, Hermione was busy with a crying first year student.

"What's going on here?" He asked lowly and his dark eyes moved between his fiancée and the student. When Hermione glanced at the student, Severus addressed the girl specifically. "Miss Davis?"

"I..." She started nervously and then looked to Hermione for reassurance.

"If there is anyone you can trust with this, love, it's your Headmaster. I promise," She said and smiled lightly at the brunette girl.

The girl swallowed and then looked back to Snape. "Sir... I don't wish to cause any trouble..."

"Tell me what's upset you," Severus said as gently as Snape possibly could. Despite his growth and changes in demeanor over the years, he was still an intimidating presence.

"Simon Wilson called me a name, sir," She said quietly and shifted her eyes to the floor.

"Amelia..." Hermione chided gently.

"He called me a Mudblood, sir," The student mumbled quickly, and then looked back at Severus, who clinched visibly, and then his face turned sour.

He stood stiffly for a moment while he battled through his own issues surrounding that particular word, how it had impacted both his life and the life of the women he had loved. Then, he looked at her again. Severus kneeled next to the girl.

"Miss Davis... Amelia," Severus corrected himself. The situation called for comfort, not formality. "I am sorry that Simon Wilson called you such a foul name. I assure you that he will be punished, and his family will be contacted. Will you please tell me what happened exactly so that I am able to process the situation entirely?"

The young Gryffindor looked at him in awe. Her entire first year, the Headmaster had not said more than "hello" to her, though she hadn't really expected much more since she wasn't a troublemaker and she likened him to a more intimidating and more powerful muggle head teacher or administrator.

"He... He was mad I got higher marks in Potions, that I won Professor's Slughorn's challenge for House Points. After class, in the corridor, he was saying that I didn't deserve it. Then, he said I probably only got it out of pity anyway because I was..."

"Don't say the word," Severus said a bit more sharply than he'd intended. Then, his sharp features softened slightly. "I understand. I appreciate your explanation. I apologize, again. How many points did Professor Slughorn award you?"

"10, sir," She said softly.

"Well done," Severus said smoothly, and she smiled at him. "Another 10 points to Gryffindor..."

Her eyes widened as she stared up at the significantly taller man. "Sir?"

"For reporting such hateful rhetoric and behavior. It will not be tolerated at this school. Mediwitch Granger, if you would be so kind as to accompany Miss Davis to my office?" His dark eyes glittered as he looked to Hermione, who nodded and wrapped an arm around the small girl's shoulders and walked her from the Hospital Wing. Severus headed quickly toward the Slytherin Common Room.

His presence, which was unusual, silenced the room filled with Slytherin students of all ages. His dark eyes quickly scanned the room.

"Miss Gray, Mister Wilkes... Summon the rest of the students here," He demanded in a dangerously quiet voice.

While the Prefects gathered their students, Severus summoned Horace, who arrived immediately. "Whatever is the matter, Severus?"

"In your class of first years today, Miss Davis won ten points for a Potions challenge you assigned, yes?" He asked his former House Head.

"Yes," Horace said and searched Snape's face.

"After your class, Mister Wilson had something quite wretched to say to Miss Davis about her victory..." Severus drawled, and Horace's face paled. He knew what kind of word would set Severus so on edge, and he hated blood purity in all forms. "Yes, you've assumed correctly," Severus said. "It seems we must address our House."

"It seems we must," Horace said angrily and set his jaw.

The students gathered in silence before the two professors. Horace, who was usually jovial and flippant, looked angry next to a very stiff and stony faced and darkly clad Headmaster. Whatever they were going to discuss was not going to be pleasant.

"It has come to my attention that, earlier today, a student in this house used a derogatory slur toward another student." The eyes of the Slytherin students moved about the room - except one pair, and Severus settled his dark gaze on that young, dark haired boy for a moment, letting him know that Snape knew the exact culprit. "I must impress upon you the seriousness of such language. Hate speech, of any kind, will not be tolerated. Prejudice, of any kind, will not be tolerated. Slytherin House is a house of pride; it is a house of ambition, determination, cunning, and resourcefulness. Too long did this house side with blood puritans, but it is not that way any longer. You will _not _embarrass yourself, your House, or this school by perpetuating such discpicable and unfounded bigotry. Anyone caught using that word, anyone who even _thinks _that word..." Snape's dark eyes glittered as they moved from face to face... "Will be punished _by _and _with _me. Any punishment for such a transgression will be... _unpleasant._"

Horace spoke up next to Severus. "Speaking and believing such foulness cost many their lives, cost this school far too many students and teachers... We will not stand for this. None of you, I repeat, none of you will degrade another student, or imply supremacy over any other human being. If you try, there will be hell to pay," Horace said lowly. The students avoided his angry gaze.

"Now then... My guilty party must stay behind. The rest of you are to return to your dormitories... _Now,"_ Severus said venomously.

When all but Simon Wilson retreated to their dormitories, Severus and Horace settled their dangerous gazes upon the boy, who was already crying.

"I'm sorry," He blabbered.

"You will be sorry indeed," Severus said darkly, and moved toward the fireplace. "Your father still works at the apothecary in Diagon Alley, correct?" He glanced at the boy, who nodded. "We will call him. Perhaps he and your mother can join us this evening for a conference."

The boy began crying harder. Horace glanced at Severus. "Tell me, child," Horace said. "You are crying because your parents will be angry with you?" Severus understood Horace's intent.

The boy nodded feverishly. "My mum's a muggle. Dad will be so angry with me... Mum will be, too."

"You should have considered your choice of words more carefully, Mister Wilson," Severus advised coolly and ignited the Floo.

The boy's father answered quickly. "Yes, Headmaster Snape? Is everything okay? Is my son okay?"

"Your son is well. I do, however, have something rather unfortunate to report to you in the way of discipline. Are you and your wife available to come to the school this evening?"

"Yes, Yes, of course. We close in an hour and we can come straight there."

"Thank you, Mister Wilson," Severus said. "I will open the Headmaster's Floo for you and your wife in one hour."

"Thank you, Headmaster," Wilson's father said, and Snape closed the Floo call.

"Professor Slughorn, will you be so kind as to escort Mister Wilson to my office in an hour?" Severus asked Horace.

"Certainly, Headmaster. I would like to speak to my Slytherin in the meantime."

"As is your right," Severus said and nodded to Horace. He glanced again at the sniffling boy and then left the Common Room.

Once he arrived back in his office, he found Hermione and Amelia playing chess at a small table near the window. The girl stood immediately upon Severus' entrance, and he held up a hand. "You are calmed, Miss Davis?"

"Yes, sir," She said and nodded.

"I would like to call your parents, Miss Davis, to inform them of what has occurred."

She chewed her bottom lip as she thought about it. "They're muggles, sir."

Severus raised an eyebrow, moved behind his desk, and pulled a muggle telephone from a drawer. It was an old phone, charmed to make phone calls to muggle parents should the need arise. It had been disused for many years, but Severus knew it would still work. When he saw the look of wonder on her face, he smirked.

"_You _know how to use that, sir?"

"Indeed," Severus answered. "My father was a muggle."

"He was?"

"Yes," Severus repeated. Hermione smiled at him from the table. "Do you know the number by heart, Miss Davis?"

"Yes, sir."

"Press 7, and then dial the number," Severus instructed and tapped the phone. The girl approached the phone and dialed her parents number. Severus waved his wand and charmed the phone to speaker, though the regular muggle version would never be capable of such a thing.

"Hello?" Her father answered the phone.

"Mister Davis. This is Headmaster Severus Snape calling from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. How are you this evening?"

"Oh, I... Hello. I'm well. And... And you?"

"I am well. I have your daughter with me, Mister Davis. Is your wife around as well?"

"Yes. Yes. Let me fetch her. Is everything all right?"

"Your daughter is safe and well, Mister Davis. There was an incident at school involving your daughter and another student, and I was calling to inform you."

"Right. Of course. I'll fetch my wife."

The voice disappeared from the other end of the phone, and Severus tapped the phone with his wand, allowing the speaker charm to travel through the line to the Davis' phone.

"We're here," The man said.

"Hello," Severus said.

"Oh... It's on speaker?"

"I charmed the phone so as to allow everyone to hear without issue," Severus explained.

"Right. Magic. Still takes getting used to, I suppose," Mister Davis said. "I've told my wife here that there was an incident involving Amelia."

"Yes," Severus said and took a breath. "Your daughter won a competition in a class today, and another student was jealous of her success and called her a very foul name, one rooted in hate and prejudice of our world, and it upset your daughter very much - rightfully so," Severus explained.

"Can Amelia hear us?" Missus Davis asked.

"Yes, mummy," Amelia answered.

"Darling, are you all right? What did this boy call you?" Her mother asked.

Amelia looked at Severus and Hermione. All three were uncertain that the actual word would hold any meaning to her parents.

"He called me a mudblood," Amelia said finally.

The word hung in the airspace between everyone for a long beat. Then, her father spoke. "Headmaster, can you take your telephone off speaker for a moment. We would like to speak directly to you only for just a minute."

Severus did that, and said, "Yes. I've taken the phone off speaker."

"We've read many articles and interviews about you, Headmaster," Her father started, and Severus stiffened immediately, piecing together where he might be headed. "Now, we're nonmagic, but that doesn't mean we are ignorant. We don't believe every single thing we read, but there was an article that came out quite a long time ago, we've had to catch up on a lot of reading about your world after Amelia got her letter, and it was one about your trial..."

"Yes," Severus said as politely as he could.

"That word came up. I don't remember the context, but the word was so strange I remember reading it I don't entirely understand its meaning..." Her father said. "It was in that slew of gossip of leaked trial information. We never did figure out what was true.•

"It is very foul word. There are blood statuses in our world - muggleborn, a witch or wizard with two non magic parents, half-blood, and pureblood. The word implies that someone with nonmagic parents has dirty blood. The thought processes behind it are completely rooted in a hateful idea of supremacy, and are completely unfounded," Severus explained and he could feel Hermione's eyes on him.

"As you can imagine, the word means very little us, but it seems to be quite offensive in yours if it upset Amelia so, and you're calling us over it," Her mother said, and it sounded as if she'd cut her husband off because he heard a frustrated sigh.

"It is," Severus said.

"The boy... He will be punished?" He asked.

"Yes," Severus answered.

"Make sure the boy knows that what he did was wrong, but don't be too hard on him. Youth is for mistake making. He is young, and he needs a chance to redeem himself. Lord knows we all need grace," Her mother stated, and Severus heard a frustrated sigh from the girl's father once more.

"Yes," Severus said.

"Might we speak with Amelia again?"

"Of course," Severus said. "Thank you for speaking with me, and for your understanding in this matter." Whatever the girl's mother had assumed about Severus had been too much of his private life and Severus was uncomfortable, though grateful the conversation had held a level of subtly and implied meaning. He handed the phone to Amelia, who spoke briefly to her parents before hanging up.

"All right?" Hermione asked Amelia, warily eyeing Severus, who remained standing very still.

"Yes," Amelia nodded, and smiled. "Though, they gave me some grief over not writing more."

"You should always write often to your parents," Hermione said. "I'm sure they miss you loads. Come, let me walk you to your dormitory."

The girl disappeared from the office. Hermione lingered for a moment to look at Severus, but he did not look at her. He stared at the phone for a moment, flexing his long fingers slowly. The door closed behind the two Gryffindors

_Mudblood. _The word haunted him his entire life. It had severed his friendship with Lily. It was carved into his fiancée's arm. It was still being used in his school. The boy would be punished. Yes. He would be punished.

**"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilised by education: they grow there, firm as weeds among stones." ~ _Jane Eyre_**


	80. Chapter80

Severus rapped his fingers on the old wooden desk as he waited for Simon Wilson to knock. At long last, a light and timid knock came at his door.

Snape's eyes bored into the door. "Enter," He bellowed deeply. The small boy pushed the heavy door open and walked inside the office. His eyes were downcast. Snape has conjured an additional chair across from him so that there were three. "Sit, Mister Wilson."

Simon obeyed the Headmaster's commanded immediately and his eyes fell on his restless hands in his lap. "I'm really sorry, sir," Simon said weakly. He was trying to stop crying, but was unsuccessful.

The Floo glowed green, and Simon's mother and father, Jane and George, stepped inside his office. Simon didn't look at either of his parents. Snape stood and then gestured to the seats flanking Simon. George extended his hand to Snape, whose dark eyes flitted to it, and then Severus shook his hand. George has graduated a few years behind Severus, but they'd known of each other, especially since Horace had constantly pushed Severus to tutor George. The young, and adult, George had considerable talent and, despite the fact that many rumors surrounded Severus, his choice in friends, his own dabbling in dark magic, George had never had any dark inclinations and he'd been nice to Severus, which Snape had just chalked up to him being young.

"Severus," George greeted him and then awkwardly shifted his weight at the informality. "Headmaster, this is my wife, Jane," He gestured to the dark haired woman in his right. She extended her hand and Severus greeted her hand with his own, and then gestured for them both sit.

"Simon," Severus said lowly. Both George and Jane flinched at the Headmaster's deep timbre. Snape was a formidable man, even just in looks, and knowing the position he held within the school, and the powerful wizard that he was, it made him that much more intimidating. "Would you enlighten your parents as to why they have been summoned here this evening?"

Simon's tiny jaw muscles flexed, and he glanced at Snape's face, which was stony and serious. "I called another student a.. a name."

Severus' eyes flickered briefly as George glanced between the Headmaster and his son. Jane asked, "What name?"

Simon squirmed in his seat, and then mumbled, "Mudblood."

Severus steadied his raw nerves at hearing the word spoken allowed again. Fury settled on George's features, and confusion on Jane's. "You did _what?_"

Simon sank into his seat and began to cry again. Jane looked at Severus. "I can't help but feel I'm missing something."

"Your son used a derogatory slur that is used against witches or wizards who are born of two non magic parents. In our world, the politically correct term is Muggleborn."

"Yes, I've heard that term," She nodded.

Severus inclined his head and looked at Simon again. "The slur implies that those born of two non magic parents have 'dirty blood,' and it implies also that those witches or wizards are somehow lesser than others. In essence, it's rooted in the unfounded belief that some blood statuses are better, or more powerful, than others. That purebloods are the bwst, then half-bloods, then muggleborn, and then muggles."

"So, he's... But I'm..." The realization dawned on her, and she looked as if slapping her might have heard less.

"How could you, Simon? Your mother and I raised you better than this..." George said coldly. "We didn't raise you to be prejudiced, or to be a bully..."

"I didn't mean it... I just... I was upset... I'm sorry."

"Simon... You think that other people are below you? That I'm the lowest of the low?"

"No, Mum," He started, but she cut him off.

"That's what you've said. In calling this other student that word, you've also put me in the lowest spot. You've made yourself to be better, and look at the rest of us. All of that because of what? Why did you do this?"

"I lost a Potions challenge," Simon said quietly and picked at his fingers.

"You mean to tell me that you called another student something that foul because you _lost?" _George's voice was low and stern.

The boy's lower lip trembled. "Yes."

"I do not know where you learned that word, but I am absolutely appalled and utterly disappointed that you would use it," George said bitterly. "Has he been given a punishment?"

"Not yet," Severus said.

George studied Snape for a moment, and then his eyes glanced at Severus' left arm briefly, and then he looked to Jane. "We'll take his broom home with us, I think, for a couple weeks, he can write a letter of apology, and he can serve whatever punishment here." Jane nodded in agreement with her husband. The broom appeared in Snape's office, and George grabbed it.

"I've yet to decide your punishment," Severus said lowly. "You may return to your dormitory."

Simon stood and tried to leave the office without acknowledge his parents, but George caught the boy's arm. "Come here," He said and his voice had softened a bit. "You've made a horrible mistake, and you must be punished. What you did was wrong, and we are so very disappointed in you, but you are still our son, and we love you." Simon began to cry and George hugged him, and then he moved to his mother, who stroked the back of his head briefly before the boy left the office.

Jane looked at Snape. "Thank you for bringing us in tonight."

Severus looked at her, and then George cleared his throat. Snape's black eyes shifted to his face. "What will his punishment be?"

"I have yet to decide what an appropriate punishment might be," Severus said slowly.

"Tell him," George said, and Snape's eyes narrowed. "Tell him what kind of war it caused, how many people it killed, that word." George stopped for a moment and then said, "Tell him what it did to you - making that same mistake."

Severus didn't blink, or otherwise acknowledge the man had spoken. He'd forgotten how, long ago, a young George had asked if Severus was okay, if Lily had forgiven him... And Severus had repaid his friendliness with coldness and exile and never tutored him again. He'd forgotten how, as he dangled upside down in midair with his pants pulled to his ankles, that he'd met George's pained and helpless eyes in the crowd.

"Thank you for coming in this evening," Severus said coolly. "The Floo is open."

"Tell him, Severus," George said quietly. "He needs to know what kind of devastation that word leaves in its wake." With that, the man must have sensed Snape's tension and he disappeared with his wife into the Floo.

Severus stared at the now empty chair that George had occupied for a long time after it had been vacated. Tell the boy what kind of devastation that word had caused in his life? In their world? To the women he had loved? Was that even possible? Could it be done in a way that didn't traumatize the boy, or Severus, further? That word, and the ideology behind it, had allowed for someone such as Voldemort to rise to power, and Snape knew that transparency and education would be the only way to prevent such a person from rising in the future, but he didn't know if he himself could be that kind of transparent.

**"Differences are healthy, there lies the scope for inquiry, and in inquiry lies the scope for learning. Differences turn unhealthy only when we make them the cause for hatred." ~ _All for Acceptance_**


	81. Chapter81

**Author's Note: My fat thumbs uploaded the wrong chapter the other day. Go back and read that if you didn't get a chance or if you didn't see the actual new chapter! Enjoy :) **

Severus stepped through the Floo and reappeared in Hermione's quarters. He'd discovered, much to his dismay, that she hadn't waited for him in his quarters like she usually did. His dark eyes focused on her as she sat under a blanket reading a book. She looked surprised to see him.

"I didn't expect to see you tonight," She pointed out to him and closed her book.

He stood stiffly in front of her fireplace. "Did you wish to not see me tonight?"

She shook her head quickly. "No, no. I just didn't know how long you'd be meeting with Simon's parents, and I know that the issue at hand is a tough one for you to deal with. I wanted to give you space, if that's what you wanted."

"And if I don't want space?" He asked. He looked a bit grumpy, and very uncomfortable.

She narrowed her eyes, and then patted the space next to her. He moved and sat next to her. She pointed her wand toward the hearth and started a fire, and then she covered his slender legs with the blanket and stuck her toes under his thigh. Hermione's honey colored eyes watched him carefully. He was quiet and tense as he watched the fire crackle.

After several minutes of patient but heavy silence, he spoke. "I know Simon Wilson's father." He paused for a moment. "He was a few years behind me in school. A Slytherin. I tutored him in Advanced Potion Making at Horace's request," Severus said slowly. His voice sounded as if he'd pulled into a bit of a trance. "He saw me that day, the day I wielded that word against Lily. He was there. In the crowd. I saw him. Afterward..." Severus looked away from the flames for the first time since he'd sat down and looked at his hands. "He asked me if Lily has forgiven me, and I refused to tutor him anymore."

Hermione was quiet and listening attentively. She had probably near a hundred questions she wanted to ask him, but she could sense he wasn't done talking, so she waited for him to collect his thoughts.

After a minute or two, he began to talk again. "Tonight, after Simon left to return to his dormitory, his father, George, asked me to tell him what that word has done to me, to our world... He wanted me to show him in more concrete terms the... devastation that word leaves in its wake."

Hermione watched his jaw muscle twitching as he focused his dark eyes on his hands for a moment. "And how do you feel about that?"

His entire body flinched, and then he closed his eyes. "Once upon a time, that word _ruined _my life..."

"You've never talked about this before. Not with me at least."

"You think I've discussed it with anyone else?" He glared at her coldly.

"Well, I know you've spoken with Harry a few times," She shrugged.

"You think... Potter?" Severus' eyes narrowed. "No. To be fair, you've never asked."

She shrugged again. "I don't mean to pry."

"You feel you're doing that now?" He looked irritated. "How would you think you're prying? I'm the one volunteering information."

She smiled slightly, recognizing his tension and retreating a bit. "Right. I'm sorry."

"That word... Not _that _word in particular, but the hateful ideology in which it's rooted... It nearly ruined our world, too," He said and looked back to the fire.

"Yes," She said. "It did."

"It's scarred across your arm," He said quietly.

"Yes," She breathes. "It is."

"I regret ever using that word. Before that day, I had used it so many times nonchalantly. Nearly everyone in my house did at the time. And then I turned it on Lily... For defending me..."

"You weren't thinking clearly," She offered.

"Don't," He said harshly. "Don't try to excuse it. There is no excuse. She was..." He faltered.

Hermione smiled a little. "It's okay. You can talk about it with me. It doesn't upset me. I'm glad you're opening up about it."

He looked at her for a moment, studied her face, and then sighed. He looked back at the fire. "I loved her," He said quietly, and then he laughed bitterly. "It feels foolish to say it now. Now, I know an entirely different kind of love." She sat up and smiled. Crossing her legs and watching him as he talked. "This... You... It's beyond whatever I thought possible. The reciprocity, the security... It's more than I could have ever hoped to feel. Lily... It was never that way. She never felt that way for me. Perhaps I tried to delude myself into thinking she might someday, but she didn't. When I think now about how I felt about her then... It all feels so... Desperate. I loved her how I knew how to love - in a broken and desperate way that only a broken and desperate boy could love."

He trailed off for a few minutes, lost in his own thoughts. "But that word... Calling her that... It was the first of a long list of terrible decisions that I made. It broke her. I saw what that word did. I saw her heart break that day. I saw it in her eye, and I'll never forget what that felt like, to cause someone pain like that... I never said it again..."

She was quiet as he thought again. His voice was steady, but emotional as he continued. "The hatred, the prejudice, the Puritan ideology in which that word is rooted became the foundation for the Dark Lord's rise to power. In many ways, that word is a symbol - of sorts - of the Dark Lord. He nearly won. He nearly destroyed everything, everyone, we hold most dear. I regret having spoken it."

"I know you do," She said softly. He flinched.

"I regret not being quicker that day. You know that, don't you?"

She furrowed her brow. "What do you mean? What day?"

"When the Snatchers caught you. I regret I wasn't quicker. I tried to plan with Dobby, tried to organize... If I had acted first... Perhaps I could have spared you some pain. Perhaps I could have spared you that scar."

"What happened to me wasn't your fault, Severus," Hermione said.

"But if I had..."

"If you had acted rather than planned first, I might have died. What you did got me out, got all of us out safely. Don't ever doubt what you did. What you did saved my life." She squeezed his hands in hers, imploring him to look at her, but he refused.

He bowed his head. "I am sorry, Hermione..."

She leaned her forehead against his shoulder. "It's not your fault, love. I don't blame you."

"That _word_," He said bitterly. "It's plagued me nearly my entire life. And now... Now a father is asking me to show his son what it's done... What it's capable of doing."

"What do you think about doing that?"

He sighed heavily. "I am uncertain," He said.

"I think you should show him, or tell him... A doctored version at least. He's quite young. He doesn't need images of war in his head at night, but I think he needs to know exactly what he's saying or implying when he uses that word."

Severus' eyes searched the flames for a long while. "Okay."

"I'd like to show him what it's done to me as well."

He looked at her again for the first time in a long time. "No, you do not have to do that..."

"He needs to know, Severus. We'll give him a version appropriate for a first-year, but he needs to understand."

Severus searched her eyes, and then nodded. "I am sorry that this word has ever touched your life in any way, Hermione."

"I'm sorry it has touched your life, too, Severus," She said softly.

He blinked, taken aback for a beat. Nobody had ever apologized for what that word had done to him. Sure, he'd chosen to use it, and even if it wasn't a rational choice, he'd still said it. His use of that word had ruined him for many years, ruined the one decent relationship he'd had in his life, had nearly taken his life... Her empathy toward him was undoing. He wrapped his arm around her and leaned against the back of the couch. Her head rested on his chest and she could hear his heart pounding as they sat in silence and watched the flames flicker.

**"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it." ~ _The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I here for?_**


	82. Chapter82

Severus was a bit of a recluse for the next couple of days. He knew that he shouldn't behave in such a way, knew that Hermione supported him, but many years of solitude had created coping mechanisms and habits that proved impossible to break. When she saw him, he appeared mostly healthy, although a bit overtired and he picked at his meals, but he behaved normally toward her, except for the fact that he kept to himself every day in any spare moment he had and did the same every evening for several days in a row. It was selfish of her to miss him, but it was true. She stared out the window of the Hospital Wing as she thought about the past few days.

"You'd make a terrible spy, Miss Granger," Came Severus' baritone voice from the doorway.

She smirked slightly, and watched him approach out of the corner of her eye. "I haven't been spying on anyone. And it's Mediwitch Granger."

"No?" He asked curiously, and stuck his hands in his pockets as he stopped a few meters away from her. "You've been watching me like a hawk."

"If I don't look at you when I see you at meals, then I apparently won't see you at all," She shrugged. It had come out a little more harshly than she'd intended, and she heard his breath catch in his throat.

"I have upset you," He said softly. She turned toward him. "I apologize. I... Meant no disrespect or insult."

She sighed. "I know. That came out more harsher than I meant it to, but I've missed you."

Severus nodded and stared at the floor. "I understand. I have missed you as well." His black eyes moved over the stone tiles on floor between them. She could practically hear the thoughts clanging around in his head. Suddenly, his dark gaze met hers. "Hermione, I need you to understand that I am... I am a private man."

"I know, Severus," She said, but the seriousness of his gaze silenced her. He was trying to vocalize something difficult for him to admit.

"I am unaccustomed to sharing my life with anyone in any capacity - beyond that of a pawn in another man's game. The situation with Simon has..." He fumbled for a moment, his eyes falling to the floor. "It has stressed me," He admitted. There was a tiny hitch in his voice, as if the admission itself had pained him and made him enormously uncomfortable. "I needed time to process it, and to think about how I wanted to proceed."

"I understand," She said quietly and stepped toward him. "I do know that about you, but I can't help being a little selfish. You've spoiled me too much, you know?" She smiled slightly and tried to meet his eyes.

He looked at her and studied her face for a moment. "It appears I have," He said finally, with the familiar Slytherin cockiness in his tone.

She grabbed his hands. "How are you?"

The glittering in his eyes fizzled out, and he sighed. "I've something to show you. In my office, if you have time."

"You seem like your nerves are quite frayed."

His jaw twitched. Vulnerability flickered behind his eyes. He moved sideways so that she could walk out of the Hospital Wing before him, and he followed her. Everywhere they went, students eyes were on them. Not only was it an occupational hazard as a teacher and a staff member, but it was also attention they garnered as war heroes that were also a high-profile couple. Usually, Severus appeared unaffected by the attention, though Hermione knew it bothered him deep down. Today, he seemed particularly sensitive to and aware of it. He scowled. His strides lengthened and his cloak billowed. Students quickly recognized his disposition and averted their gazes.

As they moved upward in the castle, Hermione touched his elbow. He flinched at her touch, clearly not expecting it, and his eyes clouded with confusion as he stopped mid stride to look at her. "Severus, relax..." She said very quietly.

He frowned, and she glanced at his hands. He was flexing his fingers. Hermione grabbed both of his hands between hers and held them gently. His untrusting eyes were glaring at a pair of nosey 7th year students who were watching their interaction. His dark gaze did not deter them. He growled, but she squeezed his shaking hands tighter as she glanced over her shoulder at the pair of Hufflepuff girls. "Be on your way," She said curtly. The girls looked sad as they looked at the pair one long second before departing. She looked back at him and found his jaw twitching. "Severus, they're worried for you."

"It's not worry," He said darkly. "It's pity."

"It's not pity," She said. "It's genuine worry. Empathy."

"It doesn't matter what you call it. I don't want it."

"Stop being such a grump," She chastised him, and he glared at her. "Glare all you want, but I'm not afraid of you."

He sighed heavily and moved toward the statue. It leapt out of his way as his cloak billowed behind him as he ascended the spiral staircase. Once inside his office, he moved slowly toward his Pensieve. Leaning over it, she noticed his fingers were still trembling.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly as she touched her hand to his back lovingly. Her thumb stroked his back over his thick wool frock coat.

He hung his head for a moment, and then pushed off of the Pensieve. "I do not like this - having to reveal something so personal." His eyes moved to the swirling memories.

"You don't have to share anything, Severus," She assured him.

He grimaced. "Yes, I do." She furrowed her brow in confusion. He swallowed. "I have to do this. Otherwise..." He frowned again and looked back at the Pensieve. He leaned over it again.

"Otherwise what?"

"Otherwise, he might end up like me."

His words were so brutally sincere to him that her gut twisted inside her rib cage so hard she felt like she might be sick. She tugged at his arm. "There's nothing wrong with being like you. You're brave, and loyal."

"I'm battered, bitter, and broken, Hermione. My life has been a series of unfortunate choices, a wreck, one mess after another..." He said quietly.

"Your choices made you who you are, and they led you to me," She said. She couldn't help the selfish stinging she felt in her heart at his words.

He turned to look at her. "I meant no offense. I was lucky. Or perhaps I was unlucky to such an extent that I ended up lucky in some sort of strange karmic attempt at balance. I stand here today because you believed in me, because you saved my life. I used _that_ word foolishly, carelessly, haphazardly. My use of that word was the catalyst that quickly accelerated the slippery slope I was on toward becoming a Death Eater. If I allow Simon to use it and merely give him a series of detentions, without impressing upon him the gravity of such a slur, then I've learned nothing from my own life, and I've done nothing to stop a boy from becoming what I became, from enduring what I endured."

She stared at him while his words hung between them. The air was thick with tension. His eyes never wavered from hers, but his fingers flexed uncontrollably and his jaw was twitching incessantly. This was something he believed he needed to do, a way to right some of his wrongs. She didn't think he needed to right any more of his wrongs, but she believed this would be a large stepping stone in his evolution as a person. She reached for his hands and he gave them to her without hesitation. "Okay," She nodded. She looked at the Pensieve while he continued staring at her face, realishing in her acknowledgment and support. "What's your plan?"

He squeezed her hands lightly to stave off some of the trembling. "I've selected several memories that are... crucial for Simon to understand just what I did, how I felt, and how my use of _that _word ruined me and my life for just over two decades, ruined my first friendship, the relationship I had with someone I...loved... Forever." His hands fell from hers and he looked away from her face as her eyes moved back to his face.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Talking about this, sharing these memories with you feels..." He stopped for a moment and searched for the right word. "Uncomfortable. I am not concerned for my own comfort. My life is my life, and my past is my past. I have accepted things in a way that only one whose life it is can accept. I am concerned for your comfort. These memories occurred... Many of them, at least, before you were born. Some of them occurred while you knew me as a teacher, and others as a spy. The memories have been doctored, faces and locations and some words altered to not give away any possibility of an identification of Lily, of Potter's family, but they are quite similar in message to what Potter saw in the Pensieve while I was preoccupied with dying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack."

She nodded and looked thoughtfully at the Pensieve. Her eyes settled on his nervous face again. "I'm not uncomfortable. I have accepted your past as your past in a way only someone who truly loves you can do."

He blinked, and then stared at her. His eyes moved over her face, looking for any sign that she might not be telling the whole truth. Finding none, he glanced back at the Pensieve. "He might be able to identify her as who she was still."

"I'm sure your alterations are very convincing," She assured him.

"Do you think that Shacklebolt _really managed_ to recollect _all _of the copies of the The Daily Prophet that ran the stories about my trial? _All _of the copies of that damned book that _woman _published about me?"

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek. "I know he said he did."

"Ah," He said. "You doubt it, too. If there is but one copy of them out in the world yet... Especially of _that book... _My integrity, my privacy, would be compromised, and so are these memories. The articles from the trial were true enough... But that book was so embellished and dishonest..." He gritted his teeth. Then, he sighed, and looked at her. "My fear of Simon identifying Lily Potter in these memories is not a selfish one. I worry for her son," Severus said.

"For Harry? Harry has already seen the memories. And he didn't have any alterations done to them."

"Association with me isn't something that's viewed well, Hermione. Surely, you've seen that firsthand."

"Severus..." She said lowly. Her voice held a warning. She wouldn't entertain self-deprecation.

"It's true, Hermione. Potter's life is difficult enough as it is without the truth of all of this dogging him," He said as he gazed down into the swimming memories.

"I'm sure whatever you did is strong enough. I'm certain Simon won't disclose what he sees to anyone else. He's remorseful already," Hermione said. His distance the last couple of days, though understandable, had left her with little patience for his circular talk. She wanted her partner back fully, and she was feeling a bit put-out.

He narrowed his eyes and looked at her. He nodded, seeming to understand her prickliness. "Will you view them?"

She looked at him. "I... You... You know I saw them at your trial, right?" She was nervous. Perhaps he hadn't known she'd seen them years ago.

"You saw the real memories at my trial, yes," He said. "I'd like your opinion on the success of my alterations in these," He gestured to the basin.

She nodded. He enlarged the basin and waited for her to lean forward into the memories. Then, he followed suit. Landing next to her, he watched her observe the doctored memories. Doctoring memories enough to be effective was difficult, especially to alter so many aspects of them. He'd altered Lily's hair to a light strawberry blonde. Her eyes were a pale bluish-green. She had freckles across her nose where she hadn't had any to begin with. Hermione crouched next to her and observed her as she spoke to Severus in a thicker, Norfolk accent. Hermione noticed the scene had been changed from a neighborhood playground to a school yard, and she smiled as she watched a young Severus emerge from behind a slide where he'd been watching Lily. He'd altered nothing about his appearance, and that surprised Hermione. He'd been so embarrassed at people seeing those memories to begin with, but he hadn't done anything to conceal that self-consciousness now.

The boy was slender to the point of near sickly, sallow skinned, and lacked the confidence that love gives a child. She kneeled next to the boy Severus, as he sat explaining Azkaban to Lily on a different day but at the same playground. His eyes were filled with a sparkle that only she was privileged to see now. His black hair fell in tufts across his forehead. She glanced over her shoulder and realized that the present-day Severus was watching her intently.

His eyes were narrow as the scene around them changed to the Sorting Ceremony, where he and Lily would be placed into separate houses. "Does she look different enough?" He asked clinically.

"Hmm?" Hermione asked as she pulled her eyes away from the younger Severus. "Oh, yes. She's unrecognizable. You did well."

"You're not watching her or the scenes," Severus said. There was a hint of mild irritation in his voice. "You're watching me."

The scene changed again. "Sorry," She said quietly. Hermione's heart sank as the young Severus disappeared before her eyes. Jeering and loud voices from behind her drew her attention. Hermione stood and turned to face the scene. It was the same as it had been. As she walked closer to the crowd, she could see Severus had spentlittle time altering anyone else's appearance. Instead, he'd blurred their faces beyond recognition. She looked at Severus to speak and noticed he was very pale and standing stiffly.

She approached him as the crowd laughed as Severus was strung up by his ankles. His jaw was white and set tight. "Severus..."

His dark eyes moved to a figure pressing between the crowd of people. It was Lily. He turned away as she began shouting to have Severus left alone. She moved in front of him. "Severus... Look at me."

His black eyes opened and met hers as the thud of the teenage Severus hitting the ground came from behind him. Then shouting. Severus put his hands over her ears tightly and pressed his lips hard against her forehead, shielding her completely from hearing that word from his lips again. His forehead rested against hers, and she could feel his hands shaking slightly.

"It's okay," She said.

He blinked and shook his head as the scene changed again. Watching his defeated teenage self pleading with the Fat Lady.

"You know," He said softly as he peered over the top of Hermione's head as she watched the scene. "I swore after this night that I'd never allow myself to be put in a position, to care enough, to beg for anything again."

Hermione grimaced. "I can see why."

As the altered Lily berated him at the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room, Severus moved away from the two. Despite the fact that he'd spent a considerable amount of time altering the memories, it had been clinical and not emotional, so Severus was caught a bit by surprise as to how much seeing them now, with Hermione, was impacting him.

Hermione moved closer to him, and he tensed. "I'm sorry, Severus."

He shook his head again. "Don't apologize for things which are not your fault. I deserved that," He said as Lily slammed the portrait closed.

"I don't believe that," She said as the scene shifted. They were now post Hogwarts graduation. The teenage Severus was watching a couple from behind a pillar in the courtyard. Hermione walked to the younger Severus. He was fixated on the couple, and Hermione could see that his lower lip was trembling and his fingers were flexing. The pain in this memory was palpable. The heartbreak and the regret Severus felt then filled the memory.

The boy, the same blurry-faced boy who had strung him up by the tree, grabbed Lily's hand, brought it to his mouth, and kissed it. Hermione looked back at the younger Severus as he turned away. There were tears in his eyes. The memories ended, and Severus and Hermione were standing once again in his office.

"That last one... Was that real?"

"Yes," He said.

"And that's... The last time you..."

"Saw her alive? Yes," Severus said. He'd answered quickly. Too quickly. His eyes were searching hers, trying to assess something. "The details were concealed enough?"

"Yes," Hermione said and nodded. "If I didn't know it was her, I'd never be able to tell."

"And the message?"

"That not being mindful of your words, that using hateful language, can devastate and break relationships, even close ones, forever? Yes. Message received loud and clear."

He was quiet, and he was fidgeting with his hands. He looked away from her for a moment, but then met her eyes once more. "I am uncertain as to what you are thinking."

"I'm not thinking anything, really. Just feeling."

"I apologize," He said immediately.

"Don't. Feeling was the point, wasn't it?"

"Not for you," He replied and frowned.

"Come. Let's sit by the fire and have a glass of wine. Tomorrow morning, I can show you the memories I've been working on, okay?"

He nodded and followed her out of the office and into his personal quarters. The emotions from the memories were still weighing upon both of them. Severus was anxious, more anxious than he'd anticipated. He'd realized watching himself beg for Lily's forgiveness that he'd do that same act and more to keep his relationship with Hermione. He knew he wouldn't have to, or he hoped he wouldn't. Hermione was much more forgiving, more understanding of him, and she loved him the way he loved her. He set his mind to the task of relaxing, but it did not come. Tomorrow morning, he'd view her memories that related to _that _word, and tomorrow night, he'd show them to a boy just younger than he was when he'd wielded the word. The next 24 hours would be painful.

**"Anxiety's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far." ~ _Sing You Home_**


	83. Chapter83

Severus didn't sleep much at all that night, and he found that Hermione wasn't sleeping either. Though Severus could lie very still in his insomnia, she tossed and turned. Before dawn, she slipped out of bed and disappeared into his sitting room.

After a moment, Severus followed her. She'd ignited the fireplace again.

"You had trouble sleeping?" He inquired as he approached her where she sat on the couch. Her body language was closed off, and her knees were pulled up to her chest. His brow furrowed as she shrugged.

Summoning a vial, she held it out for Severus. He reached for it slowly. "It's the memories. I didn't do any extensive alterations. Just blurred faces."

"I am sure what you did was more than adequate," He said as he sat near to her on the couch. "Something is troubling you."

She shrugged again, and then scratched above her eyebrow. "It's nothing really."

"Do you want me to watch the memories?"

"You don't have to," She said. There was a coldness in her tone.

"I'm asking if that's what you want."

"It's only fair, right?" She snapped.

"Fair?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I had to watch all of your memories. I had to feel your pain. I had to feel... How you felt about someone else, and I had to watch you say that word to someone like me. Again. For the third time. It's only fair if you feel what I felt when people used that word against me," She said angrily.

His eyes dropped to the space between them. "My request for you to watch the memories I would show Simon was academic. I valued your opinion on the success or lack thereof in my alterations." He bristled.

"Really, Severus?" She asked sarcastically.

"Showing him the memories was something _you _encouraged. Changing them was _your _idea."

"So, because you had to suffer sorting through those memories, I did, too?"

"_That _was not my intent at all in showing you what I'd done." He looked genuinely offended.

"Then what was your intent?" She growled. "You disappeared for days. You practically excommunicated me from your personal life while you buried yourself in those memories, those emotions. You come back after an extended distance and you put me in the thick of those emotions? Is that really not supposed to make me feel like you're trying to settle a score?"

"I did _not _spend days in those emotions. When I worked on altering the memories, it was cosmetic. I paid no mind to the content. I did not show them to you to put you into a difficult emotional situation. I had no score to settle."

"We're supposed to be planning a wedding," She said.

Severus looked confused. "What?"

"You've been so busy since we got engaged. It's felt like you've been avoiding it," She admitted. "Then I had to feel all of that..."

"Bloody hell," He growled and sat back against the couch.

"See?! You get mad at me for even bringing it up."

"Your lack of communication about this before now feels a lot like dishonesty."

"That's rich," She said angrily.

"I never intended to slight you by showing you those memories. I never intended for you to suffer. I have never, nor will I ever, purposefully try to upset you," He said with finality. Summoning a vial, he grabbed it out of mid-air. He stared at the two vials in his hands.

"I just don't know how you expected me to handle seeing _and _feeling all of that," She said.

"That's not what I was after. I just wanted to know if the alterations were strong enough," He explained. "I had no score to settle. It was academic."

"It didn't feel academic," She said.

"Well, it was meant to." He sighed, and then looked at her. "I apologize."

She wanted to stop being angry with him, but she felt as if he'd abandoned their relationship while he'd worked through his problems. "If it wasn't about settling a score, what was it it about?"

He scowled. "Nothing. There was no ulterior motive."

"Did you want me to feel jealous or something?" She asked bitterly.

His eyes snapped to hers, flaming in anger. She couldn't remember the last time his eyes had blazed like that at her, but she didn't care. She was frustrated, and he was going to have to deal with her like she dealt with him. The anger in his eyes told her she'd crossed a line, but at that moment, she couldn't retreat.

"Jealous?" His lip twitched. "Over what, Hermione? A dead woman that I inadvertently got killed?" His words were so blunt that she flinched. His scowl deepened and his face turned cold and harsh. "I've no interest in provoking your jealousy, and if that's what you felt viewing those memories, you've a serious complex. I would _never _use memories so painful for me, so personal to me to make _you _jealous."

"I've a complex?" She snapped. "You're full of it this morning."

"Of course," He spat.

"You really think that you can show me all of that, make me feel all of that, after disappearing for days? You spent days pouring over these memories. How can I not feel jealous?"

"Careful..." He warned.

"Careful to not what? Insult you? Your memories? Lily?"

"Hermione," He said. His voice had softened slightly. "Stop."

"You're more concerned with protecting and defending the memories of her than dealing with our issues," She said angrily.

"That's quite enough," He snapped.

"No..."

"I said enough!" He said angrily. He wasn't yelling, but he was done with the frustrated game she was playing. "My motives were academic and that's the honest truth. You will accept that, or you won't. I explained why I wanted to protect her identity and it wasn't for her at all. It was for her son. You know him, right? He's more than a little famous and association with me in way of _that _word at all is damning," He said and his voice was cold and cutting. He paused for a long moment, taking several deep breaths. "I am sorry I upset you by isolating myself. Upsetting you is never something I want to do, despite how frequently I still manage to succeed in doing just that."

"Why don't you want to talk about the wedding?" She asked without a moment's hesitation.

He stood up and launched the vials of memories into the flames. He was gone before she could react to what he'd done, slamming the door to his office behind him. Her eyes fixated on the flames as she realized the memories hadn't been the only things she'd accidentally set ablaze that morning.

**"I wanted to punch him and understand him at the same time" ~_ Take Me Tomorrow _**


	84. Chapter84

Severus skipped the meals that day. It wasn't entirely unusual for him to do that. He usually would get caught up in whatever he was working on that he'd forget to eat, but Hermione knew the choice that day, after a fight, was intentional. After dinner, she made her way to his office and knocked on the door.

"Enter," She heard his baritone voice from within. The door creaked as she pushed it. When she walked into his office, and saw that he hadn't even so much as glanced up from the parchment on which his quill was scribbling. "Severus?"

His quill froze. He clearly had not expected her to approach him. His eyes closed for a moment, and then he set his quill down on his desk, leaned back onto his chair, and looked at Hermione. "Hermione," He said lowly.

She sat down across from him and met his steady gaze. "I think we need to talk."

Severus frowned for a moment, and then glanced at the clock on the wall. "Indeed," He said, fidgeting with his fingers. "But I have a detention to oversee."

Hermione's eyebrows nearly hit her hairline. "Simon?" Severus nodded. "But... what... You... The memories?"

Severus shook his head. "Though I've little interest in discussing this at present, I used the same memories except, this time, I merely blurred faces and washed out names that might have been said. Despite what you think I did with the memories before, I had valid reasons for protecting identities. Remus Lupin works in this school. James Potter and Sirius Black are recognized as heroes. If it is within my control to maintain their current reputations, I will do so. Potter and Black are dead. They died fighting for the cause I fought for, and Lupin is a member of my staff. It is my duty to protect him, and it would be dishonorable of me to use the past against them any longer than I've already done."

Hermione's eyes widened. "You're right."

He narrowed his eyes. "I was not seeking approval."

"No, I know you weren't..."

Severus frowned again for a moment. "I do not enjoy fighting with you."

Hermione frowned too. "I don't enjoy fighting with you either."

"I have many things I would like to say to you, that I planned to say to you tonight, but Simon is supposed to arrive within ten minutes."

"It can wait," She said quietly. Her eyes moved to her lap.

"Please look at me." Her eyes found his. His face was serious. "I love you."

She smiled, but her bottom lip was trembling. "I'm really sorry, Severus."

"Me too," He said quietly. "I know that I destroyed the memories you gave me, but would you like to speak with Simon after I show him my memories?"

She nodded. "I would, yes."

"You will stay?" Severus asked. There was an uncertainty in his voice that usually was not there. She wasn't positive he was only talking about for the detention.

"Always," She said and she saw the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders.

There was a knock at his door. Severus composed himself as Hermione did the same before he said, "Enter." Hermione watched Severus as he watched the boy step into his office. She was always amazed at how he oils compartmentalize his emotions, but she knew it was a survival skill he'd perfected because it had to be perfect. "Mister Wilson, sit." Severus pointed toward the seat next to Hermione.

Steepling his fingers, Severus spoke, "I know that it has been several days since you originally got into trouble. Usually, I advocate for swift punishment as that is what is often the most fair course of action. In your situation, however, I needed time to consider what course of action would be most appropriate." Simon swallowed audibly. "After talking with your father, I have decided the punishment you will endure will be one of harsh education."

"Sir?" Simon squeaked.

"This evening, you will watch several memories. These memories are mine, and afterward Medwitch Granger intends to provide a firsthand account of how that word has impacted her life." Simon's eyes fell to the floor quickly. His cheeks colored. "You used a word carelessly. You had no regard for its impact, no regard for consequences. Tonight, you will learn the impact, and you will feel the consequences."

Simon nodded. "Yes, sir."

"When you are watching the memories, Mediwitch Granger and I will be watching them with you. Nobody in the memories can see you or touch you. You are perfectly safe. You will see that some of the faces have been blurred, and that some names have been muted. I want you to know that I blurred those faces and muted those names because the faces and the names are of no consequence. The past is the past. We can only control what we do moving forward. What matters, what I want you to pay attention to, is the impact that word had on the situations. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," He said quickly.

"Do you know why Mediwitch Granger is here?"

"Yes, sir."

"Why is she here?"

"Because she is Muggleborn. When I said what I said, I also..." His lip quivered. "It hurt her feelings, too."

"Indeed it did," Severus said. Flicking his wrist toward the Pensieve closet, the doors open and the basin floated toward the middle of the room behind Hermione and Simon. Severus stood, and Simon and Hermione followed him to the basin. "Lean forward," Severus instructed. Simon did as he was told, and Hermione glanced at Severus' face. He did not look at her, but she noticed he'd lost whatever color he'd had to begin with.

Hermione reappeared in the first memory, where Severus had first met Lily. Severus was standing stiffly several paces behind Simon, who was busily engaged in the memory. The boy watched the younger version of the formidable Headmaster intently. As the scenes changed, and Severus and Lily aged, the present Severus grew increasingly agitated and anxious. His jaw was flexing. Simon paid no mind to the two staff members, but Hermione couldn't help but to notice Severus' anxiety. _The _memory was fast approaching. Severus stood tall, and clasped his hands behind his back. The vulnerability, the humiliation, was mounting. Hermione approached him tentatively. He did not acknowledge that he'd seen her move, but when she angled herself to hide her hand touching his, she was surprised when he grasped her hand tightly, desperately. His was shaking. She stepped nearer to him.

"I don't need help from filthy little mudbloods like her!" The cracking desperately humiliated voice came from the teenage Severus. Simon's mouth dropped open, his eyes filled with tears, and he looked toward his Headmaster as Snape met his gaze - not with cold and impassive and unreadable eyes like usual - but with eyes filled with remorse and shame. Simon didn't hear the tiny whimper that caught in Severus' throat because the scene changed, and soon the younger Snape was pounding on the portrait of the Fat Lady, pleading with her.

The memories continued, until Simon was staring at the retreating blurred Lily, arm-in-arm with a blurred James Potter, as a young Severus watched heartbroken. Hermione turned to Severus... Expecting the memories to stop, as they had earlier in the day, but they didn't. Instead, Hermione watched the scene transform to a dark and stormy night. A young Severus, who looked the same as the 7th year Severus had, walked briskly through the rain with downcast eyes. He walked into an old and, what appeared to be vacant, mansion. Once there, he stood in a crowd. Hermione observed the faces. Only a few were blurred. A man with long pale hair, Lucius, was blurry, but the wicked black haired woman next to him was not. Hermione froze as she stared at a much younger Bellatrix Lestrange.

Sensing her tension, the present Severus moved into Hermione's peripheral. She could not see Bellatrix anymore. Her attention turned back to the younger Severus, who was now kneeling before a man she did not immediately recognize. The face was not yet mask like, the eyes were not yet scarlet slits. Yet there was something deeply disturbing about this wizard, something very dark. His skin was waxy, he was too thin, and his features were strange, almost reptilian but not quite, and then she froze as she watched the younger Severus outstretch his left arm. Voldemort.

She covered her mouth, but the memory faded as soon as Voldemort's wand had pressed against Severus' forearm and he had begun screaming. Then, his arm was exposed again. The Dark Mark stood out in stark contrast to Severus' pale skin. The woman at the door to the house in which Severus was trying to gain entrance, who looked too much like Severus to not be his mother, was scowling. She spit at his feet, and sent him away.

Then, they were alone. A slightly older Severus was crying. He was sitting on a bed in a dingy flat. His fists were tangled in his long, greasy hair, and tears were dripping off of his hooked nose. He was alone, and that was the message he wanted Simon to learn. That word, the hatred, prejudice, the Puritan thought processes ended up isolating, destroying, and hurting.

The memories ended, and Hermione was left looking between an uncomfortable looking Severus and a crying Simon. Hermione kneeled next to Simon. He was crying heavily.

"Simon, do you understand why you using that word is so bad?"

He whimpered, and nodded. "Y-yes."

"Come, sit," She said and guided him to the chair across from Severus' chair. "I'll make you some tea. It will help you sleep."

The boy rubbed at his eyes and tried to regain some of his composure. She brewed the tea. Severus stood and stared out of the window in his office. He was stiff and silent. Hermione stirred the tea as she sat next to Simon. He looked at her. "Someone called you that word?"

Severus turned and observed their interaction. Her back was to him. "Yes," She said quietly.

"He called you that?"

Severus' eyes narrowed. Hermione asked, "Professor Snape?" The boy nodded. "No. No, Simon. A boy I went to school with called me that word. It was very hurtful. Professor Snape has not used that word since the memory in which you saw him use it. It was a very long time ago, and he suffered for it for a long time."

It felt as if Severus were no longer in the room. The two conversed as if he weren't standing mere meters behind them. She answered Simon's questions as he calmed down, but she grew concerned when Simon seemed to be anxious again. "What's bothering you?"

Simon scratched at his head. "Did it hurt your feelings when Professor Snape said that word to his other friend?"

"Professor Snape said that word a long time before I met him."

"But you still like him, right?"

Hermione smiled slightly. "Yes."

"I know he didn't say it to you, but he said it sometime. What if... When I'm grown up... People found out I said it and what if they don't still like me?"

"Simon, did you mean _that _word when you said it?"

"No," He said and shook his head vigorously. "I was just mad."

"Do you think Professor Snape is a bad man?"

"No," Simon said. Then, he lowered his voice. "He's kind of scary though."

Hermione chuckled, and then grew serious again. "Professor Snape said that word when he was angry too, and embarrassed. Do you know why I like him now even though he said that word then?" Simon looked at her. "Because, even though he made a really big mistake in saying it, he changed. He never ever said it again, and he makes sure that people around him, or in this school, don't use it either."

Simon nodded. Hermione ruffled his hair. "Let's walk you back to your dormitory, okay?"

They stood, and both of their eyes widened as they realized Severus had remained standing. Perhaps they'd expected him to have disappeared. "I trust you have learnt your lesson," Snape said lowly.

Simon nodded emphatically. "Yes, sir."

"Good evening, Simon," Snape said. "Mediwitch Granger, I'd like a word after Simon is returned to his dormitory."

"Of course," Hermione said and walked Simon out of the office.

Severus was left standing near to the window. He had known that he'd be talking to Hermione this evening, that he would not allow himself to run from it, but now that the conversation was before him, he couldn't help but feel like he should run, that he should be angry all over again. Showing Simon those memories, though, had weakened his resolve. She'd comforted him during the more difficult ones, despite the tension in their own relationship, and all he wanted was to hold her. But they'd fought, and it hadn't been minor. If he'd learned anything from his past it was that he needed to work through things in a healthy way. The conversation was necessary and unavoidable, however, and he hung his head as he waited for her to return. He felt, at the moment, like the loneliest man in the world.

**"You couldn't just pick and choose at will when someone depended on you, or loved you. It wasn't like a light switch, easy to turn on or off. If you were in, you were in. Out, you were out." ~ _Along for the Ride_**


	85. Chapter85

When Hermione returned, they moved to his private quarters. Severus sat on one end of the couch, and Hermione sat on the other. It was tense and awkward.

"I think I owe you roughly one million apologies," She said and ran a hand through her curly hair. "I honestly don't have a good reason as to why I behaved how I did this morning... I suppose there were contributing factors. I hadn't slept well in days, I was stressed, anxious, I missed you, I felt neglected, the memories were hard for me to watch and to feel... all of it feels like a large pile of excuses."

Severus watched her as she spoke. She did look very tired, and very stressed. He waited patiently while she collected her thoughts. "I have been feeling very anxious of late. Perhaps a couple of weeks now."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "Anxious about what? Why didn't you tell me when this started?"

"You. Us. And I don't know. I guess I hoped it would just disappear."

"Is there something that I am doing that is triggering the anxiety that you feel?"

She shook her head. "No. You're acting perfectly normal...With the exception of the last couple of days. I think I'm just in a rut. Then, Simon called Amelia that word..." Severus flinched involuntarily at the mere mention of the word, and she hesitated briefly. "It's a hard word for both of us to hear for a number of reasons, but I see that word every single day... Carved into my arm." He looked away from her for the first time. His dark eyes focused on the stone floor. "It hurts to hear it. It hurts to see what it does to you as well."

He spoke lowly, "It hurts to know I wielded that word against someone else, too." His face had darkened considerably and her lip trembled. He glanced at her, and then looked away again. "I didn't use it to you. I never would. I have not said it since that day. But I did say it. Many times. To my classmates. To Lily. And it hurts you, and I understand that. I have to accept that. I have to take responsibility for that."

Hermione glanced at his somber face, and then nodded. "I'm just a bit stressed, I think. I worry too much. I've always worried too much, but I've always used my logical reasoning skills to keep myself grounded, but these issues aren't logical at all really. They're emotional."

"What exactly is worrying you?"

The tears welled up in her eyes as he looked at her face once more. "Whether you're happy or not."

"Hermione..." He said quietly.

"No, let me finish," She said and swiped at her eyes. "Please. We got engaged, and then we went back into term, and it's been so busy. We really haven't discussed a wedding date, or any of the details. I know it's ludicrous for me to think that you might be having second thoughts, but I can't help it. Then, with the situation over the last week, I've just been really stressed. I know I shouldn't take it out on you how I did this morning, and that I should just communicate to you. I'm not perfect. Lord knows I wish I were perfect, but I'm not. I'm... sorry about all of this..."

His eyes fell to couch between them. He was quiet for a minute while he collected his thoughts. "Hermione..." He spoke her name so softly she barely heard him. When he met her eyes again, his were watery and emotional in a way they were so rarely. "I have... My life..." He faltered again, and then sighed. He was frustrated with himself. "Most of my life has not been filled with happiness. Some of that truth is due in part to things that were well within my control, and some of it is due to things that were well out of my control. But you... With you... I need you hear me," He said in a tight voice. "I have never been happier. I am not the most transparent or expressive man, but I sincerely mean that. My life with you is beyond anything I could have possibly imagined. I am in love with you - now, and I will be always," His dark eyes bored into her watery eyes.

She nodded, and wiped at her eyes. He sighed and collected his thoughts to continue.

"Yes, this morning felt out of character, and it felt unfair to me. I have never, ever tried to provoke jealousy in you, and to accuse me of doing so... It was wrong. In a lot of ways," He said. "My response was overly emotional, and I am sorry for that. But, I think your response was overly emotional too."

"I know," She agreed. "I'm sorry."

He flicked his head to the side. "I am sorry that I have used that word, Hermione. I am sorry that you've felt a bit neglected, that I've left you to feel as if I'm not happy."

She shook her head. "I accept your mistakes, even if they hurt. And you're not responsible for my anxieties."

He looked at her again. "I do not know how to say this without sounding terrible."

She furrowed her brow. "It's okay."

"Please don't do that again," He said.

"I won't. It was unfair. You have made so much growth in so many ways, and I essentially just spit on all of it. It was so unfair."

He was quiet, but his body had relaxed. She acknowledged he'd grown, and that was something that was very important to him. "I am trying to be the man you deserve me to be, but I... Solitude is all I have ever known. When I retreated the last couple of days, it wasn't meant to be an insult to you. Now, I can see how you might have perceived it as such, but I did not mean it to be that way. As much as I have grown to need you, there are some habits I have that are... Almost unconscious. The isolating retreat in which I process certain stressors or emotions is one such habit."

She ran a hand through her hair and nodded. "I know that, Severus. I'm sorry. Your... Things have been very difficult for you. You've suffered so much. I just want to help, and sometimes I feel useless."

"You're never useless. This is... difficult."

"I'm sorry."

No." He looked frustrated. "I need you to understand that we are partners. You are my strength when I am weak, but you need to allow me to be your strength when you are weak in return. I do not expect you to be the provider of stability all the time, the receiver of all of my stress and emotional scars."

"I..." She swallowed hard. "I just want to help."

"You suffered terribly in the War, too, Hermione," He said softly. "You have had awful things happen to you, too. You become stressed and tired and ill as everyone does. You are human." He looked into her eyes. You don't have to fix everything."

He saw the world lift off of her shoulders as she absorbed his words. She put her hands over her face and cried. He moved next to her and tested his forehead against the side of her head, and wrapped his arm around her.

After a few minutes, he pulled his head away and sat up straighter. "I have not talked about the details of the wedding because..." He fumbled. "I'm trying to be delicate. Hermione, the details do not matter to me. What matters to me is that, at the end of the night, I will be your husband, and you will be my wife."

She smiled from ear to ear. "That's a nice way of saying you don't give a damn about the details."

He smiled at her, and then reached out and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. "I did say I was trying to be delicate."

"You've no requests or stipulations?"

He thought for a moment. "In an effort to be honest, I've never consider the details of a wedding. Until recently, it was never a possibility for me, or even a wild consideration."

"So, you'll humor me as I talk about all the details?"

He sighed. "Don't I always?"

"And you'll offer opinions?"

"If I have one," He drawled.

"Oh, I'm sure you will find you have more opinions on the whole ordeal than you think."

He grunted, and then reached for her left hand. She extended it to him, and his thumb stroked the band of her engagement ring. "You make me unbelievably happy, despite my general demeanor."

She smiled, and he looked at her. "Well, you do have a reputation to maintain."

"Indeed," He said lowly and pulled her into her chest. He buried his nose in her hair. She rested her head against his sternum and listened to his heart pound beneath her ear.

"I am sorry, Severus. About this morning."

"I forgive you, Hermione. I do want to ask that you be more forthcoming if you are feeling unusually anxious or stressed in the future."

"I will," she said. "I promise."

She closed her eyes and listened to the steady and rhythmic pounding beneath her ear as he stroked his fingers through her curly hair.

**"Our love was a river, always changing under the mercy of nature's elements, but we continued to flow, even when we trickled." ~ _Death Before Daylight_**


	86. Chapter86

Hermione and Severus had spent much of the summer planning for their winter wedding. They intended to marry the upcoming winter on December 19th, 2004. Almost all of the big picture details were set, but there were still some details they hadn't discussed. "What kind of wedding band do you want, Severus?" Hermione asked him as she sipped her wine.

"The circular kind," He drawled as he looked over the names of students who got their Hogwarts invitations for the start of term and made sure he had scheduled a professor or headmaster visitation with the Muggleborn students.

She rolled her eyes. "I was asking more about the color of the band..."

"Black," He said plainly and in a tone that sounded quite bored.

"I figured you'd say that..." She said, and the pitch of her voice caused him to glance up at her.

"But...?" He raised an eyebrow

"Well, I'd really like it to match mine."

He glanced at the rose gold band on her finger. "It's not exactly my color."

She rolled her eyes at him again. "Yes, yes. Very funny. She pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to him. "I saw this today in a Muggle Jeweler magazine. I thought it might be a good compromise."

Severus unfolded the paper and looked at the ring. Truthfully, he found the ring quite striking. It was described as a black tungsten wedding band with step down rose gold polish. Most of the band was black, which appealed to him, but the rose gold was... an interesting touch.

He handed her back the slip of paper. "Acceptable."

"That's it? You don't want to know what I want?"

He glanced at her face, and realized she was teasing him. "I live to serve, Granger," He said lowly.

"Not for much longer," She said. "Clock is ticking away on that name." His dark eyes widened significantly. "What?" She asked.

"You intend to take my name?"

"Yes, of course," She said. "Is that a problem?"

He looked away from her. "No, I..." He faltered as he stared down into his whiskey glass. His thumb traced the lip of the glass.

"I don't understand?" She said.

He shook his head and cleared his throat. When he spoke, his voice was tighter than usual. "I did not want to presume you would. There are many options to choose from in regards to that particular detail, but that choice is yours to make."

She furrowed her brow. "I know, Severus."

He was quiet, and sitting stiffly in his seat. "That is the decision you have made?"

She tried to be patient in her confusion. "I thought about hyphenating it to Granger-Snape, but I didn't like the way it sounded. Besides, I quite like the idea of taking your name."

"I would never ask you to do that," He said suddenly.

"I know you wouldn't, but it's my choice."

"I..." The coldness fell away from his voice. "You're certain that's your choice?"

"Yes. What's the issue, Severus?"

"Hermione Granger is a war hero, the brightest witch of her age, friend and ally to all. You... Your name name is a beacon of... Hope. Strength. Light," He said and seemed to struggle to put his thoughts into words. "My name is... Not any of that."

"Stop it, Severus," She said and shook her head. "I'm _marrying _you."

"A Hermione Granger would be received differently than a Hermione Snape would be," He said anxiously. He swallowed hard after saying her first name with his last name for the first time. His eyes widened.

"See?" She smiled. "It sounds nice, doesn't it?" He ran a hand through his hair and then took a shaky drink of his whiskey. "Severus, we've been together for years now. The public reception of our relationship was truly not that bad, especially after your interviews."

"I just... worry," He admitted.

"Needlessly," She assured him. "This is what I want." He nodded, but still looked uncertain. "I thought you would be happy. Your wife wants to carry your name, which also means any children we might have would also carry your name."

He blanched, and then grimaced. "My name is not exactly something I am proud of, Hermione."

"But I'm Proud of it, and of you. You're a hero, Severus."

"I did not do what I did to be a hero," He said coldly.

"Nonetheless, you are a hero. If my name is a beacon of hope, then yours is one of redemption, and that... That is something more, something powerful, Severus."

He locked eyes with her for a long moment. "Why do you want to take my name?"

She narrowed her eyes. She hadn't expected that. "It feels right, and I'm really proud to be with you, to love you, to know you, all of you."

His eyes moved over her face. "I do not ever wish for you to suffer, or for my presence in your life to cause you stress. I fear that carrying my name might cause both of those things..." He was being so unabashedly transparent that it was disarming for her. But, then again, Severus had always been known to be someone who could be so blunt in his honesty that it knocked people off balance. Usually, it wasn't about things so close to his heart, though, but Hermione was his exception.

"I need you to listen to me, Severus," She said slowly. "And I really need you to hear me..." He leaned toward her slightly; his dark eyes focused on her eyes. "I do not give a damn about what anyone else thinks about our relationship."

His brow furrowed. He shivered slightly, and watched the determination on her face settle. "You would have made an excellent Slytherin."

She smiled, and then became serious again. "Are you okay with me wanting to take your name?"

"I wanted you to decide, and you've decided," He said. "It makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time, it makes me happy."

"You don't look happy," She pointed out to him.

He shrugged, and tried to give her some semblance of a smirk. "I have a reputation to maintain."

She sighed. "Severus..."

His eyes brightened in the way they always did when she said his name. The initial spark calmed, and he admitted, "I dared to let myself hope that you might be okay with taking my name, but nothing could have prepared me for the reality of it, the implications it might have... For you... And now you've mentioned children..." His dark eyes flickered, and then he looked away from her. She moved closer to him on the couch.

She touched her hand to his back and frowned when she realized he was hot from his own anxiety about the conversation. "Severus, do you not want children?"

"We've discussed this before," He said with a hint of tense irritation.

"But now the reality of it might make you feel differently..."

His jaw twitched. He was quiet for a long time. She knew the impact it would have on their relationship if Severus confessed he didn't want children. As achievement driven as she was, she wanted nothing more than to be a parent, and children were a hard limit for many people in relationships. He jerked himself out of his thoughts, and glanced at her. She'd whitened as she'd waited for his answer.

He looked at his hands. "No. I haven't changed my mind," He said. She sighed in relief and blinked back the tears she hadn'teven realized had begun forming. He turned to her. "I..." He faltered and ground his molars togetber. His hands were trembling. Her hand pressed into his back in an attempt to calm him. "My life has been... difficult. I was dealt a bad hand. I played that bad hand horribly. Up until the war ended, I..." His shoulders shifted and he faced the hearth more fully once more, away from Hermione slightly, but she moved closer to him, and he didn't pull away. "There was little time for dreaming or fantasizing about what if... It was pointless to construct goals for a personal life that I didn't have, that I couldn't have, that I did not foresee ever having. Yet, I found it impossible to always block out that blasted if only... That blasted child buried deep inside me that wanted... more, that wanted something." She looked at his profile as he spoke. His voice was steady, but his jaw twitched and he seemed to be struggling to contain his emotions.

She moved her left hand to his hair, and her right hand rested on his knotted hands. Her fingernails scratched his scalp lightly and rhythmically. Reflexively, he leaned into her fingers. She stroked her fingers down the back of his head. It had taken over a year for Hermione to realize just how much Severus relished being touched by her, and how much more he enjoyed it when she touched his hair. He showed all of the typical signs of a man who had been neglected as a boy, who had been touched violently and aggressively, who had lacked any real affection at all. His body language and facial expressions were a language all to himself, but she had slowly peeled back the layers of his defenses. He loved when she touched his hair, and she knew without him ever admitting it, that it was partly because it felt good, and partly because it had been such a source of torment for him in his youth and her touching it in such a way meant total acceptance and love.

After a few moments, he collected himself enough to continue speaking. "After the war, such things seemed pointless still. You told me once, in my office, that perhaps I might dream a dream again. Merlin, I wanted to believe you, but it didn't seem possible, or probable, and to be honest, I had no real interest in any sort of romantic relationship, but I very much wanted something more... There were... Obstacles. There _are _obstacles to any sort of association with me. I have the Dark Mark tattooed on my arm. I killed Albus Dumbledore. I was distrusted by virtually everyone on either side of the war. I am not, under any circumstances, friendly. I am largely unlikable, and therefore largely unlovable."

She shook her head, but she didn't speak. Something inside of implored her to give him space. He swallowed, sighed, and continued. "I do not know the exact moment that I fell in love with you. In truth, I believe it was a series of moments, but I remember the precise moment I realized it as if it were only yesterday. The realization paralyzed me. I was terrified. You can certainly imagine why the realization scared me. Ultimately, somehow, some way, you returned my affections, and all of these possibilities that had been suffocated fantasies for me for nearly all of my life wouldn't be silenced anymore. I struggled to contain myself. I still do. Bloody Hell, Hermione, I wanted to marry you then and there in New York..." He scratched at his eyebrow anxiously. She smiled. "Now, we are getting married, and you're talking about taking my last name, and we're talking about children, and children having my last name as well. My name... I'm a pariah. Taking my last name, passing it down... The sins of the husband, of the father..."

He closed his eyes and took a deep and shaky breath. "It's overwhelming, and I..." He faltered again, and seemed very nervous.

"It's okay," She said quietly, and continued to stroke her fingers through his hair.

"I am trying not to be absolutely petrified every moment of every day," He admitted tearfully. She furrowed her brow. "This," He gestured between the two of them, "Is more than I could have ever imagined. This is more than I ever would have dreamed of having, and every..." He leaned forward and put his head into his hands. His voice shook. "Everything I've ever had in my life that was even remotely good has eventually slipped through my fingers."

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head against her shoulder. She was quiet for a moment while she head his trembling body. "Severus, you have nothing to fear. Your past has taught you that the rug will always be pulled out from under you, but your present is not your past. I am here. Now and always. I love you. Now and always."

Severus was not a man who cried often. He'd been too tearful as a child and young teen, so he'd managed to get an extremely rigid grip on his emotions as a young man and fully grown adult. Hermione was an exception. His only exception. And so he wept long, but she held him longer.

**"If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present." ~ _The Light in the Heart_**


	87. Chapter87

Snape glanced up from staff renewal contracts as Harry Potter walked into his office.

"Mister Potter," He drawled slowly. "I was not expecting you."

Harry shoved his fists into his pockets. He looked uncomfortable. "Right. I was just visiting Hermione."

"Indeed," Severus said.

"You didn't know?" Harry asked.

"Of course I was aware," Severus said and set his quill down. He leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms across his chest. Something about Potter's body language unsettled him. "I am Headmaster of this school. I know who comes and goes. Aside from that, Hermione informed me of your visit earlier this afternoon."

"Right," Harry said again. He looked nervously toward the window. "I was wondering if I might talk to you about something. I've spoken with Hermione about it already. She felt it best if I talk with you alone."

Severus narrowed his obsidian eyes. "Very well. Do sit down and stop standing there like the awkward school boy you once were," He said sharply and gestured to the seat across from him.

Harry sat and wiped his hands on his jeans. He swallowed, glanced at Snape, and then looked at the desk. "I suppose I should just... start from the beginning then."

Severus frowned. "That is usually the best place to start."

"That day... The battle... Before I went to meet Voldemort," Harry stopped when Snape flinched and he looked at the Headmaster apologetically before continuing. "Before I went to meet him, I... used something. You've heard of the Deathly Hallows?"

"Yes," Severus said with a mild hint of irritation.

"In the forest, I used the Resurrection Stone." The emerald eyes met the black, and Harry saw a rare look of confusion on Snape's face. Severus clearly had no idea where he was headed, and had clearly not expected whatever this was. "When people that we truly love die, they never really leave us. So I... Saw people." Snape's eyes darkened considerably. "I saw Sirius... And my dad. And..." Severus stared at Harry though Harry broke eye contact. "I saw my mum."

The words hung between the two wizards for probably well over a minute. Snape didn't even seem to be breathing. When the Gryffindor looked at his former teacher, he saw the gears in Snape's head turning quickly, trying to work out what Harry was getting at.

Harry scratched at his head. "I've got the Invisibility Cloak. The Elder Wand is buried with Professor Dumbledore. After the War, I searched the forest for where I dropped it. I found it, and I've had it since. I don't want to keep two of the Hallows together anymore. I've felt this way for years, but I have had... moments of weakness where I've used it..."

It was Snape's turn to look away, but it was because his embattled heart hurt for the boy. He considered a desire to see his parents and Godfather weakness, but he knew the rumored power of such a stone.

"It's time for me to get rid of it, but I wanted it to be kept safe. There is no place safer than Hogwarts. I've known that since I was 11, but I... I spoke with my mum..."

Severus' frowned deepened. "What are you playing at, Potter?" He growled angrily.

"Nothing!" Harry said quickly. "Nothing! I wanted to bring the stone here for safekeeping. I needed... I need to be rid of it. It's... Taking a toll on me."

"So, you want it to take a toll on me?" Snape arched a dark eyebrow.

"No," Harry said. "I want it to disappear here. That's what I want to do. But... I..." Severus studied Harry for a long moment while Potter collected his thoughts. "I spoke with my mum and she..."

Severus' anger boiled in his chest. "What, Potter?" He spat.

"She wants to speak with you... If you want to. I thought it.. Might be closure. I talked to Hermione, and she agreed that if it brings closure to things you've suffered far too long, then you should be afforded the chance."

And then... Severus felt suddenly cold, and numb. His heart was pounding and his ears were ringing. He'd closed the door on Lily. He'd tied it all up with a string. Years ago, he had begged for her to speak with him and she'd refused. Now her son claims she wants to speak.

"Your mother had a chance to speak with me many years ago," Severus said lowly. His expression was impassive.

Severus knew the theory of how the Resurrection Stone worked. He knew he'd have face her. He knew he would hear her voice, but honestly... His anxiety stemmed from the possibility of someone else appearing from his use of the stone.

Harry smirked. "She said you'd say that, but the offer still stands." Harry pulled an envelope from his robes pocket and set in on Snape's desk. "Turn it over three times in your hands." Snape eyed the envelope coolly, but the ringing in his ears became louder. "The Room of Requirement is repaired, yes?" Severus nodded. "That's where I'd hide it then. That's where I hid your old Potions textbook." Severus' lip twitched, but he remained silent. "I'll leave you to your thoughts." The Gryffindor stood.

Snape stared at the envelope as if it might eat him.

Harry looked back at Snape over his shoulder, but Severus' eyes were trained on the envelope, and Harry stepped into the Floo and disappeared into green flames. Severus sat quite still for a moment, and then he stood, levitated the envelope to a drawer in his desk, locked it, and swept out of his office.

His robes billowed behind him as he stepped into the Hospital Wing. Hermione, who was talking to Horace as he delivered a stock of potions, glanced at him in surprise.

"Severus," She greeted.

"Why did you send him to me?" Severus demanded.

Hermione glanced at Slughorn, who awkwardly cleared his throat and then excused himself. Severus' eyes never left Hermione's face. She moved to him. "Severus, I was only trying to respect that this might be an opportunity for you to receive closure."

Severus' eyes narrowed as he stared at her. He frowned. "If I recall correctly, you were there the night I went to Godric's Hollow and stood before a grave and received the closure of which you speak."

Hermione nodded. "Yes, I remember. But I also... When Harry said his mum would like to speak with you... I wasn't thinking about you getting a chance to talk with her... I..." She closed her eyes.

Severus bit his lip. "You assume someone else will appear, too." He hung his head. She hadn't been trying to hurt him, it wasn't a move borne out of jealousy, it wasn't a set up... She'd known, as he had.

She looked at him and his eyes are full of tears. "I think his mum did, too, but she didn't want to tell Harry."

Severus nodded. "Probably."

Hermione said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to feel cornered, or like I had ulterior motives, but I wanted to keep Harry out of the loop. I wanted you to know I support you."

Severus' head dropped and he pinched the bridge of his nose hard to stop the stinging tears. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Mum..." He choked into her ear.

_"It made me realize how I needed to stop punishing her for something she couldn't help [...] because sometimes things happen to people and they're not equipped to deal with them." ~ **Catching Fire**_


	88. Chapter88

Severus stared at the envelope that he'd put back onto his desk. Hermione stood next to him with her hand on his shoulder. He was trembling slightly.

she moved her hand to tuck his hair behind his ear, and then stroked the back of his head. "What're you thinking about, Severus?"

He shivered and leaned into her touch. "So many terrible things have happened to me in this office... I found out that Lily was dead here. I found out that her son was a Horcrux," She observed his profile as he spoke softly. She realized his eyes moved about the room and settled in the exact spot in which he'd been sitting or standing when he found out each bit of horrible news. "I found out you three had been captured here. I realized the extent of the damage done to you at Malfoy Manor here. We've fought here. Bitterly. Twice."

She continued running her fingernails down the back of his head lightly and rhythmically. "You don't have to use the Stone here. You could use it in the Room if Requirement, and let it fall one final time when you are finished."

Severus blinked. "If I do that, where will you be?"

He truly was anxious and distracted. His keen mind was not up to its usual standards of deductions. "If you want to do that, the Room of Requirement will realize we require privacy at first, and intimacy in the end."

"You could stay with me while I use the Stone," He suggested.

"Severus..." She said softly. "Is that what you truly think you need? I... I won't even be able to see what you're seeing. It's meant to be a private thing."

He swallowed. "I know. I know I must do this alone, but..."

"No," She said quickly. "You're not doing this entirely alone. I will be there before and after, but when you see your mother..."

"I have to do the hardest part alone," He said.

"Severus..." She pleaded.

He shook his head. "No, I know. Rationally, I know, Hermione. I apologize."

She ran her fingers through his hair for a minute more, and then he stood. He grabbed the envelope and put it gently into his robes pocket. His locked eyes with her, she nodded, and then he swept from the room with her behind him, and then at his side.

They arrived at the Room of Requirement, and they gasped as two separate doors appeared. One was taller, and appeared directly in front of Severus. One was shorter, and appeared across from Hermione. He glanced about the hallway. They were alone. He turned to her quickly, in uncharacteristic desperation, and clutched her hands tightly in his.

She spoke softly to him, lowly, and calmly. "I love you, Severus. It will be painful, but it will also be beautiful. I know it in my heart of hearts. You are the strongest person I have ever met." His breaths were shaky, borderline raggedy, but he stared into her eyes intensely. "You are strong enough for this, Severus. You can do this. You deserve this."

He took a deep and shaky breath, turned away from her, dropped her hands, and stared at the door. She walked into hers. It was filled with medical and healing magazines and books. She grabbed one, sat on the large couch, listened to the fireplace crackle, and began to read to calm her own anxiety.

He looked about the hallway one more time, and then stepped to the door. Twisting the handle, he pushed the door open, and stepped into the room. It was a large, but rather empty, room, with a fireplace burning lowly behind two sitting chairs. The two chairs sat across from a couch. There were no tables, no shelves, nothing. The room was designed for conversation without distraction.

Nervously, Severus pulled the envelope from his robes and dumped the tiny obsidian stone into his left palm. He stood stiffly behind the couch. Dropping the envelope to the floor, he held the stone in between his fingertips. Three turns is what Potter had said. With shaky fingers, he turned the stone over three times and closed his eyes.

"Sev," A voice came from his left. _Lily._

He had prepared for the possibility of this, but there was no way to prepare for the reality. His dark eyes opened and found those almond emeralds. Seeing her felt like getting kicked by a Hippogriff in the chest. She looked exactly as she had _that _night though she was wearing different clothing.

Sensing his discomfort and speechlessness, she talked. "I was there that Halloween night you visited my home. I was there when you swore to protect my only child. I was there when you saw James' face and my eyes in my son's features for the first time. I was there when you were unnecessarily cruel to him, and I was there every single night you worked tirelessly and behind the scenes to save his life. I was there that night in the Forest of Dean when your doe, my doe, led him to the sword that would help end the war. I was there when you walked into the Shrieking Shack prepared to die to atone for your mistakes. I was there that night you visited my grave in Godric's Hollow. I have been there, with you, in your heart, in every step you have made into bettering the world, and yourself, in every step you have made to correct your own mistakes and prevent others from making the same."

Her words hung in the air between them as he stared at her face. He seemed unable to look away, or really even blink. A moment of broken eye contact might make it all disappear. The fireplace crackled softly.

His mouth was dry. He cleared his throat. "I am sorry, Lily. For everything."

"Severus," She said. His name in her voice was strange. "I forgive you."

He broke eye contact and hung his head for a moment. Clutching the stone into his palm with his thumb, he leaned forward and clenched his hands over the back of the couch.

"But you knew that already. You felt it that night in Godric's Hollow at my grave, didn't you?"

He nodded. "Quite a bit different hearing it, though."

She smiled. "Yes, I'm sure it is."

He stood tall again, his healing soul shining. "I loved you. For so much of my life, I loved you, Lily, and I am sorry I never told you that while you were alive. You deserved to know that."

"I am sorry, too, that I was not the friend you deserved. You deserved forgiveness, and love. Can you forgive me for not forgiving you? It has haunted me all of these years."

He had never expected her to think that she should have forgiven him, and he definitely did not expect for her to ask his forgiveness. What he'd said was unforgivable, but his answer was torn from his chest before he'd realized he needed to say it. "Yes."

Her eyes glistened, and she smiled at him. "Thank you for protecting my son, Severus. Thank you for befriending him."

Severus stared at her. His mind still struggled to understand that it was real. Suddenly, he frowned, and looked away.

"What's wrong?"

His brow furrowed. He wanted to evade her question, but found himself compelled to answer. "For so many years, I would have done anything for a moment like this. I would have actually _killed_ for a moment like this. I used to think of all the things I would say to you... How I would grovel, and beg, throw myself at your feet..."

She smiled, but he missed it because he was looking at his whitened knuckles over the back of the couch. "And now?" She prodded.

Again, he tried to hesitate, but was pulled to answer. "I find myself at a loss. I do not... I do not want to do any of that." He faltered, not wanting to sound more rude than he usually did. "I find myself with not much to say." His obsidian eyes locked onto her eyes.

"Do you know why that is, Severus?" She said with a soft smile. He stared at her blankly for a moment. "Because you've healed so much."

He swallowed, and then closed his eyes. "If I've healed _so _much, why do so many things still hurt so badly?" He said. There was hitch in his voice as he choked on the words. He clenched his teeth and looked up at the ceiling.

She moved nearer to him as he struggled to keep his composure. "It hurts so badly because it was real," She said softly. His dark eyes moved from the ceiling to her face. She looked less real once she was up close. He studied her. He could see the transparency of her otherworldly form, and it made his heart heavy. "I was there every step of the way. I experienced every moment. I'm a part of you. I will always be a part of you."

His eyes moved away from her and focused on the couch beneath his hands. She paused for a moment, but then continued speaking. "You have experienced so many terrible and traumatic things in your life. You have suffered so much, and for so much of it, you were so isolated. The things you've experienced in your life have shaped you into the man you are now, but it wasn't a gentle process. Time will help, and so will your friends, and your marriage."

His mouth went dry. "Is that the right thing to do?"

"What?"

"Marriage," He said quietly.

"You love her, and she loves you."

"It's not that simple, Lily," He growled and pushed off the couch. Stepping back and away from her he tangled a fist in his hair. "Nothing has _ever _been that simple for me."

"What's complicated about it then?"

He glared at her. "She's kind and wholesome - everything I could never be. Damaged by war, yes, but not broken and made bitter because of it. She is..." He closed his eyes briefly. "Lovely, in every way, and I am... Not."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're being ridiculous."

"I'm old enough to be her father," He scowled at Lily's dismissal.

She narrowed her eyes. "Those things are not problems." He opened his mouth to argue, but she silenced him. "Shut up, will you? The problem, Severus, is that you do not think you deserve to be happy. I am telling you that you _do _deserve to be happy." She stared at him as he digested her words. "Once upon a time, I was your very best friend, and my opinion mattered, more than anyone else's. Please, believe me."

He swallowed hard. His eyes trailed from her face to the floor between them. He knew she was pushing her presence on him because he felt that familiar warmth in his chest. He nodded.

"My time is up... I believe there's someone else that wants to see you, Sev," She said quietly. He looked at her, and clenched his teeth. "You deserve to be happy, and the peace you will gain today will help you in that, and in your healing."

His face paled, and he nodded in silence. "Goodbye, Lil."

His childhood nickname for her made her smile. "See you, Sev," She said.


	89. Chapter89

Severus ground his teeth as he waited. Lily was gone. He was alone.

Then, he heard a voice he hadn't heard in so many years come from behind him. "Severus." It was softer than he ever remembered it being. All three syllables pronounced and enunciated in a way that not many people often did.

He turned, and felt the emotion swell up in his chest. She looked much as she had in life, similar to when he had last seen her, but healthier and unburdened. In her present state, or lack thereof, he saw his own reflection more than he'd ever seen it while she'd been alive. A marriage riddled with the stress of abuse, both emotional and physical, and a son who had disappointed her greatly, had aged her more quickly.

His lip trembled at the sight of her. She looked him up and down. "Severus..." She repeated, the same enunciation, but softer, and more emotional. "Come and sit."

He watched her with childlike wonder and disbelief as she moved about the room to the couch. Her transparent hand touched the couch, gesturing for him to join her. He moved obediently and stared at her. He was silent for a long time as he took in her features.

His eyes began to sting. He choked, "I'm so sorry, Mum..." He looked away, blinking rapidly to try and stop the tears.

"Oh, my son," She said. "You've suffered so much. So much of it because of me... Because of my weakness."

He shook his head quickly. "It wasn't your fault. This..." He gesture to his left arm. "It wasn't your fault."

"Not completely, no," She admitted, but her eyes were full of regret. "I know now how much I contributed to your feelings of isolation and powerlessness, and how I contributed to your tremendous desire to find a sense of belonging." He stared at her in awe. "Death leaves little room for ignorance." She smirked at him. Her dark, ghostly eyes sparkled slightly.

He'd never really considered what she'd mentioned to be contributing factors to his decisions. In moments of anger, he'd blamed her for not leaving his father, for not loving him enough, but never for the choices he'd grown to make once he'd left her home. "I don't blame you," He said plainly.

"You wouldn't. You're not the type. You tend to shoulder more guilt than necessary," She chided lightly.

"In the end, I made my choices," He argued quietly. He had been very protective of his mother as a boy, and it hadn't changed as a man.

"The job of a parent is to put one's child in the best position to succeed in life, to help them build resiliency to hardship, and to make them feel safe," She admitted. "I didn't do those things for myself, which means I certainly didn't do them for you." He opened his mouth to counter, but she smirked again. "You don't need to defend my honor as your mother to me, Severus."

"Yes, I do," He said firmly. "He took _everything _from you when he started drinking again. He took the spark from your eyes, your smile, your softness... Your very soul," His voice broke. "He broke you, and then I broke you all over again. I betrayed you, as he had. I was my father's son in the end." He spat, and then he began to blink rapidly as he failed to keep the silent tears at bay. "I am sorry, Mum."

She moved a bit closer to him on the couch, and her transparency felt heavy. It hurt to look at her after so many years. "Look at me," She demanded. He obeyed. "You are _my _son, and I am _proud _of you." He bowed his head and covered his face with one of his hands. The other balled his pants into a fist. "If I could go back in time, I would do so many things differently. I would be better to you, for you."

He shook his head once. "You were trapped. Your family disowned you for marrying a Muggle, and they would have disowned you twice over for divorcing one..." He swatted at his eyes in irritation.

"I was afraid," She admitted softly, and the brokenness in her admission drew his eyes to her face immediately. "He was such an angry drunk. Always so loud. Always violent. Despite the fact that I was a witch, that I _knew _I was more powerful than him, I was paralyzed... And I felt like... a failure," She sighed. "I'd fallen in love, but my family had disowned me for it. He was sober. In the beginning. Before we married. After we married, I could show him magic. He didn't react well at all. I suppose it's quite a shock, and quite a task to accept something like magic. He started drinking. I found out I was pregnant almost immediately. I told him it was possible you might not have magic. He straightened up for about a year, and then..." She shivered. "He saw magic in you, saw you tuck yourself in to your blankets. When it turned sour, I was too prideful to tell my parents it wasn't working. I wanted you to have a proper family. When he'd sober up the next morning, he'd apologize, and swear he'd never do it again... I felt like if I would have been a better wife, a better mother..."

"Stop it," Severus hissed. "You were a victim."

She looked away from him. "I know that now," She admitted quietly. "I should have never turned you away. I should have been better for you. I am sorry, Severus." Snape crumbled in on himself, burying his face in his hands. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch her, but knew he wouldn't be able to do so. She moved closer. "I'm so sorry," She repeated.

After a minute or so, with his mother's voice, her true voice - motherly and comforting and not hardened in defensiveness, in his ear, he calmed. Changing the subject, she asked, "You've snagged yourself quite a witch, Severus." He smiled slightly, trying to recover from his emotional breakdown. " "Lily's right, you know."

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You deserve to be happy."

He looked at her long and hard. He studied her face. Gone was the sour-faced, sallow looking woman. In her stead, there was a woman Severus only dreamed of knowing. There was a confidence about her, despite the fact she was acknowledging so many of her wrongs. There was a certainty in her presence even though she wasn't entirely real. He could see the proud Slytherin pure blood she'd once been. She no longer had that diminished and shrunken ego. If he been raised by this version of witch, would he have turned out the same? He frowned. Inadvertently, unintentionally, merely thinking the question blamed her.

"Something is troubling you," She said plainly. "I sense... Confliction."

He shook his head once. "It's nothing."

"It is pointless to lie to the dead," His mother said. "I am a part of you. I feel _you_."

It was as if she were leaning on that aggravated nerve inside of him. "Why didn't you leave him? Why didn't you take me and run? We could've returned to your family. We could've gone anywhere else," He cut himself off and snapped his mouth shut. "I apologize."

"You'll get nothing from this if you keep everything inside, Severus," She said seriously. "When I married your father, my family's disappointment in my choice could not have been greater. He was a Muggle, and he was only middle class then. My parents wanted nothing to do with our marriage. I was proud. I could have a marriage and a family without my own family's involvement. It didn't go well. You were right in saying divorce wasn't exactly a viable option for me, but I don't know that my mother would've shut me out if I had divorced him. My mother was a lovely woman, and she would've eventually brought my father around, though it would've taken quite a long time."

Severus' blood boiled a bit again, as if she were jabbing her elbow into that same nerve. "Then why did you stay? We could've had a better life! We could've been safe. We could've had money."

"You cared about the money?" She asked and narrowed her eyes.

"Yes!" He growled. "Not because the money itself mattered, or being rich, but because it would've afforded me clothes that other children wouldn't have laughed at! It would've adored me a home in a neighborhood people didnt turn their noses up about. I could have played sports with the boys from school. I wouldn't have been such an outcast..." He stopped himself again, and took a deep breath. "Didn't you _want _those things for me? For yourself?"

"Of _course_ I did," She said seriously. "I also wanted my marriage to succeed. I wanted my family to work."

He scowled. "It _wasn't _going to work. He would never accept us, never love us." His heart dropped when he looked at her face. Her eyes had dropped to the space between them.

"He did," She said. "He loved me. Once upon a time." Her voice was so soft and filled with heartache that it made his stomach twist. "He didn't have an easy childhood. His father was sick with addiction. He grew to be a better man. In the beginning, he was kind. Loving. He was excited to be married, to have a family. The magic got in the way."

Severus became defensive again. "Love isn't supposed to be conditional."

She met his eyes, hers filled with hurt, and snapped, "I loved him. Unconditionally," Her dark eyes softened. "And I wanted him to love me again. I wanted him to love you. I want him to love our family. I didn't want to quit on him. I wanted the man I married back, but it..." She closed her eyes. "It didn't happen."

Severus took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

She looked up at him. Her ghostly eyes were shimmering. "I'm sorry, too, Severus."

The weight of his anger toward her, his frustration, lifted off of his chest in one giant wave. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch as the relief of blame and shame and anger and guilt washed out of his soul. "I forgive you," He whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Thank you," She said and smiled. "Goodbye, my son,"

Severus dropped the Resurrection Stone from his hands and it bounced on the floor in front of him. His mother disappeared. He realized that this entire ordea had not at all been about him receiving forgiveness. He'd already been forgiven - by Lily, and by his mother. All along it had been about him affording himself enough grace to give those people forgiveness in return, forgiveness he hadn't even known was his to give.

A door that hadn't been behind him opened, but he didn't turn to the sound. He knew who was coming to him now. He bowed his head as the relief of forgiveness continued to work wonders on his soul. Hermione's arms wrapped around him and held him tightly.

**"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." ~ _Unapologetically You: Reflections in Life and Human Experience_**  



	90. Chapter90

Severus paced nervously in the Headmaster's office. He heard a knock on the door, and then Minerva appeared. She covered her mouth with her aging hand. "Oh, Severus..." Her eyes welled up with tears. "You look lovely."

He rolled his eyes, and then tugged at his collar. She moved closer to him, and adjusted his white bow tie. Brushing off the shoulders of his dress robe with her fingers, Minerva stepped back to look at him. He had black dress robes on witb a white bow tie and white vest. He'd traded in his usual boots for shiny black dress shoes. She gave him a teary smile. "Are you ready, lad?"

He swallowed. His hands were trembling slightly. "You look bloody nervous."

Reaching into his inside breast pocket, Severus pulled out a small glass vial. Popping the tiny cork, he took a sip of the liquid inside and instantly looked a bit calmer.

"More Calming Draught?" She said softly. Her voice a question, a concern, not an accusation. He frowned and put the vial back into the pocket. His eyes fell to the floor. Had it been anyone other than Minerva, he would've grown angry and defensive.

"Severus... After you used the Resurrection Stone..." His eyes snapped back to hers in astonishment. "Really? You thought I wouldn't know? Harry bloody Potter, my golden lion, gave you the stone, and you think he wouldn't tell me what he'd done that had you all out of sorts for days after he visited you?"

Snape swallowed. She continued. Her voice was softer now. "I thought, after that, you would... Have found peace." He flicked his head. "Now, I see you drinking Calming Draught like Pumpkin Juice."

He steadied his voice. "I thought I found peace. It felt like... closure." He said softly.

"The aftermath feels differently?" Minerva asked quietly.

"I suppose I've had a bit of trouble managing that part, yes."

"You are not sleeping either, are you?"

He shook his head. "Fitful sleep at best."

"And Hermione..."

"She doesn't know," He said sharply. She narrowed her eyes. "The wedding... I... I didn't want to worry her."

"Right," Minerva said. "We'll deal with this after the wedding then, my boy." He nodded, looking uncharacteristically sheepish. "You're ready? Kingsley's outside the door."

He closed his eyes briefly and centered his mind. When he opened them again, there was a resolve within those black depths, and he stood tall. "I'm ready."

She stepped to him and kissed his cheek. "I am so proud of you, Severus, and I'm so very happy for you." Before he could muster the words to respond, she was gone, and the Minister of Magic stepped into his office.

"Headmaster," Kingsley said in his baritone voice. "Nice robes. Follow me."

Snape obeyed silently. Things felt out of sorts. Snape had imagined many walks in his life, and some of them following the Minister of Magic, but he had never imagined this one. This one that was leading him to the Great Hall where he would be married. He never imagined he'd married at all, let alone in the Great Hall, but in a way... It fit.

When the large doors swung open, the music changed, and Kingsley stepped down the aisle. Severus' dark eyes glanced toward the enchanted ceiling. The floating candles were beautiful against the magical snow. His eyes moved back squarely between Kingsley's shoulders. The aisle had a white carpet rolled, and Snape's black dress shoes contrasted against it sharply as he glanced at his feet. He stepped down the aisle. White fragrant flowers lined either side of the aisle. All eyes were on him, and he swallowed as he paced his strides behind Kingsley's.

When they reached the end of the aisle, Severus took a deep breath and stretched toward the stage. His eyes rested on the stained glass window above him that he had escaped through so many years ago, and he felt a sense of relief that he now stood below that window for such a very different reason. The flowery arch added to the difference in moments, and alleviated his anxiety further.

Kingsley caught Severus' eyes and gestured for Severus to stand to his left. Even having rehearsed this, Severus was grateful for the gesture. He stood, folded his hands in front of him and looked at the crowd for the first time. His eyes met Minerva's, whose eyes were teary. She was seated in the seat usually occupied by the groom's mother, and Horace was seated in the seat usually occupied by the groom's father. Slughorn's hand was holding Minerva's, and he was smiling brightly. He'd briefly considered leaving those two chairs empty, but he felt much more attached to Minerva than he did his own mother, and certainly more attached to Horace than he did to his father.

Looking across the aisle, Severus saw Hermione's mother, who was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue and smiling at him. She looked radiant. Her mother was seated next to her. Harry was in the seat directly behind where her father would sit, with Ginny, his children, and then Ron and Lavender, who was late into her first pregnancy.

The doors shut. White petals appeared over the carpet. The music changed again - a version of Canon in D. His heart began to race and Severus' mouth suddenly went very dry, and he swallowed hard. When the violin began to play the melody, the large wooden doors opened again, and Hermione stepped into view on her father's arm. Suddenly, he heard no more music. Saw no other faces. He could see nothing but her. His mouth fell open slightly and he had to blink rapidly to stop the tears from falling.

Her dress was simple, but elegant in its beauty. The long sleeves were lace, as was the top, but the bottom was plain white and flowed behind her. Her hair was braided on one side back into a bun that sat low and off to the right side of her face. She looked stunning. As she walked toward him, her face covered in a veil, he could see her smiling happily at him, and her eyes were watery. When she stopped, the world fell back into place around him, and he looked at her father for the first time, who wiped his eye with a kerchief.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate and witness the union of two faithful souls - Hermione Granger and Severus Snape," Kingsley announced. Severus looked back at Hermione and gave her a small yet so powerfully emotional smile. "Who gives this witch to be married to this wizard?"

"She does," Her father answered with a chuckle, and the crowd laughed. "But it is with the blessing of her mother and father," He added. He kissed Hermione's forehead for a long moment, smiled at her, and then gave her hand to Severus, who immediately rubbed his thumb across the back of her soft hand.

Kingsley spoke, but neither Severus nor Hermione appeared to hear a word he said. They were lost in their own world, gazing at their partner. Severus, normally so stoic and unreadable, seemed completely and blatantly enamored.

"The rings?" Kingsley asked. Harry shuffled to the stage smiling, handing Shacklebolt the wedding bands. "Please hold your hands out. Palms up." The couple obeyed, and Kingsley places the opposite ring in each partner's hands to prepare them for the exchange. He moved their hands together and placed his wand on the two rings, which were now touching. "Wedding rings serve as the symbol of the covenant you are about to speak. They are the outward and visible sign of an inward and invisible love which binds your hearts

together. As they are of the finest of earth's materials, so your love is of the richest of spiritual values. As rings are without edge or seam, having no beginning and no end, so they symbolize the perfection of a love that cannot end." His wand sparked and wrapped in the bands in golden, blessing the marriage the authority vested in the Minister of Magic.

"Now, it is time for vows," He said. "Severus, you're first." Severus looked to Kingsley. "Repeat after me. I, Severus Snape, with the life that courses in my blood,"

Severus steadied his voice. "I, Severus Snape, with the life that courses in my blood," She smiled at him.

"And the magic that runs within my veins, and the love that resides in my heart, take you, Hermione Granger, to be my wife."

"And the magic that runs within my veins, and the love that resides in my heart, take you, Hermione Granger, to be my wife," Severus said softly, but his voice was amplified for the guests.

"I promise to love you and cherish you fully and without restraint."

Severus smiled. "I promise to love you and cherish you fully and without restraint."

"In sickness and in health," Kingsley said.

Severus stared into her eyes. "In sickness and in health."

"For richer or for poorer."

"For richer or for poorer," Severus said.

"In life and beyond, where we will meet and love again."

"In life, and beyond, where we will meet and love again," Severus said with such conviction that a tear fell from her eye.

"Place the ring on her left ring finger, Severus," Kingsley instructed. "Say: 'With this ring, I am wedded to you, and we are bonded for life."

He slid the beautiful gold band witb tiny diamonds onto her finger. "With this ring, I am wedded to you, and we are bonded for life."

"Your turn, Hermione," Kingsley smiled as she met his eyes. "Repeat after me. I, Hermione Granger, with the life that courses in my blood,"

She looked back to Severus and smiled. "I, Hermione Granger, with the life that courses in my blood,"

"And the magic that runs in my veins, and the love that resides in my heart, take you, Severus Snape, to be my husband."

Hermione's smile grew brighter and Severus squeezed her hand. "And the magic that runs in my veins, and the love that resides in my heart, take you, Severus Snape, to be my husband."

"I promise to love you and cherish you fully and without restraint."

She repeated. "I promise to love you and cherish you fully and without restraint."

"In sickness and in health."

"In sickness and in health," Hermione said.

"For richer or for poorer."

"For richer or for poorer," She repeated.

"In life, and beyond, where we will meet and love again."

She took a deep breath, and smiled. "In life, and beyond, where we will meet and love again."

"Hermione, you can place the ring on Severus' left ring finger and say: 'With this ring, I am wedded to you, and we are bonded for life.'"

Her hands were slightly shaking with nerves and excitement as she slide the band onto his slender finger. "With this ring, I am wedded to you, and we are bonded for life."

"By the power vested in me as Minister of Magic, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Severus, you may kiss your bride."

Severus Snape lifted Hermione Granger's veil and looked at her in adoration for a moment. Placing his left hand on her hip, pulling her closer, and his right hand on the side of her neck, he leaned down and kissed his wife with the roaring applause in the background.

_**"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." ~ Committed: A Sceptic Makes Peace with Marriage**_


	91. Chapter91

Author's Note: I have not abandoned you guys! Thank you for your patience - here's some fluff and some lemons.

As the photographer took an insane amount of pictures, Severus could hardly take his eyes off of Hermione. They'd done a couple group photographs, but everyone else had gone to the cocktail hour, and now Severus and Hermione were alone in front of the photographer.

"Severus," Hermione said lightly. "You're not even looking at the photographer."

He rested his hands on the sides of her face and looked into her eyes, without any care for the photographers incessant camera shutter clicks. His voice was very low when he spoke. "You are so beautiful, Hermione."

She smiled at him, full and bright, and he kissed her forehead. "Thank you," He murmured against her hairline.

She looked up at him, puzzled. "Whatever for?"

He looked at her, and then looked away. For a moment, she was confused, and then she noticed that he was blinking rapidly, and his eyes were watery. She reached up and stood on her tip toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"I love you so much," He whispered. "So much."

"I love you, too," She said.

"These photographs are beautiful," The plump man said and Hermione jumped, apparently having forgotten he was there at all. "We can head back into the hall, if you're ready."

"I'd like a moment with my wife," Severus said, and his heart skipped in his chest at the title.

The photographer disappeared back toward the castle, and Hermione and Severus stood in the snow globe of a stasis charm in the courtyard.

"My husband wanted a moment with his wife?" She quirked an eyebrow.

"You look absolutely stunning," He said. He pressed his lips to hers. It was tender at first, loving, and she bit his bottom lip and he groaned. He moved his mouth to her jawline, and then to her throat. She gasped as his lips moved over the sensitive spot under her ear. His hands splayed over her back and he pulled her flush against his body.

"Severus," She murmured. "We've still got a reception to get through." He groaned and then moved to rested his forehead against hers. "Come on, husband."

Horace, ever the gregarious Slytherin, called Hermione and Severus to the dance floor, which was really just a space in the hall without tables. When he'd thought about his wedding night, this was the second most anxiety-ridden part for him, with the first being the actual walking down the aisle alone bit. He loathed attention, but Hermione took his hand and thumbed his wedding band, and he followed her.

She turned to him, smiling, and he put his left hand on her hip, pulling her close, and held her left hand in his right. She brought her right hand up to his shoulder, and he could feel her thumb rubbing his shoulder over his robes.

"You told me the song was a surprise?" He asked.

"I knew you'd be anxious about this moment, with all the eyes," She said. "So, I want you to just focus on being here with me, and listening to the lyrics."

He stared down at her as an acoustic version of a song he later learned was titled "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain began to fill the Great Hall. As he listened, he felt exactly what she was telling him, what the song was saying about both of them, and he leaned his forehead against hers. All too soon, Horace was summoning's Hermione's father to cut in and dance with his daughter.

He stood off to the side, where Minerva promptly joined him and handed him a glass of champagne. "That was a beautiful song, Severus."

"It was indeed," He said and sipped the champagne.

"You two look so happy," She said.

The rest of reception was perfect. Even Severus didn't notice any hiccup in their reception, but he found himself unable to pay his usual attention to detail. He was hardly even able to tear his eyes away from Hermione.

"Are you ready to get out of here?" Hermione asked.

"I thought you'd never bloody ask," He said sarcastically. "I do not, however, think our guests are much interested in turning in for the night."

"They can continue celebrating without us," She said coyly. He dark eyes glittered. "Come on... We can sneak out the staff passage way."

"My, my," He said. "A very Slytherin suggestion."

He followed her up to the Headmaster's Quarters, where they would spend one night before venturing to a cottage in a secluded area of northern Scotland For a week for their honeymoon.

Once inside their bedroom, she turned to face him. "I'm afraid this dress has a lot of buttons down the back."

"I had noticed," He raised an eyebrow and stepped nearer to her as she turned around. His fingertips ran up her arms so lightly that she shivered. He kissed the side of her neck as his fingers began to undo the buttons.

She tilted her head, giving him more access to her neck. "I figured it was payback for all of those buttons you always wear..."

"You are wicked," He murmured against her skin. "You'll notice I'm wearing significantly less buttons than usual."

"I had noticed," She mocked him gently as he found the last button at the base of her spine. She turned around and pulled his robe off of him, and then pulled his bow tie loose. His hands roamed her exposed back.

With the bow tie and the jacket on the floor, she began slowly unbuttoning his crisp white shirt. Her eyes locked onto his. He felt a hunger in him he didn't think possible. Oh, he'd wanted her, so many times and so many ways, but he had never wanted her as his wife before, and it burned like fire in his belly. She pulled his shirt from his waist band and he hissed as her hands pressed against his bare skin.

She pulled his shirt off of him and he dropped it onto the floor. She reached for his waistband and unfastened the button, pulled down his zipper, and pushed his dress pants to the floor as he kicked off his shoes. His mouth was on her neck again as he brought his feet up, one at a time, slightly between them and pulled off his socks. Her fingers rested inside the elastic of his black briefs.

She pushed him lightly backward onto the bed and he laid back propped up on his forearms as he watched her slide the dress off of her body, revealing a very green lacy thong.

"_What _is this?" He said as she crawled up to straddle him. His fingers touched the lace.

"Something borrowed," She said.

"Wait, what?" He asked. "You... borrowed this?"

"No!" She said quickly and laughed. "I borrowed your Slytherin green."

"Ah," He said and looked back down at the green lace. "You can keep it."

She rolled her hips against him and he groaned under her. He pulled her down and flipped her over onto her back. He kissed down her sternum, down her stomach, and began kissing the lace fabric. He grabbed the fabric in his teeth and tugged at it. She arched her hips. He pulled the fabric down and dragged his tongue up her inner thigh.

"My wife," He murmured against her hip bone.

"Severus," She said and he met her heated gaze. "I want you."

Severus pulled his briefs down and stepped out of them. He kissed one nipple, sucking it, and then moved to the other. His fingers moved between them and touched her, and he moaned loudly when he felt how wet she was.

She was squirming under him. Grinding against his fingers. Her nails dragged down his shoulders. "Please," She begged him.

He moved fully between her legs and pushed into her. He shuddered, and she hooked her ankles behind his waist. He moved against her slowly with long strokes, but he quickened as her moans became more indicative of her nearing release.

"My wife," He grunted in her ear. "Cum for me," He said, grinding against that nub as he rocked into her.

She cried out, uttering his name in a way that nearly undid him. He slowed as her body twitched around him, and then she looked at him with a fire that was twice as hot. She pushed him back slightly and he looked confused at first, but then she turned and bent on all fours. Looking back at him over her shoulder, she smirked. "Be a good husband and do it again."

He needed no further instruction and pressed into her from behind. She knew he preferred those high skin contact positions, but he seemed to enjoy the control in these as well, and she certainly enjoyed seeing him in this position. He had both hands on her hips as he thrust into her, steadily, hard, and fast. This way never took her long and soon she was spasming around him again. He stilled, and then flipped her, pressing into her, he thrust erratically. His forehead rested on hers.

"My husband... Cum for me."

And he did. And it was perfect**.**

_**"It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being." ~ The Secret of Staying in Love**  
_


	92. Chapter92

In October of 2006, more than a year and a half into their marriage, Severus headed to meet Hermione in the hospital wing so they could walk to dinner together. When he arrived, he found her standing near a filing cabinet and staring off into space.

"Hermione? Is everything all right?" He asked.

She jumped at the sound of his voice, which only served to intensify his bubbling anxiety further. She looked at him, a little more pale than usual, but she gave her best attempt at a reassuring smile. "Yes, of course." He narrowed his eyes, studying her. "Ready to head to dinner then?"

He didn't like the question. He walked here every day to walk with her to dinner. "Yes," He drawled.

She walked next to him in silence, whereas she usually chattered away about the day. He ground his molars together. Had he done something? He began combing over the last couple days in his mind searching for a possible reason for her behavior. She sat next to him at dinner. She was quiet and hardly ate.

"Is something wrong with Hermione?" Minerva whispered to him at dinner when she noticed the younger witch was merely pushing her food around on her plate. Severus looked at her and a brief flicker of panic rolled across his face, telling the older woman that he had no idea and was worried also.

Hermione's plate was cleared. "I have to finish some paperwork up in the Hospital Wing, but I'll meet you upstairs afterward?" She looked at Snape, who was trying very hard to school his features. She didn't wait for him to respond, and stood and walked out of the hall.

"What on Earth?" Minerva asked. "Did you two have a row?"

"No," He said. "I..."

"Go upstairs," Minerva said. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Clearly, it's not nothing," Severus groaned as he pushed his plate away and headed upstairs.

Once in their quarters, he paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. His mind was racing. Had he said something that upset her? He was, generally, a person who said upsetting things - sometimes on accident and sometimes on purpose, but he couldn't think of any such phrase that might explain her behavior. Had something happened with her parents? No. She would have told him that flat out. That couldn't be it. Did something happen with a student? No. He would know that as well. Did...

The door open, and he all but flew to the door. "Hermione..." He began. "Whatever I've done or said, whatever's happened, we can fix it."

She looked confused for a moment, and then gestures to the couch. "Can we talk?"

He stiffened. "_That _phrase is not something I want to hear." She glanced around his fingers and found them flexing. She grabbed his hands in hers and pulled him toward the couch.

He sat next to her, searching her face. "What is it?"

She worried her bottom lip. "I need to tell you something, and I'm a bit anxious about how you'll respond. It's... irrational, but..."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's _wrong_," She said and sighed.

"Something's wrong. You're behaving strangely, and I'm..." He gritted his teeth. Honesty. Transparency. "I am very anxious right now, Hermione."

She looked at him and frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

He stared at her. "Tell me what's wrong."

She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant." Her eyes searched his face as he sat in stunned silence. They'd agreed to stop actively preventing pregnancy, but she'd always been worried about how he might actually feel if they did become pregnant. She couldn't help the lingering anxiety that he'd have children because she wanted them, and not because he also wanted them.

He blinked. Then swallowed. "You're..."

"Pregnant," She repeated.

"Right now?" He asked. It was a silly question. Severus was one of the most intelligent wizards probably in the world.

She nodded.

"You're... sure?" He asked. His voice was very quiet. Tempered with shock.

"Yes. I did another test before coming here," She admitted.

He blinked again. "I thought I did something."

"Well, you did _do _something," She teased, but he didn't smile or react positively.

"You should have told me earlier."

"I only found out today," She said.

"You should have told me immediately. I was pacing around her like a caged animal thinking I'd done something wrong, thinking I'd upset you, thinking something was wrong with your parents..."

"I'm sorry, Severus," She said and tried to meet his gaze again. "I... was worried you wouldn't be happy." His head was angled away from her and he was staring at the stone floor. It didn't even seem as if he were breathing. Only when she touched a hand to his back did she notice he was trembling. "Severus... I'm sorry."

His hand was gripping his thigh tightly and she wrapped her hand around his wrist and tugged at him to look at her. When he finally relented and looked back at her, there were tears streaming down his face, and she gasped. "Severus..."

"You're really pregnant?" The question was spoken so softly.

"Yes," She answered and nodded.

"Oh, Hermione..." He said and kissed her. His lips didn't press against hers hard, and he pulled away too quickly for her liking only to move and rest his forehead against hers.

"Are you happy?" She asked.

He shivered. He pulled back to look into her eyes, and his hands pushed her wild hair back from her face. "Yes," He answered in a sort of quiet sob.

She smiled and battled the tears that sprang to her eyes. His mouth was on hers again, with more pressure now, and she laid on her back on the couch. He moved over top of her, kissing her in a series of passionate kisses. He kissed her chin, then her sternum, and then moved down her body. His slender fingers pushed her shirt up to her rib cage.

"There's a baby in here?" He asked in probably the most un-Severus Snape voice she'd ever heard as his pointer finger touched just above the waistline of her pants.

"Your baby," She giggled and nodded.

"My baby," He said and looked at her belly. He shifted and pulled out his wand. Touching the tip of his wand to her skin, he watched in absolute awe as her skin began to glow a soft white, revealing a positive pregnancy test.

His eyes were watery as he stared at the soft white glow on her belly. "How far along?" He looked at her.

"7 weeks," She said. "I've been feel quite nauseous, so I took the test, and, well... you see it." He stared at the white glow again. "Can I see your wand?" He handed her his wand. "Would you like to hear the baby's heartbeat?"

His mouth dropped open slightly and he nodded. Her wand pressed. Into her lower abdomen a little deeper Severus winced. "Should you press so hard?" He asked, and then heard it.

The steady quick thrumming of life amplified from his child's body. He was blinking back tears again. His mouth pressed next to his wand and he kissed her skin over and over. She stroked his coal black hair.

"I set up an appointment with a Midwife I know. I did a lot of studying with her when I was preparing for my licensure. She's lovely. We'll just Floo to St. Mungo's tomorrow before dinner."

"Is using the Floo safe?" He asked.

"Yes, but no Portkey or Apparition."

He nodded quietly and then looked at her stomach again.

"Do you want to find out the gender? I know the spell," She said as he peered up at her. "Or we can wait until tomorrow? Or we can have it be a surprise?"

"You can do that this early?"

She scoffed. "We're not Muggles, Severus."

He looked at her. "I don't know that I can wait the entire pregnancy without knowing. It doesn't matter which gender, but... I enjoy knowing things," He said. "Unless you...?"

"Thank Merlin," She said, and touched his wand to her belly again. She looked into his eyes. "Ready?"

He nodded and watched the glowing white swirl into a very light blue. "Does... It's a boy?"

She was crying. "Yes."

"A... son," He whispered. She had thought that the realization they were having a son might make Severus incredibly emotional because of his own relationship with his own father, and she sat up and pulled him into her arms. He was trembling and buried his nose into her hair. They held each other closely all through the night even once sleep finally overcame them.

"**_What it's like to be a parent: It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love." ~ The Wedding_**  



	93. Chapter93

Severus and Hermione decided not to immediately tell everyone about their pregnancy as the first trimester was an anxiety ridden time for normal Muggle pregnancies and it was an especially tricky period for magical pregnancies.

Magical pregnancies involved combining the two sets of genetic magics, and Hermione and Severus had two very different magics. Severus had spent hours with his mouth pressed to her abdomen, with his face buried in the nape of her neck, with his arms holding her to his chest, full on praying to whatever deities existed in the world that whatever punishment for his Dark magic, for the Dark Mark that was now faded on his arm, for his fascination with the Dark Arts, would be inflicted upon him only, that it hadn't changed his magical DNA so much that it would impact a child. Everything he'd researched said the child would be fine, but he was a worrier, and so was she, though they both did their best not to worry too much.

Three weeks later, the morning sickness ravaged Hermione. It had been gracious enough to start on a weekend but now, it was a Monday. He followed her into the bathroom at half-six in the morning as she vomited into the toilet.

"You really don't have to come in here every time," She grumbled as she flushed.

"I worry," He said.

"It's normal, Severus. Morning sickness is normal."

He sat down on the bathroom floor next to her and rubbed his hand on her back lightly. "I am aware. I did read the books."

"You read them all already?" She asked over her shoulder after she swished and spit a quick Aguamenti into the toilet bowl.

"You haven't?" He asked.

"In case you hadn't noticed," She gestured to the toilet unceremoniously, "I've been a little occupied."

"You should stay here today," He said.

"Severus..."

"I'm serious, Hermione. You have been sick all weekend. You need rest, and you need to regain your strength," He said. She couldn't argue with him there.

"This is _your _fault," She said.

He scoffed. "You were a very willing participant."

"No, this part... The difficult parts, I know it's because it's _your _son. Snarky and stubborn and difficult even now. I can _feel _it." He laughed softly and then kissed her shoulder. "I'm going to be sick again."

"I'll go make you some tea."

When he returned, she was sitting with her back against the wall. She looked very tired. "Here," He said and handed her the cup.

She smelled it. "No smell?"

"None," He said. "It has the anti-nausea potion as well. I finished brewing it late last night, and I am resigned to trust the thorough research behind its safety throughout pregnancy."

"You say the sweetest things," She mumbled as she took a sip. He could see her relax measurably with even just a sip, though he imagined that to be mostly placebo.

He brushed his teeth and moved to get dressed while she sat on the floor sipping the tea. She moaned as she finished the cup, and he leaned casually against the doorframe with a raised eyebrow. "I have rather missed you making noises like that..."

"Before this," She said and held up the cup toward him. "You were never going to get to touch me again."

"And now?" He smirked and took the cup from her hand.

"Don't push your luck," She sighed. "Just keep making that tea."

"Yes, dear," He said and helped her to her feet.

She brushed her teeth and then shuffled to the bed. He finished dressing, and then sat next to her on the bed. He stroked her cheek with the backs of his knuckles. "You look much better already."

"Mmm."

"I'll come back to check on you in a couple of hours," He said. "Dobby?" The house elf appeared immediately. "Keep an eye on her. Hopefully, she will be sleeping the entire time and this will be the easiest command I've ever given you."

"Yes, Headmaster," Dobby said eagerly.

He kissed her forehead and headed down to the Hospital Wing. Once there, he set up the wards to summon him if a student should need assistance.

"Hermione, I ..." He heard Minerva's voice behind him.

He turned to greet her. "Alas, it is her worse half."

"Is something the matter with her, Severus?"

"She's feeling a bit under the weather," Severus answered coolly.

Minerva's eyes narrowed. "She didn't so much as show her face once this weekend, and now she's ill?"

"People feel sick sometimes," Severus said, moving toward the hall.

"Yes, people do feel sick sometimes, but your _wife _doesn't. You'd hardly let her suffer for so long, unless she's not really ill and you've had a row, and she's upset." Severus turned to look at her again. His eyes were dancing in mild amusement. "No. You'd be a raving lunatic if you'd had a row."

"She is feeling sick," Severus said again.

_Damn._ Minerva wasn't going to let it go. Her lips pursed. "Definitely not an argument. You've been practically giddy, strutting about in a way that even rivals the Malfoys. Somehow, Snape in a good mood only terrifies more..." His lip twitched as he struggled to keep himself from smirking. She searched his face, his body language. Her eyes widened. _There it is. _"Severus..." Her voice was quiet, disbelieving, yet infinitely hopeful.

He closed the Hospital Wing doors and silenced them for the moment. "What, Minerva?" He smirked now, in a fully Slytherin way.

"She's... You're..." She brought her hands to her face in a very childlike excitement. "Are you two having a baby?"

Despite his excitement, he blushed a deep red. He'd never heard it come from anyone's mouths but their own until now, and he very much cared for Minerva. She was as much of a mother to him as he'd ever had. He blinked rapidly, and then he said, "Yes."

She squealed and closed the space between him. Grateful for having silenced the wing, Severus smirked as she threw her arms around him and squeezed him tightly. "Severus!"

He let her have her excitement, let her congratulate him a hundred times, and then disentangled himself from her embrace. "It's still a bit early yet, so if you could please refrain from making a scene in public..."

"How early?"

"This is week 10. We've seen a healer, and and he seems to be on track and perfectly healthy," He said.

"He?" She looked at him wide eyed.

"It's a boy," He said softly. He reached into his robes pocket and pulled out the sonogram picture. Truthfully, the baby didn't much look like a baby yet, but the picture wasn't nearly as exciting as the sound. He touched his wand to the sonogram, and they could hear his son's heartbeat recorded in the photo.

Minerva's hands were covering her mouth and her eyes were full of tears. "Oh, Severus..." Her voice was quiet. She noticed the slightly tremble in his hands and understood it in a way very few people would have. She touched her hands to his and met his dark gaze. "You will be an _incredible _father."

He swallowed hard and tucked the sonogram back into his robes. "We shall see, I suppose."

"Is the morning sickness quite bad?" She asked.

"It hadn't been until this weekend. I had initially made anti-nausea potions, but then she didn't need them, and when she did, I felt like she should have fresh ones..."

"So, you're being a bit overprotective. She's having a rough go?"

"It has been... a very long weekend," He said, and she noticed his tired eyes.

"Well, any son of yours would be bound to give her a run for her money."

"You know, she said something similar this morning, and I do not understand why you assume it would be _m_y genes that would account for this. She set me on fire at 11. If the boy is a hellion..."

"Not necessarily that yet, but difficult... _That _is you."

Severus rolled his eyes. "If you're quite finished, I need to check on my wife..."

"Might I tell Horace?"

"Would it be worth it to even try to stop you?"

"Probably not."

He returned to their quarters, the school day now officially beginning. She was barely awake when he walked into their bedroom.

"She has been sleeping soundly, Headmaster."

She peered up at him. "You look awfully tired," She said. "How late were you up finishing those potionA anyway?"

"Quite late," He said. "It's no matter. I wanted to make sure it was ready by the time you woke."

"Come to bed, Severus," She said softly. "You need sleep, too."

He grunted. "I have two jobs to do today."

"The world won't stop if you sleep in a bit more," She prodded gently. "Dobby, can you alert us if someone has need of our dear Headmaster here either in his office or at the Hospital Wing?"

The elf nodded happily and disappeared. Severus, fully dressed, boots and robe, crawled back into bed next to his wife. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. She spent a few minutes admiring her husband. He'd been even more devoted to her over this last weekend that anyone had probably ever thought him capable of being. She'd never doubted he'd be a good father, not since truly knowing him, but seeing it now made her fall in love with him all over again. She couldn't wait to see how he'd be once their son was born.

_"_**_It's about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last," ~ Parenthood_**  



	94. Chapter94

**Trigger Warning: Traumatic Birth**

The following May, Severus and Hermione both became very aware that the birth of their son was upon them. Hermione was increasingly uncomfortable. Her back hurt, her hips hurt, her feet hurt... Severus did everything he possibly could think of to alleviate her discomfort, but the fact that she was extremely pregnant still remained. Aside from a couple weeks of terrible morning sickness, Hermione's pregnancy had been fairly easy.

Hermione was currently visiting with Potter and Weasley. He was sending out the letters for the new Hogwarts first years when a silvery stag burst into his office and demanded his presence in the Hospital Wing. His stomach sank at the panic in Potter's voice, and he stepped into the Floo.

Reappearing, he saw stricken Gryffindor faces - Weasley, Potter - as McGonagall barked orders and wheeled a hospital bed toward the hearth. "We need to go to St. Mungo's now."

And then he saw her. She was reaching for him frantically, tears streaming down her face. His eyes were drawn to the pool of red between her legs that stood out in stark contrast to the whiteness of the sheets. He could taste bile in the back of his throat. She was so pale. He gripped her hand.

Everything happened so fast. They were in the hospital, and then there were Mediwitches and Midwives and Doctors all around them. Potter was talking, explaining what happened, but he could hear nothing. His ears were ringing. Hermione's grip on his hand was hard, the only thing keeping him standing. He stared at her, and then she was being wheeled to another room and he followed, leaving the others on a waiting room behind.

Their wands were moving over her body quickly, her legs in stirrups. He sat next to her bed, his head leaning against hers while she cried. His lionness never cried like this; she never wailed like this. His teeth were chattering his anxiety. A man was speaking to him, explaining what was happening to his wife.

"Uterine rupture," He said. His voice sounded far away, as if it were traveling through all the ages of the world to get to his ears. "It's been nine minutes, and we have a maximum of 30 to deliver the baby safely."

She was being wheeled out of the room, and she was yelling at him. "Save our son, Severus. If it comes to that, save our son."

Two doors opened and then Mediwitches were holding him back. He couldn't follow her, and they were restraining him. He was struggling, hard, and then Potter and Weasley were assisting in holding him back.

His grief and confusion turned to fury as he pinned Potter to the wall. "_What _did you do?!" He yelled.

Ron, now a grown man much stronger than the teenager he'd once been, pushed against Severus hard, but Snape's wrath was legendary.

"Snape, let him go!" Ron yelled.

Severus released Potter, and the boy had tears in his eyes. Hermione was his family. "She went to the bathroom, and she came out, and there was blood everywhere... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Snape was trembling in his emotions. His magic was cracking and sparking erratically across his clothing. Security had been called and they were watching him warily. Potter and Weasley announced themselves as Aurors, saying things were okay.

"Nothing is okay!" Snape growled, the infamous fury of the old Professor clear on his face in a way they hadn't seen in many years.

Minerva's face came into view. "Listen to me, boy. You will help no one and nothing by getting yourself detained."

He glared angrily at the security members, who had drawn their wands, but had wisely not pointed them at him yet. He snarled and stepped away from the group. Once the initial wave of anger subsided, it gave way to sheer terror at the thought of losing his wife and child, of the thought of having to make a choice like Hermione had implied. He couldn't make that choice. No one should ever have to make that choice.

He paced anxiously for a moment, like a caged animal, staring at the doors through which Hermione had been wheeled. Ron and Harry looked at him uneasily. He had every right to be so emotional, but after so many years of seeing a, well, happy Severus Snape, this version was incredibly alarming and unsettling. They couldn't realistically expect different. After all, they looked truly not much better than he did.

After 15 minutes of relentless pacing, the panic and anxiety began to crush him. He sat abruptly in a chair near where they were standing, trying very hard not to vomit, and rocked slightly, his shaking hands gripping his knees. Nobody knew what to say to him, not even Minerva. Potter and Minerva sat tentatively in the chairs on either side of him, and Weasley had sat directly across from him. It was a strategic move. He was blocked on all sides, but there was no outburst from Snape.

Minerva looked at him worriedly. What could you say to a man in a situation such as this, especially when that man was Severus Snape?

Platitudes? Looking at his face, he needed to hear something. Anything. Even Snape needed optimistic platitudes. "Everything is going to be all right, Severus. We got her here so quickly. This hospital has the best possible care."

"Hermione is a fighter," Harry added.

Snape's eyes closed. He didn't appear to be breathing. His entire body was trembling. They could see he was beginning to sweat and he was more pale than they'd ever seen him. He was quiet for several minutes. Then, a very broken confession fell from his lips in the most vulnerable and childlike voice they'd ever heard from him.

"I can't do this again."

The statement ran over the three Gryffindors like a full speed train. They all knew what he meant and it shook them to their very core. This was the root of Snape, and they were all seeing it, they had all heard it. He couldn't lose the woman he loved again. He couldn't be alone again. It would _destroy _him. Harry squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Minerva couldn't stop the fearful tears. Old age, love, and a world not in a state of war had really made her more emotional. She reached out and put her hand over his and was surprised as anyone, including Severus himself, when he clutched at her hand with his own.

"Fucking hell," He heard Potter say in a broken voice.

He leaned forward, leaning the elbow of his free arm on his thigh. The free hand covered his face, pinching the bridge of his nose while his body trembling anxiously.

"I need to tell Lav and Ginny," Ron said softly from across the tiny waiting room aisle.

"And Horace," Minerva said quietly.

"I'll send my Patronus to him as well," Ron said and stood to move into one of the more private waiting rooms.

If Severus had heard him speak or move, he didn't acknowledge it at all. He was bitterly thinking that everyone with him would soon be getting the comfort he so desperately needed from their significant others.

The three people in question appeared in the waiting room rather quickly. Ginny, who was slightly less pregnant than Hermione had been, sat next to her husband, as Horace moved to Minerva and Lavendar sat across from him next to Ron.

Harry was speaking again, to the new arrivals, but the ringing in his ears was loud again. The hand pinching his nose moved to shield his eyes. He ground his teeth together so hard he was certain Potter and McGonagall could hear the awful noise. He tried to focus on any grounding sound near him, and the only thing he could find was the impossibly slow ticking of a clock. There was nothing the people around him could say. They knew Snape well enough to know that, more than anything, if he needed something, it was their presence. He hadn't thrown them out, so they sat with him in anxious and tense quiet, each of them hoping with everything inside of them that both Hermione and their son would pull through this.

"**_If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." ~ Wuthering Heights_**


	95. Chapter95

After roughly an hour with no news, Snape lifted his head from his hand abruptly and stood, causing all of the people around him to jump at his sudden movement. He moved quickly to the double doors and began pacing again.

The wizards and witches he'd been sitting with eyed each other. Snape appeared to be debating charging back there and demanding answers, not that they could blame him, but Hermione would not be so forgiving if she learned her friends had allowed her husband to get himself arrested.

"I'll go talk to him," Ginny said and the group looked surprised. They had all expected Minerva to volunteer, but Ginny and Snape had never had as much of an antagonistic relationship as the other former students had had at school, and they'd even developed a tentative friendship based mostly upon witty barbs and quidditch jokes. She was Hermione's best female friend and if anyone could talk him off the ledge, or demand him to move back from the ledge, Ginny knew in her heart it would be her.

She stood, touching her back in discomfort as their their unborn daughter kicked her kidney. They'd yet to tell Snape the name, but it could definitely wait much longer now. She looked at Harry. "Don't look at me like that, Harry. Out of the former students, he's least likely to kill me because I'm pregnant."

She stopped at the Nurse's Station to quietly inquire as to Hermione's condition. When they said they'd heard nothing, she frowned and moved toward Snape. He heard someone approaching him, his spy senses, which had been so long disused were no less sharp, and he snapped his head to the source. His eyes widened a fraction when he realized it was Ginerva.

"Severus," She said softly. She very rarely ever used his first name, preferring Snape or to not address him by any name at all as they were usually making bets about quidditch, or making sarcastic statements.

His body was trembling and she felt a sudden urge to hug the wizard, which she had never done in all of these years. His relationship and marriage to Hermione had changed the dynamics between all of them forever, but there were still some things about Snape that hadn't changed, and one was his avoidance of anyone's touch except for Hermione's, and occasionally Minerva. He looked to be in agony. The vein that used to terrify his students was jumping in his temple, his jaw was flexing as he ground his teeth, and his hands were shaking. He was staring at her, uncertain as to why _she _had approached him out of all of them. His dark eyes bored into hers. He looked cornered in a way she hadn't intended to make him feel.

"I'm here because I want to help you," She said. "I can go sit back down if that's what you want, but Hermione is my very best friend, and I am here for you too. Would you like me to sit back down?"

His eyes narrowed for a moment before he shook his head briefly, and then he looked back at the doors.

"She'd kill me if I let you get yourself arrested by charging back there," Ginny said softly.

"As if you had any hope of stopping me," He said quietly, a hint of his former dangerousness seeping into his statement.

"Still, she'd kill me, and as much as we annoy you, I don't think you want us dead."

He stood very still for a moment. "I am afraid," He said so softly that she barely heard it.

She'd known he was afraid. It was obvious, but hearing someone like Severus Snape admit it - to her of all people - brought tears to her eyes. She looked at him as he stared at the doors and realized, horrified, that there were tears streaming down his face. Years ago she would have sworn it was impossible, but now... Now, he was so human it was painful.

"Do you want to go to one of these side rooms? It's a little more private," She offered. "We'll still be able to see the doors. I promise."

He nodded once, and she moved to a side room, shaking her head at her husband as he stood anxiously for some sort of update on Snape's state, and Severus moved quickly through the door she's opened, his black hair concealing his face from the others.

The door, which had a clear glass panel, shut behind her, as she realized he was vomiting into the trash can. After a moment, realizing the extent of his anxiety for the first time, she sat next to him. She moved her hand tentatively to his back and rested it right between his shoulder blades. He was burning hot even through his robes as he vomited stomach acid quietly into the bin. She summoned a vial of mouthwash from her handbag and handed it to him. He took it without question, swished it around in his mouth, and then spit it into the bin. He reached for his wand, but she Vanished the contents herself.

"Thank you," He said in a very shaky whisper.

"I know in my heart that Hermione is okay," She said. "I feel it."

"And my son?" He asked in a very broken voice.

Suddenly, her own baby began to jump around in her stomach, kicking against her abdomen. She didn't understand it completely, didn't know the answer in any way that was rational, but she knew her baby was showing her the life that Snape's baby had. She reached for his wrist and he looked at her warily, but didn't stop her as she moved his hand to her belly. He resisted slightly, and his eyes narrowed. She shook her head. "Please, trust me. I've no idea how to explain it."

His hand rested over her belly, where her suddenly very active baby was moving under his long fingers. He choked a sob as his head fell back against the wall. Somehow, some way, it was helping, and her unborn daughter continued to be very active under Snape's hand as his breathing evened out. She looked at him, and she could suddenly see the man her best friend had fallen in love with so clearly. He was not handsome in any traditional sense, but he was distinct and powerful. Snape had always treated Hermione well, and Hermione would be the first to admit if he hadn't. He was usually quite quiet and reserved around her friends, tolerating them more than anything, but he was ever watchful of her, and he was incredibly devoted. Everything about him was always focused on her. She knew the man's history, and knew he didn't commit to anything lightly. He was so in love with her and she didn't know how anyone could ever question their bond. It seemed to evident now, though she'd seen it over the years. His eyes were closed, and his face still twitched with anxiety, but the hand on her stomach had stopped shaking. They sat like that, her hand resting on his wrist as his resting over her kicking baby. Then, she realized that it was probably, for somehow, the baby's namesake working through her body.

"Her name is Lily," Ginny said softly.

Snape said nothing for several minutes, but his self-control continued to come back. Then, he said, softly, "I know."

She had no idea how he knew. Harry would have told her if he'd told Snape. He might have assumed, given their habit of naming their children, but she felt deep in her bones that whatever was happening in that moment was very old magic, and that Snape had _felt _the baby's name.

"Does this bother you?" He asked without opening his eyes. "Being in here with me? The Dungeon Bat feeling your child move?" There was absolutely no malice in his deep voice. He was... concerned for her comfort level.

Suddenly, her heart clenched so painfully that tears filled her eyes. Hermione had said he was very insecure, but Ginny realized it fully in this moment. He was fearing for the life of his wife and child, and he was worried he was making her uncomfortable in his vulnerability.

"No," She said firmly.

He didn't respond, but she noticed he relaxed just slightly. His eyes remained closed as he focused on the tiny but strong kicks under his hand. "Does she always move this much?" He asked.

"No. Not for this long at least," Ginny said. "I think she's trying to help you."

Neither of them were entirely sure which _she _Ginny was referencing, but Snape said again, softly, "She is."

The next few minutes passed in silence. Her baby continued to move enthusiastically under Snape's hand. Then, his eyes snapped open when he heard a "Headmaster Snape?"

He looked at Ginny fearfully as the doctor in white robes opened the door. He moved his hand away from Ginny.

"Do you want me to leave, Severus?"

His eyes were assessing the doctor as he sat across from them. For a moment, she thought he might be using Legilimency, but she knew he wouldn't have the focus or strength. "Please, don't go," He said.

"I will stay," She said. "I'm right here." Her own anxiety increased as she looked at the wizard across from them.

"Headmaster, we were able to save both your wife and son," The doctor began, realizing Snape's desperation. Severus sagged in his chair and began to weep. Ginny touched his hand lightly, and he slowly collected himself before the doctor continued. "Your son is perfectly healthy, and you will be able come back with me and see him. The rupture in your wife's uterus was quite severe. We were able to fix it, but the inevitable scarring from it, even with our best work, will make it highly unlikely she will be able to conceive another baby, though if, by some miracle, she were, she would need bed rest very early on to prevent this from happening again, though the scarring would likely prevent a recurrence."

"She's..." He swallowed hard.

"Recovering," The Doctor said. "She's not awake yet. She will be soon. Would you like to see your son?"

"Hermione is..." Snape's voice was shaking and she realized he was not talking to the doctor. He was talking to Ginny, trusting her answers more than the doctor.

"She's alive," Ginny said lowly to him, and wiped at her eyes.

"And the baby..."

"He's alive," Ginny assured him.

He sobbed once more, and then looked at the Doctor. He nodded. She stood up as he did. The doctor opened the door and stepped outside, giving them a moment.

Snape looked at her a bit awkwardly, realizing what had transpired between them was much more intimate than any of their interactions, and she summoned all of her Gryffindor courage and hugged him. She had to let him know that his humanity was okay, and accepted. He was tense for a moment before relaxing, bringing his shaky arms around her back. "Thank you," He said quietly as she pulled away from him.

"I'll tell the others. Go meet your son," She said. He moved to follow the doctor, and Ginny tried to collect herself. Her best friend was okay. Their baby was okay. She'd had some weird bonding moment with _Snape._ She only hoped her daughter, who was now very calm inside of her, would be arrive soon because she _really _needed a glass of wine.

"**_Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness." ~ Wonder_**


	96. Chapter96

Severus was escorted into the nursery. Several babies were crying, but as he approached a tiny bed with a large sticker with "BABY BOY SNAPE" at the foot, he realized his son was not one of them. The child was sleeping contentedly, as if his entrance in the world had been peaceful and not at all violent or traumatizing. A chair was conjured by the Doctor next to the cradle, and he sat in it and stared at his son.

Snape had, over the course of his life, seen many babies, and had generally found them to look quite similar to each other in the first weeks of life. His son was swaddled in a white blanket. His cheeks were rosy and full of life. He was wearing a tiny cap, and Severus reached out tentatively and pushed the cap off of his small head slightly. Downy black hair covered his son's head. His thumb rubbed the tiny child's forehead lightly as he stared in awe. If he had done anything good and right in his entire life, it was this child.

The baby opened his tiny mouth and yawned. Snape's eyes filled with tears. A Mediwitch approached him. "Would you like to hold him?"

Snape looked at her a bit helplessly. He'd held Potter's children, at Potter's insistence, and Draco Malfoy a very long time ago, but holding his own child appeared to be a much scarier thing. The Mediwitch smiled, picked up his son, and deposited him gently into Severus's arms. The boy hardly stirred. The Mediwitch left to tend to some wailing child as Snape stared down at the baby in his arms. The white blanket and the innocence of the child looked so strange against the blackness of his cloak. His son outstretched a tiny hand, and Severus' dark eyes soaked in the fragility of his son, his soft skin, and those impossibly tiny fingernails.

Severus touched his pointer finger to his son's hand and all but actually melted when the baby gripped his finger tightly. His hand was so soft around Snape's slender finger.

"He's perfect," The Mediwitch informed him.

"He gets that from his mother," Severus said softly.

"Headmaster Snape?" The Doctor had reappeared in the nursery. Snape met his gaze. "Your wife is awake. We've spoken with her about what transpired. She's asking for you, and for your son. Shall we?"

Snape stood, holding his baby securely in his arms. The Mediwitch, pushing the cradle, and the Doctor were moving ahead of him. Severus' usually long and purposeful strides had slowed tremendously. He could hardly take his eyes off the sleeping child in his arms. His heart ached for Hermione, ached to show her what they'd made.

The Doctor and Mediwitch disappeared into a room several doors ahead of him, and then reappeared in the hallway, without the cradle. "We'll give you some time to be together. This has been incredibly stressful, I imagine. We'll check in with you in a bit."

He pushed the door open, and he heard her tired voice. "Severus?"

He was crying before he even saw her, looking from her to the baby. She was crying, too. She reached her hand to him as he stepped next to the bed. Carefully, he moved the baby from his arms to hers, and then slid into the bed on his side next to her. He buried his face in her neck, one hand holding the side of her face, and the other resting on their baby.

"Hermione," He whined into her neck. "I thought I was going to lose you, going to lose you both..."

She leaned her head against his and whimpered. "We're here, Severus. Both of us."

He focused on his settling himself as he breathed in her scent. Medicated as she was and being in a hospital, he still could still smell her. His breathing slowly evened our, and so did hers, relishing the comfort of one another. Eventually, he pulled his head back to look down at the child.

"That's our son," He said softly, and she laughed quietly next to him.

"Have you spoken with my parents?"

He grimaced. "I was... in no state to contact anyone."

"It's all right," She said softly. "I imagine you weren't. I can have Harry go and explain it all to them and bring them here."

He nodded. "They'll want to see you as well."

"Mostly, I think they'll want to see you haven't murdered all of the staff back here," She teased him.

"Hermione, you could have died..." He said.

"I... I know, Severus. And now they said..." She trailed off. "We might never have another."

"It's a bridge to cross for another time, Hermione," He said as gently as he could. "If you ever manage to convince me to have unprotected sex with you again, we can discuss it. You, my wife, are alive. Our son is alive. Those things are what's important right now."

"I love you," She said.

He nuzzled his nose into her hair. Roughly 20 minutes later, the Mediwitch reappeared. Hermione realized that Severus made no attempt to move from where he was, on his side snuggled into her with the magically expanded bed, which told her how very worried he had been.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," The Mediwitch said. "You have some, um, very anxious friends waiting for you in the lobby, and well, two of them are Aurors, and one of them is Harry Potter..."

Snape snorted. "Potter's throwing his weight around."

Hermione laughed. "You can bring them back."

"If you try to tell them no, they'll probably blow the whole place up," Snape said lowly.

Again, Hermione found herself surprised when Severus made no move to leave the bed. He'd always been very self-conscious about affection, and she imagined he looked rather odd - Severus Snape - the feared Headmaster and Professor, an ex-Death Eater - in dark black robes clinging to his wife and child, but she smiled. If he was comfortable now, it was a testament to his growth, and to how anxious he'd been.

If they'd noticed anything strange about Snape's position, none of them showed it. Ginny looked rather tearful as she looked at Snape, and Hermione looked at her questioningly. "It was rough," Ginny whispered as she kissed her friend's cheek.

The group of friends practically swarmed the bed, which caused Severus to groan at the proximity and pull himself off of the bed. He sat in the chair next to the head of her bed and rubbed his face, hardly believing what happened. Horace patter Snape's shoulder, congratulating him.

"I might have to keep teaching long enough to collect this one," Horace said lightheartedly.

"You'll not collect my son," Snape warned, without any real threat in his voice.

Minerva rubbed his back, and then looked at Hermione. "So, what's this future Gryffindor's name?"

"Future _what_?" Severus and Horace said at the same time.

"Come off it," Minerva eyed Horace and Severus. "We all know where he's going."

"Not bloody likely," Snape said, but his eyes held a humor in them.

"So, his name?" Minerva asked again.

Hermione met Severus' eyes and he nodded. Hermione spoke. "This is Oliver William Snape."

"Ollie!" Ron said cheerfully. "Perfect name for the lad!"

Snape rolled his eyes. They were already nicknaming his son, but then he took a moment and observed the people in the room. Most of them were Gryffindors, it was true. He watched how they looked at the baby as Hermione allowed Ginny to hold him, how they fawned over him. Lavender cooed at the baby.

Oliver would have a life filled with love, and laughter, and family that Severus had wanted for himself so desperately. The people in this room were warm, unfailingly loyal, protective, and loving. He blinked rapidly to stop himself from making more of a scene than he had done all day as he realized how loved his child was already. _This _was what it felt like to have a family, and damn it, he didn't care if it came with a bunch of golden lions.

Late that evening, Harry and Ginny remained in the room. Minerva and Horace returned to oversee Hogwarts, and Lavender and Ron left to round up theirs and Potter's children from Molly and Arthur's. Severus had, unbeknownst to him, been slipped a mild sedative in his tea at Hermione's behest. It was a testament to how out of practice the spy and Potions Master was that he didn't catch it, but he was now sleeping on the couch along the wall.

"How is he?" Hermione asked as she looked at Severus.

Ginny bit her lip as Harry cradled the baby in his arms. "It was awful, 'Mione. I've never seen him so torn up." Hermione frowned. "Hermione..." The new mother looked at her friend. "Something... Happened."

Hermione asked, "What?"

"I can't really explain it, but I think..." She frowned trying to find the words. "Snape was a mess, Hermione. Crying, pacing, fuming, vomiting... I got him into one of the more private rooms. Figured I'd be the only one he wouldn't kill," She said and gestured to her pregnant belly. "I was trying to help calm him down, trying to ... Find the right thing to say, but what do you say to someone in that kind of situation?"

Ginny glanced at Snape and shivered. Hermione took her hand. "I tried to tell him you were okay, that I had a feeling, about you, and the baby. I don't think he believed me. Then, she started kicking," Ginny said and touched her belly. "And I just... knew he needed to feel it, so I put his hand here," Ginny said and touched her friend's hand to where her baby was kicking again. "I can't explain it, but I think it was Harry's Mum. I _felt _it, and he calmed down, and she kept moving around under his hand to keep him grounded."

Hermione's eyes filled with tears as she rubbed her thumb over her friend's kicking baby. "Thank you, Lily." Harry looked at her with glassy eyes. Ginny glanced at Snape. "Thank you, both, for being there. He might never admit it, but I know he's grateful. It means everything to me that you were there for him."

"He thanked me. Twice actually," She said. "Bloody hell. I think I have to actually admit I'm friends with Snape now."

Hermione laughed with Ginny. "Now you've got to get this little one out so we can have all the play dates."

"And wine," Ginny groaned. "All the wine."

_**"Soak up every moment, be generous with your love, and be thankful for those who love us back." ~ Until the Last Star Fades**_  



	97. Chapter97

It took only four years for Oliver Snape to find out anything negative about his father. Children don't often find out their parents history at such a young age, but surprisingly it actually didn't come directed at Snape at all. They were careful about information that Oliver came into contact with. Another child at the private pre-school and primary school where he attended with several other pre-Hogwarts students made a rather nasty comment about Scorpius Malfoy's father's tattoo, shown on his bare forearm, which was identical to his father's left forearm, calling it a Dark Mark. Whatever that meant did not sound like something good.

Oliver was, naturally, incredibly intelligent and observant. He was friendly, quiet, and had a very quick witted sense of humor, despite his young age. Resigning himself to asking his father directly, the boy padded into his father's office.

"Dad?"

Severus looked up at him. He'd grown so much in the last year and would be soon turning 5. The boy had Severus's black hair, which was currently cropped but messy on top, Hermione's whiskey colored eyes, and a light smattering of freckles across his face. Fortunately for the boy, Severus mused, he'd physically inherited almost everything from his mother - her nose, her skin. The only thing Snape seemed to have passed down physically was his lanky height and black hair.

Then, he realized, that his son looked quite nervous. "Something is troubling you? Come, sit," His father said and conjured a chair next to him.

The boy bit his bottom lip nervously as he sat in the chair. Snape searched his face. He didn't look like he was hurt. Touching his knuckles to his forehead, he didn't feel a temperature. Then, suddenly, anxious honey eyes met his. "What's a Dark Mark mean?"

For the first time, Oliver saw his father look truly off balance. Snape flinched at Oliver's question and sat very still. "Where did you hear about a Dark Mark?"

"A boy at school said Uncle Draco's tattoo was a Dark Mark. It's the same as yours," Oliver pointed out.

Curse the child for being so bloody smart, so acutely observant. Severus looked toward the door to his office as it opened, much to his relief, and Hermione appeared. "Hello, boys," She greeted them, and then noticed the strained look on Severus' face.

"Oliver is asking about Dark Marks. A boy at school pointed out Draco's tattoo. Our son, obviously, drew a connection," Severus said and looked down at his desk.

"Of course he did," Hermione said. "Ollie, come. We'll talk about this in the living room, yeah? Go set the tea kettle, will you?"

He nodded obediently and disappeared into their private housing. Snape's fingers were flexing in a way she hadn't seen in many years. She grabbed his hand and sat down on his lap. "Severus..."

He bowed his head and leaned his forehead against her shoulder. "I'm not ready for him to know this... He's too young

"I know, love," She said. "We promised we'd always be honest with him. We can tell him enough for a near 5-year-old to understand."

"He'll _hate _me."

She ran her hands through his hair. "No. He would never hate you."

They moved into the kitchen, and Severus and Hermione set to the long task of trying to carefully explain the Dark Mark to their son, what it meant, why his father had it. The boy was quiet throughout the explanation, and then Hermione moved to ready the table for dinner, leaving Severus alone with their son.

He wasn't looking at the boy. His dark eyes were focused on the fireplace.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Why are your hands shaking?"

"I am nervous," He said, refusing to hide his emotions from his son, refusing to teach him that emotions were a weakness to be repressed as his own father had taught him.

"Why?"

"I have made some bad decisions in my life. I am nervous, now that you know some of those bad decisions, that you will think of me differently."

"Do you regret getting the Dark Mark?" His son asked, his piercing gaze rivaled his father's as their eyes locked.

"Yes," Severus answered.

"Okay," Oliver said simply.

"Okay?" Severus looked at his son nervously.

"I have done bad things, too, Dad. Remember when I broke one of the tea sets that grandma gave us because I was running around the room and ran into the table?"

"Yes," Severus said.

"That was bad. You and Mom still love me," Oliver said and shrugged casually.

"Oliver, it's not the same thing," Severus said quietly.

"I forgive you," His son said with perfect clarity.

His boy was too young yet to fully realize what Severus had done in his life, to really comprehend the choices Severus had made, or the role he had played, but those three words about his past coming from his son's lips broke the wizard, and he started to cry. Oliver was quick to comfort his father. He wrapped his slender arms around the Headmaster and Snape clutched desperately at his son's shirt.

Oliver's tiny hands held his father's face, and then pressed his forehead against his dad's. It was a gesture they'd done so many times since he was very young, a bond between father and son. That is how Hermione found her husband and their son, embracing one another, their hands on the other's face, cradling it.

Hermione walked over to them and stroked the back of their heads at the same time. "Come, you two. It's time for dinner."

Severus was unusually quiet throughout the rest of the evening. When they tucked Oliver in for the night, he asked about siblings. Two large topics in one evening. Severus rested his hand on Hermione's shoulder.

"Do you think you guys will have another baby? I'd quite like a sibling," The young boy said from his bed.

"Perhaps," Hermione said and ruffled his coal black hair. She smiled, but Severus could sense her tension. She wanted another child, but Severus was rather anxious about and slow to concede to the idea given the risks and how things ended up the first time. They'd discussed it at length several times in between doctor appointments. Their sex life had suffered slightly only because of the addition of a child in their rooms. He'd been so hesitant to have sex with her for over a year after the birth of their son. Often, he resorted to other sexual acts as opposed to sex. Eventually, enough doctors convinced him it was safe.

They relaxed by the fire after Oliver was put to bee. Severus was still very quiet.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked and ran her fingers through his hair.

"I think so," He said softly. "He forgave me. He doesn't know what it means, of course. He doesn't realize the extent. He couldn't possibly, but he forgave me..."

"Of course he did. He adores you, Severus. You are a wonderful father," She said and kissed his cheek. He leaned into her lips.

"There's something else on my mind," He said and met her gaze.

"Yeah? What's that?" She inquired, noticing the heated glitter in his dark eyes.

"The Doctors have repeatedly said over the last last two years that they believe it to be safe to try again, that you'd just need bed rest..."

"Yes," She said with a small smile.

"I cannot lose you, Hermione," He said lowly. "Nor could our son."

"They'd be watching the pregnancy intensely, Severus. I know it wouldn't happen again," She said. "You've heard them say over and over that the scarring healed much better than they anticipated."

"I know," He said. "I've done my own research as well."

"Of course you have," She teased.

He looked at her, a fire burning in his eyes. "I think I'm ready to try again."

"You think?" She raised an eyebrow.

He groaned low in his throat. "Yes."

She moved to straddle him and his mouth devoured his throat. His hands slid underneath her shirt and she arched against him. Standing, lifting her with him, she wrapped her legs around his thin waist as he carried her to their bedroom.

**_"Bond is stronger than blood. The family is strengthened by bond." ~ The Book of Maxims_**  



	98. Chapter98

Author's Note: We're getting to the end here soon. Very sad. I have a couple ideas in my head for other SS/HG stories. Trying to figure out Pariah's Recovery, too, but I'm stumped there. I also pretty much try to pretend Cursed Child doesn't exist in a lot of ways, so Albus Severus is a Gryffindor. You guys will survive. 

6-year-old Chloe Snape hummed happily in her father's office while she waited for him to finish whatever it was he was reading. Hermione walked into the office.

"Chloe, love, are you ready? We'll go to King's across Station in a minute, and then you'll be with Aunt Ginny for the night until after the Sorting Ceremony."

"Yes, mummy," She said. Snape looked at his daughter. She was all Hermione except for her dark hair. She had honey eyes, freckles, and the cutest nose. Her black hair was wild, unmanageable, and exactly her mother's. "Will Lily be there?"

Snape studied her for a moment. The question had some sort of double-meaning. "She is coming to Hogwarts for the first time, as well, so yes. Why are you asking?"

She smirked and bit her lip. _That _she got from Hermione, too. She looked all too mischievous. He and Hermione never questioned which House their daughter would end up in when she turned 11. The girl was a Slytherin through and through, but his son was much more of a toss-up.

Severus narrowed his eyes and drawled, "Chloe."

She sighed, and then pouted with her arms crossed. "Ollie's got a crush on Lily, but Daddy, you mustn't tell him I told you! He'll _kill _me."

Severus looked away from her. His son couldn't possibly be old enough for that, and certainly he couldn't possibly... Potter's daughter. He shivered. Oliver appeared in the office. The boy was quite pale.

"We'll head on through the Floo first, okay? Give you two a minute," Hermione looked at him and then nodded her head toward their son. "Come on, Chloe."

"You look nervous," Severus said once they were alone. His son's bottom lip was trembling. "Come here, son."

Oliver stepped to his father, who had stood and was leaning back against the edge of his desk. Severus held out his hands. His son blushed slightly, desperately trying to appear older than he was, but resigned himself to needing his father and put his hands in his dad's. He was teary eyed.

"What's all this about?" Severus said and looked at him closely. His face was changing with angular pre-pubescent contours, and he'd grown so much. He was dressed in the plain Hogwarts robes.

"Dad, what if..." He choked up. "What if I'm not a Slytherin?"

"Then you're something else," Severus said plainly and shrugged with indifference.

"But you're Headmaster, and you're a Slytherin, and you're my dad, and I ..." He hiccoughed. "I don't want you to be disappointed.

Severus' heart clenched. "Oliver, look at me." He took his son's face in his hands and looked into those whiskey colored eyes. "I am proud of you. Your house would _never _be a disappointment to me."

"But what if I'm not a Gryffindor either?" Oliver asked. "Mum..."

"Your mother adores every single thing about you," Severus said. He wiped his son's nervous tears away with his thumbs. "It does not matter to us into which House you are placed."

"I... Okay," He said. He was crying a little harder. Usually, his son was not so emotional, which told Severus he'd been bottling this stress up for awhile.

"Oliver, you and your sister... You two are what your mother and I are most proud of in all of our lives. Your House would _never _change that," Severus assured him. He leaned his forehead against his son's. His son's breathing steadied and he stopped crying. "Just... Not Hufflepuff, okay?" Severus teased.

His son snorted. "Please, Dad... That's likely," He said sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"Come. The Headmaster's son shouldn't miss his first train ride..."

"I _live _here," His son said and rolled his eyes again.

"All the same. I think your dear friend Lily would miss you if you skipped the train," Severus said and raised an eyebrow as his son blushed furiously.

"Chloe!" He groaned.

"Come along," Severus said and stepped into the Floo. His son followed him.

When they arrived on the Platform, they found Hermione and Chloe with the Weasleys, Potters, and Longbottoms. The Longbottom twin boys and Weasley's daughter would be starting Hogwarts that year as well.

"Everything okay?" Hermione asked her darkly clad husband quietly.

"First year jitters about Houses," Severus said lowly.

"I really need to stop hanging out with you lot," Ron grumbled as he looked at the gathering crowd around them. "Nothing draws a crowd like Harry _and _Snape."

"Ready?" Ginny asked the group of children. Her son's, James, a 5th year, and Al, a 3rd year, stood slightly behind their sister protectively. James looked every bit like his name sake, more even so than Harry, and Albus looked quite like Harry - a combination of his paternal grandparents, and he was the only one of Potter's children to have inherited those emerald green eyes.

"Headmaster," The two boys greeted him. He had, begrudgingly, grown rather fond of Harry's children. They were good boys even if they were Gryffindors, and Lily was a riot of a lion cub. She kept her parents on their toes, much to Severus's amusement. James was rowdy, and more outgoing. Al was much quieter, more reserved, rather like Harry had been, but he was a force to be reckoned with on the Quidditch pitch, he had a quick witted sense of humor, and he was as smart as a whip.

"Ready, Ollie?" A young Lily Potter asked Snape's son, who blushed.

Severus' eyes moved between the two young children, up to Potter's older sons, who were looking between the pair with interest. Hermione bent down to adjust Oliver's robes. Severus eavesdropped on the Potter boys.

"Lily and Snape...?" Albus asked his brother. The phrase was an echo across decades. Albus smiled.

James shrugged. "At least he's a good lad. It's cute at this age, yeah? We don't have to do that big brother thing yet. When they're a bit older, then we'll threaten him."

"Right," Albus agreed and nodded.

Snape glared at the two boys, letting him know he'd heard them, but then he shook his head and turned away. He felt somewhere between laughing and crying. The interaction, so similar to the one that had occurred about him so many years before, had gone so differently for his son, and his heart was pounding.

Hermione looked at him. "You all right?"

"Yes," He said, and looked back at Oliver. He knelt down. "Ready?" He asked.

"Ready," Oliver said with an anxious half-smile. Chloe chose that moment to give her brother an embarrassingly wet kiss on the cheek.

"Come on, Ollie. We can do this!" Lily smiled happily and slipped her hand into Oliver's.

His son blushed and Snape coughed. "Right. Well. Off you go, then." Severus pressed a brief kiss to his son's forehead and sent the group of kids onto the train.

"Severus..." Harry said from his right. "Did... my daughter grab your son's hand?"

"Indeed," Snape said.

"And did they... just walk onto the train together holding hands?" Harry asked. He sounded stunned.

"It appears so," Severus said coolly. Weasley was howling in laughter next to Harry.

"Bloody hell," Harry said.

"I concur," Severus said. "We must take our leave," Severus said to the group. Once they were back in his office, Hermione went to change into her robes, and Neville and Luna left to do the same.

"So, Snape... I was think you'd finally let us watch one of these ceremonies," Ron mused.

"Weasley, if I let you lot in, every parent of every first year will be requesting the same thing."

"Not all of us, just me and Harry. C'mon. It's my first time sending a child here. It's Harry's youngest. We're Aurors, and Harry's the bloody chosen one."

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew full well that if he said no, again, they'd likely appear anyway. There was far too much excitement around this first year class, too many of their children all starting together.

"Fine," Severus said.

"Thank you. He's not shut up about this for weeks. Hugo and I will stay with Ginny and Chloe," Lavender said.

"Don't thank me yet," Severus drawled. "I've every intention of forwarding those parental requests to your address. You'll be here as alumni of this school, as _honored _guests. You'll need to wear robes."

Harry and Ron were quick to adorn their old Gryffindor robes. Snape frowned. "That brings back horrible memories."

"What's all this?" Hermione asked gesturing to Harry and Ron's robes.

"Snape's gone soft in his old age," Ron grinned.

"No, trust me, he hasn't," She said slyly. Ron's eyes widened in horror at the innuendo. She touched her hand to her husband's back. "I believe we should head down?"

"You've been a horrible influence on her," Ron said and swallowed hard.

Snape chuckled darkly. "Why's everyone always assume _I _was the bad influence?"

"Oh, you know, might be the whole Death Eater bit..." Ron suggested.

"You'd be surprised just how naughty I can be, Ronald," Hermione said.

Ron and Harry stopped dead in their tracks. Harry was beet red. "I... Er... Can we not? Hermione, it's still... Snape..."

Severus laughed again at their discomfort. "You see? _I _am perfectly innocent here."

They arrived at the Sorting Ceremony, and the student body was buzzing with the addition of Potter and Weasley at the Head Table. They'd sat near Hermione, who sat on his left. Minerva was on his right. The usual seating arrangements were all in disarray because of Potter and Weasley's presence. Former teachers were interspersed and happily talking to their former students.

The Sorting Ceremony began and Minerva read off the names. Severus paid little mind until Longbottom's twins were called.

"Lorcan Longbottom," Minerva called out.

Luna and Neville adjusted in their seats, nervously attentive to their first son's sorting. The twins were fraternal. Lorcan had his mother's white blonde almost silver hair and far away gaze.

"Ravenclaw!" The Hat shouted.

Neville and Luna beamed with pride.

"Lysander Longbottom," Minerva called next.

This boy, who looked much like Neville had when he was younger, had dark hair. "Gryffindor!" The Hat exclaimed. Snape's eyebrow raised. It was rare that twins would be sorted into separate houses. The last pair had been the Patil Twins.

Severus became increasingly nervous as they neared the latter half of the alphabet. Hermione sensed his anxiety, and he sensed hers. She reached for his hand under the table. He rubbed his thumb over hers.

"Lily Potter," Minerva called.

The room was very quiet, exceptionally so, as it always had been for each of Potter's children. The red headed, brown eyed girl walked confidently to the stool. Snape knew, without a doubt, the girl was a lion. His eyes moved from the young Lily to his son, who was watching the redhead intently.

"Gryffindor!" The House shouted. Albus and James Potter stood from their seats and greeted their younger sister proudly. They moved to sit her right between them.

Snape's eyes moved back to Oliver's. He'd glanced back at Lily for a moment, and seemed to be getting more and more nervous as students continued to be sorted in front of him.

Minerva called out, "Oliver Snape."

The room quieted again, anxious tension in the air, much like it had for Lily's. Oliver was the son of the former Slytherin House Head, the Headmaster, and the Gryffindor Princess. His sorting would make for an interesting one. His son's nervous eyes locked with his own, and Snape gave him an assuring nod. Hermione squeezed his hand.

The Hat did not immediately call out a particular House, and his son's knuckles were white as he gripped the stool beneath his thighs.

"Gryffindor!" The House finally shouted. Snape felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him, but he got up on his feet as his son turned around to see his father loudly clapping for him. His mother was clapping, too, and wiping tears away from her cheeks.

"Snape! Snape! Snape!" James and Albus chanted from their table, moving further apart so his son could sit next to their sister. His son was smiling ear to ear as Minerva called up the next student.

Hermione's hand found Severus's under the table again. His was trembling slightly. She squeezed his hand.

"Rose Weasley!" Minerva said.

The ginger haired girl sat on the seat and was immediately announced as a Gryffindor, and the audience roared in applause for the Ceremony finishing. The Feast began.

Snape could not help himself from looking frequently at his son. He looked so happy, so completely and utterly happy to be sorted where he had been, and Snape's heart threatened to burst from his chest with the love and pride that he felt. Later that night, when Severus was certain the Prefects had given their speeches, and Potter and his wife had left, and when Hermione went to put Chloe to bed, Snape headed to Gryffindor Tower.

"I see your son is now one of my lions," The Fat Lady said, looking him up and down in disgust.

"It appears so," Snape said.

"So there is something redeeming about you after all then," She said.

"He is the best of me," Severus said. "I'd like to see him."

"Password?" She asked.

"Chrysanthemum," He said and rolled his eyes. "I am the bloody Headmaster."

"A snake in the grass," She mused and then the portrait opened and he stepped inside. He'd very rarely ever been in Gryffindor Tower and, quite frankly, all of the scarlet and gold made his skin itch.

"Headmaster!" James greeted him joyfully.

"Mister Potter, you are one of a kind. Truly. Do you see how the rest of the other Gryffindors react to me?" Severus said lowly, gesturing to the handful of Gryffindor students who were adamantly avoiding his eyes.

"They don't talk to you at all," James said and cocked his head. His black hair was sticking up in odd places.

"Exactly," Severus said.

"But that's boring," James said playfully. "Plus, this lot just don't know you like we do yet. I mean, dad's named this one after you," James gestured to his younger brother. "Albus Severus..." James teased his brother.

"I'm quite proud of my name, James," Albus said and locked eyes with Severus.

It was the first time Albus had ever said anything much on his name, on how he felt about it either way. Severus swallowed. "As am I. Where is Oliver?"

"Upstairs. Don't worry. He's not with Lily. We watched them go up to make sure of that. Separate dormitories," James said, reminding Snape very much of his twin uncles.

"They're eleven," Severus sighed.

"I can go get him, Headmaster?" Albus asked.

"Thank you," Severus said.

Severus noticed that the remaining Gryffindors had scattered upstairs to the dormitories. So much for Gryffindor bravery where Snape was involved. James stayed, totally undeterred by Severus' presence. Why would he be any different? He'd known the man since birth, had spent every holiday with him...

"Are you planning on participating in the Dueling Club?" Severus asked.

"Oh, yeah! Of course," James said.

"Good," Severus said. "I'd like to embarrass you formally, as Headmaster, you know. Make it official. No more tutoring."

"Right," James laughed. "That's likely."

"Dad?" Oliver looked confused, and quite tired, though he was still dressed in his white uniform shirt and trousers, but he had on a Gryffindor tie now, though it was loosened

"We'll head up to bed. Long day tomorrow," James said. He disappeared up the steps with his brother.

Severus hardly heard them leave. He was staring at the tie around his son's neck. His son sat on one of the lounge chairs, and Snape kneeled next to him. When he met his son's tired eyes, he was struggling not to cry. "I'm so happy for you," Severus said quietly.

"You're not mad?"

"Not at all," Severus said. "I wanted to see you and say congratulations before you went to bed. Congratulations, Oliver."

"Are you okay, Dad? You seem... weird."

Snape laughed in a way that was a barely concealed sob. "I'm... Happy."

Oliver's brow furrowed. "But you look kind of sad."

"No, I'm not sad," Snape smiled at his son, and his son nodded.

"Will I still be able to come up and stay with you and Mum sometimes?"

"Of course," Severus said. "Can I see your wand?"

The boy gave his father his wand, and Snape held it to the hearth and muttered under his breath. "There," He said and gave his son back his wand. "You can use the Floo to come to my office any time now."

"Okay," He said and yawned.

"Off to bed with you," Severus said, and ruffled his son's dark hair.

Oliver stood and hugged Severus, who remained kneeling. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you," Severus said and patted his back. He watched as his boy, Gryffindor tie around his neck, disappeared up the steps.

When he returned to his rooms, Hermione was laying in bed reading a book. "You went to see Oliver?"

"Yes," Severus said quietly as he changed into pajamas.

"How is he?"

"Tired," Severus said. He slipped into bed next to Hermione. "He was wearing a Gryffindor tie."

"How did that make you feel?" She asked, knowing the answer already.

"Happy," Severus whispered as he began to cry quietly into his wife's neck. His son would be accepted, loved, and protected in all the ways the young boy Severus had been wasn't, and the realization of that was so profound it rocked Snape to his core.

"**_I am a proud father in the accomplishments of my son, who fills my heart with joy and my mind with favourable wonderings. He enhances my purpose on this wondrous planet." ~ Finding Fatherhood_**  



	99. Chapter99

Shortly before Christmas, Snape was walking out of the Great Hall when he heard a large commotion in the courtyard. Students were gathered in a large circle, which told him it was probably a fight.

The bystanders moved to let Snape through as he assessed the situation. His son was fighting Mason Rookwood, a Slytherin first year, but it wasn't just his son. It was a brawl. Potter's son's were unloading on two older Slytherins, cousins of Gregory Goyle, and Scorpius Malfoy was on top of Victor McNair throwing wild punches, a third year Slytherin. Lily Potter and Rose Weasley were standing near the fight, but not engaged.

Lupin appeared at his side, moving with Severus to separate the boys. Seeing their Headmaster stopped the fighting for the most part for every boy except his son, who was slapping and hitting Rookwood with all of the might an 11-year-old could muster.

Snape grabbed his son's hands and pulled him off of the other boy. Lupin was holding Albus Potter back, who was still struggling. Severus looked at the Potter boys, their faces set in a rage he'd never seen them wear before. Scorpius looked furious. Then, he looked at his son. He was sporting a bloody lip and his cheek was bruised already, but there was an anger in his son's eyes that rattled Snape.

Pomona, Filius, Minerva, and Horace we're dispersing the crowd of students.

Severus turned on his son. "What in the bloody hell are you doing?"

His son yanked his arm away from Severus as James spoke in his defense. "It's not his fault, Headmaster. _They _started it."

Severus looked at his son, and then turned to the other boys. "What is the meaning of all of this?" His voice was cold and hard.

Rookwood wouldn't look at him. "He's crazy!" The boy stammered and pointed at Oliver.

"Liar!" Oliver shouted and lunged for the boy again. His father caught him around the chest.

Holding back his struggling 11-year-old, Lupin asked James, who seemed to have calmed down the most, to explain what happened. Severus eyed Albus, who still looked rabid. If Severus were to have picked a Potter boy to get angry enough to fight and stay mad about it, it would have James, so Albus' reaction was concerning.

"We were walking to the pitch. Ollie likes to watch us practice. They were... egging Ollie on. Goading him, so we stopped to have words, and... They had some rather nasty ones..." James' face turned stony again.

Seeing the hardened look on the Potters' faces, the disgusted look on Malfoy's, and the absolutely blindly furious look on his son's face as he still struggled in his arms, Snape's heart thudded heavily in his chest. He had a very bad feeling about this.

Gripping his son's arms, Severus turned to Rookwood. "I suggest you tell me what it is exactly that you said, Mister Rookwood," Snape said in a very dangerous voice.

Rookwood's lip trembled. It was bleeding much heavier than Oliver's, he had another cut on his eyebrow, and his right eye was very swollen. "I didn't say anything!"

"LIAR!" His son roared. "He called you a traitor, and he called Mum a mudblood."

Red flash across Severus' eyes, and Lupin must've sensed the deja vu because he was next to Severus now.

"Severus..." Lupin said lowly. Snape's hands were shaking as they gripped his son's arms, who was struggling violently against him. "You should take Oliver inside. The rest of us can deal with this."

Suddenly, his hands relaxed on Oliver's shoulders as he passed a fist full of Oliver's shirt to Lupin. "Severus, don't..." Lupin said.

"Mister Rookwood, I knew your father and, because I knew your father, I assumed you might not have much to speak of between the ear holes, but I certainly did _not _think you might be stupid enough to not only use _that _word but to use it to insult my _wife," _Snape growled as he descended on the boy, who feet retreated quickly.

Minerva approached him and grabbed Snape's forearm. "Severus..." She warmed, trying to bring him back to reality.

"Pack your things," Snape spat. "All of you," He said and his dark eyes moved over the four Slytherins. "There are other magical schools. Perhaps one of them will be more tolerant of your behavior, though I very much doubt it."

"Severus, think about this..." Minerva said.

"No!" He growled and yanked his arm away. "I will _not _allow this to happen in _my _school. You know as well as anyone what that word breeds."

"Lupin, sort these out," Severus glanced at the Potters and Malfoy. "Oliver. Come," Snape said. Oliver followed after his father. He, at least, at the decency to hang his head.

Severus stopped at the Hospital Wing. It was empty. "Hermione," He called and Hermione turned from a storage cabinet she'd been restocking.

She caught one look at her son's face and rushed to him. "What happened?!"

"He got into a fight," Severus said. Now, Oliver began to cry as his mother examined his lip and cheek.

"Oliver!" She exclaimed. "What were you thinking?"

"He was defending his mother," Severus said. "And his father."

Hermione looked at him. "Defending us?"

"Another student called me a traitor, and you..." Severus looked away from her.

"Bloody hell, Severus," She grumbled as she put a bruise paste on her son's cheek. "Oliver, it doesn't matter what anyone says. Violence is _not _the answer."

"Can you escort him upstairs?" Severus asked. She looked at her husband. The vein in his temple was jumping and his fingers were flexing.

"Yes," She said. Oliver turned and headed toward the doorway. She grabbed Severus' hand. "Severus... It's okay. We'll deal with this."

"That word will never go away, will it?" He asked her in a very small voice.

"Severus... Come upstairs. We can deal with this together."

He looked at her for an moment, his dark eyes unreadable. Then, he nodded and followed his son and his wife up to their quarters.

"Wait for us inside, Oliver," Hermione said. She stood in front of her husband. "He started the fight?"

"He threw the first punch," Severus said. "The Potter boys and Malfoy were involved on Oliver's side."

"Oh, bloody hell..." Hermione ran a hand down her face. "Have you contacted Harry or Draco yet?" Severus shook his head. "What are you doing with the other boys? Who were they?"

"Rookwood. Goyles. McNair," He said. "I'm going to recommend them for expulsion."

Hermione looked at him. "Isn't that a bit extreme?"

He looked disgusted at her words. "They called you... No, Hermione. I will _not _let that happen."

"Because it was your wife who was insulted this time, and not just another student?"

He glared at her. "What would you have me do, then?"

"Detentions. Give them the same lessons."

"It won't _work, _Hermione. Those boys have been brought up to hate."

"So, you'll just expel them?"

He growled in exasperation. "What would you have me do?" He repeated his question.

"Something less than expulsion. It's nearly Christmas. Suspend them. They'll fail their exams, and that should make an impression. Especially on the older boys."

Severus looked at her. He knew she was right. "Fine."

"And Malfoy and Harry's boys?"

"Detentions," Severus said. "With Hagrid."

Hermione sighed. "How do we handle this with Oliver? What's his punishment? At school, and with us?" Severus looked away. "You were intending to punish him, weren't you?"

He scoffed. "He was defending his mother. He was defending his father."

"So? He got into a damned fist fight, Severus!"

"I'm aware, Hermione."

"We'll ground him. And he can serve detention," She said. "With Hagrid," She added. He snorted and looked at her. She smiled. "Come on. Let's go ground our son. _You _can defend my honor later tonight."

**_"If someone pushes you, you push right back." ~ Here to Stay_**


	100. Chapter100

This is it! Thank you guys for sticking with me! I'm thinking about either a marriage law story, a soul bond story, or a story where Hermione comes back to teach after several years away from Hogwarts. What interests you most?

Severus was walking toward the quidditch pitch with Hermione when he felt a small tug on his robe. Looking down, he saw his 11-year-old daughter smiling up at him.

"Hi, Daddy. Hi, Mummy," She greeted them. Her curly black hair was reined in slightly by her stocking cap. She pointed to a small Gryffindor pin on her chest. "I did this for Ollie," She said. "Still kind of hope Slytherin wins, though," She said. Severus adjusted her Slytherin tie and then she ran off to sit with some of her friends.

Severus sat next to Hermione, her hand resting on his knee. He leaned into her body slightly. Potter and Weasley and their wives had yet to arrive, so it was just the staff in the booth, but Snape and Hermione were sitting a little separate.

He looked at her profile. If age had changed anything about her, it had only made her more beautiful. Her hair was as wild as it always had been, and there were tiny laugh lines by her eyes. She blushed when she caught him staring. His dark gaze was always so intense.

"What?" She asked.

He looked at her very seriously. "You are beautiful."

She scoffed. "Stop it," She laughed.

He wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled he closer. "You changed my entire life, Hermione," He whispered into her hair.

"For the better, I hope?" She teased.

He was undeterred by her teasing. "I love you."

She looked at him, saw the emotions in his eyes, and smiled. "I love you, too."

"Oy! Love birds!" Ron shouted as he sat behind Hermione.

Severus sighed, and reluctantly leaned away from her a bit, but laced his fingers into hers.

"So, Snape," Weasley said. "How's this work again? I know we do this every year, but I'm getting a bit old. Do you bet against your son, or no?"

"Never," Severus said.

"So, you bet in favor of Gryffindor."

"No, I do not bet on this game whilst my son is playing."

Ginny, Luna, and Hermione were chatting happily as Harry sat down next to him. Looking nervously around them, and finding everyone busily engaged in conversation, Harry leaned a bit closer to Snape.

"So, I had an interesting conversation with my daughter..." Harry said. Snape looked at him. "About Oliver."

"What about him?"

"She fancies herself in love with him," He said. "But, she had some anxieties about him. She's not sure if he feels the same way. He's quite shy around her."

"Indeed," Severus said. That was something he'd inherited directly from his father.

"I tried for a minute there to be that father who gets all bent out of shape about it, but Oliver is... They're..." Harry shook his head. "They're great."

Severus glanced up at the pitch where his son was flying around for warmups. He'd watched Oliver's friendship with Lily develop, but there was no doubt in his mind that Oliver loved Lily in return. "I do believe he feels the same."

"Well, that's great, because I told her to give him a kiss after the game."

"You..." Snape's eyes snapped to Potter's. "_What?**"**_

"C'mon," Potter said. "If my daughter is going to have a boyfriend, I'm lucky it's your son. Look at some of the rest of these boys."

Severus sighed. The crowd focused on the game, but Severus was mostly focused on Hermione's hand in his, and on watching his son. Somehow, even with Snape as his father, his son had grown to be rather handsome. _That_, Severus thought, was entirely Hermione's fault, and so was their daughter's beauty. She caught him staring several times, but he didn't care, nor did he look away when she blushed.

After the game, Hermione walked with Ginny and Lavender to talk with their children. Ron was chatting away about quidditch with Minerva, and Severus and Harry headed down to the pitch. They walked in relative silence. They rounded the tunnel, and froze at the sight before them.

Lily Potter, her hands on Oliver's face, who'd changed into regular robes, as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. Oliver's hands were on her sides as he stooped to meet her lips.

Harry shoved Snape off to the side and out of view. Both fathers were completely and utterly stunned by the scene. Potter had told his daughter to take a leap, but seeing it was a bit different.

"Bloody hell," Harry sighed.

Severus blinked. Suddenly, there was conversation and giggling coming toward them. Oliver appeared, with his fingers laced in Lily's. The two blushed and immediately separated. Snape schooled his features much better than Potter.

"Hi, Dad," Lily said.

"Hello," Harry stumbled in greeting the two.

"So, ummm... Yeah, we're..." She grabbed Oliver's hand again. Severus didn't think his son could turn any redder, but his boy was smiling.

"Lovely," Harry said.

"Right. Are we headed to Hogsmeade for dinner?"

"Yeah," Harry said and nodded. "Your mums are over there waiting."

"Okay," Lily said and tugged Oliver away.

"Severus?" Harry asked as he watched the two 16-year-old Gryffindors walk away. "You've... you know, had the... Chat with him, right? About... being safe..."

"Of course I have," Severus growled. "Have... you?"

"Yep," Harry squeaked. "Well, Ginny did."

Severus nodded. "I suppose if they marry we'll be family after all," Severus mused with a raised eyebrow.

"After all?" Harry looked at him. "We've been family this whole time."

That hit Severus hard. Rationally, he could see that Harry had felt that, but hearing it was different. The two wizards walked to their wives, who looked from Oliver and Lily, who were still hand in hand, to their husbands.

"Severus..." Hermione said. "Are they...?"

Snape cleared his throat. "Together? It, uh, appears so."

"Oh, that's wonderful! They're so cute!" Ginny smiled

They walked to Hogsmeade, families in tow. Hermione and Severus walked slightly behind everyone.

Severus slowed his pace more and Hermione looked up at him. "I love you," He said. "Never in my entire life did I imagine I could... Be this. A husband, a father. You've brought out things in me... I am a better man for loving you."

"And I am a better woman for loving you. You're awfully affectionate today," Hermione said. "I mean, you are always, but not usually so publicly."

"We can go somewhere private," He said coyly.

She patted his chest. "We can't skip dinner."

He huffed and sighed. "Fine."

They walked a few more steps, and then Snape stopped abruptly. He watched as the group kept moving forward without them, and turned to his wife. His mouth crashed down upon hers, his arms holding her lovingly to his chest.

They kissed for several wonderful seconds until Chloe called out in disgust. "Ew! Daddy! Mummy! Stop! Gross!"

Severus chuckled and hugged his wife to him tightly. "Never," He said into her hair.

**_"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday." ~ The Notebook  
_**


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